Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
The next morning was a frenzy of makeup brushes and sequins. The hair and makeup team were at my door before six a.m. When they saw my puffy, sleepless eyes, they had exchanged panicked looks before getting straight to work.
When they handed me a mirror after nearly two hours of pressing an ice pack to my face in between touches of heavy makeup, I hardly recognized myself. Rose-colored blush dotted my cheeks. My eyelashes were longer than I had ever seen them and a dark mauve color stained my lips. My hair was down, of course, and curled to one side. Objectively, I knew they had done an amazing job, especially considering my starting state.
“It’s great, thank you.”
I felt like a clown. A fraud. You know when you look at yourself in a mirror and you can’t quite reconcile with the idea that the reflection staring back is your own? When something about it looks off, like you’d borrowed your own face? That was how I felt today. And that strange imposter-feeling didn’t improve when the stylist arrived and handed me a sparkly white dress. Cringing as I stepped into it, I couldn’t help but notice how bridal it appeared.
By the time Brady came to get me, I almost felt as if I were having an out-of-body experience.
Brady’s mouth hung open as soon as he saw me. “You look stunning.”
“I look like a lie,” I said flatly.
Brady just waved his hand for me to follow him. “Don’t be so dramatic. What does that even mean?”
My heart sank into my stomach the second I stepped outside the sanctity of my room. I couldn’t even call the nerves twisting in my gut butterflies any more. They felt more like wasps.
Brady led me down the hallway to the main lounge, but instead of depositing me there, we moved past it.
“You’ll wait here with the rest of the girls before we come and get you for your entrance. We’re filming outside on the patio. Yes, you will be chilly in that dress, but you’re going to have to suck it up and smile.”
Just before Brady opened the door, I stopped him, grabbing his arm.
“Wait,” I said, flustered. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“You’ll be fine,” he cooed. “You have your speech ready, right? And it’s not a hit piece?”
I held up a piece of paper. “It’s short. I couldn’t make it too long without wanting to rip into him.”
“Short is fine. We can work with short. We’ll edit in an adorable montage of you two getting to know each other to make up for the bland speech.”
I sucked in a quick breath. “Okay.”
“You’re ready? You aren’t going to bolt on me again?”
Shaking my head, I forced a determined look onto my face. “Let’s get this over with. ”
“Good.” He held up a hand for a high five but dropped it when I ignored it. “Oh, and don’t tell the girls everything. We’re going to need all this to be kept hush-hush. Can’t have it getting leaked to the media or the whole thing is ruined, you know?”
“Of course,” I said, through gritted teeth.
He opened the door and I brushed past him. The other girls were already there and greeted me with squeals.
“You look amazing!” Trace rushed over and hugged me. She looked drop-dead gorgeous, in a slinky red number that left little to the imagination. Something told me she wanted Danny to know exactly what he’d be missing.
“You clean up alright,” Rachel said to me. She was lovely, too. Her braids were piled on top of her head to showcase the low neckline of the burnt orange dress she wore.
I put on my best everything is normal smile and faced them. “Um, you two look incredible. Arnie is going to freak when he sees you. And Danny is going to be regretting losing you, Trace, that’s for sure.”
Trace snapped her fingers. “Yes! Exactly what I’m going for. This is my revenge moment.”
Sofia lounged off to the side in a glitzy blue number. “You’ll definitely get it. His eyes are going to bulge out of his head when he sees you in that.”
“You look great too, Sofia,” I added.
She waved off my compliment. “Whatever, I know today isn’t about me. I’m ready to be out of here.”
“Weird that we’re filming the finale so early in the morning,” Trace said.
Rachel paced to the other side of the small room. She was barefoot, likely waiting until the last moment to put on her heels. “I’m glad they moved it up. I just want to get it over with.” She paused. “We all know the outcome of today, anyway. Calla and Eli are going to win. Look at that white dress. They want everyone to be thinking ‘wedding bells’ when they see you.”
My face faltered. “I don’t know about that...”
Trace shook her head. “No, we all know it’s true. You’re definitely going to win.”
