Chapter 1 #2
Alice hesitated for a single moment, that old voice of reason and doing good wondering if this really was the best course of action, but she could think of no other course at present. Not if she was going to start changing her life.
She needed to speak to a member of her family who understood what it meant to feel so entirely out of sorts. And surely Muriel, who had gone from being a ton wallflower to a star of the stage, beloved by London, could offer her some insight.
Alice opened the door and stepped into the candlelit room. Muriel was at a dressing table, decked in beautiful dark silk with a tall mirror edged in gold scrollwork.
A rich red wig was on a little mannequin head on her table. In the corner of the room, a rack of costumes in the most beautiful array of jewel-toned hues beckoned.
Every surface, save the dressing table, was covered in flowers and notes.
Muriel’s hair was pulled back from her face in a soft chignon, her dressing gown of emerald silk embroidered with peacock feathers caressed her shoulders, and she was gazing into the mirror as she removed her stage makeup.
“How did tonight’s performance go?” Alice asked.
Muriel jumped to attention, braced herself on the back of her chair, and turned, her eyes dancing with delight. “Alice, whatever are you doing here?”
But then the delight turned to fear. “Is everything all right? Is Mama sick? Is one of the girls ill? Has something happened to Cassius?”
“No,” Alice replied swiftly, realizing that her presence might cause distress. She wound her hands tighter together, having no other recourse for her nerves at present. “Forgive me. Everyone is perfectly well. They’re all at the Wynnford ball tonight.”
Her sister frowned, clearly trying to make sense of this unusual circumstance.
“But you are here. Why are you not with them?” Muriel asked carefully.
“Because I had to see you,” Alice blurted, unable to proceed with caution any longer.
“But you can see me whenever you wish,” Muriel protested, but then a look of worry crossed her face. “Unless… Has Mama told you not to—?”
“No,” Alice assured quickly, rushing across the small distance between them. “Mama approves of everything you’ve done, as you know.”
Muriel held her hand out to her. A jeweled ring winked in the candlelight. “Come, sit beside me and tell me what has brought you here.”
Alice sat in one of the small, delicate chairs that was beside Muriel’s dressing table.
The table itself was scattered with hairbrushes, pins, and various pots of creams and rouges. There was a stick that was black with cinder at the end of it, and she wondered if her sister used it to darken her eyebrows or to place a beauty spot for the character she portrayed before going on stage.
It was a magical strange world of makeup and make-believe that gave happiness to so very many people.
Alice was so proud of her sister, so proud of the way that London had responded to her performances.
Muriel was a legendary actress, and Alice tried to understand what it might be like to be legendary.
She never would be and, truthfully, she didn’t wish to be, but her own sister’s legendary nature had changed everything for her.
It had opened doors she had not even known were there, and now she wanted to have the courage to go through one.
From a delicate silver pot that perched on a burner, carefully positioned on a tray with cups on the table to her left, Muriel poured her a cup of tea.
The delicate dark liquid filled a white porcelain cup painted with blue flowers. “Have this. You look as if you need it.”
Alice nodded, took the cup in her hands that were cold despite her gloves, and took a sip. Her eyes fluttered shut, thankful for the rich liquid, its comforting flavors, and the warmth that filled her.
London was damp and cold.
Summer had not yet come. How she longed for the warmth of summer. Spring was here, but it was still quite cold, though the sun was out more and the promise of flowers whispered around the corner.
She willed it to be true that her life would change with the turning of the seasons.
“I need your help,” she admitted, opening her eyes.
“Then I shall give it,” Muriel replied without hesitation.
Relief spiraled through her, but she couldn’t relax just yet, for she had not said what she truly needed to. “I want to be like you.”
Muriel blinked. “An actress?”
“No,” Alice said with a half laugh, putting her cup down on the table. “I want to be true to myself.”
Muriel smiled kindly. “Well, of course, my darling, you must be. And if that is your wish, I support it wholeheartedly!”
Alice’s nodded, but then, much to her horror, her face began to twist with emotion and tears stung her eyes.
“I don’t know how to be,” she said. “I don’t think I even know who I am.”
