Chapter 3
Alice’s hands trembled as she savored the power of his embrace while they danced about the room.
She tried to keep them still. Surely he would be able to tell how nervous she was. But the point probably was that she should allow him to know how nervous she was. If she did not, well, she wouldn’t be able to be very honest with him, would she? And she needed to be very honest with him.
His own incredibly handsome face, a face beloved by the ladies of the ton, had become a mask of shock. His dark brows had shot up. His dark hair spilled over his forehead, only accenting those arched brows, and his sensual lips had parted into a slight O of astonishment.
“Have I stunned you so entirely?” she blurted.
“Yes,” he suddenly managed. “I’m glad you’ve thought of me to change your life so entirely. But I’m a rake.”
“You are?” she teased. “I had no idea.”
He laughed, a dry sound. “When a lady asks me to help her do things she’s never done… It usually means—”
“Do you mean to tell me ladies often ask you for such help?”
He cleared his throat. “Not exactly.”
Suddenly, she laughed. “I’m not asking you to seduce me. Though that sounds fun.”
“Fun,” he echoed.
“Is it not fun?”
“Oh, I’m very fun.”
“I’m glad. I’d hate for our endeavor to be boring.”
He blinked. “Forgive me. Can you explain exactly what you want of me?”
“I want you to help me get to know myself.”
“You don’t know yourself?” he whispered.
“Most people don’t, Deimos,” she said honestly.
He gazed down at her, amazed, his look surprisingly tender but conflicted. “I won’t disagree with you on that score.”
Deimos swept her close, then spun her out, leading her in another pattern which brought them close.
Just like all the other Briarwood men and Briarwood ladies, he was an excellent dancer, likely because he had so much training.
She’d met Monsieur Georges, the family’s ballet master.
The man was an ostentatiously dressed task master who always got remarkable results from whoever came into his company.
She’d had a perfectly decent instructor, but she’d attended group lessons. She had not had them in the privacy of her own home. Her family was not quite that important or wealthy.
“There is something else,” she ventured.
“There’s more?”
“Before you protest, I think you’re the only one who’s capable of helping me find myself and what I truly like.
You see, all my life, I have been raised to be a good daughter, and I’ve longed to be that good daughter.
Every day, I’ve done everything that a young lady born to a country squire ought.
And so I’ve never allowed myself to do so many things.
I embroider very well. I play the piano acceptably.
I don’t speak any other languages but English, and my favorite habit is reading.
But I do not actually know what my favorite things are because my experience is so entirely limited.
And I thought perhaps you might be able to introduce me to things that—”
He choked, and a look crossed his face that seemed to suggest he had ideas about what he might like to help her learn.
“There has to be someone else who can do this,” he said, clearly trying to keep his thoughts in control.
Her brow furrowed. “I don’t really think there is. You see, I gave it some thought and then I talked to Muriel and your cousin, her husband. Both seemed to think you were an excellent—”
“Wait, what?” he protested, trying to make sense of her words, but then he sighed. “Of course. They gave you this idea.”
“Steady on,” she said, scowling at him. “This is not their idea. This is my idea. They only seconded my idea.”
He cleared his throat, clearly realizing his rudeness. “I did not mean to give offense.”
She sighed. “I could ask Muriel, and she even asked me why I did not pick her. But, Deimos, she is a married lady, and she has the theater. She has far much to do. All of your other cousins that I know well are married. They have the busy lives of married people. They are most occupied with their causes. I cannot ask any of them. Besides, none of them are likely to want to have the sort of adventures I long to. My sisters? They have all married extremely well, and they are just getting to know their husbands, their positions in society, and their estates. And of course, there is my brother Cassius. But I can’t ask him because he will just make sure I stay on a very safe path, wonderful as he is. Which leaves you. And I trust you.”
Trust. That word. It was perhaps the greatest thing a lady could feel for a gentleman, for, in her experience, many men were not trustworthy.
And he seemed to recognize it.
