FIVE #2
The morning before I was due to meet with my case worker, Vanessa took me shopping with Jessa and Maisy.
Jessa had time off from school, a study day, she explained.
We went to a large outlet just outside the city.
It was the first time I had ever been shopping.
The clothes I used to wear were my mother's, her hand-me-downs.
That was why nothing ever really fit my frame.
I remembered feeling so ugly every time I’d look in that one mirror we had in the house.
I looked nothing like the girls I watched on the internet.
The mirror was hung on the back of the bathroom door, and it had a massive crack down the centre.
My mum said that only vain people ogled themselves and how vanity was the quickest way to hell.
All the Rook females encouraged me to try on some clothes, but it all felt a bit of a waste.
I didn’t usually care that much about what I wore.
At least, that was how I felt before that last dress Jessica had begged me to try on.
As Vanessa was swapping a pair of jeans for a smaller size, she told me there was a party that weekend.
Supposedly, it was an annual back-to-school thing and was always held at the end of September. Depending on the weather.
I didn’t want to go as I knew I wouldn’t fit in with her friends. The warning Kieran had given me about school and how no one was to know I was part of their family was also circling my head.
Amelie Thorn, dressing up and going to a house party?
When Jessa had first mentioned it, I couldn’t think of anything worse, but when I slipped the material over my head and looked in the mirror, my jaw dropped open.
I didn’t look like me. I looked beautiful and just like one of those girls on the internet.
The dress was pretty in a pale blue and was covered with tiny flowers.
It had spaghetti straps and exposed my collarbone and shoulders.
The waist was nipped in, and the skirt section fell well above my knees.
Vanessa helped pair it with gold toe-post sandals.
I’d always hated my knees, but my legs in the dress didn’t look so bad.
“The colour makes your eyes pop. She must have this,” Jessa had told her stepmother, and my aunt had agreed.
And then, at the end of my first shopping trip ever, I got back to the house to Cameron Rook.
He was waiting for me in the kitchen, with a box for me to unwrap, and inside it was a new iPhone.
I couldn’t help myself. I burst into tears, again.
He explained that he had programmed everyone’s numbers in, including my case worker, Kathy.
“When we get the details, we can save your brother’s contact number.” I already had Sophie’s and spoke to her on the landline regularly. “Then you can speak to them every day,” Vanessa had said. I’d felt an urge to throw myself into her arms. Had I been a normal person, I probably would have.
When I got to my room, I undid all the packages and hung the pretty blue dress up in the wardrobe.
I knew I would need to wear it soon while the weather was good.
October was on the horizon and would soon swallow up the sunnier days.
I then started to play with my phone, connecting to the internet and accessing YouTube.
As I lay on my bed, I heard raised voices coming up the stairs, followed by angry footsteps. I then heard someone pass by my room and a door slamming. Lowering my phone, I pushed myself up into a sitting position as music thumped from Kieran’s room.
Oh dear, he must have had another argument with his father. Part of me wanted to go and knock on his door to see if he was OK, and I didn’t get why. Talk about misplaced loyalty. What was it about him that drew me in?
The doorbell went off downstairs, and I checked the time on my phone. It was six, and time to meet with Kathy.
Checking my reflection in the mirror, I headed out of my room and down the stairs with a bounce in my step. I couldn’t wait to hear how Sophie was getting on. It had only been a matter of days since I had spoken with her on the phone, but it felt like weeks.
Vanessa was standing in the hallway and explained that Kathy was waiting for me in the library. She had a huge grin on her face, and I didn’t really know why until I stepped into that room.
“Ames!” my sister Sophie yelled, rocketing from one of the chairs and launching herself across the room.
My entire being came alive as my sister landed in my outstretched arms. We both fell to our knees, hugging the life out of each other, tears pouring down our faces.
“I’ve missed you so much,” she blubbed, her whole body shaking.
I just held on as if my life depended on it, squeezing her, inhaling her scent. “Me too, Squirrel,” I wept, calling her by the nickname Adam had made up for her. Sophie was the one who would hide food so we wouldn’t go hungry, hence the name.
