Chapter Eight
I CRY THE MOMENT I'M inside the plane. Nothing feels right, and every breath becomes a struggle as pain threatens to swallow me whole. I miss him. Oh God, I miss him. So, so much.
One of the flight attendants comes by and asks if I'm okay, and I manage to say yes even as the tears continue falling. And what I tell her...
It isn't a lie.
I am okay, and that's the problem. My life may look incredible from the outside, but inside it's just okay. It's always been just okay, and it's time I admitted that.
Even if it's a classy kind of okay. Even if it's a life that other people would envy me for. It's still just okay, and it will always be an okay kind of life because it's what I've taught myself to accept.
It's okay to be just okay because girls like me only end up hurt when we want more.
Been there, done that, and God knows I've tried more than once.
God knows how many times I've tried. How hard I've tried.
But I just keep getting hurt.
And that's why I'm the way I am now.
That's why I can't let myself ever forget it's okay to be just okay, and Aidan...
I can't let him change me. Can't let him make me greedy and forget everything I've learned.
Aidan is everything that's beyond okay...and that's why I can't have him.
I THROW MYSELF INTO work the moment I get back home. I say yes even to gigs that I normally decline. Hold livestreams when I can't sleep. Start a new gratitude journal just so I can remember the most important thing.
It's okay to just be okay .
Jack's been calling me every day, and though he always says at the end he's willing to wait, I know I'm only delaying the inevitable. I need to see him sooner or later, and when we do meet, I know what I must say.
I know what I must feel.
But God...
I still miss him.
I miss him so damn much.
And I don't understand why.
The actual hours Aidan and I have spent in each other's company aren't even enough to count as an entire day. The time we had is so short, I should only be remembering his name and nothing else. But instead I remember everything.
I remember the soulful darkness of his gaze and the way his face softens every time he sees me. Most of all, I remember how Aidan makes me feel every time he looks at me, and it's a feeling that no one else has made me feel.
When Aidan looks at me...I feel I don't need to pretend I'm okay with just okay.
When he looks at me, it's as if I'm back to my old self.
Unbelievably foolish. Impossibly reckless. And most of all...a girl who believes that magic exists.
AN ENTIRE WEEK HAS passed, and life has never been busier or crazier. Nearly every moment is spent in other people's company. And yet...I can't remember ever feeling this sad. Can't remember feeling so alone that I feel like I'm about to implode.
I finally succumbed to the temptation of looking Aidan up online last night, but this only made things worse. Since Aidan had never asked for my number, I had been too proud to ask for his. And besides, in the back of my mind, I had always thought I could look him up online. I always thought I had that to fall back on, but I was wrong.
Aidan might as well be a ghost with how little there is about him on the Internet. I think I'm even doing ghosts a disservice here. Even cursed dolls like Chucky and Annabelle have their own Instagram accounts, while Aidan doesn't even have a profile in LinkedIn. He's a freaking police chief of an entire town. Shouldn’t the U.S. government require all men in uniform to have Facebook accounts or anything? Police officers are supposed to be the first to respond to emergencies, but how can we even ask for help when even their work email isn't set to public?
I mean, sure there is that website of the Hartland Police Department, and it does have a phone number listed. But wouldn't it smack of desperation if I called him at his workplace? That's how most horror stories about clingy girlfriends typically begin, and I'm not even his girlfriend to start with. I don't think I even qualify as a fling or... whoa.
I've just made it to the tenants-only gym at my apartment building, and the first thing I see is little Nala executing a perfect pincha yoga pose while right beside her is Mairi, who's currently struggling to get her butt up for a simple downward facing dog pose.
Distraction, I think right away, and I quickly unroll my yoga mat next to the mother-and-daughter tandem. I tuck my legs under me and make myself comfortable while the six-year-old girl plays the patient yoga instructor to her mom.
"You can do it, Mama. Just a little..."
PLOP!
Mairi loses her balance, and both Nala and I wince as her mother collapses on the mat in an awkward tangle of limbs.
"I'm okay," Mairi says quickly.
"Um..." Mairi glares at me, and that's when I see Nala doing her best not to cry as the little girl rushes to her mom's side.
"Are you really okay?" Nala's big dark eyes are swimming with unshed tears.
Mairi quickly gets up and gives her a girl a reassuring hug. "Of course, sweetheart. I just need to practice more, that's all."
Nala slowly nods her head. "But next time, Papa has to be with us. He'll make sure you're okay."
"If your Papa's with us," Mairi mutters under her breath, "he'll be sure to laugh at me, too."
I can totally see Mairi's Greek billionaire husband doing just that, and I start coughing in hopes of disguising my laughter, but...
