Chapter Six
ETHAN CAME HOME FOR dinner hungry, exhausted, and still embittered by his last exchange of texts with Guilia. His gaze was still on his phone when he strode inside the dining room, and he had already taken his usual spot at the table by the time he looked up...and realized the twins weren't even there to join him for dinner.
Instead, there was just...Anah.
"Fuck."
The word slipped out in his shock, but fortunately Anah took no offense, and only shook her head at him with a peal of laughter.
"You're so jumpy these days," Anah teased.
He forced himself to smile. "Force of habit," he lied. "I had to dodge a lot of paps when I was with...Guilia." He had been home for a few weeks already, but he was still unable to keep his voice from turning stiff at mentioning his ex's name. And it was worse even now, with words from Guilia's last text still harshly vivid in his thoughts.
"I texted you this morning," Anah ventured.
"I must've missed it." Or rather, he had made it a habit not to look at Anah's texts until at least a day had passed.
"I kinda miss our rides."
"I do, too." This was the truth. "But work's kinda piled up in my absence..." This, however, was a lie. "You shouldn't let me keep you from riding, though. Old Rick knows you can ride Coral Dawn anytime."
"It doesn't feel right," Anah confessed.
"You're giving Coral Dawn the exercise she needs, so we're the ones who owe you actually."
"I guess."
An awkward silence fell between them then. Something like this would never have happened in the past, and it just showed , Anah thought sadly, how much things had changed between Ethan and her.
She had done a little digging online since Ethan's unexpected homecoming, and although the Blackwoods' IT team had done a good job at keeping Ethan's name out of the Internet, Anah's familiarity with the couple enabled her to put some puzzle pieces together.
Guilia and Ethan had definitely broken up, that much she was sure of. But while Guilia's Instagram stories always showed her out with other guys, Anah wasn't buying it. The other woman might be smiling in all the photos, but her eyes were...well... hollow. A part of her was missing, and even though it hurt Anah to think of this, she knew it was the same for Ethan. A part of him was missing, too, but because of Anah, he had been forced to pretend it wasn't so.
Hence tonight's dinner , Anah thought with a gulp, which even now she wasn't sure was the right thing to do. But it was too late for regrets. It had already taken all of her courage to approach the twins about this, and since she only had less than a week to go before having to leave for Laramie for college...
Anah cleared her throat and was about to force herself to speak when Ethan suddenly asked, "Do you know where the twins are?"
It was a good an opening as any, and she cautiously admitted the truth. "They're not here." She saw his eyebrows shoot up and tried not to feel intimidated. "It's just the two of us, I'm afraid."
"Their loss then," Ethan managed to say lightly, "since Cook Nancy seems to think something's worth celebrating."
"Well...there is."
He frowned. "I can't think of—-"
"I'm leaving in three days for Laramie," she reminded him with a wry smile. "Cook probably thinks this is my farewell dinner or something."
Ethan stilled. "I didn't realize..." Anah was leaving?
"It's fine," she quickly assured him.
But it wasn't.
"I know you've had a lot of things on your mind lately..."
So did other people. Everyone had their own lives and their own shit to take care of, but he was willing to bet even his own brothers knew about Anah's impending departure.
It was just him and always only him , Ethan thought with self-contempt, that always seemed to take Anah for granted.
"I'm sorry." He was supposed to be Anah's closest friend, dammit. So why was it that he had always ended up shoving Anah in the back burner every time he had to sort out whatever new personal mess Guilia was in?
"How sorry?"
Despite her impish tone, the question was unlike Anah to ask, and it was enough to have him turn to her, startled and just a little wary. "How sorry do you want me to be?"
"The truth?"
Ethan frowned. "Of course I want you to be truthful—-"
Anah slowly shook her head. "What I mean is, I want you to be sorry enough to speak the truth." She saw Ethan stiffen, and because she already knew he was close to putting one and one together, Anah knew there wasn't any point in dragging out things longer.
"Because you already know, don't you?" Anah had rehearsed this part over and over last night, but her voice still ended up cracking in the end, and when she finally said the words—-
"I'm in love with you."
They hurt a thousand times more than she could ever imagine, and they hurt a thousand times more when she saw what she had already expected in Ethan's bleak gaze.
He knew she was in love with him.
But it didn't change a thing.
