Chapter 38
Deacon
Willow caught my eye from across the room, flashing a grin before looking back to Marcus, who was describing the kitchen in his and Lila’s new place.
I saw his hand make a wide arc, and I’d heard about this kitchen enough times to know he’d moved on to the descriptive tour where he talked about the pot-filler faucet.
“We had a bet about how long this would take,” Emi said, falling onto the couch next to me and handing over a beer bottle as Sybil sank into the cushion on my other side. “I thought you’d hold out a little longer, so now I’m out twenty bucks.”
“I’d like it in ones,” Sybil said from my other side where Cupcake was snuggled next to her. “I’m considering taking Kieran to a strip club tonight.” Across the room from his spot next to Willow, he heard his name, and Sybil blew him a kiss.
Emi’s laugh shook the couch, and I wrapped an arm around Sybil’s shoulders.
“I cannot think of a single person who would be more uncomfortable at a strip club than your fiancé.” The man in question shot us a curious look but shrugged and returned to the conversation with Marcus and Willow, who cut her eyes to me, just for a second, like we had a secret to share.
Maybe we did. I’d slept over at her place since she’d returned from her camping trip, and I was hoarding the secrets of how her breathing slowed right before she fell asleep and how Willow loved my arms wrapped around her first thing in the morning.
It had been one of the best weeks of my life, and sometimes I wondered if she was putting off finishing her list because of what it might mean.
We’d spent hours and hours in the library the week before, mostly behaving, while she worked on her vet school application after receiving the things she’d asked for from her ex.
“He’d do anything for me,” Sybil said, pulling me back into the conversation. “Much like Deac would do for Willooooooow,” she said, dragging out the vowel sound while poking me in the side. “I knew it wouldn’t take long.”
Emi handed Sybil a twenty-dollar bill across my chest. “All I have. Kieran will have to find a dancer willing to make change.” She elbowed me in the side. “I really thought you’d wait until her brother came back from his deployment.”
Every time I kissed Willow or she sent me a suggestive text—her dirty talk was top-tier now—I had to convince myself this wasn’t a true betrayal of our friendship.
It never worked, though. Sitting here on the couch at my friends’ farewell barbecue the anxiety made me want to run laps.
I didn’t have an answer to Emi, but Sybil jumped in.
“No. Deacon’s never been in love, and he’s not patient.”
“I never said I was in love,” I said, my gaze dragging to Willow as she tipped her head back and laughed at something one of the guys said.
“I never actually said anything. You two are having this entire conversation without me.” It had been two weeks of falling asleep with Willow and waking up to her bed-hogging beside me, two weeks of hot kisses and breathless murmurs. And laughing. We laughed a lot.
“You didn’t say anything,” Emi pointed out. “But it’s written all over your face.” Emi laughed and crossed her feet on the coffee table in front of us. “And that’s me saying it. Your rational, purposefully single, thinks cute rom-coms are pointless, friend.”
“If Emi sees hearts in your eyes, they’re clearly there.”
“Yeah, well…” I watched Willow intently as she looked at her phone and then stepped out to answer. “She’s…” I stared at the spot where she’d been standing, trying to think of the right words. “It’s complicated.”
“Because you’re reenlisting?” Sybil’s question squeezed that lingering anxiety until it pulsed.
I skirted the question. “Plus, she’s probably going back to Colorado. There’s some stuff to figure out.” And then there was Cruz. He’d be flying back soon and would have some time here. I’d have to tell him something, but I still had no idea what.
Sybil patted the arm of the couch for Kieran to sit next to her. “So you’ll tell him you’ve been debauching his baby sister, he’ll give you a black eye, and then you’ll move on. That’s how men’s friendships work, right?”
I shook my head and tipped the beer to my lips. “Not really.” Though I hoped it could go that way.
“If Lila was hooking up with Deacon,” she said, patting Kieran’s knee, “it wouldn’t bother you, would it?”
Her fiancé tipped his head. “I think Marcus might be more bothered since they’re moving in together.”
Sybil waved her hands toward Marcus, who’d joined us. “I mean, if Marcus was no longer in the picture. Like he was taken out by a pastry accident or something.”
Marcus looked between us. “Um, why are you killing me off in this scenario?”
“To find out Kieran’s reaction to Deacon hooking up with his little sister.”
Marcus threw a pretzel at her, which bounced off her shoulder and landed on my lap. I glanced around for Willow, not wanting her to overhear this conversation. “To be clear, this scenario exists only in Syb’s head,” I said, holding up two palms, both to Marcus and Kieran.
“I haven’t told Lila what to do since she was about eight,” Kieran said, shrugging.
