21. 2
"He'll find me, he'll find us! Just leave me Ellie!"
Then, from behind her, more yells.
"Halt! I say, get back here! Those are my property! "
Hands shaking, Elspeth pushed Dahlia toward the stairs, toward Aegir, toward freedom, and turned to face the voice.
A tall elven man stood there, his curly auburn hair clinging to his face, damp from the rain above. Elspeth knew him instantly. In her mind, she could see him slicing his hand open and smearing it all over her brother's pelt, but now she could also see herself stabbing him, over and over. She had to deal with him. It wasn't a situation like hers with Aegir. This bastard would hunt her brother down, he'd never allow such an obedient pet to escape, and he’d always know where to find him. As long as he was alive, Feann was in danger, of recapture, of being trapped in his human form, of the trauma she was only just freeing him from.
"Get them out of here, I have unfinished business with this asshole."
The knife in her holster pressed firm against her leg, reminding her of its presence. All she needed to do was slip it from its holster without him seeing and get close. She'd need to draw him in, though.
"Ah, our wayward sister," the elf drawled, his posh accent harsh on her ears. "Phloy'd will be so glad to see you..."
Even hearing the name made Elspeth's blood run cold. Why had she not considered that he would be here? She’d lived in fear of the man—he'd ruined her life—and yet somehow she'd not even considered that he might be present. The heavy clomp of boots on the stairs drowned out her thoughts and she froze in place. Icy fear shot through her, her eyes trained on the steps as each step revealed more of the man that haunted her nightmares.
Behind her, she heard Aegir speak as if through a wall. "Take him, wait for us down there, or if you see a shark, he's with us, he'll take you to safety."
Before her, the Navigator just smirked, seemingly amused at her terror. Elspeth stuffed her fear down, refusing to be quelled by it. Outwardly, though, she allowed her hands to shake as she reached into her bag. She withdrew her pelt, draping it around her shoulders, like a cloak. It was, of course, bait, but its warm weight around her shoulder soothed her nonetheless.
As she had suspected, the first elf’s eyes widened with interest, and as Phloy'd came into view, his echoed it, lust plainly written—as she had seen so many times.
She wasn’t a skilled fighter, she knew next to nothing. But she had trained and she could use herself as bait. She could appear as helpless as she likely truly was, draw them in, and then, hopefully, activate the small amount of training she’d gotten the week before to end it, while she could.
Everything slowed around her, as if underwater. The twin sneers on the elves’ faces were all she could see. Their mouths moved, but she had to focus to understand what they were saying.
“I told you she was exquisite,” her captor said.
“Truly a gift worthy of a Navigator,” her brothers’ captor said.
Surprise flashed across Phloy'd’s face and the tension pulled taut. She had stumbled into some sort of disagreement, it seemed.
In a flash, nothing was underwater anymore, instead, everything moved faster than she could keep track of. The pair of elves launched themselves at her, Phloy'd grabbing at her pelt, and the other for her arm. With a triumphant laugh, Phloy'd whipped it off of her, his hand flying to a dagger at his belt and slicing through his flesh. The sight of his blood as he wiped it across her pelt made Elspeth want to sick up, but she pushed it away. She couldn’t be bound again, and she needed to focus.
Aegir grabbed Phloy'd, spinning him to face Elspeth, his eyes alight with rage. He was presenting her with the opportunity to kill him herself.
Under the cover of her shift, Elspeth had found the cool wooden handle of her dagger where it had lain nestled between her breasts. It fit neatly in her hand, and she grasped it for all she was worth. When the elf hugged her toward him, she unsheathed it and shifted its angle, pointing it up and out so that she could slip it between his ribs. He pulled her to him, and his eyes widened as he felt the sharp tip slide into his heart.
Hot blood dripped down her hand and when Phloy'd backed away, she stared at it in horror. Bright red blood coated the blade, his front, her pelt and her shirt. This time, she did vomit—all over the floor.
When she stood from being doubled over, she was face to face with the Navigator. With her blade still concealed inside her shift, he looked between the three of them, confused.
Everything stilled. The sound of heavy breathing was all she could hear, as the moment hung in the balance. Her hand shook. She was close enough to stab it inside the elf, but she was frozen.