The corners of my lips suddenly felt heavy.
Trace immediately clocked the change in my demeanor and she frowned at me. “Is everything okay?”
“Fine,” I responded weakly, taking a seat in one of the chairs along the wall of the sparse room.
Sofia snorted. “You don’t seem fine. Your face is all wrong.”
Rachel paused her pacing. “She’s right. You don’t look like yourself.”
I inhaled a shaky breath. Brady said I couldn’t tell them everything, but I didn’t have to completely lie either.
“I’m just nervous. I-I’m not so sure it’s going to work out between Eli and I after all.”
I held back tears as Trace touched my arm. Brady would absolutely kill me if I started crying and ruined this makeup. There was no way the sobs I wanted to let out right now could be mistaken for happy tears.
“Hey, don’t sweat it, okay?” Rachel said gently. “At least it’s all about to be over. But I hope you’re wrong, for your sake. I don’t know what happened between you two, and nothing is ever easy when it comes to love, but the way Eli looks at you doesn’t come around often. Trust me. It’s worth fighting for.”
Before I could respond, Brady poked his head through the door.
“Alright, ladies. Showtime.”
I felt like a cow being lined up for slaughter as he led us through the lounge and out the patio door .
The crew must have worked all night to transform this space. Flower arches were everywhere; I wasn’t even sure where they could have possibly found this many roses in such a remote area. They lined us all up next to each other on a short podium draped with white fabric. I stood at the end, with Trace next to me. She reached down and squeezed my hand. “You got this,” she whispered.
I squeezed back. “You too.”
Normally, I would have slipped my hand out of her grasp immediately, but I was grateful she held on. Because at that moment, the guys walked in and lined up across from us. Trace’s hand might have been the only thing keeping me from falling over when I laid eyes on Eli.
I didn’t want to look at him, but my gaze was pulled to him like a magnet. He looked devastatingly good, dressed in a snugly-fit dark gray suit. The white shirt he wore underneath his blazer wasn’t fully buttoned. His hair was gelled back, but a few curls still poked through, framing his face.
His intense stare at me was unwavering, a question in his eyes. He smiled, but it faded quickly when I didn’t return the gesture.
Shoot. I wasn’t acting normal at all.
In an attempt to save face, I forced a half-smile and gave him a small wave. After he found his mark on the opposite side of the patio, he looked at me again, still unsure. But finally, he winked at me, seeming to have accepted my small gesture of normalcy. Hopefully, he’d just chalk up my weird energy to nerves. I mean, he wouldn’t be entirely wrong. He just didn’t know what was causing them.
“Alright, bring out Rita!” Shay shouted, as the cameras turned toward the door. The host sashayed out in a golden mini dress and grinned at us all.
“Can you believe it’s finally here?” Rita acted as if we had bonded through this experience, when in reality we had never spoken outside of her on-camera addresses to us. “I’m so proud of each and every one of you. You’ve really come a long way since we first started this journey. But now, as all good things do, this must come to an end.”
I focused on the mountain horizon behind the guys to steady myself. Brady had already warned me that Eli and I would give our speeches last, which meant I had to stay calm and upright for at least a little while longer.
Rita droned on for what felt like forever, uttering cliché after cliché about finding love and finding ourselves. I could feel someone’s stare burning into me and I knew it must be Eli’s.
Was it strange that I couldn’t look at him? How would I be acting if I hadn’t just overheard his life-altering betrayal? The cameras always made me stiff and uncomfortable, I finally decided. He would just think I was anxious to get it all over with.
“Grant, Sofia,” Rita announced. “Please step forward and share your final words with each other.”
Sofia stepped forward with a flip of her hair. She gave a short and sassy speech about how, despite her best efforts, nothing was there for her. When she ended her speech with “Sorry, none of the guys in here were man enough for me.” The guys all laughed good-naturedly.
Then it was Grant’s turn.
He threw on a cocky grin before starting to speak. “I’m grateful I came here, even if it was the last thing I expected. Maybe I didn’t meet a potential love, but I did come out of here with some friends.” He winked at me. Something about the small gesture caused me to relax a little, and crack my first real smile since yesterday. He continued on with the rest of his speech and even managed to keep it semi-appropriate by only including one dirty joke.
