Chapter 6
Alice understood now that all her life she’d been quite naive.
But all of her life, she had thought that if one was good, everything would work out.
That if one did the right thing, life would unfold in a beautiful way.
After all, wasn’t that what all girls were taught?
That if they curtsied, smiled, and said what they were supposed to, their handsome prince would arrive?
If they did as they were told, they would be taken off and would live happily ever after with their husbands, having beautiful children, in beautiful houses, where nothing terrible ever happened. She didn’t think that her mother had meant to set her up so entirely wrong.
But she had. Even so, she couldn’t bear her mother any ill will. Her mother had always done her very best for her children.
So, when Alice slipped into her mama’s room, pattered across the gold and blue woven rug, and approached her mother who was reading instead of at her toilette, readying herself for bed, Alice picked up a hairbrush and began to gently brush her mama’s hair.
In the mirror, Alice spotted her mother’s gentle smile as she continued reading, determined to finish her paragraph, no doubt.
So often, the reading of novels overtook the regular tasks they were meant to accomplish. For who could care about removing hair pins when a delicious tale awaited in the pages of a book?
The lot of them were excellent readers. They loved every kind of fiction that there was.
And her mother had become even more voracious as of late.
Now that most of her children were married, except for, of course, Alice and her brother, Cassius, who seemed determined, at least at present, to remain free, her mother read almost every minute of the day.
Her mother, she knew, had a broken heart over what had happened to Alice. And the pages of her books took her away from that.
They tried not to speak of it. She hated seeing the sorrow in her mother’s eyes. For her mother had been one step away from having all of her daughters married in excellent matches.
Now, she had a daughter who had been tarnished by the brush of a scandal. Most people did not know what had transpired with the marquess. Even her mother did not know the terrible things he had said about their family’s bad blood, which had apparently become evident when Muriel took to the stage.
But a touch of scandal had been impossible to ignore when the marquess had so suddenly vanished in bad grace, under the full fury of the Duke of Westleigh, patriarch of the Briarwoods.
For surely there had to be some sort of scandal for such an engagement to end.
Why would the daughter of a mere knight break it off with such an important man?
And then why would such an important man be clearly rebuked by the Duke of Westleigh and the Briarwood family? Yes, something had to be wrong.
Sadly, the ton, as it so often did, whispered that something was wrong with the lady, not the man.
But no one could make an outright accusation because the Briarwood family was so very powerful.
Talk about her had dimmed because there was so much talk about her sister, Muriel.
The gossip sheets had been full of Muriel and her new life as a star of the London stage. Some of the things said weren’t flattering at all.
The gossip about Muriel, which Muriel seemed to be able to tolerate quite well since she had the support of the Briarwoods, had deferred much of the talk about Alice.
So far, all she’d had were glances over fans and whispers when she entered the room.
It had still hurt her mother, though she’d insisted it did not.
She hadn’t just smiled for her own reputation and to make her sister feel better. No, she’d done all she could to protect her wonderfully kind mother.
But it had taken a toll. For when she was alone at night in her room, sorrow came upon her, and it was too painful to bear. Tears slipped down her face, for she did not feel she could tell anyone how very terrible it had all been. Certainly not Muriel. Certainly not her mother.
No one.
But she was done with that now.
There would be no tears. Not with Deimos’s help.
She brushed the hairbrush through her mother’s thick locks and smiled at her. Her mother pressed her book closed, placed it down beside her little silver pots of scent and powder, folded her hands on her lap, and let out a sigh of contentment. “How very glad I am that you are still with me, Alice.”
“Do you mean that, Mama?” she said, surprised.
“Of course I do. When you go from me, I shall be terribly lonely, for Cassius is almost never here.” Her mother met her gaze in the mirror, her eyes warm with her love.
“But of course, you must go out into the world and marry and have a wonderful life and… Are you going to marry Deimos Briarwood?” her mother suddenly blurted, turning in her chair, whipping away from the hairbrush.
Alice clutched the silver-back brush in her hands. “Whatever do you mean?”