"Papa told me it's your gift," Nala says matter-of-factly. "He says you're very laughable."
Mairi scowls. "Oh he did, did he?"
I can't take it anymore, and I literally end up rolling on the floor laughing.
Nala beams. "See, Mama? Papa's right."
This is exactly what the doctor ordered. This is exactly what I need to hear. This is making me...
"Um, Mama? Raffi's crying now."
Twenty minutes later, and Mairi and I are at a breakfast place across our apartment building while Damen's already taken Nala away to get her ready for her taekwondo classes. Or maybe I'm confused, and the little girl's having Arabic lessons today. Honestly, I've long lost track of all the things Nala's keen to do. The only thing I'm sure of is that a six year old seems to have a better idea of what she wants in life than a woman four times her age.
That woman being me, and oh God, I can't believe I actually ended up laughing and crying in public like that.
"You must think I'm crazy," I say miserably.
"Actually...what Damen and I couldn't help but notice is how sad you seem the past few days. Is everything alright?"
I can feel my eyes starting to water again at Mairi's gentle tone, and I quickly bite my lip to keep it from trembling.
The first time we met, I was prepared for the worst. 'Teacher-turned-gold-digger' was the term I heard most frequently being used to describe her, but mere minutes in Mairi's company made me realize all the rumors about her was just plain b.s.
The only reason people liked to talk shit about Mairi is envy. She had a job she loved, a daughter who was likely to be the next POTUS in the distant future, and a gorgeous billionaire husband who cherished her so much he had once written a book about their love story just to win her back.
Honestly, it should've turned Damen Leventis into a wimp in everyone's eyes, but instead it was the opposite. Women of all ages became even more infatuated with the billionaire, and there wasn't a year Damen didn't rank in all the usual lists for the world's sexiest and most sought-after men.
Mairi's always the first one to say that the chances of Damen falling in love with her was one in a trillion, and so if there's anyone I should ask about the odds I'm facing...
"There's a guy I met when I was on vacation," I blurt out.
Mairi only nods.
"He's not a billionaire or anything, but he's...perfect. And way out of my league."
"And you like him."
I nod.
"Does he like you back?"
"I think so."
"Does he know about Jack?"
"He does."
Mairi blinks in surprise. "Oh."
"He thinks I should just ditch Jack for him."
"I see."
Mairi is clearly fighting back a smile, and I glower at her. "This is serious."
"I'm sure it is," the other woman is swift to say soothingly, "but what exactly is the problem?"
"Jack is good for me."
"And the other guy isn't?"
"Well..." I squirm in my seat.
"Did you at least give him a chance to prove if he is or isn't good for you?"
I slowly shake my head.
"So your problem is...whether you should give him that chance?"
"I guess—-"
"Then the answer is yes, naturally."
The speed of her reply has me smiling despite everything. "Just like that?"
"You do remember you're talking to the girl who flew all the way to Greece to nab herself a billionaire, right?"
I try not to laugh, but it's impossible. "And here I was, worrying over the little things like whether he'd think I might be desperate or something."
"As for that..." Mairi gives me a sympathetic look. "You don't actually have to do anything for a man to think such things about you. We can never control other people's thoughts, but what we can control is what we think and know about our own lives. If you don't give the other guy a chance, it's possible that you'll live the rest of your life wondering about what if..."
I feel like a load's suddenly been taken off my shoulders at Mairi's words, and before I know it I'm already dialing the number listed on the Hartland Police Department's website—-
Oh God.
The phone has only started to ring when someone picks up—-
"This is the Hartland Police—-"
The sound of Aidan's deep, gentle voice makes me close my eyes, and I cut him off, saying right away, "It's me." Whatever the outcome may be, I don't want to give myself the chance to chicken out, and right now...
The taut silence from the other end is killing me.
"Aidan?"
There's another painful moment of silence—-
"It took you long enough to call."
I burst into tears, and Mairi quickly gives me a tissue I can sniff and blow my nose into.
"You c-could've called m-me f-first."
"I wish that was true." Aidan's own voice is rough with emotion. "But it's not. The next move had to come from you."
"I hate you."
But Aidan being Aidan, he just lets this slide. "Tell me how you've been."
A sob claws up my throat at the question, and I can only clutch my phone more tightly.
"Talk to me, baby."
Oh God.
I really thought I'd never hear him say that again, and my chest feels like it's about to burst.
"Have you figured things out?"
"N-no."
"That's fine."
"It's not fine," I choke out. "What if I never figure things out?"
"You will."
He sounds so confident I want to believe him. I want to believe him so badly, but...
"I'm a mess."
"You mean you've reached a crossroad in your life."
"I might want to quit my job."
"As long as it makes you happy."
