9. Kieran
KIERAN
“Ithink I misheard you, Liv. There’s no way you just told me you can’t hang out because you’re going on a date with Jace-fucking-Ryan? Are you fucking kidding me?”
I hear her gulp on the other end of the phone.
She has to know she’s fucking up. She’s heard me complain about Jace and his bullshit almost every day this year, and now she’s going to ignore all that and go on a date with him?
I knew things were changing between us, and she’s been more and more obsessed with being popular, but I had no idea she was capable of this.
“No, no, it’s not like that!” she insists. “It could be like Mean Girls, but instead of doing what Cady did, I could hang out with the popular mean person, actually figure out what Jace wants with you, and tell you. It’s not like I actually like him or anything!”
“Whatever,” I mutter and hang up on her.
I swear to God if I lose my oldest friend because of that asshole, I’ll never get over it. I don’t understand why he can’t just leave me alone. Then he has to go ask Liv on a date after pointing out she’s one of my only friends? I fucking hate him.
I get a text from Liv saying she’ll call me when it’s over, and all I can do is distract myself with YouTube videos while I wait.
It’s nine-thirty when my phone rings, and Liv’s name lights up my screen.
“How was it?” I ask in a monotone voice, completely skipping pleasantries and really hoping she tells me it was awful. I’m still mad at her, but I’ve also been dying to know what was happening the entire time she’s been gone.
“K, hear me out. He’s actually really nice, and I think you’d like him if you got to know him—”
“No! What the fuck is happening right now?” I cut her off, not believing what I’m hearing. Again. “Did you really just tell me the guy who nicknamed me ‘Sparkles’ and insults me every single day is nice and misunderstood? What the fuck, Liv?”
“I know how it sounds, but he was so sweet. We met at that nice Italian restaurant by the theater. He was waiting outside so he could open the door for me, and he paid for dinner. Then he let me choose the movie and bought my ticket. Afterward, we even walked to get ice cream, and he asked me a lot about you. It was in a nice way because he knows we’re friends.
He didn’t say anything bad. I don’t think he’s trying to be mean, K. ”
“Um, no, that’s exactly what he’s doing. I can’t believe you’re defending him right now because he used his dad’s money to buy you dinner!”
I can’t believe any of this is happening. Panic is rising in my chest, and I need to know. “Are you going to go out with him again? Don’t lie to me.”
I can hear her slow breathing on the other end of the line and brace myself for the inevitable.
Jace’s taunt earlier this week wasn’t inaccurate, she’s one of my only friends.
One of two. And in a fucked-up way, Danny and I are only even friends because of Jace, and that’s so new.
The bond Liv and I have is different. We’ve been friends for almost as long as I can remember.
But, obviously, she’s changed. I know I can’t be friends with her anymore if she’s going to willingly date the person who gets joy out of bullying me. She might not see it as choosing him over me, but she is. That’s exactly what it would be.
“Um, don’t hate me… but… I think I like him, K. But I’m still your best friend!” she assures me, as if I’d forget all my self-respect and everything I’ve worked so hard to accomplish accepting who I am just to keep her as a friend. Nope. Not happening.
“Well, you’re not mine. This friendship is dead to me,” I say and hang up as I hear her start to say, “K, no, this doesn’t…”
It might be petty, but I’m not above it.
She was my best friend for years, my only true friend for most of that time.
She might have been a little distant recently, hanging out with girls from her yearbook club, but she never made me feel weird or feel like my interests needed to change or conform to everyone else’s.
She’s been there for every breakdown and moment of self-doubt, even if she didn’t know the perfect thing to say.
But now she’s ignoring that Jace has been taunting me for months because she wants a boyfriend?
Obviously, I’m not as important to her as I thought I was.
I squeeze my eyes shut and try not to cry, but it doesn’t work. The tears stream silently down my cheeks as I mourn our friendship.
If Liv had met literally any other guy, I’d be so excited and supportive of her. But she isn’t falling for just any guy. She chose my bully, then tried to convince me I’m the problem. Just like Jace has been doing all along.
Fuck her.
And fuck him.
Maybe they deserve each other.
I should delete her number. Maybe that would make me feel better.
Or, at the very least, write a Tumblr post about backstabbers and fake friends.
She knows my profile, so I bet she’d read it, and maybe it would make her realize why I’m so upset right now since she clearly can’t figure it out on her own.
I crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head as I let myself feel every emotion running through me. I can’t believe she picked him over me so easily, especially after everything we’ve been through.
My heart hurts, and I’m so pissed off. I feel discarded, and the thought of going into school without her on Monday feels like a punch to the gut. I text Danny but he must already be asleep because there’s no reply.
I have to do something to make myself feel better. I can’t just sit around in my anger all weekend. I’m pissed off and feeling especially petty as I try to think of anything that might make me feel better. Less alone.
I wish I had my sketchbook. Although, anything I drew right now would probably be really dark.
The last time I attempted to sketch while I was in a bad mood, I kept snapping the pencils.
I have an easel and some blank canvases in the corner of my room, but I left almost all my other art stuff at school.
And the thought of starting a new painting right now sounds daunting when I haven’t been doing it as much outside of class projects.
My gaze lands on the makeup scattered across my vanity, and I realize exactly what I can do instead.
Liv said we should go for glam and fame? Well, sucks to be her now. I’ll do it on my own without help from anyone. She can kiss my ass when I become famous.
I’ve watched enough of my favorite content creators to know what makes a good video, and I’ve even thought about what I would do differently if I made my own.
What better time than now?
I’m going to create a YouTube channel.