Deimos appeared on the cusp of agreeing, but then his face transformed.
“Oh God, Cassius,” he groaned. “You do realize that if I help you with this, Cassius will think me a bounder.”
“No, he won’t.” She pursed her lips, eager to assure him. “He knows you’re not.”
He groaned. “All right. You do make a good case for the fact that I am the only person who can help you, but,” he said softly, “you know my offer still stands. You could marry me. And then you’d have the run of the ton to do whatever you want. Married ladies can—”
“Yes, yes, I am aware of the sentiment,” she cut in swiftly. “It is frequently written in literature. But,” she whispered, “I can’t marry you, Deimos. Not out of pity, not like that. And not when I have no idea who I am. Or who I could be.”
He waggled his brows. “But you have considered marrying me.”
Her cheeks burned, thinking of the nights she had laid in her bed, wishing she could be his wife. Wishing that things had been very different indeed. “Only a fool would not consider marrying you.”
“Well,” he said, “I suppose I can take that as a possibility. Would you still consider marrying me,” he asked, “if I help you discover what it is you like and who you are?”
“What if you don’t like me after all that?” she breathed.
“You? How could I not like you, Alice?”
She bit her lower lip. His gaze was so warm. So full of wonder, but what if when she became more than just a good young lady of the ton, she wouldn’t be the sort of girl he wished to wed?
And there was something else. Something that had plagued her.
“What is it?” he prompted.
She looked away, trying not to burn with the shame of the memory. “When you asked me to marry you, you asked me because you wanted to save me from a terrible circumstance, a terrible man, and I don’t know if I can ever get that out of my head. My need to be saved.”
His mouth pressed into a firm line. “I know the mind is a most irrational thing,” he said. And then he continued with levity, as if he was determined to shake the shame form her. “But I didn’t ask you out of pity. I asked you because you’re lovely, and I quite admire the way you eat cake.”
A laugh burst out of her lips. “I beg your pardon?”
“I like the way you eat cake,” he replied easily as he swept them in great arcs down the length of the floor, avoiding several couples.
“You have a gusto for living. More young ladies should have such gusto,” he said.
“And I do not think I shall ever encounter anyone who loves a morsel of cake upon a silver fork as you do.”
She grinned. How could she not? “Oh, well, now I suppose I must consider your proposal in a new light.”
“Good,” he said. “Because I don’t think you should do this,” he said softly. “With me. Unless you’re going to marry me.”
“Why?” she asked, shocked.
“As you know, the ton can be quite cruel,” he said. “And if they decide to go against you…”
She laughed. “They already have. It’s only your family name that shields me.
So what is the point of not infuriating them further?
” she demanded. “What is the point of trying to stop them all from talking about me? What is the point of obeying rules? I obeyed every single one of them, and I was still subject to gossip.”
He eyed her, his gaze dark with candor and understanding. “All right,” he said. “I take your point. But I do not want to have your regrets upon my shoulders.”
She lifted her chin. “There will be no regrets, Deimos.”
He shook his head. “Life is always full of regrets,” he said. “Every person has them. Every person does things that have unintended consequences,” he said softly. “So be careful what you choose.”
She was astonished that a Briarwood was urging temperance. “I am amazed you aren’t convincing me to throw myself into the fray.”
He laughed, but then said earnestly, “It’s only because once you step into my circle, you cannot step back out.”
“You make it sound as if you’re going to take me about like a high-flyer,” she said. “Will I wear crimson paint upon my lips and learn to do a high kick?”
His hand tightened about hers and he pressed her ever so slightly closer to him. “I will not take you to any such places. They aren’t for you.”
“Please, Deimos,” she whispered. “Can you not help expand my horizons? My horizon has been so small for so long.”
He let out a long sigh. “How could I ever deny such a request, Miss Mitchell?”
When the music came to a close, he took her back to her sister.
She had no idea what to expect now, but she was about to change her life. And like her sister, she wasn’t going to look back.