35. Resistance
“ I ’m going for a walk; I’ll be back in a little while.” Aisling stood in the doorway between Rodney’s chamber and their adjoining bathroom. He was lying sideways across his bed, flipping through an old comic he’d tucked into his bag. He’d had several more, along with two paperbacks, when they’d packed to go to Aisling’s apartment on the mainland, but left those behind to lighten his load when their plans changed.
He looked up at her from the page quizzically. “A walk?”
“I’m restless,” she said. “I haven’t been able to fall asleep yet.” She had tried, though not for long and not terribly hard.
“And do you always brush your hair before you go for walks?” he challenged.
Aisling reached up defensively to touch the ends of her hair. “I always brush it before I go to bed,” she shot back. “But like I said, I couldn’t sleep.”
Rodney hummed, then rolled onto his back and held the comic up over his face. “I won’t wait up.”
It took her longer than it should have to reach Kael’s chamber, having turned around several times, convinced she was making a mistake. There was a voice in her head, loud and crystal clear, that repeated over and over all the terrible, cruel things she’d expected Kael to say when she returned. It was unkind, that voice, even though he hadn’t been. And she thought that she deserved every unkind thing it said.
By the time she stopped outside of his doors, her heart was hammering almost painfully against her ribs and her palms were sticky with sweat. A light shone through the crack beneath the doors, and it flickered and shifted as Kael moved around inside. She wiped both hands on her thighs before knocking softly. In the few seconds it took him to pull one of them open, Aisling prayed he would ignore the disturbance. Or that the movement inside was Methild, cleaning, and Kael wasn’t there at all.
“Aisling,” he said, surprised. She loved the way her name sounded in his mouth, almost as much as she loved the way his name felt in hers. “Is everything alright?”
“I wanted to apologize again for Rodney’s behavior earlier. I talked to him; it won’t happen again.” All of the more plausible excuses she’d rehearsed on her walk had dried up on her tongue .
“No need,” he assured her. “He is only protecting his friend. I might even call it admirable, were it not directed at me.”
“Still,” she said, “I’m sorry.”
Kael moved closer to her, so that she had to tip her chin to look up at him. “Was there anything else?”
Her breath hitched slightly. “Did you find any other books?”
“A handful. If you’d like, we can meet tonight in the library to read through them.” His silver eyes were focused so intently on hers that she thought he might set her aflame where she stood. The heat that burned in her cheeks felt awfully close.
“That would be good.”
A smirk lit Kael’s face. “You came all the way here to discuss Rodney and books?”
“I just came to apologize for him.” The tremor in Aisling’s voice, and the fact that Kael undoubtedly heard it, only intensified her blush.
Kael leaned against the other door, still keeping that closeness. “So you mentioned.”
“Right,” Aisling said. The way his shirt subtly outlined his muscles had rendered her nearly speechless. The way his pants hung low around his hips, showing just the barest sliver of skin above the waistline as he settled his weight onto his shoulder, had halted all rational thought.
“Would you like to come in?” he asked, still in that same teasing tone. When she could only nod, Kael stepped aside and pulled the door open wider. His chamber was warmly lit by candles and a fire that burned low on the hearth. He’d been reading; there was a book flipped over the arm of the chair beside the hearth to mark his place.
“May I pour you a drink?” His voice startled her; she’d hardly heard him cross the chamber to where he kept several bottles of honey wine on a small table. Aisling nodded gratefully, already eager for the drink to soothe her nerves. When he handed her a full goblet, she thought his fingertips lingered where they brushed against hers for just a second longer than they should have.
Kael pulled up a second chair so that they could sit side by side before the fire. The hypnotic movement of the flames gave Aisling something to train her eyes on, something to prevent her from looking over to study the Unseelie King.
“I never truly thanked you,” he said after a while, breaking the silence that had fallen over them.
Aisling turned in her chair to face him. He was already facing her. “For what?”
“For coming back. For bringing me back.” The marked rigidness he usually carried melted away like ice thawing under warm sunlight—those layers of protection he wore so determinedly had fallen away one by one until all that remained before her now was raw and real.
“I’m just glad I could help.” It fell short of everything she wanted to express, those words, but none would have done her feelings justice.
Kael finished his wine, then, once Aisling had done the same, took her goblet and set it on the ground beside his. He rose to his feet and extended a hand to her. When she took it and stood, he guided her to stand directly in front of him. He ran the rough pad of his thumb across her cheekbone and the featherlight touch made her shiver involuntarily.
“There are a great many things I have done in my years that I wish I could change,” he said low. “I should not have sent you away as I did.”
