15. Elspeth
Chapter fifteen
Elspeth
IN WHICH TIME SPENT IN COMPANY GIVES GLIMPSES AT DOMESTIC BLISS
C atrin led Elspeth up a set of stairs against the back wall of the home. The back wall was roughly hewn, bumping along Elspeth's touch as she trailed her fingers along the cool stone.
The stairs continued, but Catrin led Elspeth off at the first landing. Because their house was constructed into the side of the mountain, it had many floors but was relatively shallow. They stepped into a long hallway with a series of rooms that all had windows or balconies to overlook the city. At the end of the hallway, she opened the door to reveal what appeared to be a guest suite. Along the far wall was a large plush bed. To its right was a balcony that had a set of chairs and a small table for relaxing. On the back wall was an open door that seemed to lead into some sort of bathing chamber. Like the rest of the house, it was eclectically decorated, though sparse and impersonal in comparison.
Elspeth set her pack down on one side of the bed, and was surprised to see Catrin waving her toward the balcony. The white-haired woman sat down and motioned for Elspeth to do the same.
“It all seems as if it’s been quite the experience,” Catrin said.
Blowing out a breath, Elspeth sat down. “It certainly has. I scarcely feel I’ve had a second to take it all in.”
“I imagine,” Catrin wiggled in her seat, as if uncomfortable, clasping and unclasping her hands a few times before she continued. “Listen, Aegir is one of my dearest friends, so I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but you’ve experienced, from what I can gather, several things that have been quite out of your control. I want you to know that if you don’t want to stay with Aegir, either in this room, or at all, Torsten and I would help you. I don’t want you to feel trapped, and I’m confident Aegir wouldn’t want that either. Regardless, I swear the offer is sincere.”
Catrin didn’t try to fill the silence that followed, and instead allowed Elspeth time to consider. It was true, there were several elements of Elspeth’s recent experience that had been entirely unexpected, and anything but what she would have chosen. If she had the option, none of it would have ever happened, but she had always been a pragmatic person, and Aegir had been nothing but distressed about her lack of choice. Never once had he complained about his own, and had only ever mentioned releasing her from her obligations. Perhaps that was simply his own way of phrasing it so that she didn’t feel guilty or unwanted. It was possible that he wanted to be released from their bond, but was spinning it as releasing her.
A thick, sticky feeling clogged Elspeth’s stomach. Further, she considered, Aegir might normally be desperate to be released from the situation, and it was only the influence of the bond that dampened those feelings, twisting them instead into concern for Elspeth. As she sat with it, she was more determined than ever they find a way to dismiss the bond. It made her question everything about her own feelings, let alone Aegir’s. If it were allowed to persist, they would never truly know their own feelings .
Was there anything worse? Could there be anything worse? She imagined them, living a life together, blissfully enraptured, but never knowing if any of it was real. The very thought of it made her sick.
Blinking back the stinging tears that threatened, she shook her head. Refocusing on Catrin’s current line of inquiry, “I feel quite safe with Aegir. In fact, I am increasingly confident that the bond won’t allow him to hurt me. We shared a room last night, and that was more than sufficient. I don’t want to impose or take up any more space than we need to.” Elspeth’s eyebrow whiskers twitched as she tried to suppress a blush. The idea of being separated from him was abhorrent. She’d enjoyed sleeping in his arms and waking to his adoring face. Perhaps none of it was real, but she also couldn’t deny the joy it brought her—fabricated as it might be. Inhaling deeply, she pressed on. “Further, Aegir seems dedicated to dismissing our bond, as am I, and rescuing my brother.”
She wanted to dismiss the bond for herself and her brother, of course, but the rage that boiled within her also hungered for blood. What did it matter if the bond could be dismissed, when it could also be dealt with by eliminating his captor? Elspeth had never truly been a violent person, but she was not ashamed of the way she was comforted by the thought of that evil, Pathian soldier’s death. Quite unbidden, she saw the sneer on his face as the elf had smeared his hand on Feann’s pelt. The sickly, smug satisfaction as he had leered at her brother. Yes, the thought of that evil elf drowning in his own blood warmed the cockles of her heart.
