Chapter 26
Hazy
Livy and Lover were ten days into their newfound relationship, and Hazy was at his wits’ end. He wanted to be happy for them, but seeing them together had him stressed.
Every night they hung out or texted. Presents for Livy arrived in a constant, overwhelming stream. Lover treated her like a goddamn princess. If it were anyone else, Hazy would have accused him of love-bombing her. But Lover didn’t do anything half-assed.
Seeing her fly through the new dresses he’d bought her, and doing her hair for date after date was taking its toll. His happy place had become a dreaded chore. Dolling her up for another man to enjoy was hell. He pushed through the nausea, savoring those few minutes he got her to himself.
Somehow, someway, the universe had given him the two most perfect people for him, and he’d managed to fumble them both. Because that was the situation. Being a couple made them happy and isolated him.
He hadn’t seen either of them for a significant amount of time in days.
He faulted himself for not realizing his feelings for Livy sooner.
Keeping them as friends would have to be enough.
He wouldn’t deny the two best people in the world their shot at happiness.
But if he couldn’t focus on something else soon, he’d drive himself mad with longing and resentment.
Which is why he was excited for his first practice post-injury.
Putting his energy into something he could control would make him feel a million times better.
He couldn’t skate yet, but he could join the group to work on conditioning and weight training. He dressed in workout gear and shook out the anxiety he’d been holding in his limbs.
As he grabbed his keys, Livy appeared in the kitchen.
“Hey, wait,” she said.
She rushed to where he stood and slipped on her shoes. “I’m coming with you. Valentine invited me. Then we can all go to the store together afterwards.”
Hazy stifled his groan. So much for getting Lover to himself.
The Freeze were finishing the on-ice portion of practice when Hazy and Livy got to the rink. The team gathered in a circle, listening to Coach Bree, and when Hazy caught Lover’s attention, Lover let out a whoop, alerting the team to his presence.
Everyone turned, and when they spotted him, they cheered like he was a kid scoring his first goal. Coach Bree dismissed the group, and each player stopped on their way to the locker room to clap Hazy on the back or smack his ass.
Beanie and Lover lingered as the line of teammates diminished, and Hazy was dying to talk to them and create a training plan. Maybe ask Daisy to put a bonding trip together to set them up for a seamless return to the lineup. Beanie eventually gave up waiting, citing Dylan needing a ride somewhere.
Lover’s possessive arm around Livy and their private little glances rubbed Hazy the wrong way, but he pasted on a smile and talked to each person who demanded his attention.
He should have made more effort to see the guys throughout his healing process, but he’d been exhausted.
And a little depressed. He hadn’t gone radio silent, but he also hadn’t put as much effort into his relationships as he should have.
Beanie and Lover were the only ones he’d seen consistently for several weeks.
As the new backup goalie approached, he reminded himself to check in with Schmitty. If anyone would understand the goalie’s struggles, it would be Hazy. He would have loved to have someone going through the same thing to talk to.
Schmitty’s replacement, Jacob Connor, got off the ice and removed his mask. Hazy pulled him in for a welcoming hug.
“Jake! Good to see you, man!”
The goaltender hadn’t spent any time at the NHL level, but Hazy had spent some time with him during training camp the last few years. He seemed like a great guy, and Hazy was always excited to welcome call-ups and make sure they felt at home as they got their feet under them in the big leagues.
Jake slapped Hazy on the back in a classic bro hug, but before pulling away he ruined all the goodwill Hazy had for him when he said, “Holy shit. Livy?”
His stomach dropped at the nickname. Why would he call her that? Nobody called her Livy except Hazy and Jayden. If you hadn’t known her since she was five, you didn’t have the right. Even Lover respected the rule.
Livy, who had been in a conversation with Lover about what movie they would be watching that evening, squealed and flung herself at the sweaty goalie.
“Jake! Oh my God. I didn’t know you’d been traded to Seattle. When did that happen?”
He caught Livy around the waist and lifted her off her feet in a bone-crushing hug.
“I was traded in the minors. You wouldn’t have heard about it. I thought I’d never make it to the show.”
Hazy frowned. “How do you two know each other?” he asked, interrupting Livy’s follow-up question.
Jake didn’t let go of Livy when he answered. Hazy wanted to slap the sappy smile right off his new teammate’s face. He worked hard to hide the sentiment.
“Livy and I worked together in college. We had this terrible eight p.m. to three a.m. shift at a pub. Fucking awful, but it paid the bills.”
“Oh God, do you remember going home smelling like cheap beer and fried food? And the smell never washed out of my jeans.” Livy wrinkled her nose.
Jake laughed, his arm still wrapped around Livy.
“Don’t forget the throw-up smell. There was always a little throw-up smell.”
Hazy couldn’t control his glare, so he directed it at Lover. He tried to silently communicate that Lover should intervene with the touchy-feely stuff. Lover raised his eyebrows.
Livy did a little shimmy in Jake’s arms, her feet shuffling in pure giddiness.
He’d seen her perform the motion a million times before, but he’d always been the one holding her while she did it.
Sadness permeated his earlier joy, and any positive energy he’d managed to hold onto depleted in an instant. He cleared his throat.
“We need to get to the weight room.”