She’d never killed before, she’d never had a reason to, and had never wanted a reason to. There was no doubt in her mind that she lived in a harsh world, and that sometimes it was necessary, but she’d never thought that it would be necessary for her.
Until that point, killing Feann’s captor had been a foregone conclusion to her mind. Merely a step that needed to be completed as part of his rescue. Now though, she hadn’t had time to process what she’d just done and now she needed to do it again. Her hand that clutched the dagger felt oddly cold.
It was merely a step in rescuing Feann. A task she needed to check off a list—perhaps the most important task. Perhaps, she tried to console herself, she hadn’t killed Phloy'd, merely injured him. She wasn’t a murderer… yet. But the fact remained, she had to kill this elf, because though he was dressed far finer than she remembered, he was undoubtedly the one that had taken her brother.
Come on, Elspeth. This was what she did. She did what needed to be done for those she loved, and if she truly loved her brother, she would find a way to move her hand. All she needed to do was a small jerk upward, it was a simple movement. And yet, she was frozen.
The cruel elf smiled, as if he knew her dilemma. He knew he was in danger, but he obviously didn’t see her as any real threat. Elspeth begged her hand to move. Surely she need only send the message, and it would obey, but it refused.
Please, all I need —
The Navigator’s hand shot out, grasping her throat. He lifted her from the ground and slammed her against the wall. The pressure was almost immediately released as Aegir rounded on the Navigator and tackled him to the ground. They rolled near her feet, a tangle of arms and knife blades until she couldn’t make out what was going on. She tried to anticipate where she could help, where she could insert herself to free Aegir and eliminate the Navigator. Their movements were so jerky and each time she felt as if she could see an opening, it disappeared before she could act.
Aegir grew, his shoulders plumping, straining with muscle and splitting his shoulder seams, but then she heard him grunt. All at once, the growth stopped and he shrank back to his normal size. His ears rounded and his face contorted in panic. The Navigator rolled on top of Aegir, easily pinning the arm holding his knife and shoving his forearm into Aegir’s throat to block his air.
Panic coursed through her, nothing was going to plan. She was going to lose Aegir and be trapped again. Surely if the Navigator killed Aegir, his blood would sink into her pelt and she’d be bound. 1
Though he was pinned, Aegir fought, tapping the ground to get Elspeth’s attention. “Sing!” he mouthed.
Of course! Elspeth opened her mouth, the first words wavering with her heightened nerves, but her song had almost immediate effect. The Navigator slumped, his hands falling from Aegir’s neck to rest on his chest. Aegir moved slowly, as if floating on a dream, but he shifted his grip on the knife and slowly, gently, reverently, slid it up and into his chest.
The elf crumpled sideways to the ground, slack hands releasing Elspeth as he fell. His eyes darted around in confusion where he lay on the ground.
Elspeth stopped singing, whipping her head back up to see Aegir still in her thrall, gracefully throwing the bloodied blade at Phloy'd. He’d stood up during the scuffle, so she’d apparently not killed him. The knife whipped through the air, spraying the first elf's blood against the wall of the hall, only to be joined seconds later by Phloy’d.
The second elf fell down easily with a kick from Aegir, who followed it by planting his boot firmly on Phloy'd’s chest.
“Tell Orcus who sent you,” Aegir said, stabbing the length of his sword down through the man’s eye socket.
Aegir’s eyes were crazed, a light Elspeth had never seen flickered through them as he withdrew his blade and yanked Elspeth’s pelt out of the dying elf’s fingers. Aegir immediately held it out to her, looking down as he wiped the blood from his blade on his pants. As soon as he looked back at her, he smiled sheepishly.
“Thank you, you were magnificent.”
“Course…” Elspeth whispered. The amount of blood around them was horrifying. It covered the front of her shift, of the ground and the walls around them, and the still bodies on the ground. Phloy'd lay there, the face from her nightmares finally stilled, but somehow, it didn’t make her feel any better. If anything, it was worse somehow. She’d wasted her courage, which was apparently one-time-use, on him and left the Navigator to Aegir. The ship rocked, though Elspeth was more unsteady than she’d thought, because it made her head swim. She blinked, willing her vision to focus. It was just a little blood. Dead people were the entire point of her being on the boat, but somehow seeing them surrounded by their blood—no, it was too much. The edges of the hall darkened as Aegir scooped her up.