Aisling had to remind herself to breathe, but the exhale felt stuck in her lungs. “Anyone would have done the same. I should have told you sooner.”
“You are here now.” Kael slid his hand to her neck, then lower, so that callused thumb was tracing her collarbone. “And you are so beautiful.”
Each word that left his lips ticked down her spine, sending sparks through each vertebra one by one. She leaned into his caress, placing her own hand over his to hold it there against her chest.
“You’re not afraid of me?” she asked, though she almost didn’t want to know the answer.
He smiled ruefully. “There is only one monster between the two of us.”
“Stop that,” Aisling scolded, tightening her grip on his hand. “You’re not. I wouldn’t be standing here if you were.”
Kael bent down and kissed her once, softly, then again. “What I feel for you is the kindest thing about me. The only kind thing.”
Undone by the earnestness of his admission, Aisling rose up onto her toes to capture Kael’s lips, far less gentle than he had been. She was feverish in her desire for him, but she found an edge of resistance beneath it all. She could feel it in the way he controlled his movements, in the way he seemed to pull himself back just before giving in fully. She could feel that same resistance in herself, too, though she was reluctant to acknowledge it.
She braced her hands against his hips and made to push back, but his arms around her waist held her in place. Both were breathing hard. Kael tucked his chin and pressed his forehead against hers. They held each other that way for some time, content to wordlessly be in each other’s space. For now, it was enough.
For a week, Kael and Aisling spent their nights in the library. Briar remained by Aisling’s side, growing steadily more tolerant of Kael. Rodney joined intermittently, sitting for as long as his attention span would allow before setting off in pursuit of his own agenda. They read through page after page in the tall stack of manuscripts Kael thought might contain something useful until the words swam on the parchment.
But it was their days that Aisling looked forward to the most. Each morning, she’d tiptoe through her and Rodney’s adjoining chambers. Briar was easily bribed to keep quiet and Rodney, the heaviest sleeper she’d ever known, made for a poor sentinel. Only twice did he wake as she opened the door, both times grumbling something unintelligible and annoyed before rolling over and going back to sleep.
Kael began leaving his door slightly ajar, an unspoken signal that he was inside waiting for her. They spent hours together learning, exploring the limits of their trust, of their connection to each other. She was addicted to the taste of him, to his pine scent filling her nose, to the brush of his fingers over her bare skin.
So when he finally asked her to stay instead of returning to her own bed to sleep, Aisling didn’t have to think about her answer; it was already waiting on her lips.
He had held her close, arms tight around her even as he slept, as though afraid that if he loosened his grip even a fraction she would disappear altogether. She didn’t mind, though. Now, she thought, she was the Red Woman and she was his.
“That can’t be it,” Rodney said apprehensively. Despite the growing sense of despondency that threatened to crush Aisling, the most steadfastly hopeful among them, they had carried on as the pile dwindled to five books, then to three. But when Kael closed the cover on the last and largest tome, still without having found an answer, all three sat in resigned defeat around the library table.
“I’m sorry,” Aisling finally said. “I really thought it would work.”
Kael leaned over and pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “We will keep looking.”
All week, he’d been careful not to show too much affection when they weren’t alone. Aisling had avoided it, too. She was surprised by his action, however brief and small, and was unable to hide her smile despite the glare Rodney shot at them.
“Where else would we look?” she asked, glancing around at the library shelves.
“Books are not the only source of knowledge in Wyldraíocht,” Kael said .
At this, Rodney perked up slightly. “You think she would know?”
“She may.” Kael leaned back in his chair, a thoughtful expression on his face.
Aisling frowned, confused, and looked between the two males. “She?”
Before either could answer, Werryn stormed in from the corridor. His gaunt face was flushed with rage and a dagger was clutched in his shaking hand. Too weak to brandish it effectively, he held it low in front of his waist. Aisling drew back when he came to a stop nearly within striking distance.
“What is the meaning of this?” Kael demanded, rising from his chair and stepping closer to Aisling.
“You are a fool, Kael, to bring this serpent into our court. You’ve damned us all.” His eyes were narrowed and angry and fixed on Aisling.
“ My court,” Kael corrected him coolly.
Werryn ignored him. “You have allowed the Red Woman to bed you with no consideration of the destruction she will wreak on everything we have built.”
Across the table, Rodney paled. From where she sat, Aisling could see the muscles in Kael’s back tense in response to the High Prelate’s accusation. Still, his countenance remained aloof. “Have you only just now realized who she is? It’s taken you long enough to see what has been right in front of your face.”
