Chapter 5 #3
“Well…here’s the thing.” Tonka ran a hand through his hair.
“School’s out really soon, and I…I like you, Henley.
” She looked surprised by his words, but he forged on.
“I know I haven’t shown it very well, but I do.
And even though I just met your daughter yesterday, I like her too.
You’re a big part of what makes The Refuge special, and you know as well as I do that summer is busy for us.
Losing you for a few months would suck. So…
” He shrugged. “Me helping to solve your childcare issues is a win for everyone.”
Tonka had kept his gaze on Henley while he was speaking, and he loved the small smile on her face when he’d first started…but by the time he was done, she was frowning slightly.
“Yeah, that makes sense. I wouldn’t want The Refuge to lose any business if I wasn’t here. Not that I couldn’t be replaced. I mean, I could probably ask Mike, my boss, if he could talk to the other therapists in our practice and see if they wanted to work here this summer.”
Tonka realized that she’d taken what he said the wrong way. Just like she had last night.
Henley had her head down, looking lost in thought, and he took a step toward her, putting his finger under her chin and forcing her to meet his gaze.
“That came out wrong,” he said quietly, hardly believing he was touching her beautiful face.
Her skin was smooth and warm, and it took everything in him not to cup the back of her neck and pull her closer.
An image of Brick standing close to Alaska and kissing her popped into his mind, but he pushed it away.
“What I meant to say was…I don’t think I could go all summer without seeing you. ”
“Oh,” Henley said softly, staring at him with wide eyes.
“Yeah. Oh.” He frowned slightly. “Another reason why I stick to hanging out with the critters is because I’m not that good with words,” Tonka told her. He hadn’t dropped his hand, but she didn’t seem to mind, so he kept his finger where it was.
“I think your words are pretty darn good,” she replied.
Tonka stared down at her for a long moment. Should he kiss her? Did she want him to? Lord knew he wanted to lean down and see if her lips tasted as good as they looked. But he wasn’t sure this was the time or the place. “I never did thank you.”
She frowned. “For what?”
“When that guy came here looking for Alaska. I kind of lost it on you…and you helped. A lot. You didn’t push me to talk, you were just there. I appreciate it.”
Her eyes got soft. “You’re welcome. Finn?”
“Yeah?”
Henley licked her lips, and Tonka barely held back the groan that threatened to escape his lips.
“I like you too.”
Her voice was soft and low, and when she reached up and wrapped her fingers around his wrist, Tonka’s resolve not to kiss her was seriously tested.
“Are we…doing this?” she asked before he could respond.
“This?” he asked.
She blushed, and Tonka thought it was adorable. They were grown adults, and yet somehow it felt as if he was a teenager fumbling his way through his first relationship all over again.
“Yeah. You like me, I like you…”
He smiled. It still felt rusty, but good. “Yeah. We’re doing this,” he told her. Then blurted, “You want to go to dinner with me sometime?”
She returned his smile. “Yes. Is it okay if Jasna comes?”
“Of course. I want to get to know her too. But I’m thinking there may be times when I wouldn’t mind if it was just the two of us, as well.”
Henley nodded. “I have to admit…I was beginning to think this would never happen. I mean, I’ve kind of liked you for a long while now. But I wasn’t sure how you felt.”
“I liked you too. But I wasn’t in a headspace where I could do anything about it.”
“And now you are?”
It was a fair question. Tonka nodded. “After what happened to Brick and Alaska, I kind of realized that I was letting the assholes in my past win. I’m not saying I’ll ever be normal.
I’m broken, Henley. And I know it. But I got mad.
Angry that even though the man who caused my pain is rotting behind bars, I’m kind of rotting right along with him. ”
“I don’t know what happened, and you don’t have to tell me.
I mean, I want you to, but I understand if you can’t.
But, Finn, you aren’t rotting. Not by any stretch.
You’re an integral part of The Refuge. You’re doing something that none of your friends can.
Taking care of the animals is what you were born to do.
Anyone who sees you with Melba and the goats, and all the other animals here, knows it.