Across from her, Catrin noted her fidgeting calming, as she smoothed her skirts and stood. “Well, I’m glad to hear it. There are bathing facilities at the back, and Torsten and I should have supper ready in an hour. I’ll send one of the children to fetch you when it’s ready.” Though she seemed awkward about the conversation, Elspeth was nothing but grateful that Catrin had worked up the nerve to speak about it.
A short while later, Elspeth headed back downstairs to the sounds of giggles and shrieks of joy. The parlor they’d sat in earlier was empty, but a doorway at the side of the room had been opened to reveal a long dining table and a kitchen beyond. Catrin and Torsten stood side by side in front of the stove, their backs to her. His large green hand rested on the small of her back, tracing lazy circles. Catrin’s shoulders shook when he leaned down to whisper in her ear, and the two seemed oblivious to the chaos that was ensuing behind them.
Aegir, with baby Bjorn on his shoulder, was chasing Halsten around the room with what appeared to be some sort of sea slug. From a distance, it looked slick and bulbous, bright orange against the black of his hand.
“Eeew, Uncle Aegir, get it away!” Halsten yelled as he ran. “That thing is so gross!”
“It’ll put hair on your chest!” Aegir said, standing on the opposite side of the room and waggling the slug.
“I can grow my own hair on my chest. I don’t need some slug!”
“Hair swug! Hair swug!” Bjorn chanted, smacking Aegir on the head with each word.
“I see, I see, well then, how about…” Aegir spun to where Ursule had been watching with a smug smile. “You! Ursule, you want to try my slug, don’t you? It’s so tasty!”
The girl shook her head, her white curls tumbling around her shoulders as she screamed and ducked behind Elspeth. Her small hands grabbed onto Elspeth’s waist, pivoting to use her as a shield. Elspeth suppressed a flinch, though she caught Aegir looking at Ursule’s hands intently.
“Oh, bad form, Suley, bad form!” Halsten wagged his finger at her.
“None of that, now.” Aegir stood taller and sobered. “You fight your way. She fights hers, aye?”
“Yes, Uncle Aegir…”
“And Suley, remember, we don’t touch others unless they’ve told us they are alright with being touched. Aye?”
“Aye, sorry Auntie Elspeth.”
“It’s quite alright, dear.” She squeezed the girl’s shoulders. Auntie . The word gave her a rush in a way she couldn’t have anticipated… she quite liked being called Auntie.
Waggling his eyebrows, Aegir rejoined the game. “Now here we have a lovely lady of the sea, who surely will be unafraid to try my coveted delicacy!”
Elspeth suppressed a giggle and attempted to match the regal air Aegir had affected. “Oh, of course, but I’ve got plenty of hair on my chest, so I couldn’t possibly take it from you!”
From behind her, Ursule made a guttural sound of confusion.
“You have a hairy chest?” she whispered, her face contorted with horror .
“Only the most gorgeous hairy chest!” Aegir said.
“When I shift I do. If I understand right, your mother does as well, when she’s a hare?” 1
Eyes and mouth wide, Ursule nodded her understanding. “Oh, I see, like that. Well then, we will soon be, too. Sorry to disappoint you, Uncle, we just don’t need it!”
“Oh, but I think—” Aegir dangled it in front of his face, creeping closer toward them.
“Hair swug!” Bjorn shrieked. The little boy, whose hair was a dark brown rather than white like his siblings or mother, leaned down and slurped the slug from Aegir’s fingers, smacking his lips and humming his enjoyment. 2
The remaining four were silent as they watched him, before bursting into belly laughs, the twins falling to roll on the floor.
"Alright, alright!" Torsten bellowed, sweeping up all three children in his arms. "Supper's ready, and anyone who has touched, or even been near, a worm needs to wash up!"
