Chapter Forty-Five
Vivian touched her inner arm. The injection spot was slightly sore, and she could feel the small implant on the surface of her skin through the bandage when she pressed down.
Free.
A weight had lifted. The weight she’d carried since her mother had warned her not to get pregnant when they’d first arrived at Sumter.
Gone. Just like that.
On the sidewalk outside the clinic, she paused. Her next shift at the water treatment plant wasn’t for two days. In her cozy apartment, her mini coffee maker and pre-law reading list waited. Her new life, the one she had built for herself, beckoned.
But something was missing.
Vivian walked slowly to the station. She thought about the first time she’d realized how desperately she wanted more out of life, lying in the field of thyme.
The strength in her limbs when she held the greatsword.
The power she’d felt standing in front of the Council, knowing she was making a compelling argument.
The way Xavier had looked at her with pride and sorrow before he’d walked away on Presentation Day.
He’d told her she was free. And she was. Free, finally, to make her own decisions.
Vivian turned away from the route back to the university district and mounted the platform on the opposite side of the train tracks.
The first part of the route, Vivian now knew by heart. She got off in the industrial district and transferred lines without getting lost. When she stepped off the train at Dorsey Station, she stood for a long moment at the end of the road.
The cubed black-and rust-colored house was unchanged.
But she was different.
Vivian walked down the road with her head held high, her pulse jumping at her throat.
The housekeeper opened the door with a welcoming smile. “Miss Bowen, what a pleasure to see you again.”
And there he was. Descending the floating stairs.
The most infuriating man she had ever met.
The man who had inspired her to want more. To be more.
Now that she was in front of him, she found she did not know what to say. His black hair was longer. She wanted to reach both hands up to touch his head and find out how it felt. She wanted to grab him by his untucked dress shirt and pull him to her. But she remained frozen, just inside the door.
Xavier paused at the bottom of the stairs. “Vivian, are you well?”
Vivian swallowed a sudden lump in her throat and nodded.
He remained silent and still, as if afraid any movement on his part would frighten her away. Vivian twisted her hands in front of her. He hadn’t even invited her into the parlor or offered her a refreshment. Did he wish she’d stayed away? She shouldn’t have come.
“I saw there was a service for your aunt,” Vivian offered into the silence.
“Indeed. A grandiose affair. She would have been disgusted by the expense, but it was what Arcadia needed, after experiencing such violence.” A muscle in his jaw twitched. “What I needed, after committing such violence.”
Vivian thought of what he’d looked like the last time they’d been together. Drenched in blood, face heavy with grief. She shivered. “And August? Is he settling in?”
“He has ably led the Council through turbulent times these past weeks. There’s even some talk of supporting him permanently for the role.” After a short pause, Xavier said, “Caspian tells me your sister is well.”
“Very well. Filling Hayes House with paintings.”
“And you?” His hand gripped the railing so hard his knuckles turned pink.
“Fine.” She cleared her throat. “Well.”
“I like the coveralls. They suit you.”
Vivian looked down at her outfit in dismay. What had possessed her to come here in her work uniform? She’d taken to wearing the comfortable coveralls on her days off since she couldn’t afford yet to purchase a full new wardrobe.
Should she have changed into the attire he would expect from her? No. She wasn’t coming to him as a Red Mother. She was here as the woman she’d become. The woman she wanted to be.
“I have all my dresses lined up in my apartment closet.” Vivian picked at her khaki pants.
“But I haven’t had the occasion to wear them since I’ve started working at the water treatment plant.
Perhaps when the school year starts. I’ve been warned I’ll be the only Earther in the classes, and I know I’ll need to maintain appearances to earn respect. ”
Xavier’s eyes crinkled. “Apartment? Job? And school? You’ve wasted no time.”
“Law school. Thank you. For the scholarship.”
“Of course.”
The conversation hiccupped to a halt.
And then, Xavier burst out, “Please do not trifle with me.”
“Trifle!”
“You once told me I was the last man on Mars you could ever love.” His eyes glinted mischievously, and he took a step down the stairs.
“If your feelings are still what they were then, please tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject forever.”
“Very funny.” She stepped forward so she stood at the bottom of the steps. “I’ve tried not to love you. But I can’t help it. I love you against my will and my reason.”
He took another step down to meet her. “That sounds familiar. Should I tell you that you’re the last woman in the world I could ever love?” He cupped the side of her face in his long fingers.
Vivian pressed her own hand against his and looked up into his expressive brown eyes. “If you want.”
“It would be a lie.” He grinned at her. “I cannot say when I fell for you. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.” He pulled away slightly. “All that I am—all that is in my power—is yours. But what do you desire, Vivian Bowen?”
He’d asked her a question like that once before in the early days of their acquaintance, and she’d struggled then to answer.
Now, her response flowed easily from her lips.
“The freedom to make my own choices. A means of supporting myself and my parents. A real education. A career protecting others’ freedoms.”