“Let’s get you out of here, love,” she thought he said, as she faded from consciousness.
I nstead of waking in Aegir’s arms, Elspeth woke on the deck of the ship, to Feann tapping her face. When she opened her eyes to see him over her, the bright, clear night sky around them, Elspeth flung her arms around him, shaking with relief.
“I was worried I’d never see you again,” she said.
He felt frailer than she remembered. He’d always been lanky, but he’d had a strength to him that she didn’t feel anymore. His short-cropped hair hung lank over his forehead, though after their swim it wasn’t as oily as it had been before. They’d both wrapped their pelts around them, and the scent of the two of them, their pelts wet from the sea, was so achingly familiar it brought tears to her eyes. If she squeezed them shut, she could almost imagine they were in their small shared bedroom at home after a swim.
“I was worried too,” he said, standing and offering a hand to help her up. “Some days, I worried that I would see you again. Once I met Dahlia, and she told me how you’d gotten away, that thought got me through so many of the most difficult times. I’m sorry about my little episode upon seeing you, it’s only that so many of my nightmares started with you being captured again.”
“Don’t worry—I figured it was something like that.” Elspeth turned to look at Dahlia, who had her face turned toward the sky and eyes closed.
“I’m so happy you found a friend to lean on while you were there,” she said, though she directed it at both of them.
“I don’t know that I would’ve survived without Dahlia,” Feann said.
The dryad opened her eyes to roll them at Feann. “I’m just happy to see the stars and feel the wind whip through my hair.”
The reminder of all they’d been denied reminded Elspeth of her brother’s frame.
“Oh gosh, where are my manners! Are you hungry?” Elspeth asked “I can get you some food.”
“No, thank you,” Dahlia said
“I would, though, I’ll go with you.” Feann said.
Tucking her arm in his, Elspeth led her brother down to the kitchen.
Once they were belowdecks, they fell into an easy, achingly familiar rhythm. The second Elspeth pulled ingredients from the icebox, Feann took a portion and began prepping them. She was beyond grateful that they were all safe though through no doing of her own. Strangely stronger than gratitude was sticky, oozing shame that coated her insides.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Why?”
“I’m the reason you were in this mess, and I should’ve gotten to you sooner.” There was more, something worse, but she wasn’t certain if she could—or should—say it. “I should have come sooner, I could have come sooner if I hadn’t wasted time after I escaped.”
Feann frowned and recoiled from her, the expression more indicative of what she had expected. “What do you mean you wasted time?”
“After I escaped, I just sort of swam around for a while. I lived solely as a seal, and tried to forget…”
"It sounds like you weren't in any place to help anyone at that point..."
"Perhaps. I—I'm still sorry though. I should have come for you right away."
"Elspeth," he stopped and set a hand on each of her shoulders. "It means a lot that you came at all."
Elspeth looked to the ceiling, he could be grateful all he wanted, but it didn't change the fact that she felt terrible about it.
"Ellie...." Her brother's voice was stern. "I'm serious. You came for me when no one else would. If you needed to get your head straight after everything that happened to you, I would never blame you for that. Plus, what would you have done? Wandered the ocean blindly?"
"Well, I supp—"
"I can just see you now..." Feann cupped his hands around his mouth and exaggerated looking around him. "Feann! Oh Feann! I guess I'll just look in the next section of ocean, since I have no idea where he is!"
Warmth filled her chest, and Elspeth laughed at her brother. It felt so good, so normal to have him making fun of her. Feann laughed with her, which made her throat clench with feeling. He was here, he was safe, and he was laughing.
When they quieted, Feann returned to chopping some vegetables. "You gathered a fucking team, Elspeth. A team who blew up an entire flotilla of Pathian ships, I might add. You did so much. And honestly… I worry you did too much."
Feann's shoulders tensed and he paused his chopping. "Ellie, did... did you kill him?"
