32. Orion
32
ORION
“DON’T FEED HALLUCINOGENS TO THE ALLIGATORS”
Seraphina goes wide-eyed at the mention of my swamp puppies, and I can’t help but laugh to myself. Wordlessly, she allows me to strap her into a pair of thick hiking boots and follows me out toward the small lake at the back of the cabin.
Seraphina’s steps crunch against the dead grass as she steps up to the edge of the murky green lake, her eyes catching on the warning sign jutting at an angle out of the water.
“Don’t feed hallucinogens to the alligators… is that supposed to be a joke?”
“Nope. It’s serious.” I step up to her, placing my hand on the small of her back. She flinches, and I drop my hand away, the limb as heavy as my heart in my chest. I clear my throat, forcing my eyes away from her profile as nervous energy spreads between us.
“Why would anyone feed hallucinogens to a dinosaur? That just seems counterintuitive to survival.” She looks up at me, and the smile in her golden gaze melts some of my anxiety away.
I place my hand on her back, happiness bursting from my pores when she doesn’t flinch away. I open my mouth to explain about the gator’s affinity for drugs when the leathery fucks in question appear on the bank.
Yellow eyes blink menacingly from the surface of the water, and though I know they won’t hurt me, Seraphina takes a step back in fright.
“Those… those are real gators… holy shit…”
I tilt my head. “Were you expecting unicorns? I clearly said alligators, Seraphina.”
Her lips turn down as she smacks my arm hard enough to leave a welt. “I know what you said. I just didn’t expect them to be so… big.”
Before she can pull her hand away, I grip her wrist, yanking her toward the water. Karen and Bob open their mouths at our approach, baring dozens of sharp, shiny white teeth.
“Orion, don’t you fucking dare?—”
Before she has the chance to finish, I place her palm directly on top of Bob’s snout. Seraphina lets out a choked sound as the leathery flesh greets her skin, and I can tell by the force I have to use to hold her there she’s using every ounce of strength to try to rip away.
But then Bob’s lids lower, and he nudges his snout against her palm, closing his mouth in a gesture of goodwill. Seraphina relaxes at the sight, even going so far as to give his snout a little scratch. Bob’s eyes close fully, and it truly looks like he’s smiling as he loses his senses in Seraphina’s touch.
Trust me, buddy, I get it.
Angry that she’s not getting the same treatment, Karen shoves Bob out of the way, a low, hissing sound passing through her open jaws as she pushes a claw into her mate's face. Giggling, Seraphina willingly stretches out her other hand, giving Karen and Bob scratches at the same time.
“I never knew they could be so…friendly.”
I shrug, never taking my eyes off the beautiful, glowing girl. “Just because something looks a certain way or has a bad reputation doesn’t mean it’s incapable of love.”
She turns to me, a genuine smile spreading her lips. “Thank you for bringing me here. This is… well, I’m not going to say it’s nice, but it’s definitely something I’ve never done before.”
I laugh, offering a hand to Seraphina as she stands from her crouch. Bob and Karen let out disgruntled hisses, their jaws opening wide.
“No.” I shake a finger at them. “No drugs for you.”
Seraphina side-eyes me. “I seriously thought you were kidding about that…”
“Nope. Karen and Bob came from an animal testing facility. They pumped these two full of LSD— didn’t they? ” My earlier irritation fades as I reach down to give them each a pat. When I straighten, Seraphina has a haunted look in her eyes, though I can’t for the life of me figure out why. Shaking it off, I look back at the gators, rage swelling in my chest as I think back to the conditions I found them in.
“About eight years ago, I was working with some people to dismantle the trafficking rings in this city when I stumbled across Bob and Karen. They were both smooshed in a tiny crate alongside a shipment of X—emaciated, wounded, and bound for some drug dealer’s pool house. He had bought them straight from the testing lab—a great deal, I imagine—but they were both so fucked up… I’ve never heard an animal make those kinds of sounds, let alone a gator… ” I clear my throat, blinking away the red that crowds my vision. “Anyway, I decided to take them back here. Though they still run up to anyone who gets close to the lake, looking for their fix.”