Torsten deposited the three kids in front of a basin at the side of the room. Ursule turned and looked over at Elspeth.
"You can stand right here, Auntie Elspeth!" she said, waving next to her.
Auntie . The word stopped her and caught Elspeth's breath. Feann didn't have any children, so it was a first. Looking around the room, to where Aegir washed up in the sink before helping Cat and Torsten bring food to the table, to the three children standing with her, splashing water at each other, she realized all she could gain with Aegir. The past decade had been one of loss and isolation for her people and her family. She and Feann had worked hard to hold their life together after her father's death, but they'd never quite managed. Easy, joyful nights like this were a thing of the past, and her mother hadn't even bothered speaking about grandchildren the way many did. This, though, was in reach. She could have this, and it made her face tighten as she tried not to cry.
"Everyone to the table then!" Catrin called. The children scrambled over, and Elspeth found her seat next to Aegir. The conversation was free and silly, ranging from new races the children had seen at the market to Torsten's work with the embassy. They all peppered Aegir with questions, looking for news of his travels, or from back home in Sanctuary. Elspeth added a few words here and there, but largely, she sat and enjoyed their company. They didn't seem to mind that she wasn't particularly chatty, and Elspeth was comfortable letting Aegir have the stage.
He swept his arms around as he described their chase scene, making all three children gasp when he got to the part where he bit Elspeth. He made fun of himself, characterizing himself as a bumbling pirate that Elspeth had to put up with. By the time the story was done, all three children were yawning.
Halsten waved his hand in front of his face while he yawned. "It's a good story, Uncle Aegir. It's not the story..."
"No, indeed," Catrin said. She and Torsten stood as one and started clearing the table. "It's been a long and exciting day for all of us. You three, go upstairs and get ready for bed, please. Papa and I will be up soon to read."
"But can't Uncle Aegir read?" Ursule whined. She held little Bjorn's hand and pulled him toward the door.
"We will see, but no one is having a story if they aren't clean and jammied before we arrive..." Torsten said.
The children scurried out of the room, leaving the adults to tidy up. Elspeth dried for Aegir as he washed, and Cat and Torsten picked up toys that littered the downstairs and doused lights that wouldn't be needed. While they worked, Aegir told her Cat and Torsten's love story, with occasional interjections from them.
"So you see, because the humans do not know about any of us," Aegir continued. "Torsten had to wear this large cloak and keep to the shadows, which also meant he couldn't go in the tavern with Catrin."
"Do they really not?" Elspeth asked. Truly baffled, even though only weeks earlier she'd thought humans a myth.
"Oh aye, and so the poor sod had to sit outside and listen as Cat walked into this bar and was nigh immediately propositioned!"
"And did he not worry that she might take them up on it?"
"I did, I'm not afraid to say, until I heard Cat's voice and knew she was having none of it."
He told her of a thrilling horse heist, their flight on a dragon, and the summons to Berggeheimnis which was nearly the end of them.
"So you just packed up your life and left?" Elspeth asked Catrin.
"Aye, and it was the best choice I've ever made for me and the children." She kissed her husband and turned back, smacking her hands together. "The littles should be just about ready now. Did you want to do story time, Aegir?"
"I'd love to." He kissed Elspeth on the forehead. "I'll join you in just a bit? "
"We're headed to bed then as well," Cat said, shifting her gaze to Elspeth. "We're so glad you're here."
Torsten came over and picked up his wife, swinging her from side to side. "We sure are, but we are also tired as hell." He set Cat on the ground, tucking his arm around her and leading her to the door. "We'll see you in the morning."
S tory time gave Elspeth some time to sketch what she'd seen in Berggeheimnis. With her pastels, she did a sweeping impressionist landscape of the city as viewed from the descent. 3 Next, she sketched Aegir. He had such a demonstrative face, but since she usually drew landscapes, she found she often needed to draw expression studies to get someone right.