Then it was Rachel and Arnie’s turn.
To my surprise, Rachel’s hands shook as she lifted the piece of paper with her speech. Arnie looked down at her reassuringly. An unexpected pang hit me in the chest. Seeing them so happy together just reminded me that I hadn’t found my person. It had all been a lie.
“I know I have a hard exterior,” Rachel started. “And I may not be the easiest person to love. But you saw right through that—damnit,” she hissed as she wiped a tear away.
Arnie chuckled and grabbed her free hand.
“You’re the sweetest guy I’ve ever known. My entire life, I’ve been told I’m too tough, but you didn’t let that scare you off. And you never asked me to change. Instead, you embraced who I am. You make me want to be better. Hell, you even make robotics sound interesting.”
A laugh escaped me as Arnie’s ears turned pink. “What I’m trying to say is, I thought there was no way in hell that I’d ever meet someone in here. But I’m so glad you proved me wrong.”
Arnie leaned forward and kissed her forehead before pulling out his own piece of paper.
“Rachel, when I first got here, I was scared of getting hurt again. I thought I was unlovable. But I’m so grateful to the friends I’ve made in here, and most importantly to you, for proving me wrong. You’re strong, you’re funny, you’re kind and generous, even though you try your hardest to hide that side. And I’m so excited to see what’s next for us.”
Rachel beamed up at him and he leaned in for a sweet kiss.
My cheeks felt damp and I reached up to dab a few tears away. I chanced a glance at Eli, then wished I hadn’t. He was still staring at me intently. After the revelation yesterday, I tried my hardest to find something different in his eyes—the lie that I had missed before. But even as I searched for it, I came up empty.
Trace and Danny walked up next, Trace with her head high and Danny with sagging shoulders. He swallowed before starting to speak.
“Trace. I’m so glad I met you. I-I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.” She visibly stiffened, but he carried on. “Being near you is like a getting a dose of pure sunlight.” His jaw tensed as he continued. Trace just stood there stoically. “But I’m not right for you. I could never be what you need—what you deserve. We would never work out in the end, and for that I’ll always be sorry.”
Trace inhaled calmly. She was the only one of us not holding a piece of paper. When she opened her eyes, there was pure fire there.
“No. I’m sorry, Danny. Sorry you’re such a coward. I would have never trusted you with my heart if I’d known you couldn’t handle it.”
Without saying anything more, she walked off. Danny reached out as if to stop her but pulled back. The pain in his features was evident, but he still retreated back to his spot on the mat.
Rita laughed awkwardly. “Well, that was certainly emotionally charged,” she said, as she attempted to keep the ball rolling. “Last but not least, Calla and Eli. Please step forward.”
Surely everyone must be able to hear my heart thudding inside my chest. The paper shook in my hands as I took the few steps forward to the center of the makeshift stage. Eli beat me there with his longer strides. I tried not to flinch when he gave me an encouraging look .
“Don’t be nervous. Pretend it’s just me,” he whispered.
Gulping, I nodded while averting my eyes. Little did he know, he was the only reason I was anxious right now.
When Eli took my hand in his, I was almost disappointed that my body didn’t automatically recoil in disgust. Instead, I felt comfort. Despite everything, I still wanted him on some level. And I felt weak for that.
He squeezed my hand. “I’m right here,” he whispered, clearly sensing my nervous energy.
Finally, it was time.
He cleared his throat and looked down at what he’d written. “I was probably the person least excited about this little experiment. Well, second-least excited if you count the person who literally sprinted out of the room that first day.” Hushed laughter floated across the room as I bit back tears. Had he even written this himself? I wasn’t sure what to believe anymore.
“But after my first conversation with you, Calla, I knew something was different. You immediately saw beyond the me that everyone thinks they know. You asked me real questions, and I felt myself starting to open up for the first time. And then you rejected me.”
More laughter.