Seraphina looks out at the lake, a frown pinching her brow. “I’m glad you helped them… not everyone would do something like that.”
I shrug. “There’s too much cruelty in this world. What I did is just a drop in the ocean against it.” Suddenly, I’m not talking about the alligators. Suddenly, a little girl's face swims in my mind. The one I was unable to save. “I could have done more…”
“How? You gave them a home—a place to recover. You did more than enough.” She looks at me, and I know by her expression that she realizes I’m no longer talking about alligators. “Orion… whatever happened in the past… I’m sure you did everything you could.”
I shake my head, stooping to pick up a flower by my foot. It’s bright yellow, and happy, and not at all like Seraphina, but I offer it to her anyway.
She grabs it from my hand, but her frown only deepens.
“What?” I ask. “You don’t like flowers?”
“It’s not that…”
“Is it because of the whole ‘dying beauty’ thing? Because that’s corny, even for you, Seraphina.”
She throws her head back in a throaty chuckle, and when she returns, her golden eyes are brimming with mirth. “No… it’s because every time you pick a flower, you sever the plant's genitalia.”
My mouth falls open. “Seraphina… that’s so fucked up.”
She laughs harder, and the sound fills my chest with so much warmth, so much light, I’m afraid I might burst.
I step forward, grabbing her waist and pulling her against me. Her laughter halts, but that sheen in her eye remains, doing something strange to my insides.
“Do that again,” I breathe.
She blinks up at me, eyes wide. A piece of hair falls onto my brow, and she reaches up with a little chuckle, giving me a taste of what I want. In the same movement, she places the flower I picked for her behind her ear, a twinkle in her golden irises.
“I thought you didn’t want it?”
“I never said that.” She grins. “You gave it to me. It’s mine now. Plus, the plant can just grow a new sexual organ if it wants.”
I laugh, placing my forehead against hers, breathing her in. “You’re a strange little thing, did you know that?”
“Mm-hmm. I’m pretty sure it’s why you’re so obsessed with me.”
I grip the back of her neck. “Oh, I’m far more than obsessed, my little dove. I’m fucking mad for you. Your taste, your touch, your smell.” I take a deep breath in through my nose, my cock straining toward her. “The little sounds you make when you’re dripping, desperate for my cock. Those are the things that really just drive me insane.” I jerk my hips forward, eyes dark and swirling as I gaze down at my little dove, trapping her in my orbit.
When she’s hot and panting and just at the edge, I pull away, leaving my oxygen with her. With a satisfied smirk, I brush my hair back off my forehead. “So… what’s your favorite color?”
Seraphina looks dazed, her brows coming together as she tries to adjust to the rapid change in subject. “I… what?”
“Your favorite color. Answer quickly.” I laugh, holding up the shock collar remote for her to see.
She raises a brow. “I don’t have a favorite color.” I press the button, and she jerks. “What the fuck? I answered!”
I tut. “Everyone has a favorite color.”
“Well, not me.”
“Maybe you just never thought about it before.”
She gazes at me, her eyes seeming to wander to something above my shoulders. “If I do, I wouldn’t know how to describe it. Just a dark, deep, swirling color. Only, it’s not blue, or black, or purple, it’s—” She rolls her lip between her teeth, eyes searching the air surrounding my frame. “It’s something more. Something different.”
“It sounds beautiful.”
She looks up at me. “It is,” she whispers, biting down hard on her bottom lip. “It really is.”
I kick at the ground, not sure what to do with all this newfound tension between us. “Well, mine’s obviously gold—for the color of your eyes.”
Seraphina crunches her nose. “God, I hate gold.”
“No one hates gold. That’s like hating ice cream or puppies!”
She eyes me. “Lots of people hate ice cream.”
“But not puppies. ”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m sure I could find someone.”
I nudge her with my shoulder, a cheeky grin on my face. “You know what you are? A cynic. I’ll have to train that out of you, my sweet dove. There’s so much to enjoy in life—drugs, sex, severed plant genitalia—the list goes on, really.”