Her mother’s face lit with hope. “Well, you were dancing with him this evening, and he did, as I understand, ask you to marry him that night.”
That night.
She could still remember the way her heart had slammed in her chest when Deimos Briarwood had suggested that she marry him as the answer to her difficulty.
It had just come out of his mouth without thinking.
She admired him for it, of course, but she could never let him do that to himself.
No one should be forced to marry for life because they had such a good heart.
“No, Mama,” she said gently, searching for the right words to explain her plans. “I’m not going to marry Deimos Briarwood. I’ll have you know that I have more sense than that.”
“How is that more sensible?” her mother protested. “The family is wonderful. He is extremely handsome and beloved by the ton.”
“He’s a rake,” she pointed out.
“Yes, but he’s a good rake.”
She rolled her eyes, trying to stop her mother’s hope by saying the first things that came to mind. “A good rake? A man who cavorts about town—”
“You think so little of him? Then why did you dance with him?” her mother asked.
She laughed. “Oh, Mama, you are too clever by half. You’re right. I don’t think he’s terrible. I think he’s quite lovely and good. And I’ve asked him to help me.”
“Have you?” her mother said, sitting up straighter, her eyes shining. “In what way?”
“Mama,” she ventured as she set the hairbrush down and cleared her throat. “I think I should tell you my plans before you start making assumptions or fearing the worst.”
“Oh, dear,” her mother began. “It seems that people are always coming to me now and saying things like this. I’m grateful that I have such a strong constitution, or I don’t think I’d be able to bear it.”
Her mother did have a remarkable constitution. She was kind, she was strong, and she was one of the best women that Alice knew.
“I’m fed up. And I’ve asked Deimos Briarwood to help me discover who I really am. To discover what I even like.”
“Fed up?” her mother said swiftly, squaring her shoulders. “As am I.”
She blinked, astonished by this reply. She had expected her mother to argue with her, to throw up her hands, to point out all the difficulties of what she had said.
She licked her lips. “Mama, I’m not entirely certain you understand what I’ve said.”
“Oh yes, I think I do.” Her mother cleared her throat. “Deimos Briarwood is going to take you about London and introduce you to things and see if you like them or not in the hopes that you’ll be happier, is that correct?” her mother asked rightly.
“Yes, Mama,” she whispered. “That is exactly it.”
Her mother gave a solid nod. “He will be splendid for the job. I’m glad you’ve picked him, and perhaps in the end, you’ll marry him.”
“Mama,” she exclaimed, “that is not the point of all of this.”
“It doesn’t have to be the point,” her mother insisted. “It might be a wonderful result.”
“But why are you fed up, Mama?” she asked suddenly.
“Because I wish that I could do the same,” her mother said honestly.
“Look at Muriel. She has been so bold, choosing her dreams and herself, and now you. I wish I was as brave as my children.” Her mother leaned forward, her loving eyes shimmering with tears.
Tears of pride. “How wonderful the both of you are.”
“Mama, how are you like this?” she asked, marveling at her wonderful mother. “Most mamas in the ton would be fluttering their handkerchiefs, calling for smelling salts, and lying back, protesting that they had been wronged by the world to have such daughters.”
Her mother tutted. “How could I protest that I have been wronged when I have girls with such strong characters? None of you are wilting flowers or bleating sheep. Isn’t that what every mama wants?”
“No, Mama. I don’t think so,” Alice replied, amazed at her mother’s unique and noble view. “I think a great many mamas would desperately like their daughters to do whatever they are told.”
“Well, you have always done whatever you were told, my darling, for years, and it didn’t work out very well in the end. So, I think it very wise of you to try something different.”
“Even if…” She sucked in her breath. “Even if there’s a little bit of a scandal?”
Her mother laughed. “There’s already been scandal.
We’re all just covering it over like icing on a cake.
The cake inside is crumbling, and we’re trying to make it look nice, but I’m starting to think it’s ridiculous,” her mother said.
“I think it’s time we stop apologizing to the world for being exactly who we are.