“But in all seriousness, I knew you were afraid. Afraid to open up. Afraid of getting hurt. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was afraid of those things too. But once I started to get to know you, there was no going back for me. From the moment you first smiled at me, I was in way too deep.” He shot me a nervous glance. “You’re everything I never knew I needed, and I feel so damn lucky to be in your orbit. I can’t wait to see what’s next for us.”
I blew out a breath and gulped, knowing I should reciprocate something. But all I could muster was a pathetic nod .
Then it was my turn.
“Eli.” His name tasted bitter. “You’re right, I was scared. When I came into this experience, I was afraid of everything. Even myself. You practically forced me to open up, and I have learned a lot about myself here. I learned I’m stronger than I thought. And I learned that my life is still just getting started, and if I don’t change something, it’ll pass me by.” I paused, hoping to still the unsteadiness in my voice. “I’ll forever be grateful that this experience brought me those lessons.”
Eli’s eyebrows pinched together, obviously confused by my cryptic choice of words.
“And now, more than ever, I’m finally ready to move on. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know I’m not scared of it anymore.”
Eli searched my face, a puzzled expression on his own. When he leaned down to plant a kiss on my forehead, I let him. Again, my body didn’t recoil from his touch. It welcomed it. Despite everything, it was going to be very difficult for me to let go of him.
Rita had us all line back up. The cameras did a sweeping shot of all our faces as they built suspense before announcing the winner.
Brady had also prepared me for this. Confetti would drop. I’d go to meet Eli in the middle. We’d hug and then they’d call cut.
And that’s exactly what happened. From the moment Rita announced “Eli and Calla” in a booming voice, I felt like I was in someone else’s body as I walked stiffly to the middle of the patio. Eli swept me up in his arms. He seemed so happy. If last night had never happened, I would have thought I was the reason for his happiness. That we’d gotten through this show and were going to start a life together.
Now I knew, it was all for him .
I let myself hug him back, knowing it’d be the last time I’d ever get to touch him. When we pulled away the rest of our cast was there, patting our backs and congratulating us. Suddenly it felt like I couldn’t breathe—like I was gasping for air.
“Cut!” Someone yelled loudly.
It was all over. And I needed to get out of there. I brushed past Rachel and Trace, whose expressions had turned to ones of concern.
“I’m not feeling well,” I said. “I need to get out of here.”
Brady was at my side then, just as he’d promised. While his word didn’t mean much to me, I appreciated that he was at least following through on this.
“Alright, Calla. You’re looking a little faint. Let’s get you out of this dress.”
The rest of the cast looked confused at my sudden departure, but they allowed me to walk away with whispers of “Feel better.” My heart hurt that I couldn’t say a proper goodbye, but I just didn’t have it in me right now.
We were barely through the door before Eli was there at my elbow. “Are you okay?” His voice was full of concern. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”
I ripped my arm away from him. “Get away from me,” I said weakly. I didn’t want to fight. I didn’t want to have some epic blowout. I just wanted to leave. But Eli’s set jaw and his look of determination made it clear a quiet exit wasn’t going to be possible.
“ Get away from me? What the hell are you talking about?” he demanded.
“Okay,” Brady said lightly. “I think Calla is just feeling sick. Why don’t you give her some space so I can get her to her room.”
Shay was there in the lounge too. “Wait. Before you leave there’s some paperwork I need you to sign.” She eyed Eli wearily, clearly not wanting to say the word ‘NDA’ in his presence.
Eli whipped his head around, staring at all of us in confusion. “Leave?” he asked incredulously. “Our flight isn’t until later.”
I could see the skin tighten around Brady’s mouth as we all stood in a standoff. “Slight change of plans,” he offered. “Why don’t you just let Calla get changed.”
Shay placed a hand over her forehead as if she was recovering from a migraine. I just stood there, not taking my eyes off of Eli.
“Like hell I’m letting you take her anywhere without telling me what’s going on.” He looked angry now. “Calla, talk to me,” he begged.
With all the strength I could muster, I stepped away from Brady, lifted my head high, and glared at Eli. “I know everything.”
