Chapter 16 #2
Arms encircled me, strong and tight. Alex pulled me close, the solid warmth of his body lending me the support I sorely needed. He placed a light kiss on my head, and I knew I was safe to tell him the rest.
“Twice a week, at the same hotel, became as much a part of my routine as attending lectures and writing assignments, and I did it right up until I graduated. I’d saved a lot of money, and I was going to use some of it to go travelling for a year.
I had it all planned out. And then one day I got a call asking if I wanted to attend a party—” Alex’s muscles twitched as I clung onto him.
Fear rippled through me that this would be too much for him to take.
I looked up. His expression was closed off, unreadable, rather than full of the disgust I’d half expected to see.
“Go on,” he said quietly.
I settled back into him, taking my time to gather my courage to tell him what happened next.
“A select client list, I was told, at a large house just outside London—”
“Whereabouts?” Alex’s arms tightened around me.
“What? Why does it matter where it was? It was somewhere in a posh part of Surrey, at a huge modern house. I remember thinking, when I first saw it, how ugly and cold looking it was. The party was a weekend affair, and if I had any reservations about it, the fee on offer swept those aside. The amount was eye watering and if I’d really thought about it I’d have realised there would have been a reason why.
But what they were paying…” I shook my head as I thought back.
“It was going to be my last big earner. I was going to go out on a bang. Sorry, that was one bad fucking joke.”
I wriggled out of Alex’s hold and pushed myself to the edge of the sofa.
I needed a break, a breather, before I went on.
The coffee had gone cold, but it wasn’t caffeine I wanted.
Opening up the cheap brandy, I sloshed some into the glasses.
Swallowing back a mouthful, the burn at the back of my throat made me cough and brought tears to my eyes.
Alex plucked away the glass and put it down, and took my hand in his.
“You’re the only one who knows,” I said, my voice little more than a rough whisper.
“We all had our reasons for being there. Some were students, like me. Others had full time jobs but couldn’t make ends meet.
But we had a choice about what we were doing, there was no coercion. That wasn’t the case for everybody.”
“What do you mean?” Alex asked slowly, keeping his gaze locked to mine.
“What do you think? Some of the lads were foreign. Most of us were apprehensive, but those lads were shit scared.” I turned away and poured myself another drink. If the first had scorched itself down my throat, the second didn’t even touch the sides.
A warm hand settled on my back, stroking in wide, lazy circles. Closing my eyes, I sighed because his sure touch was what I needed more than cheap alcohol.
“If you don’t want to say anything more—”
I shook my head hard as I twisted around, meeting his gaze. I’d gone too far to stop. Alex eased me in closer, and I settled into him once more, needing to feel his solid warmth up hard against my back. But it also meant I didn’t have to look him in the eye when I told him the rest.
“There were about sixteen of us, maybe a few more, and it was made clear that whatever the clients wanted, they got. Jesus, I thought I was experienced, but it was another world. It wasn’t like meeting the men in the hotel, that had been kind of straight forward, or mostly.
This—this was feral. It’s the only way I can explain it.
It was like the boys and believe me, there were a few I can’t believe were legal, were just meat to be fed upon.
” I swallowed hard as the memories of that one and only party I’d been to flashed through my head.
I wasn’t a prude. Sex came in all shapes and forms, but as long as it was consensual and nobody got hurt there was no issue.
The problem was, some of the boys did get hurt, and badly.
“There were a lot of drugs and they were being handed out like sweets. I knew what most of them were but others were new to me. There was pressure to take stuff, and a lot of the lads did. I think for some it was a way of settling their nerves and just getting through it. I wasn’t going to take anything, because I wanted to keep my wits about me.
But that wasn’t the only reason.” I huffed out a small laugh.
“When I was about fifteen, I was with some friends and one of them had some dope. I ended up being sick everywhere, and I never lived it down. It kind of put me off ever being tempted again, thank god.”
I lapsed into silence. Alex said nothing as he held me close and placed a soft kiss on the back of my neck. It was what I needed, as it gave me the strength to finish what I’d never, ever thought I would tell another living soul.
“There were no boundaries. It was fucking scary, if I’m honest. And as for me not taking anything…
” I swallowed and Alex rested his cheek against my head.
“Something, somehow, was slipped to me. I thought I was being so careful. Some of what happened in that house, it’s like it was yesterday it’s so clear, but there are loads of blanks, too, stuff I can’t remember.
Whether that’s a good or bad thing, I don’t know.
“When I came to, I was on a bed with three of the other lads. One was curled up and crying, the other two were asleep or passed out. I was covered in bite marks, scratches, and welts. There were dark bruises on my wrists and ankles, and around my neck. And—” I swallowed hard at the memory that would always be there, in some dark corner of my brain.
“There was a cage in the corner of the room. Like a dog cage. There was a young guy inside, curled up tight because there was hardly any room for him to move. He had—had—” My voice cracked as I relived that terrible morning.
“He had a collar on. It was tight, I could see where it had rubbed the skin of his neck raw. There was a padlock on the cage, but it wasn’t locked.
I tried to pull him out, to get him to come with me, but he wouldn’t move.
So I left him there, with the others, because all I knew was that I had to get out, and fast.
“I found some clothes. They weren’t mine, so they didn’t fit me but I didn’t care.
The party was still going on in some of the rooms, but I was able to get out of the house through the kitchen.
When I’d arrived, there had been some security guys, but they were nowhere to be seen.
I climbed over a wall, and crawled through some bushes, anything to get away.
I was scared stiff somebody would stop me, but they never did.
I found a twenty pound note scrunched up in the stolen trousers I was wearing. It was enough to get me home.”
I twisted around in Alex’s arms and stared at him.
“It was Sunday afternoon. I’d arrived at that place early Friday evening, and I can’t remember most of what went on during that time.
I stood under the shower until the water started to run cold, as I tried to scrub away everything that had happened.
I got paid, as agreed, with nothing docked because I’d checked out a bit early, and it was more money than I’d ever had.
What I did to earn it, I’ll never know, and I don’t think I want to.
But it made me feel sick. Maybe I should have done something noble with it, like donate it to charity, something that would have made me feel clean.
But I didn’t.” I rubbed my hands down my face, feeling suddenly and overwhelmingly tired.
“I got myself checked out, at a private clinic. It cost a small fortune, because they were able to fast track. The results all came back clear, and as soon as they did I brought all my travel plans forward because I had to get away as fast as I could. So that’s why I went to Thailand, where I swam in warm water and lay under a hot sun, where I leant to SCUBA dive, and taught a couple of sweet, funny, smiling kids English.
It’s where I rediscovered that there are good people in this world.
Thailand became not just my happy place, but my saviour, as it helped me put back the pieces of who I was. ”
I stood up and held my hand out to Alex.
“Now take me to bed and hold me as tight as you can to stop me from breaking in two.”