Chapter 27 #2
“So I’ve seen,” he said with an exaggerated wink, and I wished I had something to throw at him, but I still laughed.
“Can you hold this?” He handed me a wrench he’d been using on a bolt to lower the seat, and our fingers grazed over the metal of the tool.
I admired the muscles of his back under the shirt as he worked the seat down, and when he spoke again, it startled me.
“Try this,” he said, patting his palm on the seat. “See if it’s the right height.”
It was awkward to climb onto the bike with him right there, but the height seemed good, and I settled my hands on the handlebars but froze when Deacon’s fingertip moved up my calf.
“So, was there a big, meaningful significance to the wall?” He asked it as he tightened the seat again.
“I mean, anything I should know before the next time?”
I didn’t move as his finger moved in circles over my skin. “Um, no,” I said. “I always…wanted it.” I glanced down, watching Deacon’s gaze following his fingertip over my leg. “There will be a next time?”
He wrapped his fingers around my ankle and tugged on my leg until I met his eyes. “Definitely.”
“I’ll be done with my list in no time,” I said, climbing off the bike and ignoring how that one word made my heart rate speed up. “Um, speaking of the list. Can I ask another favor of you?”
“Well…the last favor you asked was pretty interesting. I’m all ears.”
I smiled wide, glad he couldn’t see the effect that simple statement had on me. “Could you watch Gus next weekend? Zoe wants to go camping in Colorado. She invited Hollis. I think they’re going to be best friends.”
“Sure,” he said. “Zoe seems a little wild…Will you be safe with her and an open flame?”
“Safer than any Denver Broncos who might camp nearby. She has big plans for finding someone besides me to warm up her sleeping bag.”
“Be careful,” he said, his voice sounding serious. “I mean, I wouldn’t trust any guys in the woods, including professional football players.”
“Well, I wasn’t planning on it,” I said. “I’ll be focused on the stick holding my marshmallow.”
I thought the joke was pretty good, but when Deacon spoke again, his voice was still serious. “I can walk you through some self-defense moves, just in case,” he added.
“My older brother is Cruz Lewis. Do you honestly think I don’t know self-defense moves? I could take you down.”
Deacon chuckled. “Fair enough.”
A silence drew between us for a moment at the mention of Cruz, and I could almost feel the weight of one of his bear hugs on my shoulders.
I spotted the stack of boxes from Mom’s place I’d brought up from the basement but hadn’t opened yet.
Every time I planned to do it, something held me back.
Most recently, worrying about Cruz. “Is it wrong for me to be considering doing something fun while he’s out there risking his life in some dangerous situation? ”
Deacon was quiet for a few beats and then pressed his thumb into the bike’s tire.
“If you let that stop you, you’d never consider having fun.
It’s always risky; there’s always the potential for danger.
” His gaze was focused on the tire, but it looked like his mind was somewhere else.
Probably somewhere risky with the potential for danger.
A different fear than what I was used to with Cruz clawed into my brain, into my heart.
He wanted to go back to those places more than anything, and that terrified me.
“That doesn’t make me feel better!”
“Sorry,” he said, finally looking up at me sheepishly. “Go camping. Keep Zoe from sexually harassing a football team.” Deacon fiddled with the chain. “I’m sure he’s good. Our buddy Dougy is in logistics now, and if something bad happened, he’d give me a heads-up.”
I steadied the bike. “I didn’t know they did that. I thought it was, you know, classified or need to know only.”
He shrugged. “It is.”
“You’re just so well-connected it doesn’t matter?”
“There are the rules,” he said, pumping air into the tire with smooth movements, his biceps flexing. “And then there’s brotherhood.” He shrugged and checked the tire’s pressure again. “No word from Dougy means you can go camping, guilt-free.”
“Not until we ride, though.” I wanted to change the subject.
I saw the shadow crossing his face. “I can’t in good conscience go camping until I learn to ride.
” I held out my hand to help him off the floor, and the warmth of his palm against mine sent a shiver down my spine.
He gripped my hand but rose to his feet on his own, his body only inches from mine in the garage. “Thanks for looking at the bike.”
“Anything for you,” he said, not stepping back, his gaze moving over my face.
The way he looked at me was kind of how Spencer had once upon a time, like my face was an endlessly fascinating thing. I wondered if I could ever trust a look like that again. With Spencer, it had ended without warning. With Deacon, it was just…Deacon being himself.
Zoe: You’re in, right?
In my heart, I knew I shouldn’t trust those looks—it was merely physical attraction. It hit me in waves that I’d been waiting for those kinds of looks for years, hoping and craving to see affirmation that I was wanted and loved.
I tapped out a reply to Zoe and added Hollis to the thread before sending.
I had to break that habit, and that’s what this re-do list was giving me.
I glanced back up and caught the tail end of Deacon’s assessing gaze, his soft eyes and the quirk of his lips.
I had to figure out how to be enough for myself so those kinds of looks didn’t hit me so squarely in the chest every time.
Willow: I’m in.