Chapter 25
TWENTY-FIVE
KINGSTON
Ten more minutes on the rowing machine, and I'll take a break, I decide.
It's been almost an hour and that seems more than sufficient.
It's the only kind of cardio I can really stand.
If I'm being completely honest: repetitive, stationary, practically mindless, no electricity needed, full body.
I pull with my arms, push with my legs, the whirring of the flywheel and the hissing glide of the seat track the only sounds in the salle.
I don't need to bully the others into conditioning, but I need it for myself. I need to be doing...something.
I glance back over my shoulder at the clock. Eight minutes to go. I tense my jaw, suck in a breath, and--
Slam.
A boot catches the front of the seat, right between my legs. The handle is yanked out of my hands and snaps back towards the flywheel, which spins wildly in place.
"What the—"
I look up, rattled and a little dismayed to see Kai. I grit my teeth, will myself not to roll my eyes. "Can you please not?" I say, panting. "I was almost done, and—"
"Is this yours?" He shoves something in my face, so fast and sharp I almost think he's going to hit me. I push his hand back so I can see what he's actually holding on to. A necklace? No, not quite. A scapular. I tilt my head at it.
"It is yours, isn't it?" Kai flicks the thing out of view and pulls his leg off the seat. "Ha ha ha. Very funny. Great prank, but honestly, immature for you, Kingston. I'm surprised that you would even—"
"Wait. Stop," I say, swiping a hand through the air. I drag my wrist over my damp forehead, catching my breath. "What are you talking about?" I swing my legs over the machine and stand up, holding out my hand. "Give me that."
Kai shuts up. He extends his own hand and uncurls his fist, letting the thing dangle once again. I take the two pendants, run my fingers over the corners, shake my head. "It's not mine." I look up into Kai's eyes. "Why do you have this? Why are you even—"
"Fuck," Kai mutters and rips it away from me. He spins on his heel, walking in a small circle around the gym area. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."
"Kai," I say, voice raised, "what are you talking about?"
Kai throws his hands in the air, then puts them on his head, shaking it back and forth with disbelief. "I went to town," he says, "pick up some stuff, check the mail. At Luther's. And this was—" He lowers his hand again. "It was in the mail," he says. "Nothing else. Just this."
The sweat on my back goes ice cold. "Give that to me," I say, and for once Kai doesn't argue or make some smart remark. Just hands it over. Now I look at it, really look at it, the design, the inscription. My fingers clench around it like a reflex.
"This is his," I say.
My Father's.
"Yeah," Kai says, "yeah, no shit. It was the one he was wearing when he..." My neck and shoulder muscles contract involuntarily. Kai doesn't finish the sentence. "And they mailed it to us," he says at last.
Oh God, I think, oh God. I force a breath deep into my stomach, and then again, trying to impose the mechanics of calm on my body. But my mind is too far ahead.
"So they got it," I say softly. "They got it from..."
"From who knows," Kai says. "Shit, maybe that old Russian guy and the prior at arms are in cahoots. Pen pals or something from fencing camp. Fuck!" He turns around again, arms in the air.
"No," I say, "that's ridiculous." If there's one thing I can say certainly about what the Consistory believes, beyond their unwavering faith in God, it's that the monks of St. Ignaty's, that the whole Russian Orthodox Church, really, are not to be trusted.
"Well, then what?" Kai says. "How would they even know it was there? That he was... that he is..."
Now it's my turn to swear. "Fuck," I whisper. My stomach has sunk so far it's like it's left my body. My throat is tight, choking.
"I bet," Kai says, pacing back and forth, shaking a finger in the air, "I bet there's some kind of tracking devices in those.
Why else would they care if we wore them for Lent?
Who gives a shit? A reminder to be faithful and penitent?
Come on. That's all we thought about, as far as they knew.
We didn't need the extra accessory. For Christ's sake, literally. "
Another chill down my back. "But how?" I bring the pendants right between my eyes, pry at them with the tips of my thumbs. There's nothing there. They're just flats of leather laced around a piece of wood.
"I should have microwaved the thing before putting it on," Kai mutters.
"There's nothing in here, Kai."
"Yeah, nothing visible," he says, throwing a hand out. "They must have, I don't know, enchanted it or something."
Silence stretches between us.
"We don't know that they can—"
"We don't need to know," Kai interrupts.
"Look, let's just say it, okay? We can't trust them.
We never should have. They're obviously fucking.
..fucking psychopaths. Megalomaniacal. Power hungry.
" He shakes his head. "I mean, there's no way Luther's the only one giving them a kickback like that.
Probably have sugar daddies all over the world. The Vatican, for starters. And—"
"Okay, okay," I say. "You don't have to get carried away."
Kai blows out a long breath. "I'm out," he says, eyebrows up, meeting my eyes directly. "I'm out. I'm done with them, with all of it. I'll take care of Gwenna. I will die for Gwenna. But as for the rest of it..."
"I know," I say. "I..."
I hesitate. But I don't know why. What even is left? The vows are broken. The quest is solved, in a sense. The Consistory has nothing to offer us, except perhaps some way to stop what's happening to the earth around us.
But if they sent this, if they had this, if they know my father is dead, then they must know I killed him.
They might know a good deal more.
Kai's right. We can't trust them.
"I am too," I say out loud.
Kai's brows go up further. "Really?" he says softly.
"You said it first," I point out.
"Yeah, but..." Kai swipes at the air. "When have I ever been a role model? And for you, of all people."
I fix him with a stare. "I trust your judgment, Kai."
Kai looks away. Looks at the mirror opposite the machines instead of back at me, like he’s studying the two of us. Studying me. Then he mutters something I can’t quite make out.
“What?” I say.
“Nothing.” Kai exhales. “Just, I never thought you looked that much like him, you know? Your dad.” He breathes in sharply, chews on his damn lip piercing because he knows it'll drive me crazy, and turns to look at me properly.
“Anyway. That's that, I guess." He stares down at the scapular in my hand. "So now what?"