Muriel’s eyes widened with sympathy, and she grabbed Alice’s hand and squeezed it. “Then you must find a way to discover who that is. And I will help however you need. I have been so lucky, and I wish you the same luck.”
“I know you have. It’s inspiring. And you’ve made me realize that I don’t even know what is out in the world, what could await me if I but sought it,” Alice managed, tears slipping down her cheeks. “I’ve been so discontent these last weeks. I haven’t known what to do. I’ve been lost.”
Muriel winced, not because she felt guilty, but because she clearly felt Alice’s pain. “You’ve hid it so very well. Too well, my darling,” Muriel replied, her own eyes filling with tears. “I am so sorry. So sorry that I brought this upon you.”
Alice shook her head. “No, you must not reply thus,” she insisted. “You have liberated me.”
“Liberated,” Muriel breathed, stunned.
“All my life, I’ve done as I was told, not daring to peer out of our little world.
All I wanted was to fulfill my role, and I gave no thought to what I might truly want in this life.
But you’ve taught me that wonders await us if we are but bold enough to try, and I’m ready to know myself now. How do I even begin?”
“Deimos did ask you to marry him,” Muriel ventured. “As his wife, you could—”
“No, I don’t want his pity,” she replied.
But Deimos… Alice stilled. Why had she not thought of it before? The idea leapt into her head fully formed, burning through her, like the beacon of a lighthouse, leading her in the dark.
“What if I asked Deimos for help?” she said softly, the very idea feeling so right.
He was a rake. It was true. But he knew how to live life, had fun, and was a good man!
Her sister eyed her carefully. “What do you mean?”
Alice’s tears faded and she rushed, “What if I asked Deimos to help me discover who I am?”
“Can I not do that?” Muriel asked, blinking.
“I suppose you could try,” Alice ventured, “but you’re so very busy, and I think he’s the one to do it. I think he could take me about London in a way that you never could, especially now that you’re married and…”
Muriel tilted her head to the side, her lips tilting in a merry grin. “He could definitely show you things I never could. Do you fancy him?”
Alice cleared her throat.
“You do!”
“He’s very handsome.”
“You always fancied him, didn’t you?” Muriel gushed.
“A bit. Maybe. But he… Well, he was not truly looking for a wife, and so I never thought to set my sights on him.”
“He could be yours tomorrow!” Muriel protested.
“Not like that,” Alice insisted. “I will not trap him into a marriage just because he is kind.”
“But you will have him escort you about London?”
Alice nodded. “Indeed. I think he is far better help for now, don’t you?”
“Who’s better help?” Perseus, Muriel’s husband, drawled as he strode in, his eyes only for his wife.
Muriel beamed at him. “She’s going to ask Deimos to help her.”
Perseus paused and turned to Alice. “It’s about time, my dear. Glad to hear it. I knew he’d be just the thing for you—”
“Not to marry him,” she cut in.
Perseus arched a brow. “Then how?”
“I need to find out who I am and what I like,” she said simply.
Perseus beamed. “Everyone should. And Deimos will help you, no question. And I think it will be good for him too. That fellow can do no wrong and is the ton’s golden boy. I hope you keep him on his toes.”
She laughed. “Oh, I shall endeavor to do so. But you both approve then?”
Muriel and Perseus exchanged a glance.
“Definitely,” they said together.
Alice smiled. For the first time in weeks, she really and truly smiled.
But then her sister pursed her lips and warned gently, “You could cause a scandal, you know.”
Alice sucked in a breath. “Would that be so very terrible?”
“It’d be brilliant,” Perseus declared.
“Do you need our permission?” Muriel asked. “To cause a little scandal?”
Alice bit her lip, then nodded. She did. And that, she realized, was what she had truly come here for.
Muriel reached forward and pulled her into her arms. “You have it, my dear. Do whatever you need to do. You will never let me down. And I will return the favor.”
“And I,” added Perseus.
For the first time since that terrible night when all her hopes had been ripped away, Alice began to feel like the girl she wanted to be. And that girl was going to cause a little trouble.