Her tongue was between her teeth as she shaded a flop of hair over her forehead when he opened the door. Snapping her sketchbook shut, she smiled at him and set it on the bedside table. "How was story time?"
"Pretty good. I think the kids stayed up later than usual, because all three were passing out by the time we finished." He peeled off his clothing and stood at the edge of the bed. "Is it alright if I—I don't usually sleep with clothes on..."
"Oh! Of course!" Elspeth said. "Honestly, I don't usually either, nor with legs, for that matter."
"What?" Aegir pulled the covers back and peeked underneath before climbing in. "Well, look at that. Do you expect me to warm my feet on your flippers?" He considered for a moment. "Then again, they are furry, so they might even warm them better. Lookout, incoming icicles!"
Cold feet wiggled under her flippers. She shrieked at the icy touch, and Aegir hummed happily, tucking his hands behind his head. "What an eventful day, eh?"
"To say the least." Elspeth moved down to lay her head on his chest. "I feel as if too many memories have tried to squeeze themselves into my head at once."
"Ah, yes," Aegir nodded sagely. "I can have that effect on people."
"Oh hush, you goose! You were the anchoring presence for me."
"I was?" he rubbed his nose in her hair, and gingerly settled his hand on her back, carefully placed overtop her chemise.
"Yes." She snuggled into his chest, loving the tickle of his hair on her face. She was greedy for him, wanting to soak up all of his smells and sensations to keep forever.
"What will we do tomorrow?" she asked.
"Calida should arrive, so we'll get a better idea about where we’re headed, and you can meet the old bat. Then, we'll visit the library, see what research there might be on selkie bonds, and I figure we'll round out the day with a trip to the arts district before coming back here for supper. Jokith should be here with the boat by then as well, so I imagine we'll be off again the day after."
"And then, we'll get Feann."
"Yes, love, then we will get him." His voice took on a hard edge, and Elspeth knew she wasn't the only one thinking about what Feann might be going through.
Tilting her head, Elspeth looked up at Aegir's face. "Thank you," she said.
He bent his head to kiss her. "For what?"
"Being you, I suppose. I keep thinking about how lucky I got. You could be truly terrible, but you're anything but."
"Well, I do try to strive for it, but I've only gotten to 'moderately terrible' as of yet." He tickled her side, making Elspeth squeal and spasm.
"You are 'mildly terrible' at best," she said, rolling atop him so she could tickle his sides back. He writhed underneath her, growling between laughs. In retaliation, he flipped her onto her back and nipped at her neck.
"Ah!" she laughed. "That tickles!"
In seconds, though, the feeling of being trapped smothered her. Her heart leapt to action and she felt the blood drain from her face as the reality of their positions crashed down on her.
Luckily, Aegir noticed and rolled away immediately. Though her heart was still racing, the feeling of danger subsided nearly as quickly as it had come on. She steadied her breathing, blowing out slowly.
“Did we avoid that one?” he asked, the fear evident in his voice.
“I think we did…” She could hardly believe it herself. Perhaps, together, they might find a way through this. They might somehow… actually make their bonding a happy one.
“Good, how would you feel about a kiss?”
Elspeth tilted her head, yes a kiss still sounded lovely. “That sounds nice.”
They were both on their side, facing one another, so it was easy to lean in. His soft lips brought her only comfort and when they pulled away from the relatively chaste kiss, he was smiling.
“I’m proud of you,” he whispered. “We have a big day tomorrow, let’s get some rest.”
1. Aegir explained all sorts of boring things on the ride to Berggeheimnis, like Cat’s shifted form, the fact that Torsten is an orc, etc etc etc… but I couldn’t see wasting all of our time with things we might already know from other books.
2. The twins, born in Sanctuary, have white hair as a result, whereas Bjorn was conceived of and born in Berggeheimnis and ergo the magic of the Lady did not affect his gestation.
3. This sketch, was later enlarged to a full scale piece that now hangs in the library at Berggeheimnis.