Chapter Eighteen
Later that afternoon, after she’d seen Luz put to bed for a nap, Vivian slipped out to further her exploration of the well-manicured grounds of Secretary Yarrow’s estate.
Near the great house, she was drawn to a one-room ornamental greenhouse. The air inside was richly humid and heavy with large tropical plants. The lush, colorful garden gave her a powerful wave of homesickness for the hot Carolina summers of her childhood. Then, she stopped short.
Xavier.
Again.
Seated at a wrought-iron bistro table, he held a pen hovering over a stack of cream-colored papers written in a close hand. “Ah.” He glanced down at the paper, and his lips pinched.
“I can go,” Vivian offered.
“No, wait, please. I have just finished writing you a letter.”
“A letter?” Vivian raised her eyebrows, curious despite herself.
He gave a helpless little gesture at the paper.
Vivian lifted the top sheet up and read aloud, “Miss Bowen, I fear I expressed myself most inappropriately. I can only say that I was quite overcome with emotion and unable to think clearly. While I have no intention of bringing you pain or humbling myself, I do ask that you read this letter so that I may better explain myself.” She met his eyes, and her mouth lifted in one corner. “No intention of humbling yourself?”
“I …”
“You’ve never unbent at all, have you?” She returned to the letter.
“You have accused me of two very different offenses. The first is that I took Caspian away from your sister, and the other, that I ruined the prosperity and prospects of Silas Gatlin.” She met his eyes again and couldn’t hold back a smirk.
“You’ve listed my accusations so clearly. I do like a man who can listen.”
Xavier covered his mouth with one large hand.
Vivian sat down across from him at the table and continued, “At the evening of the ball at the Hayes Estate—where I had the honor of dancing with you—I watched Caspian and your sister together. Caspian, I saw, was falling in love with Delilah. But your sister, while polite and kind, was not, I judged, in love. She had many suitors to choose from and did not single out Caspian in her affections. If she agreed to an arrangement with Caspian, she would do so out of a sense of duty, and my dearest friend would be perpetuating a system of injustice against everything we value as Martians. If you are correct here, then I must have been in error. Your superior knowledge of your sister must make the latter probable.” Vivian stopped again.
“How kind of you, Mr. Dorsey, to give me superior knowledge of my own sister. That must have been difficult for you.”
Xavier seemed unable to contain his own smile. “This may be the most humiliating moment of my life.”
Delight bubbled up in her chest at his willingness to let her poke fun at him. Had she realized he was capable of putting aside his pride?
“Good,” she shot back. “You’ve earned it.
” She continued reading. “My abhorrence for the Red Mothers initiative is well-known. I will not apologize for convincing my friend to avoid participation. On this subject I have no other apology to offer. If I have wounded your sister’s feelings, it was unknowingly done.
” She tapped the letter. “This is a terrible apology. One of the worst I’ve ever seen.
” She reached across the table and picked up the next page.
“How is this letter only half over? What more could you possibly have to say?”
Xavier barked a laugh and made a gesture for her to continue.
Vivian read on, “With respect to that other, more serious accusation, of having injured Silas, I can only refute it by explaining in full his connection with my family. Silas is the son of the house manager of Dorsey Estate, and we were raised together as boys. When my father died, he left a considerable sum of money for Silas.” Vivian looked up at him.
“I know this part. Silas told me everything.”
“I assure you, Miss Bowen, you do not know the whole story.”
“Fine.” Vivian returned to the letter. “After having gambled away the windfall, Silas came to me and begged for additional funds. I foolishly agreed. He then asked me again, and again, as his debts increased, until, finally, I refused to comply. I must now mention a circumstance that I would wish to forget myself, and which nothing less than the present circumstances would make me tell any human being. Having said this much, I feel no doubt of your discretion. Please do me the courtesy of burning this letter after you read it.”
Vivian sat up straighter, intrigued despite herself. “Are you about to trust me with a juicy secret, Mr. Dorsey? How unexpected.”
Xavier raised his eyebrows. “I suppose I am.”
“I can hardly wait.” She continued, “My sister, who is ten years younger than me, was fifteen when Silas began to show an interest in her. Zuri remembered Silas fondly from when she was a child and believed herself in love. She had not yet received a contraceptive implant, and Silas—”
She paused for a moment.
“Silas impregnated her. He persuaded her to attempt to carry the fetus and to hide the pregnancy from all around her. Zuri sought no healthcare until she suddenly began hemorrhaging and needed an emergency abortion. She nearly died, and she still experiences chronic pain from her ordeal.”
Vivian had to put down the letter. She closed her eyes and pressed one hand to her face. The living nightmare of Sumter. A woman bleeding out, begging for help at the clinic. Turned away. If Zuri had been in the camp, she would have died.
“Oh,” she finally whispered. “I’m sorry for making light. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“You didn’t know,” Xavier murmured.
“I’ll stop. I shouldn’t have mocked you.”
“Please, Miss Bowen. Continue.”
With trembling fingers, Vivian resumed reading: “Silas’s chief interest was undoubtedly my sister’s fortune, but I cannot help believing that he also wished to take revenge on me.
If he had caused the death of my sister, his revenge would have been complete indeed.
” Vivian cleared her throat. “You were correct when you accused me of being unhappy with my own feelings of love toward you. I can only say that I’ve been used badly in the past and regard love as a danger to my sanity.
I should have done you the courtesy of keeping my feelings to myself, since I have no intention of participating in the immoral project you have been contracted to see through.
You can be assured that I will no longer express such sentiments to you.
You have asked me to stay away from you, and I will respect and obey your wishes. Sincerely, Xavier Dorsey.”
Vivian clutched the letter tightly with both hands. The lightness she’d felt only moments before had dissipated, leaving only the familiar feeling of dread as she faced her future.
“So there you have it,” Xavier said, rising to his feet. “I find, often, I am unable to express myself fully with speech. I trust in this letter I have explained myself in full.”
Vivian re-read the last line again. Had she asked him to stay away from her? Did she want him to keep his distance?
“I will ensure the next time our paths cross is after Presentation Day. I am doing you no favors hanging around like a besotted fool while you are working to fulfill your contract.”
“I—alright.” What else could she say? He’d made her no offer at all when he’d confessed his love, and he clearly had no expectation of her returning the sentiment.
She’d known from the very beginning he was an unsuitable match, hadn’t she?
And he was right—she had a contract to fulfill.
She would endure three difficult pregnancies on behalf of another man, and Xavier’s moral code would remain unbroken.
“Goodbye, Vivian.”
She shivered upon hearing her name from his lips for only the second time. “Goodbye, Xavier.”