Allowing our reunion to play out for a good while, Kathy then invited us both to take a seat. I could see her making notes during our interaction as Sophie and I caught up on what had been happening.
As my sweet little sister chuntered away, talking about the family she had been placed with, I felt a moment of sadness.
It was almost like I had been replaced. Especially when she told me about her new friend Hannah, a girl she called her foster sister.
That was quick. I hadn’t even begun to think of the Rooks in that way.
I knew I needed to fend off any ill feelings.
Sophie looked better than she had in months.
The bruises on her arms, which always seemed like a constant feature, were now fully healed, her hair was shiny, and her skin was glowing.
Both Sophie and Kathy spoke about her diabetes and how it was under control.
Sophie said she had a special bed and was monitored each night to ensure her glucose levels remained stable while she slept.
It sounded like a lot of work, but one day I had every intention of becoming Sophie’s full-time guardian.
Both Adam and I would look after her together, one day.
Kathy asked loads of questions and explained the circumstances behind Sophie’s care, and then Adam came up. He hadn’t been in touch and had gone AWOL.
My stomach felt like someone had force-fed me liquid lead.
The contact numbers that social services had for him were now going straight to voicemail.
I asked what they were going to do about it and if the police had been called.
Kathy just repeated a line about Adam being considered an adult and therefore not part of their remit.
I had almost lost my temper at that point, stating that surely, he was classed as a missing person.
Kathy explained that he hadn’t been missing long enough for the police to get involved.
What started as a good meeting became the opposite. I managed to keep a hold on my anxiety, as I hadn’t wanted to upset Sophie. Kathy then explained that now she was stable, regular meetings between Sophie and me would be arranged. That made me feel slightly better.
Adam is big enough and old enough to look after himself. I told myself as I walked my case worker and sister to the door. I noted how Sophie held Kathy’s hand, and again, that gave me comfort.
At the front door, we said our teary goodbyes, and I held up my phone, showing Sophie I had saved the number of her foster mother. I also gave her my new mobile number on a piece of paper and watched her push it safely into her pocket.
“I’ll be in touch to arrange those visits, and will let you know if we hear from Adam. You look well, Amelie. Far better than I expected, and I hear you're due to start school on Monday?” Kathy said with a smile.
“Yes.”
Vanessa joined us halfway through our goodbyes and had a brief chat with Kathy. I heard her mention Adam, but didn’t catch the context. Sophie and I hugged each other again, and I didn’t want to let go. “I’ll call you every day, Squirrel. If you need me, you know where I am, OK?”
I then watched through the glass pane beside the main door as Kathy’s car drove down the driveway, Sophie staring at me through the rear window. And once again, that crack across my heart split deeper.
“Are you OK?” Vanessa said as I turned away; seeing my sister looking so forlorn again was painful and unfair. Why the hell did it have to be this way? At our house, we lived in fear and filth, but at least we were together. The consequences of my actions came back to bite me again.
After accepting what felt like an awkward hug from Vanessa, I set off back upstairs to my room.
She’d asked if I was hungry, but I declined food, having eaten way too many snacks during our shopping trip.
The black skinny jeans and pale grey hoodie I had worn that day felt grubby.
I so needed a shower and then sleep. Vanessa had placed clean towels on the bottom of my bed earlier, and so I went to grab one.
Just as I was leaving my room, I heard the rattle of Kieran’s bedroom door. As I glanced over, I thought my heart was going to stop. He looked surprised to see me, his eyes locking with mine, but only for a moment, as my focus was drawn to his nakedness. He was shirtless.
His body was like a work of art, a masculine, bronzed package crafted to perfection. The muscles of his shoulders and arms flexed under my gaze, and I swallowed, attempting to clear that lump in my throat.
My skin suddenly felt hot, my cheeks stinging as my gaze snagged on the low rise of his jogging bottoms. Kieran had strong, ridged abs and one of those Vs that pointed into the shadow of his waistband.