"I haven't even broken up with Jack—-"
"That pisses me off," Aidan acknowledges.
I can't help holding my breath, feeling like there's a but coming...
"But we both know he's never been the issue between us."
I want to laugh and cry. Only Aidan, of course...only someone perfect like Aidan could actually say that the fact I still have a boyfriend doesn't matter, and the craziest thing about it is that every word he's said is true.
Jack is a problem, but he's never been the issue between us. Perfection has always been within reach, and the sun has always been mine for the taking, and I...
"I'm just so scared, Aidan," I whisper.
"I know."
"I'm used to guys like you dumping me."
"But am I really like them? Are they as hot as me? As handsome as me? As—-"
And it finally happens. I'm laughing and crying, and oh God, I'm still so scared, but more than that...
I think...
I think I already know what I want.
I'm almost sure of it.
And that's why I hear myself say...
"One last thing."
"It can be a thousand things..." I can hear the smile in Aidan's voice as he speaks. "But it won't make a difference." And now I'm hearing something else. Something so magical that my heart races and breaks all at the same time—-
One step at a time, Raffi.
I squeeze my eyes shut and...just go for it.
"I think I might want to settle down in Hartland eventually, but...not yet. I might want to travel first—-"
"Why do you think I quit my job?"
He what?
My eyes fly open, and I shoot up in my seat.
"Please tell me you're joking."
"Do you really want that to be a joke?"
A sob escapes me. No. I don't want it to be a joke, but there are just so many questions in my mind now, and I...I...
"I miss you," I choke out. "I wish I had never left. I wish you're here with me. I want to see you so bad, and—-"
"Ask me to come to you then."
My heart nearly stops.
"I told you before, remember? I'm all yours, baby..." Aidan's voice becomes hoarse all of a sudden, and oh God, the sound of it...
"Raffi?"
It's been minutes since Aidan and I had hung up, and it's only when I hear Mairi's worried voice that I belatedly realize I'm still at the cafe, and oh my God, doesn't that also mean I've been sobbing my heart out in public?
"I'm sorry," Mairi says awkwardly when my stunned gaze flies up to her. "You were crying so hard while you were on the phone, but you were also smiling at the same time so..."
"You were wondering if I've lost my mind?"
"It did seem that way, but no. I was just wondering what the, er, other guy said."
Oh.
"Did you decide to give him a chance then?"
"I did."
Mairi looks at me expectantly. "And?"
"And he says..."
My heart starts going crazy as I remember Aidan's last words.
"He, um..."
I draw a shaky uneven breath.
"He says he's coming here to be with me."
A KNOCK ON HIS DOOR had the Mayor of Hartland, Wyoming glancing up from his laptop. "Come in, Frankie."
His secretary entered his office and placed a white envelope on his desk. "This just came in today." She paused rather meaningfully before adding, "It's from Chief Blackwood."
Ah. He leaned back against his seat. "So the day has come then."
"Indeed, mayor."
"You still think you'll win our bet?"
"Of course..." Frankie's voice trailed off as her boss opened the envelope, and she could only hold her breath as Oliver unfolded the letter.
"It is with my deepest regret," Oliver began to read, "that I am submitting this letter of—-"
"Shit."
"I haven't finished yet."
Frankie made a face. "I know when I'm defeated."
"You don't look it, though."
"Because I just can't believe it," she burst out. "They've only spent a day or two in each other's company! Why would he leave his position—-"
"It's only just his position as police chief he's leaving," her boss pointed out mildly. "He's not relinquishing his role in The Hartland Initiative—-"
"But how sure is he that he can really trust her? I'm sure she's nice and all, but—-" Frankie frowned at the way her boss was smiling. "What's so funny?"
"You are. I suppose it's because I'm used to having my secretary know all the answers that when I see you floundering like this..."
"I just don't get it," she muttered under her breath.
"People also say they don't get how you haven't yet fallen in love with me—-" Oliver chuckled as his secretary started gagging.
"It's best to never listen to those people, Mayor O." Like, for sure Frankie wasn't so blind or dense that she didn't see how powerfully attractive her boss was. She had lost the number of times people mistook Mayor Oliver Winterbourne II for the Captain America actor, and honestly she had thought the same thing, too, the first time she had seen him. He really did look a lot like Chris Evans, but for her to fall for him just because the good mayor was gorgeous and sexy...
She might not care much about romantic relationships, but even she knew such things couldn't last if they were simply founded on physical attraction alone. There had to be something more... just like there was nothing more between her and Oliver, and there could not have been anything more between Chief Blackwood and Serafina Edison.
How could there be , Frankie wondered sensibly, when all they had were stolen moments with each other?
It wasn't like two people could just meet and magically fall in love. Right?