“Oh!” Livy said, freeing herself from Jake’s embrace.
She looked between Hazy, Lover, and Jake. She chewed her bottom lip, a habit that would make her bleed if she didn’t knock it off. He kept his hands to himself instead of using his thumb to drag it out of her mouth.
“Do you need to join them?” she asked Jake.
Jake shook his head. “I had an earlier schedule. I’m done for the day.”
Livy lit up as if he’d handed her the world.
“Do you have plans?”
“Not a single one.”
“Wanna get coffee?”
“I’d love that.”
Lover grinned and placed a kiss on Livy’s cheek. “That’ll be fun for you guys!” He abandoned Hazy to handle the situation alone.
Hazy, terrified he’d be losing even more of Livy’s time to Jake, said, “Don’t forget we have plans tonight.”
Livy glared at him, still standing close to Jake, their arms grazing. Would it be asinine if he shoved his way between them?
“Our plan is to make stir-fry and watch a movie. We can start later. I’d like to catch up with Jake.”
His grip on his jealousy slipped. “You sure?”
A divot formed between Livy’s eyebrows, and she huffed. “Yeah…Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” Even to his own ears, Hazy didn’t sound fine. “I’ll see you at home then?”
Livy asked Jake, “Can you drive me home?”
Hazy gritted his teeth when Jake said, “Yeah, sounds great. I’ll shower real quick, then we can go.”
“Then yeah, I’ll see you at home,” Livy answered Hazy’s question.
Hazy didn’t storm out, but in his head, he stomped his way to the weight room. What the actual fuck was wrong with him? Livy having more friends in the area was a good thing. He needed to get this possessive, controlling version of himself under control.
Hazy felt better after his workout. Being with his team had been exactly what he needed. Lover followed him to the grocery store and then home afterward, and he’d expected to find Livy waiting for them, but she was still out. Disappointment made his shoulders droop.
He dropped a bag of groceries on the counter. Lover washed his hands, then rifled through the bag, pulling out ingredients. They played some music and diced chicken and veggies.
“So,” Hazy said, unsure about the boundaries of this conversation. They’d always been open books, but prying into Lover’s relationship seemed like an invasion of privacy.
“So,” Lover said.
Then they both seemed to realize the stiffness of their voices, and they laughed.
“Fuck, man,” Hazy said, tears rolling down his cheeks. They were born of laughter, but also from repressing all his pent-up frustration.
“You’re allowed to ask how it’s going,” Lover said. “You’ve been cranky as fuck. None of us want that. I know you’re dying to talk about it. Ask what you want to ask.”
“I know I’m allowed to ask,” Hazy said. “I’m more concerned if you say something I don’t like, I’ll have to murder you.”
“Wow, not even going to pretend you’d take my side then, huh?”
Hazy abandoned his knife and turned his full attention to Lover.
“Is there a reason I need to take sides?”
Lover side-eyed him. “Calm your tits. We’re taking things slow.”
“Could have fooled me,” Hazy mumbled, going back to prepping vegetables.
“I won’t hurt her.”
“I know you won’t try to hurt her. But can you see yourself with her, like forever?”
Lover shrugged. “I’m more worried about her being able to see herself with me forever.”
Hazy set aside the last of the chopped ingredients and dropped his cutting board into the sink. “Once she’s in, she’s all in. If you don’t want that, you need to tell her now.”
Lover stopped what he was doing and surprised Hazy by wrapping him in a bear hug. Hazy returned the embrace, pesky little tears welling up in his eyes again.
“We are both adults who know what we are doing.”
He was probably right. If they wanted his opinion, they would ask for it. They seemed to be happy. “It’s going well, then?”
When Lover let go of him, his grin stretched ear to ear. “It’s going great, man! I can’t believe you never tried to date her. She’s gorgeous and hilarious. It’s like dating a ray of sunshine.”
He couldn’t believe he’d never tried to date her either. It may end up being the biggest regret of his life. He couldn’t say that, though. “I’m glad you’re having fun.”
“Thanks. I think we’re going out a couple of times this week. She has some botanical gardens she wants to show me? I don’t know. But she makes everything fun, so I’m sure it’ll be great.”
She’d never mentioned any gardens to him. They spent months together when he first got hurt, lazing most of the days away. If she wanted to go to some gardens, they could have gone. They still could go. “Huh, I don’t know where that would be. When are you doing that?”
“Wednesday, I think. We have a game Thursday and then game night Friday.”
It was the only free evening they would have that week. Hazy frowned.
Lover clocked his displeasure. “What?” he asked.
“I miss you,” Hazy admitted. He couldn’t admit to everything. He couldn’t have Livy. But he could at least tell his friends that he didn’t want to lose their company.
Lover rubbed his back. “I miss you too. Now can we please talk about literally anything else?”
“Yeah, okay.”
They fell into a familiar ritual of making dinner, but they normally would have chattered about upcoming games, reality TV, and social plans.
It felt like neither of them could find lighthearted words.
They’d been attached at the hip for half a decade, and they stood inches apart, but they might as well have been on opposite sides of the world.
Hazy couldn’t take it anymore. He cranked the volume up on their favorite playlist, hoping it would put them both at ease again.