Chapter 27
27
Mayee loves the concept of The Ultimate Payback . She sounds much less annoyed.
‘With dating shows like The Villa becoming so popular, it’s very current.’
I wince.
‘So, what sparked the idea, then?’ she asks.
And with a rueful laugh, I reply, ‘My ex.’
After the call, I email Mayee the manuscript.
Overwhelmed with guilt, I curl myself in bed into the foetal position and sob. How did I get here? How could I be so stupid?
Then there’s Wale.
Wale who has been so sweet and supportive. Wale who has been nothing but encouraging and even bought me a new laptop. Wale who’s currently in therapy and becoming a better man. How could I betray his trust knowing he’s still working on trusting me again?
I’m a terrible person. I don’t deserve a second chance.
I phone Shona and tell her what happened. She listens, tries to reassure me.
‘Try not to worry, hun,’ she says after I list out every worst-case scenario. ‘Nothing has happened yet. Do you know what you need? A pick-me-up. I’ll come around yours tomorrow.’
The next day, she takes me to our go-to nail salon in Lewisham.
‘Everything will work out,’ she says, throwing me a concerned glance. ‘Try not to be in your head.’
We’re sitting side by side across from our nail technicians in the manicure section. While Shona has opted for three-dimensional acrylics with a sunflower pattern, I’ve gone for something which matches my mood: jet black. On a good day, I would have gone for number 137: a glittery teal polish.
The nail technician adds another layer of coat on my right-hand nails. I dry my left under the LED UV lamp. ‘I just keep thinking about how Wale would react if he found out.’
‘Jheeze, how bad is this book?’ Shona says. The nail technician prods her to keep still.
I pull a face. ‘I was angry, Shona. I didn’t hold back. I took a dig at his finances. Said he was rubbish in bed.’
Shona’s eyes go wide.
‘Of course, I was exaggerating,’ I add quickly.
‘So what? You faked a few orgasms,’ she says nonchalantly. ‘We’ve all been there before.’
Across the table, her nail technician loudly clears her throat.
‘You see, this is exactly what I’m nervous about,’ I say, lowering my voice. ‘People not being able to distinguish fact from fiction. What if word gets out that we dated? Everyone will assume that everything I wrote about him is true!’
‘Okay, you’re getting ahead of yourself,’ Shona says. ‘Realistically, the only other person who would know that The Ultimate Payback is based on him is Wale.’
‘Still!’ I cry, not entirely convinced. ‘It doesn’t sit right with me. How would you feel if your ex published a book about you and filled it with exaggeration and lies?’
Shona’s expression turns serious. Her lips purse into a straight line. ‘I’d kill him,’ she says sharply. ‘Sue him for every penny he has. Cuss him out on Twitter.’
I dip my chin as if to say, Exactly .
‘And it’s about having principles,’ I say with a sigh. ‘How can I write a memoir debunking the very things I portrayed him to be?’
A jerk .
A bad boy.
A cheater.
Each accusation is a scream in my head.
My pulse begins to race faster. I feel nauseous.
‘I still think you’re over-worrying,’ Shona says, eyeing her nails. ‘Who knows? This book might not even go anywhere. If Mayee couldn’t sell Wildest Dreams , which you had been working on for years may I add, what makes you think the book that you blasted out in a matter of weeks will fare any better? And you wrote it as part of your healing process,’ she adds. ‘Break-ups are painful; Wale will understand. And you’re a writer for goodness’ sake! Why wouldn’t he end up in your book? Inspiration has to come from somewhere.’
‘I know, I know, but things are different now.’ My lips fall into a sulk. ‘I feel like he’s beginning to trust me again. I …’
Shona swivels her head, as if she misheard. Then, in a quiet voice, she says, ‘You’ve fallen for him, haven’t you?’
I stare at her, my throat thick with emotion, and then, slowly, I nod.