Elspeth froze. With one sentence he prodded at her insecurities, making her feel raw. Her chest tightened because now he'd know why she was really worried. He'd hear that she couldn't even kill for him and know that in the moment when it mattered most, her love hadn’t been enough. She hadn't been strong enough.
“I—I tried, I really did Feann, I promise, but—I froze. And I told myself that I would do it, that I needed to do it, that I was able to do it for you, but when it came time, Aegir was the one who actually did the deed.” Shame suffused her. “I would have, I promise if Aegir hadn’t, I’d have finished the job—"
“No!” Feann grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her in for a hug, squeezing her tight. “You mistake me. I didn’t want you to kill for me, I was worried you had killed for me. Killing is—it’s not you Ellie. I won’t argue the fact that he needed killing. I won’t lie and say I’m upset that he’s gone, but I am glad you were the one that didn’t need to do it.”
Feann’s arms anchored her, his hands rubbing circles on her back. “You were prepared to do something for me that you never would have otherwise, and for that I would be forever grateful, but I am even more grateful that you didn’t have to do it. ”
“You are?” Elspeth’s voice came out a whisper. Her mind whirled with confusion, with the idea that, instead of it hurting his feelings, Feann was reassured that she hadn’t needed to kill. She’d almost certainly killed Phloy'd, if Aegir hadn’t come behind her, she imagined she would have… but why did that make it better? Why did it ease some of the guilt?
“I am. You know, you are not off the hook,” he said. Feann raised one eyebrow and smiled, returning to his chopping. “I think you have some stories to tell, where a certain someone is concerned…”
Elspeth blushed furiously, turning away to hide the smile that threatened to spread across her face. As much as it made her embarrassed, this at least, was a topic she could handle.
“I think I have a great deal to tell you. As far as that is concerned, as well as a few other things…”
They gathered up the food they’d assembled, and took it to the small booth.
“Well, I think you had better get talking, then.” Feann wiggled his eyebrows at her, popping some smoked salmon in his mouth with a smirk.
“You probably know how Dahlia saved me,” she began. “After that, I swam, and lost myself for a bit. I barely paid attention to my grumbling stomach during those days. Then, one day I found myself being chased by an orca, he meant to make a meal of me you see, and Aegir managed to bite me. When he did, I screamed, and my pelt slipped off. I passed out, and he took me back here, to his ship. When he woke me, he startled me and I lashed out. The long and short of it is that some of his blood dripped onto my pelt. He set me up in his state room.”
Elspeth smiled at the memory. Now that she knew what a vain thing he was, of how he treasured his fine fabrics and his books, it was so much more meaningful. “I refused to tell him why I was upset, and eventually I found a letter he had been translating. It spoke of two selkies, a male who they had in custody, and a female who had escaped. I knew, immediately, that the male had to be you. Which meant that I had a lead to find you. I opened the window and set out after you immediately.” Elspeth raised her own eyebrow back at him. “So no, I was not wandering around the ocean blindly, once I had a lead, I was headed straight for you—more or less.
“A few days later, Aegir caught up to me. He had read the entirety of the letter, which went on to speak about me, and their plans to locate me. He suggested that we go ashore to gather information. Those we sought were likely aboard ships, and we would need to find them. I revealed to Aegir that we were bonded, and explained what it meant—or at least what I thought it meant.” Feann’s brows drew together, his face confused.
“Oh, yes, we’ve learned some things as far as the bond is concerned. But, regardless, I told him about it, and we both assumed that our attraction was a result of the bond. We traveled inland to Psetra, where we gathered some information, and prepared to turn inland to see some friends of his and gather up-to-date intel. It was a lovely visit, and while we were there we were able to do some research in a great library. We were lucky enough to find a book on bonds there, and we discovered that there is a lot less to them than we might’ve thought, though, in other ways, there is more. After that, we came to get you.”
Feann nodded his head. “I may not have had a library’s worth of information, but I was also able to test a few theories, and I figured a few things out on my own. It’s strange, how… romanticized it all was. So where do you stand then, the two of you?”
Elspeth shook her head. “I’m not sure. He seems to want forever, which is admittedly terrifying. Up until a few days ago, I was hell-bent on finding a way to break the bond, because I felt as if we'd both been duped into it and I worried that it was affecting how we felt about one another. Generally, it's not possible to break it, but Aegir might actually be able to, because of his magic, which puts us in an even stranger position..."
