Chapter 6
Six
James
With my very busy schedule, I found it difficult to do anything personal this week, but I needed to visit Vuheia’s temple.
I didn’t manage until the night before my coronation, and it was nearly eleven by the time I got there.
Fortunately, all the gods’ temples operated twenty-four hours a day without rest. The gods did not sleep and people’s needs weren’t on a timetable. I’d never been so grateful for it.
Dame Temperance and Sir Lanslet came with me, clearly confused as to why I’d visited this goddess, this temple.
Vuheia wasn’t a popular deity during times of peace.
I chose not to explain myself to them. One of the few benefits of being a prince.
They were quiet and deferential, but given more time, they’d open up to me. It just made for a quiet trip tonight.
The temple itself wasn’t lavish, more on the modest side.
It stood two stories tall and was one of the oldest structures in the city.
You could smell the age of the building just standing on the bottom step, and while it was well kept, moss grew up between the weathered stones, and the slate roof showed some wear and tear.
The smell of candles, of incense burning, felt like a homecoming as I stepped through the main doorway, pausing only to reacquaint myself.
Inside was a singular room with a large statue of Vuheia toward the far wall, surrounded by tables where people could place offerings or written prayers.
Also arrayed near the tables were prayer altars with benches to kneel on and small tables that each held a candle, as well as paper and pen to write the prayer.
Not everyone wrote their prayers, some choosing to only kneel and pray. I normally didn’t write a prayer out. This time, especially, I didn’t dare. It would read unhinged if it fell into the wrong hands.
The temple was quiet, the atmosphere not hushed but soft in the dim mage lights. I felt calmer and more at peace here than if I’d been in my own bed. At this time of night, only the priests and one other person were inside. I more or less ignored them.
My knights took a seat in the very back, giving me some privacy, as I made my way to the front. I chose an altar at random and knelt, hands resting on the thin wooden desk. I closed my eyes and breathed for a long moment, soaking in the atmosphere.
My soul felt ready to speak before my mind could resolve to do so. When I spoke, it was very quietly, basically a whisper. “Vuheia.”
I didn’t expect a direct response, but a distinct hand on my shoulder startled me.
I knew she wasn’t physically present, but I felt her, as if she truly stood right next to me.
It was such a strong energetic presence that my right shoulder especially felt charged with static. I had no doubt a part of her was here.
“I’m not here for anything in particular,” I murmured.
“I just needed some reassurance, I guess. This is emotionally harder than I thought it would be. I thought I would be fine right out the gate, but instead I’m struggling.
Part of me still grieves Edwin’s death and mine, even though we live.
I’ve struggled with nightmares, reliving the past—only it’s not the past anymore, is it?
I’m so emotionally confused on how to process everything that rest eludes me completely, which, oddly, isn’t even the worst part.
I didn’t realize how dependent I had grown on Edwin in the past. So many times I’ve turned to speak to him, only to realize I can’t.
He’s not my Edwin, not yet. I don’t have that relationship with him anymore. It pains me in a way I can’t express.”
“Don’t lose heart, James.” The words whispered more in my mind than in my ear. “His body does not remember but his soul does. He will be yours again, and sooner than you expect.”
Wait, what did she mean by again? He’d never been mine the first time, right? RIGHT?! By refusing to make a move, had I denied us the chance to be together and happy?
Despite feeling like a complete moron over the prospect, hearing some part of his soul still remembered me made me giddy beyond all reason.
It reassured me to know I wasn’t starting over, that I hadn’t completely lost the man Edwin had become.
There were no words to express how I felt over the idea.
Being with my love was not only possible but would happen soon.
“Thank you. I know I need to be more patient.”
“You do. You’re trying to do everything at once. The world will not collapse if you take it slower.”
“I feel so pressed for time, as if everything is urgent. It’s hard to put things into priority.”
“Even if things go awry, you will be able to counter and fix the problem. You were given your Tasks for a reason.”
“I thought the reason is because I’m crazy and full of myself?”
She laughed, the sound deep and throaty. It made me smile, because how could you fail to be happy when hearing that joyful laugh?
“James, you must remember, I did not give you these Tasks because of what I saw you do in the past. Time is meaningless for the gods. I see you as you were, as you are, and as you will be. In the many incarnations of your lives, you have never failed me. Not once.”
Tears burned in my eyes, and I realized I’d truly, truly needed to hear this.
“This is why, when you refused to move to Paradise without Edwin, I chose to honor your heart’s desire. You have not failed me. I will not fail you. Remember, I am at your side and ready to strengthen you whenever you need it. You are not alone.”