He hadn’t stopped smiling. “Is that all?”
“No. There’s something I desire that I don’t have yet. You.”
He moved his thumb to trace her jaw. “You have me. All of me.”
Vivian bit her lip. “I haven’t had all of you. Yet.” She turned her arm to the side and showed Xavier the tiny bandage. “Dr. Chavez told me the implant takes effect immediately. Martian medicine is quite extraordinary.”
Xavier’s eyes widened. “I meant it. Anything I have to give that is in my power is yours.” His smile turned into a smirk. “Anything.”
“Anything?” she repeated, her heart lightning.
“Indeed.” He took her hand in his, squeezing with his light Martian grip, and led her up the stairs.
She stepped into his bedroom for the first time.
Floor-to-ceiling windows overlooked the edge of the dome and the rocky, barren surface of the untamed Martian landscape beyond.
A sitting area contained a sage two-seater sofa, a side chair, and a redstone coffee table.
And the bed. An enormous white oak canopy bed with a taupe bedspread.
“I think I’m a little scared,” Vivian confessed. “I thought I’d feel differently, once I had an implant.”
“I’m scared, too.” He squeezed her hand once and let it go.
“You?” She gave a nervous laugh. “But you’re so experienced.”
“Perhaps, but I’ve never done this with you.” He moved away from her and sat down on the sofa, giving her space. “We can wait until you’re ready.”
But Vivian didn’t want space. She closed the distance between them, stepping between his legs and leaning forward until their noses were brushing. “I’m ready.” She kissed him. Xavier gave a small groan into her mouth and pulled her tight against his chest.
“I’ve missed you,” he said between kisses. “Vivian, I’ve missed you so much. I’ve thought about coming to find you every day, and every day I forced myself to wait.”
“Me too,” she murmured. “Every day. You were right to wait these past few weeks. But now, I don’t want to wait a minute longer.”
“Everything in my power to grant is yours.” His long fingers unbuttoned the front of her coveralls, and he pulled them down without removing his lips from hers.
He made short work of her undergarments, until she was bare before him.
“So beautiful,” he murmured into her neck and scraped his teeth against her skin, making her shiver.
Vivian tugged on his shirt until he stood.
She undid the first button, exposing the hollow of his throat.
She reached on tiptoes to lay a kiss there.
Vivian kissed her way down his chest as she undid the rest of the buttons, her tongue finding the puckered pink nearly healed wounds, making him gasp in what Vivian was unsure was pleasure or pain.
“You like that?” she teased.
“I do,” he breathed, looking down at her. “Too much for you?”
Vivian huffed a laugh against his skin. “No. You’re going to have to try harder to find my limits.”
Xavier let out another groan and pushed her lightly backward to fall onto the bed.
He knelt before her and brought his face between her legs.
It was better, so much better, than on a cold, dirty floor in a warehouse.
She relaxed fully on his large canopy bed, letting her pleasure grow until she shuddered and writhed.
He stood, smiling at her, and pulled down his trousers. Vivian drank in the sight of his tall, lanky form. “Are you ready?” he asked.
Vivian nodded, shy again.
Xavier hovered above her, not quite entering her. “Tell me,” he whispered in her ear.
“I’m ready,” she gasped.
And she was.
He was gentle with her and slow, so slow.
She suspected it wouldn’t always be like this.
That she’d learn what he needed, what he craved, and his desires might sometimes be dark and violent, and maybe a little scary.
But this time, their first time, he moved slowly inside her, letting her get used to the sensation.
He bent his head low and kissed her softly, whispering, “I love you,” over and over like a prayer.
He gasped her name when he climaxed and then planted a row of kisses trailing down her neck, her collarbone, and her breast before coming to rest his head against her chest.
Later, she thought, they’d explore each other’s bodies for hours, finding the edges of compatibility between the Earther and Martian physique, the gap between his fantasies and her limits.
They had time. A lifetime, perhaps. But for now, she was content to lie on her back, sated and a bit sore, with Xavier curled protectively around her, his leg draped over her hips.
“I wasn’t sure—” Vivian swallowed. “I wasn’t sure I could enjoy something I’ve been afraid of for so long.”
Xavier traced the line of her brow. “Thank you, for trusting me.”
“Always.”
“Vivian …” He hesitated. “You needn’t work a manual labor job. Now that—now that my aunt is gone, I have full financial control of the Dorsey Estate. I will gladly give you the money to send to your parents. Whatever you need.”
“It’s enough that you funded the scholarship. I want this job.” Vivian pulled his body closer to hers. “I want to exercise my fundamental right to be self-reliant. And I need to know that I can support myself and my family.”
“I understand,” he murmured. “Only know that I am here.”
“I know. And I want to be with you because you make me happy, not because I’m dependent on you.”
“Happiness, is it?” Xavier huffed warm air against her neck. “I once heard you say you had no expectation of happiness.”
Vivian turned her head and kissed him. “I’ve learned to expect more.”