It was no fault of yours that the marquess was an utter and complete arse. ”
“Mama.” She let out a gasp, astonished by her mother’s intensity.
“Well, it’s true,” her mother insisted, standing and taking the hairbrush out of Alice’s hands.
Slowly, she put it back down onto the dressing table, then she pulled Alice into a gentle embrace.
“I will never feel content, my dear Alice, until you are happy again, and I know that you are not. You are trying to make all of us believe so, but you’re my child, and I know that all the merrymaking you’ve been doing these last weeks is pretense.
So if Deimos Briarwood can make you feel like yourself?
Then I hope you do whatever is necessary with him.
I hope you run up and down Fleet Street with him.
I hope you drive his curricle. I hope you dart into a bookshop and join a club of bluestockings! ”
Tears stung her eyes as she laughed at her mother’s eccentric but wonderful speech. “I can’t imagine Deimos Briarwood in the middle of a group of bluestockings,” she said.
“Oh, I can,” her mother replied, hugging her. “That one? I can imagine him doing just about anything to please you.”
“Mama,” she gasped. “Don’t say such a thing. Deimos is a good man. He stepped in to help me, just as he would with any young lady.”
Her mother tsked. “Yes, well, I won’t argue with that. I think he would help any young lady, but I think he likes you more than the rest, my dear, no matter what you say.”
“It was out of pity, Mama,” she affirmed.
“It wasn’t pity,” her mother said firmly. She cocked her head to the side as she considered the rest of her reply. “It was…”
Alice sucked in a breath, stunned to find herself hanging on her mother’s answer. “What?”
“It was instinct,” her mother said at last. “An instinct to claim you because you should be claimed, Alice. You’re so lovely. You’re so strong.”
Her mother leaned back and gazed intently into her eyes as if she could will her feelings into her child. “You go out there and you do whatever it takes to find out what makes you happy.”
Alice blinked back more tears. She did not know how she and Muriel had gotten so lucky to find a mother who wanted so much for her daughters.
The sound of a throat clearing at the doorway punctured the air. “Couldn’t I be of help? And then we could avoid the whole difficulty.”
“No, you can’t,” her mother declared as she turned towards her son.
Cassius was indeed standing in the doorway.
“Come in then. You’re always eavesdropping,” Alice said to him, unable to be annoyed, for he was such an excellent brother.
He gave a look of feigned innocence. “I do not. I just always happened to be standing at the right place at the right time when someone says something interesting,” he explained as he strode in.
“The two of you are baring your hearts to each other,” he said.
“Telling each other what you wish of the world?”
“Yes,” Alice said firmly. “And you should tell Mother what you wish of the world too.”
“Oh, but Mother already knows what I wish of the world. I am giving up the ton for life in the East End and life in Parliament.”
“Life in the East End,” she murmured. “What ever can you mean?”
“Well,” he began. “I’m most intrigued, as you know, by Hector, Deimos’s father, and his daughters’ work there. I already aid the Duke of Westleigh in his work, and that work has led me to believe that education is the only way out of the mess our society is in. And that’s what Lord Hector ensures.”
“I see,” she whispered. “We’re all to be quite close then.”
Cassius huffed out a breath. “Well, we won’t be close if I have to kill Lord Hector’s only son.”
“You won’t kill him.” She tsked with a roll of her eyes. “He’s good.”
He nodded. “I know it, but I think it’s the sort of thing brothers should say, and I’ll have to have a word with him.”
“Oh, please don’t, Cassius,” she groaned. “He was already quite reticent to take up the job I’ve given him.”
Cassius looked quite pleased. “Good. That’s exactly what I want to hear. I wouldn’t trust a fellow who leaped at the job, taking you about, teaching you to like things. Ridiculous.”
“It’s not,” she protested swiftly. “Young ladies are most limited in what they’re able to do and discover.”
He hesitated, then nodded. “I won’t stand in your way. Mother would murder me if I did. Just be careful. Be cautious.”
She sucked in her breath. “I have lived my entire life with caution,” she said. “I think it is time that I unfurl my sails and sail into the wind.”