I put a hand over hers, even though I didn’t feel her physically. “Thank you.”
It did and didn’t surprise me that I’d served her multiple lifetimes. I hadn’t intellectually known, but something in my soul rang true. The long relationship I’d had with her explained why she had so readily given me the second chance I’d asked for.
She squeezed once, and then her presence disappeared. Still, I knew she hadn’t entirely left my side, which gave me reassurance, reinforcing my heart. Coming here had been the right decision, even at this hour.
Vuheia’s voice chided in my ear, “And get some damn sleep. You’re spiraling.”
That had been so motherly in tone, I almost laughed. She wasn’t wrong. My lack of good sleep definitely affected my mind and mood. Perhaps taking a sleep potion tonight would be a good decision after all.
Rising off the bench, I looked about and spotted the table I needed.
The secondary reason I’d come was to replace my necklace.
At this point in my life, I hadn’t worn any sort of religious emblems. I’d only done so as we’d prepared for war.
I wanted my necklace back. It had been a comfort to me and it felt wrong not to wear it.
The priests of Vuheia crafted these emblems, the rule being to donate any amount you could to offset the cost of materials.
They ranged from basic wooden carvings to more sturdy metal ones, all strung on a simple black cord.
Vuheia’s symbol was one of war, naturally—an arrow and a sword crossed, superimposed over a shield.
As a child, I’d been drawn to the image because it was the only religious symbol that had anything to do with archery, and I’d been obsessed with archery even then.
Now, I had to wonder if my soul had recognized the symbol as belonging to my goddess, someone I had apparently been serving for multiple lifetimes.
One of the priests spotted me near the table and rushed over, his sandals slapping against the tiled floor. He bowed, round face lit up with a smile. “Your Highness.”
I almost corrected him, but I’d been correcting people all day that I wasn’t a prince yet to no effect, so…meh. “Hello. I’d like one of the necklaces.”
He stared down at the array of necklaces as if he’d never seen them before. “Ah, these are all very humble in craftsmanship. I can arrange—”
I threw up a hand to stall him. “One of the iron ones is fine.”
The idea of this apparently didn’t sit well with him, as he seemed on the verge of panicking. “No, you’re nobility. You should wear something silver, at the very least!”
I had a feeling previous nobles had raked this poor man over the coals for offering only “humble” craftsmanship. I’d find out who and give them a tongue-lashing. The audacity! “Priest. My soul is not more important than yours. The only difference between us is our Tasks.”
He rocked back on his heels in a strong double take, then his eyes welled up. “You are a true child of Vuheia. That’s precisely what she teaches us.”
He had no idea… I just smiled. “So may I have a necklace?”
“Please. Take as many as you’d like.”
I’d take two, then, to hang one above my bed. Maybe it would also help me sleep, if she guarded me in my dreams. Right now, I’d take anything that could help. The nightmares of the past hounded me constantly.
I selected two of the iron ones, one of which I immediately put around my neck, the other I slid into a pocket.
Knowing they were a small temple and likely didn’t get donations often, I pulled out my wallet and counted out ten gold coins, which basically emptied my purse.
Then thought better of it and folded the full amount into his hand.
The priest startled all over again, almost dropping the money before seizing it with both hands. His eyes widened as he stared up at me.
“If you need anything, reach out to me,” I said. “I’ll take care of it. Walk with Vuheia.”
His smile was brilliant as he echoed, “Walk with Vuheia.”
I clapped him on the shoulder before turning, heading toward the entrance. My knights had rejoined me by the time I reached the door.
As I took the reins to my horse from the stableboy, Dame Temperance cleared her throat behind me.
“Your Highness?”
Turning, I looked at her in question. “Yes?”
“Do you truly believe that? That your soul isn’t more important than another’s?”
“I do.” Why was she asking me this?
She slowly nodded, as if confirming something to herself. “You do treat everyone like that, as if we’re just as important. I’d wondered why.”
“People who believe their lives are more important are the true problem. Their egos lead to their own downfalls, in the end. I refuse to destroy my life through pride.”
She grinned. “Well said. I know you’re getting used to having knights, but please don’t go alone, like you almost did tonight. Unfortunately, not everyone will agree with your views, and I don’t want you ambushed.”
Dame Temperance had saved me more than once in my previous life. I knew her well, and because of that, I shrugged. “I won’t stop you from doing your job. Come now, let’s go home. I, for one, want sleep.”