“It is your arrogance that will be this court’s destruction, Red Woman or no.” Werryn hissed the words sharply. Spit collected in the corners of his mouth and his robes seemed to vibrate as he shook with rage.
“You are dismissed, Prelate.” Kael took another step so that he now stood between Aisling and Werryn. His hands were balled into tight fists at his sides, and from them thin tendrils of shadow were beginning to leach through his skin. Aisling stood quickly and worked one of his fists open to slide her own hand in, lacing her fingers between his and squeezing. She felt the thready shadow writhe once between their palms before it dissipated.
“She will ruin everything, and you would stand by and watch it happen.”
“And you will be watching from a dungeon cell if you do not leave,” Kael shot back. “Now.”
Werryn, now aware of the dark, thickening ribbons reaching for his wrists, backed away. “She will ruin everything, Kael,” he repeated before retreating from the room.
Still keeping her grip on his hand, Aisling guided Kael to sit. That same resistance she felt when they kissed, she found now when she tried to send her calm into him as she had before. He was reluctant to let her back in so deeply, to give her back whatever power she held over him and his magic. She reached across his lap and took his other hand, too, and tried to push past the wall he’d built.
“It’s alright,” she soothed. “Trust me. Let me help you.”
Little by little, she coaxed that wall down. She could feel it coming apart; if she closed her eyes, she could almost see it crumbling until finally, finally, there was nothing left of it standing between them. The resistance was gone.
Kael winced as he attempted to pull those swirling currents back in. They retracted slowly, but willingly. He was in control again.
Rodney, who had not yet seen firsthand Aisling’s interactions with Kael’s magic, watched wide-eyed, somewhere between horrified and awestruck. She wondered what it looked like from the outside, whether he could somehow see everything passing between her and Kael. The feelings exchanged, the trust growing, the calm overtaking the storm.
If it looked anything like it felt, it must have been beautiful.
Not minutes later, Kael stood in the library’s doorway, speaking in hushed tones to a guard he’d summoned. Their voices were too low for Aisling’s ears, but she could tell by the set of Kael’s shoulders and the tight, affirmative nods of the guard that he was delivering harsh orders.
“I never should have sent you here alone,” Rodney muttered, more to himself than to Aisling. He was shaken by the encounter with Werryn, and by witnessing Kael’s magic and tenuous control over it up close. Reluctantly, Aisling tore her gaze from Kael’s back and turned to her friend.
“Rodney,” she said, waiting for him to look at her. “I’m fine.”
“But you weren’t then,” he argued.
“Well, I am now. I don’t want you carrying this guilt anymore. I could have said no, too.” She stood and circled around the table so that she could lean down and drape her arms around Rodney’s shoulders. He reached up to hold onto them and tilted his head so it rested against hers.
“You didn’t know what you were getting into. I did.”
Aisling tightened her hold on him. “Everything worked out how it was supposed to.”
“You will not see him again.” Kael came back into the library and stood stiffly beside the table. “I’ve ordered him kept in his chamber; guards will be posted at his door to ensure it.
“You can’t have him executed?” Rodney asked, not entirely sarcastically.
Kael shook his head. “I cannot.”
By the drawn look on his face and the pained tightness in his voice, Aisling knew that he wanted to. He’d wanted to before—she’d seen it—but he wouldn’t. Werryn was as much of a father figure to Kael as an advisor. Though he’d never admit it, Aisling thought he still harbored some childlike fear of the High Prelate.
“Thank you,” she said before Rodney could press further. She straightened up, still with her hands on Rodney’s shoulders and, in a bid to distract them both, she asked, “Who were you talking about earlier?”
“Sítheach.”
“The Diviner.” Kael and Rodney both spoke at the same time. Kael shifted uncomfortably at Rodney’s casual use of the female’s name, having only given her title himself.
“She’s been around for a long, long, long time. She sees things,” Rodney explained. He looked to Kael for confirmation, who nodded.
“Like Far Sight?” Aisling asked. Giving Rodney’s shoulders one final squeeze, she returned to her seat .
“Not quite, but similar. Her magic is called Gweldealain .” Kael said. “She keeps much of our old knowledge, and from it divines things yet to come.”
Aisling’s pulse quickened as her hope reignited. She’d have traveled anywhere, met with anyone to forge a new way forward. “How do we get to her?”
“It is less than a day’s ride, though it can be difficult to secure an audience with her. Most are turned away.” Kael began to pace slowly.
Rodney leaned forward to rest his elbows on the table. “Surely she wouldn’t turn away the Unseelie King.”
“I have tried more than once without success. But,” Kael paused, lost somewhere deep in thought, “the Red Woman may have better luck than I.”