Feann pursed his lips, his face taking on the faraway look he did when he thought deeply on something. Elspeth squirmed in her seat, though, because that was not nearly the full story.
"The truth is, he's been wonderful, and I'd be lucky to be with him, I'm just… worried that he will get tired of me or something. After... everything, I have some... difficulties... I—"
"Ellie, if anyone understands, it's me. I can imagine… vividly." His eyes unfocused and a pall came over his expression. They’d both need to address it… at some point, but if she wasn’t ready to yet, and it had been weeks, she doubted Feann was either.
"Yes, and so I worry that I might not be the right choice for him, you see?"
"I do, keenly.” He reached across the table to squeeze her hand. “Perhaps you will have to remind me of this someday, but don't you think you ought to let him make that choice? If he has a problem, he should tell you. Has he given you any indication that he is upset about it?"
"No, he's been quite—erm—eager to explore our options...."
"So then, are you just barmy? Have you seen that man?" Feann grabbed her in a hug, pulling her down so she lay sideways across him, practically in his lap, so he can look down at her.
"Ellie, you haven't been... well, since Da died, and I know you blame yourself, or you think you need to take care of a lot. It's something that I have really admired about you but also, you've got to know that you can’t be in charge of his feelings. That’s his job. And you can only go off of your own and what he tells you and unless I’m mistaken, he’s told you that he wants you, that he wants what you have. And you just need to decide if you believe him.”
Elspeth let that sink in. When it was reduced to such a simple binary, that she needed to decide if she believed Aegir, the answer was easy. She did believe Aegir, she trusted him, and she allowed that meant she needed to trust him to know his own mind, to know what he wanted. And if what he wanted was her? She wanted that too.
She smiled, a light, giddy feeling bubbling up inside of her, making her wiggle in her seat.
Her brother matched her smile and nudged her shoulder. “It looks like you have someone to go talk to.” He winked at her.
As much as she wanted to talk to Aegir, should she really be leaving Feann like that? He was only so recently out of a traumatic situation… The feelings must have broadcast on her face, because her brother screwed up his mouth and waved his hand.
“My problems aren’t going to be solved today. I know I was a little dramatic when you got me out of there, but so many of my nightmares involved them re-capturing you. It’s going to take me a while, I think, to even process what happened. Let’s get your problem dealt with in the meantime.”
Elspeth hugged him and they both returned topside. She left Feann with Dahlia, and floated across the deck and into the bridge where she found Aegir at the helm. The second she entered the room, Aegir turned toward her, raising an eyebrow. “How is he?”
“Shaken up, I think he’s still having a difficult time believing it’s real, but he’s well… if not annoyingly insightful. How’s Jokith? Did he find the boy?”
Aegir shook his head, growling. “Oh, he found him alright. And he ignored the plan. He’s got the kid below-decks.” He ran a hand across his face. “I’ll have to deal with that at some point. Come here.” He opened his arm to indicate that she should come stand between him and the wheel. She stepped between his arms, the warm, steady strength of him at her back.
“Can you blame him? Could you have left a little boy in a bad situation?”
“I don’t know, but the kid doesn’t seem like he wanted to leave. It makes me feel like it was a kidnapping, instead of a rescue. And to do it without talking to us about it?” He quieted, settling his head atop hers. “It could rile them up. Could make them come for us. I can’t have him putting you at risk.”
“More than we just did?”
“Fair point. I’m just grumpy about it. I’m not the Captain he needs, I think. When we get back, I’ll need to have that talk with Hanne, see what to do.”
“You’ll figure it out.” She knew he would. Jokith had a good heart. She knew she couldn’t have left a little boy with the Pathians, no matter what, even though she understood Aegir’s frustration.
Standing at the helm, only a thin bit of deck stretched between her and the deep blue expanse that was the ocean, and it called to her, as it always did, but that call was echoed by the man at her back. Between the two, she felt like she was home.
1. Though selkies can only have one binding at a time, if previous bonds have been broken by death, they can in fact create a new bond.