18. Jace
JACE
“David, I don’t care where you are or how much fucking fun you’re having, if you aren’t in the car in the next sixty seconds, I’m leaving your ass here,” I practically shout into my phone as I run out of the party.
I have to bail. I can’t stay. I need to be far away from whatever the fuck just happened.
My breaths are shallow and way faster than they should be as I bump into people while trying to make my quick exit. I throw the front door open and rush outside, ignoring someone who calls my name as I suck in a deep breath.
I need to get my shit together. But even the crisp fall air isn’t calming me down like I’d hoped it would. When I get to the car, I pull out my phone again and see a text from David.
David:
One more min! Don’t leave!!!
I try to count to ten, to take a deep breath, but finally I give up on being calm and put on some alt rock-metal music in an attempt to drown out my thoughts.
I close my eyes and let my head fall back against the headrest of David’s car that I’m in charge of driving.
It doesn’t actually work, though; my thoughts are still racing, louder than ever.
What the actual fuck just happened?
One minute I was commenting on Kieran’s makeup like I always do, and the next he was swallowing my cock like it was the best thing he’d ever tasted. Has he done that to a lot of guys? Shit, did he just cheat on Danny with me?
Fuck! That is so not the point.
But it could be if he fucking tells him he cheated on him with me.
I slam my head back against the seat.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
It was just a blowjob. Any mouth around my dick would feel great. It’s been so long too; I haven’t hooked up with anyone since Liv and I broke up. That has to be why it felt so good. It wasn’t actually the best blowjob of my life. I was just desperate.
I’m not gay.
I would know if I was attracted to guys. I’m around my teammates changing all the time, and I’ve never been turned on by any of them.
None of them look like Kieran though.
Fuck! I’m not attracted to him either.
Despite the amount of makeup and sparkly clothes he wears, he is a man. It doesn’t matter that tonight with his open vest and darker, edgier makeup he looked less feminine than usual or that he seemed determined to hold eye contact while he… nope. I’m not even going to think about it.
I am not gay.
I’m not.
Someone sucked my dick in the bathroom at a party, and I came. Those are the only details that matter. No big deal. No dick went near my mouth.
“I’m here!” David shouts as he throws the door open, startling me as he quickly climbs in. I’m already pulling away before he clicks his seatbelt. “Whoa, man, where’s the fire? Why did you need to leave so quickly?”
Damn it, I didn’t think this through. I have no idea what to tell him.
“It’s nothing,” I stammer, glancing his way before returning my focus to the road.
He’s staring at me with obvious concern.
Was there also suspicion? Does he know what happened?
Did Kieran run out after me and announce to everyone who he’d just been in the bathroom with?
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’d just have to deny it. No one would believe him over me anyway. God-fucking-damn it, what did I do?
I crank up the air in the car. Even though it’s cold out, I’m sweating. Fuck. I should have stayed longer, warned Kieran against telling anyone. Holy shit, he wouldn’t have actually done that, right?
“Are you sure you’re okay? Was it Olivia?” he asks, and his suggestion calms me down just a bit. There’s no way Kieran said anything. Even if he did, everyone knows I’ve given him a hard time about the makeup. There’s no way they’d believe that if he ever said it.
But he can’t say it, because I can’t even risk a rumor or my dad will beat my ass. Maybe worse.
David continues when I don’t respond. “I saw that she was talking to that guy on the football team, did you see them kissing or something?”
I let out a relieved sigh. Seeing my ex with another guy sounds like a much better excuse for why I’m freaking out. “Yeah, I saw them together and had to get out of there,” I agree.
“Sorry, man, that sucks.” He lets out a big yawn and rests his head back. “You need a rebound,” he slurs, and for the first time during this conversation, I remember that he’s probably wasted and won’t even remember how weird I’m being.
I let out a deep exhale, finally relaxing further. No one is ever going to know what happened tonight.
No one ever has to know that Kieran deepthroated my cock like a fucking porn star. My dick starts to thicken again at the memory, but I am not entertaining those thoughts. It was a warm, wet mouth. That’s all.
I’m attracted to women.
I’m not gay.
He’s not going to say anything. He’s not going to say anything.
I should have stayed home today. I should have insisted I’m sick even though my dad equates being sick with being weak. In all my life, he only let me skip school one time in eighth grade when I was damn near dying with the flu.
But today, it wouldn’t even be a lie because I feel like I’m about to throw up as I glance around the cafeteria nervously.
I’ve managed to avoid seeing Kieran so far today, but it’s inevitable… unless he skipped school. We have lunch and math together again this year. So even if he ditches lunch this period to spend it in the library or the art room, or wherever, I’ll see him in my next class.
I wish I could say I’ve moved on from what happened at the party on Saturday, but it’s all I’ve been able to think about.
Sparkles must have a magic mouth because I get instantly hard whenever I remember it wrapped around me.
I’ve basically been walking around with a semi since then, and I really need to get my shit together.
I’m not into him. I’m not gay. I like women.
Maybe seeing him will be a good thing, a reminder that he’s just a freak in makeup, and I was only confused by all the girly shit he wears.
It was a slip up during a weak moment. I would have let anyone blow me that night with how horny I was and how sensitive the costume made me.
“Ready to go, man?” David nudges me with his elbow, and I look up, realizing most of the cafeteria has cleared out.
“Yeah,” I mumble, hurrying to pack up my stuff and follow him.
“I’m worried about this math quiz, too,” he says, and I nod, going along with his assumption of what has me so distracted.
I’ve debated if I should try to talk to Sparkles, to make sure he doesn’t say anything to anyone, but I’ve decided my best bet is to ignore him.
Talking to Kieran usually ends with him spewing some bullshit at me, and while that normally amuses me, I don’t need to give him any excuses to open his mouth… Unless he’s putting it to work again.
Nope. Not thinking about that.
Ignoring him is definitely the best way forward. I can’t risk him even insinuating anything. The possibility of it getting back to my dad is far too dangerous.
“Doesn’t he realize Halloween is over?” David scoffs as we take our seats, and I’m right back to feeling nauseous. No need to ask who he’s talking about, but I also can’t stop my gaze from shooting over to Sparkles to confirm.
What the actual fuck?
Is he taunting me?
His normal makeup that resembles what the popular girls at our school wear has been replaced with a much darker look. Is he trying to remind me of his Halloween costume? Is he trying to rub it in my face that he isn’t a girl and prove that he doesn’t look like one so I can’t excuse what happened?
My jaw is clenched so tightly I’ll be lucky if I don’t permanently mess up my teeth.
My eye won’t stop twitching as I glare at him, unable to look away.
His bright eyes are the only thing sparkling today, full of amusement as he holds my gaze.
Finally, I manage to mutter “what a freak,” hoping he can read my lips from across the room.
The way his smile grows makes me believe he can, and that he knows every panicked thought running through my mind.
I’m pretty sure I failed the math quiz.
All I know is that I need to stay far away from Kieran and forget all about that stupid party.