Eli cocked his head slightly. “Know what?”
“ Everything ,” I repeated.
“If you’re going to have this conversation, at least do it at the other end of the room so the other contestants can’t eavesdrop,” Shay seethed, pointing to the window where everyone else now stood peering at us through the glass.
Eli was still processing my words. I wasn’t sure if it was confusion I saw in his face, or disbelief. Instead of waiting to find out, I stalked away from them and toward the hallway that would lead me to my room for the last time. My packed suitcase and a change of clothes already awaited me.
I made it to the entrance of the hall before Eli touched my arm and I spun around, glaring at him.
“Leave me alone!” I exclaimed. “Don’t you have everything you want now? You won the show. Your reputation is fixed. Go back to your real life. Make your screenplay. Just leave me out of it.”
Eli stood there in disbelief as he processed my words. “Shit,” he hissed. “How did you—you know I don’t?—”
“I overheard you talking to your dad last night,” I said, proud of myself for keeping the tears at bay. Although judging from the heat behind my face, they weren’t going to stay concealed forever. “I know I was hand-selected to be the perfect little innocent girl-next-door to improve your image.”
Eli raked a hand through his hair. “Fuck me. That wasn’t how I wanted you to find out.”
I scoffed. “Yeah, I’m sure it wasn’t. I’m sure your perfect plan included stringing me along for a couple weeks before you broke it off for some bullshit reason...like our lifestyles are too different.”
“What? No.” Eli shook his head. “I was never going to break it off with you.”
I laughed bitterly. “What, now you’re going to tell me it’s all been real?”
Eli’s nostrils flared, his eyes wild as he studied my face. “ Of course it was all real. My dad had this dumb-ass plan for me to do this show. I didn’t want to, but he dangled the offer to make my movie over my head. Yes, that might have been the original reason I agreed, but everything that happened between us was real.”
“Bullshit. That’s why you were so desperate to be my partner, even when you hardly knew me. I told myself it was a spark, but in reality, it was you trying to produce your own love story.”
“Maybe that’s why I first approached you, but that’s it.” He looked pained. “I feel like an ass for how this all started. I know it doesn’t look great. But I was going to tell you. Once we were out of here and on our own, I was going to come clean about my dad’s plans. But more importantly, I was going to reassure you how much I don’t give a shit about that plan, or my reputation. You’re the only thing that matters to me.”
“Yeah right! You’ve only cared about yourself this entire time.” My voice was louder now, but I didn’t care. Maybe I had wanted to slip out of here without a scene, but now that I was face to face with him, I wanted him to know just how badly he’d hurt me. “You forced me to share things about myself that I haven’t told anyone. You knew I was scared of getting hurt. But you didn’t care. You saw an easy target and you went for it. Well, congratulations, Eli,” I said, fuming. “Congratulations on manipulating the pathetic, grief-ridden girl who has no life of her own. I hope you’re happy.”
“How can you say that?” Eli growled. “After everything we’ve been through, after all our conversations, you think I made that all up? Those were more real to me than anything else in my life, Calla. You have to know that.” His eyes pleaded with mine. “I’m yours. You’re mine.”
His words felt like being shot directly in the heart. My hands found my forehead. “I can’t hear this right now.”
“You need to hear it! You can be mad and hurt and upset about that whole ridiculous plan, but what I can’t have you doing is questioning how I feel for you.”
Tears welled up in my eyes when I looked at him again. His hands hovered at his sides, as if waiting for permission to reach out and touch me. He’d never get it.
He’d fooled me so effortlessly this entire time. Maybe my heart was broken, but I could still promise myself that I’d never let him in to hurt me again.
“I can’t believe anything you say anymore,” I whispered. “Maybe you should go back to acting; it seems like you have a real knack for it. ”
Eli froze in shock and took a small step back. “Are you seriously saying that to me right now?”
“It’s the truth,” I said. “Something you’re clearly unfamiliar with. Have a nice life, Eli. Glad I could be of service to you.”
I spat out the last words with as much venom as I could manage before spinning on my heel and walking out of there forever.