Seraphina laughs hard, a sound that stops as abruptly as it came. When it’s gone, she stares out at the glassy lake, a memory swirling in her eyes.
“My turn to ask a question.”
I cross my arms. “Go for it.”
“What did you want to be when you were a kid?” she asks, her voice uncharacteristically soft.
“Something other than what I ended up with.” A wry smile twists my lips. “What about you?”
“Nuh-uh. You have to tell me yours first.”
I shake my head. “You’ll laugh at me.”
“I won’t. Swear.”
I eye her warily. Then I shove my hand out at her. “Pinky promise?”
She hooks hers with mine without a second thought, rolling her eyes despite the smile tugging her pouty lips. “Pinky promise. Ya damn psycho.”
I take a deep breath, and before I lose my nerve, I blurt out, “I wanted to be a veterinarian.”
She presses her lips together, clearly trying not to laugh. “Oh really? That’s so nice.”
I frown, crossing my arms protectively. “You pinky promised you wouldn’t laugh.”
“I’m not—I’m not going to laugh.”
“Uh-huh. Then why does your face look like that?”
“Look like what ? Are you trying to say there’s something wrong with my face?” This time, she does let out a small laugh, only to clap her hand over her mouth to stifle it.
I frown. “It’s not that funny.”
She nods, composing her expression. “You’re right—a serial killer wanting to nurture small animals is totally normal. Not funny at all.”
“It’s not!”
“Mm-hmm,” she hums, her eyes alight with mischief.
I eye her expression—so uncharacteristically open and free—and I decide to tell her something real . “My mom wanted to be a vet. I remember her studying for the entrance exam, poring over pages of anatomy textbooks by candlelight.” I give her a smile that doesn’t reach my eyes. “This was before the drugs, of course. Just before, actually—but I can still see her there as clear as day, her eyes clear and lucid, a little line between her brows.” I kick at the dirt, memories I’ve buried years ago sprouting free, playing like a slideshow in my mind. Her smile. Her embrace. The way she cared for me and little Annabelle.
Poor, innocent Annabelle.
Hatred hardens in the pit of my chest as I think about my little sister. At the way she cried and cried, begging to be fed. And the horrible sound of silence after, when she no longer did. For that, I will never forgive my mother.
As if there’s something left to forgive.
I shake my head, banishing those thoughts as I force a chuckle. “Okay, enough of my sob story. What did you want to be?”
Seraphina gazes at me for a long beat, a myriad of emotions crossing her face. Sympathy. Anger. Sadness.
It’s that last one that carves a fresh chasm in my soul.
Needing to take it away, I decide to remind her of our game, hoping to bring her some relief. “Come on, little dove. Don’t hold out on me.”
Seraphina blinks, clarity rushing back to her vision before a sad little smile crosses her lips. She looks out over the lake, glassy as the tears in her eyes. And for a while, she doesn’t speak. But when she does, her words hit me like a ton of bricks, making me forget everything—anything else.
“I wanted to be a mother.”
I stare at the beautiful girl, my heart breaking alongside hers. “You say that like… like you’ll never get to be one.”
Her lips tremble, but she can’t bring herself to look at me as she clutches her stomach. At the long, angry scar that I know runs across her belly. “I’m afraid they took that dream from me, too.”
My chest clenches as I look at her, at the devastated look in her eyes. “They didn’t…”
“They did,” she whispers, a single tear breaking free and carving a line down her face. “Madams are not allowed to have children… even the possibility—” Her voice breaks off as she chokes a silent sob. “They had to make sure there was no way for me to ever get pregnant. And there’s only one sure way…”
I can’t help it anymore—I wrap my arms around Seraphina, pulling her deep into my chest. I hug her as silent sobs wrack her shoulders, I support her weight when her legs won't carry her, and I clutch at every shattered piece of her, holding her together as she breaks down in my arms.
When her cries subside, I pull her into my arms, placing gentle kisses along her brow as I carry her back to the cabin. And I know this isn’t something I can fix or even make better—not by a long shot. Not in a million years
But fuck, am I going to try.