I don’t know exactly when it happened – I’ve been in denial for quite some time – but now there’s the possibility that I could lose Wale for good, I know I have. I believe he has too. Although he hasn’t said it, I can tell through his actions; the way he looks at me. Whatever happens, this book cannot stand in the way of our second chance.
‘Have you spoken to him?’ says Shona after quietly studying my face.
I adjust my bag on my lap and shake my head. ‘Not since the photoshoot,’ I reply. ‘Though he keeps sending me voice notes. He thinks I’m still working on Love Drive . He keeps checking in on me.’
Shona maintains a neutral expression to stop me from spiralling. ‘Did he say how it went with Kojo?’ she asks as she studiously watches the nail technician apply her acrylics.
‘Nah. He probably thinks I’ve got bigger shit to deal with.’
I inhale a waft of acetone. The sound of my nails being filed down fills the silence. I’m conscious that I’m turning into that grumpy friend who brings the mood down.
‘Congrats again on the Spotify gala sponsorship!’ I say, forcing cheer into my voice.
Shona brightens. ‘Thanks, babe. I had a contact there who owed me a favour.’
‘How’s everything going with the gala, anyway? I can’t believe it’s in three weeks. And what’s it like working with Wale?’
‘I’m not gonna lie, hun, we actually work really well together.’
I cough. ‘Is the world ending? Are pigs flying?’
She laughs.
With her persuasion, Wale has managed to convince Kathy to make the news of ACE’s impending closure public. Now they have set up a crowdfunder which they can use in their publicity and marketing to drive donations. They have also decided to host a small awards ceremony towards the end of the evening.
‘We thought it would be nice to honour Kathy,’ Shona says. ‘Ooh, speaking of the gala, we need to go dress shopping.’ She starts talking about the type of dresses she wants to try.
I’m waiting for the countdown on the nail-drying lamp to reach zero when my phone vibrates. I wait for the remaining seconds before I remove my hand.
It’s Fonzo. We have arranged to do his interview today and he’s ten minutes away.
‘Fonzo,’ I say to Shona. ‘You seen him recently?’
‘No. Why?’
‘Oh, no reason.’ I text Fonzo back:
Temi:
See you soon.
A short moment later, Shona gets out her purse to pay for our nails.
I hug her from behind. ‘Thank you. You’re the best. Next appointment is on me.’
She pecks the side of my head. ‘Anytime, babe. Besides, your nails were looking scraggly.’
I shove her.
We’re making our way out of the door when Shona bumps straight into Fonzo’s chest.
Perfect timing .
He’s wearing an open-buttoned pink shirt with a vest underneath, denim shorts and Converse.
‘What you doing here?’ she asks at the same time Fonzo says, ‘Hey!’
‘The same reason you’re here.’ He wiggles his fingers. ‘Got a nail appointment.’ Shona doesn’t laugh. Fonzo coughs into his hand. ‘I’m meeting up with Temi.’
‘Oh.’ She turns to me with a dubious expression.
‘It’s for Wale’s memoir,’ I say quickly. ‘I’m interviewing him.’
‘Well, let me not hold you guys up.’ Shona turns to hug me goodbye.
‘I hear you’re helping out with the gala,’ Fonzo says – it comes out as an outburst. ‘If you don’t mind, I would love to get your thoughts on some photos I’ve taken. I’ve done a series with some of the carers who are supported by ACE. I need some help narrowing down which ones I should exhibit on the night. Temi says you have a good eye.’
‘Oh, did she now?’
I avoid her gaze.
‘You reckon you can help?’ Fonzo rubs a hand over his collarbone. Shona looks at him for a few seconds.
What are you waiting for then? I want to say. Say yes!
‘Yeah, sure,’ she says finally with a half-shrug.
Fonzo whips out his phone at lightning speed. And then drops it and has to bend down to retrieve it.
‘Nice nails,’ he says as Shona puts in her number. She hands him back his phone and he quickly gives her a missed call.
‘Right, I’m off,’ she says as I fight the urge to celebrate. Finally .
We hug and, just as I’m about to release her, she says in my ear, ‘I know what you’re doing.’