Ethan's fists clenched when he saw the tears that slowly trailed down Anah's face. "I'm sorry." He was beginning to hate those words, but what he hated even more was the fact that there was nothing else he could say or do.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Anything." It was the least, the very fucking least he owed her.
"Why do you love her so much?"
Ethan didn't have to think about this. "Because she loves me just as much...maybe even more." He saw the shock in Anah's dark, doll-like eyes, and his lips twisted in sardonic acknowledgment. "I know her actions say otherwise." And that was the fucking understatement of the century, considering how Guilia sometimes seemed almost maniacally determined to flaunt her affairs in his face. "But when we're alone...she's different."
If that were so, didn't that mean Guilia had some kind of mental disorder?
Anah felt horribly ashamed and sick with guilt as soon as the thought popped into her mind. However she felt about the other woman, the truth was something only Ethan and Guilia knew, and if that was how Ethan felt...
"I still don't have a chance, do I?"
"Any other man would be damn lucky to have someone like you..."
"In other words, no."
A smile trembled at her lips as she spoke, and Ethan's chest tightened at the way Anah could still show a flash of humor despite the situation. Maybe if he had met her earlier...but he hadn't. And she was such a goddamn foolish idiot...
In the end, he could no longer help himself.
"You knew almost from the very start," he said flatly, "I was with Guilia."
Anah nodded.
"So why the hell would you still let yourself fall for me?" he asked tautly. "You should've gone for one of the twins instead—-" An image flashed in his mind, taunting him of how it would feel if Anah did fall for one of the twins, but Ethan forced himself to ignore this despite the curiously sharp sensation that squeezed his heart. "Anyone else would've been better—-"
"I don't know, okay?"
That he actually sounded angry...that he seemed angry because she had fallen in love with him hurt, and it caused her words to tumble out in a shaken, high-pitched cry. It wasn't a shout in any way, but because she had never raised her voice to him, it was enough to have Ethan whiten.
"Anah—-"
"Do you think I don't know how stupid it was either?" she demanded painfully. "I really wish I knew why I feel what I feel. If I did, then I think I could convince myself to look for someone else. But I don't. It wasn't something I planned. It just happened."
And he knew it was the truth because it had been the same for him, too. He had been with Guilia for just one night, and love had simply happened.
Anah was torn between confusion and laughter when Ethan suddenly started heaping food on her plate. "Um..."
"I have a feeling we'll be at this for hours," Ethan said without looking at her. "We might as well stuff ourselves while we hash things out." He heard her laugh, and this time the sound made his heart ache.
"I was kinda feeling hungry myself," Anah admitted, "but I was worried you'd think I wasn't being serious if I reached for one of Cook's biscuits." It was Ethan's turn to laugh, and just like before, the sound made her heart race and crack all at the same time.
When he was done heaping food on his own plate, he turned to look at her again, and asked simply, "Truce for now?"
She nodded.
Wicked humor suddenly flashed in his hazel eyes, and Anah felt wary for some reason.
"Can I ask you a question, though?"
She nodded again.
"If you were made to choose between me and Cook Nancy's biscuits," Ethan said gravely, "which one would you rather have in your life?"
"It depends," Anah quipped.
"On?"
"Are you willing to learn how to bake them?"
Ethan grimaced, and Anah laughed even as her heart continued to race and crack. Ethan was flirting with her, and she was, well, she was flirting right back at him. It had never happened before, and the only reason it was happening now was because after this...
Ethan nodded when Anah volunteered to say grace but kept his gaze on her as he saw her eyes close.
"Bless us O Lord..."
He found himself unable to stop staring even as his world started spinning out of its orbit again.
"And these, Thy gifts..."
He heard her voice start to wobble, and the sound carved a hole out of his chest. She was so damn young. So damn beautiful, inside and out, that she would be just fucking wasted...so completely wasted on someone like him.
"Which we are about to receive from Thy bounty ..."
And when he saw her tears start falling again—-
"Through Christ, Our Lord..."
Anah could no longer end the prayer, and she hastily covered her face with her hands because her tears made her feel too vulnerable and exposed. "I'm s-sorry," she whispered. "It just struck me, t-that you will never love me b-back..." Another sob rushed out of her throat, and she found herself crying harder when she felt Ethan turning her face toward him...so he could kiss her tears away.
Oh God.
Why?
Why couldn't she have met him first?