Sybil poked him in the side and gave him one of those you-know-what-I-mean looks people seemed to adopt in relationships.
Kieran mouthed a “sorry,” and added, “But, uh, no offense, man, I wouldn’t be happy about it.
You kind of…you know, have a track record with women. ”
Sybil gave him a wide-eyed look that felt scathing to me, but I appreciated his honesty. He was right. It was why Cruz wouldn’t just hit me and get over it.
“But,” Kieran said, abruptly, straightening at his fiancée’s sharp glare, “if she liked and trusted you, I’d be happy for her.”
“My traumatic pastry-related death has not affected things, apparently,” Marcus added, crossing his arms over his chest. “What kind of friends are you?”
“She never said it was traumatic,” Emi said from her spot. “Maybe you just over-laminated some puff pastry and it enveloped you while baking. You’d go peacefully in a sea of croissant.”
“You think that wouldn’t be traumatic?!” Marcus choked out a laugh.
“Also, I would never over-laminate.” Marcus launched into a lecture about dough technique, and I slipped off the couch, checking who needed refills so that I could escape the rest of Sybil’s point.
As an added bonus, Willow was coming out of the bathroom and met me in the kitchen.
An eruption of laughter filled the adjoining room, and I glanced away from Willow toward my friends.
My friends who were leaving and moving on.
She wanted to finish her list, and it was me I worried would take sex with her for more than it was.
I’d memorized every inch of her body, the sounds of her groans, and how she tasted, but I hadn’t been inside her yet.
I told her I wanted to go slow, to give her time to think about this step, but really, I needed time.
“You missed my best friends discussing candidly why no brother should want their sister anywhere near me.”
“Well,” she said, playfully wrapping her arms around me. “They’re wrong, and we’ve already decided we’re not going to tell my brother, so it doesn’t matter, anyway.”
She was cute like this—relaxed, comfortable, and most importantly, she trusted me. It was written all over her face—her perfect, freckled face—and I swallowed audibly, repeating the last step of the plan. “And then we walk away from each other.”
“We’ve got a little more time,” she said. “Anyway, you might be bored with me after we…” She looked over her shoulder as if someone might overhear. “F.”
“F? Like for forage? Fly? Flail?” I grinned and tipped her chin up.
“And I could never be bored with you.” Because I was unequivocally in love with this woman.
She was set on finishing her list, on checking off all the items so she could move on, and I could help her do that.
And then, I’d offer that she move on…with me.
I dropped a kiss on her lips again. “You want to get out of here now to forage?”
She nodded eagerly. “Yes!”
I took her hand and tugged her toward the door. I’d had my reasons for waiting, but it didn’t mean it hadn’t been torture every time I put on the brakes.
“Don’t you want to say goodbye?”
I yelled into the other room, “We’re leaving!” and was met with a raucous cheer from my friends. Willow giggled, but it was exactly how I felt inside. I didn’t know what I wanted to happen next in my life, but I knew I wanted her, unequivocally and no matter the consequences.
The drive to her place was short, and I hustled out of my truck, unwilling to lose contact with Willow for a moment longer than necessary.
I was so eager, I stumbled on the uneven section of concrete and my phone fell out of my hand, and Willow giggled as she hurried toward me, her hand on mine as I caught myself.
“Who knew clumsy could look so hot?” she teased, but her touch was warm through my shirt, and it snapped something in my self-control.
I’d spent too many hours not kissing this woman, and I had her backed against the truck in an instant, my lips on hers in a searing kiss, a preview to everything I planned on doing that night.
When we broke apart, she stared up at me with a wide-eyed, dreamy expression.
“I was going to tell you to be careful,” she said.
“Careful isn’t who I am.” I dragged a thumb down her neck and kissed her again as I guided her up the walk, unwilling to let her go.
“Wait!” She pushed gently back as we reached the front steps. “Don’t forget your phone!”
It lay on the concrete across the driveway, and I briefly debated leaving it, but instead dropped a kiss to her lips and jogged the short distance to retrieve it.
The screen was undamaged, and I was about to slide it in my pocket when it buzzed in my hand.
Ice ran through my veins when I saw the notification pop up.
Willow looked at me quizzically from the bottom step, realizing I’d stopped short. “What? Did you forget something at the house?”
I heard her, but I was too focused on the message to answer.
“Deac,” Willow said. “What’s up?”
I looked up from my phone, seeing the light expression on Willow’s face dim. I tried calling on a career of training in detaching my emotions, but it wasn’t working, and an anxious cold sensation overtook my whole body.
“It’s a message from Dougy.”