Our pasts shape who we are today, and while I hate that you obviously went through something awful, the man standing in front of me is anything but broken. ”
Her words were a balm to his soul. “There you go, being all psychologist-y on me,” he said with another small smile.
Henley shrugged. “Hazard of dating a therapist. Does it bother you?”
“Honestly?”
“Always.”
“A little. It’s partly why I haven’t let you know how attracted I am to you.
But that night in the barn…it helped me understand that you’d never force me to talk about anything I don’t want to.
And maybe you knowing there’s this huge thing in my past that I can’t talk about will make me want to talk about it. Eventually.”
Henley let go of his wrist and placed her palm on his cheek, and Tonka immediately tilted his head slightly, giving her some of his weight.
Her touch felt so good. Grounded him. The last time he’d felt this at ease was when Steel was still alive, and he’d snuggled with his snoozing dog on the couch while he watched TV.
“Do I want you to tell me what happened to you? I won’t lie.
Yes. But do I need you to tell me in order to like you?
To want to go out with you? To want to get to know you better?
Absolutely not. We don’t have to figure everything out right this second.
Knowing you feel the same attraction is enough for today.
We’ll take the future one day at a time. Okay?”
Tonka nodded, loving how her palm stroked the short beard on his face.
“Thank you for talking to the others about Jasna. I promise I won’t take advantage of all your generosity. And if things don’t work out, if my daughter is more trouble than anyone is ready for, we can reassess.”
“Henley, she’s twelve. How much trouble can she get into?”
She laughed and dropped her hand. Tonka figured that was his cue to step away from her, but he hadn’t expected it to be so difficult.
“She’s almost a teenager, Finn. She’s hormonal, and while we have a good relationship right now, I fully expect her to enter the ‘my mom’s an idiot’ phase at any time.”
Tonka shook his head. “Not gonna happen.”
Henley simply shook her head. “Just promise that if things get weird, and it becomes more work to have her here than you expected, you’ll let me know.”
“I will,” Tonka replied, but he had no doubt that Jasna would be just fine.
“Okay. I should probably get ready for my session so I can get back before Jasna gets home from school.”
The thought of her leaving made Tonka frown, but he nodded anyway.
“Are you going to sit in on the group session today?” Henley asked.
He reluctantly shook his head. “There’s stuff I need to get done down at the barn. But I’d like to see you before you leave…if that’s okay?”
“That’s okay,” Henley reassured him with a smile. “I’ll wander down to find you when I’m done.”
And just like that, Tonka felt better. Knowing he’d get to see her again was enough to lift his mood. “All right. Have a good session. And if anyone gets too worked up, give one of us a yell.”
Henley rolled her eyes. “I know the procedure. And everyone will be fine. How many times have the guests gotten out of control since I’ve been working here?”
Tonka shrugged. “Never.”
“Exactly,” Henley said with a laugh.
“But I’m thinking that’s partly because I’ve made it a point to sit in on the sessions with some of the more…wounded…guests,” Tonka told her.
Henley stared at him. “That’s why?”
He nodded.
“I wondered.”
“They all fill out a questionnaire before they arrive. We ask them to be honest about their triggers and their state of mind. When we have guests who’ve admitted they’re struggling and have anger issues, I’ve made it a point to be there during the group sessions.”
“I…I didn’t know.”
Tonka shrugged. “It might have taken me a long time to get up the courage to admit my attraction. That doesn’t mean I haven’t been trying to watch over you. And now that I’ve said it out loud, it sounds kind of creepy.”
“It doesn’t,” Henley said immediately. “It’s…nice.” She smiled up at him.
“Right. So…I’ll see you later then,” Tonka said, uncomfortable with the emotions rolling inside him. He’d been going through life in a haze for so long, it was tough to deal with all the feelings he was having at the moment.
“Okay,” Henley said.
Tonka backed up toward the door, not wanting to take his eyes from her until he absolutely had to. When he bumped into the door, she chuckled, and Tonka couldn’t help but return her smile.
He reached for the doorknob and walked back into the great room of the lodge. Giving Alaska a chin lift, he headed for the back door, his steps feeling lighter than they had in a very long time.