Chapter 41
Forty-one
James
I explained.
Having already done this once with Edwin, I felt like I did a better job on the second go-around, although both siblings peppered me with questions as I laid it all out.
Edwin got up at one point and rang for dinner to be served.
We shifted to the dinner table once it arrived so I could keep explaining but fill my stomach at the same time.
It took a good two hours to explain everything, and then I sat with my dessert—a truly excellent apple dumpling—and watched them both carefully.
Even in the depths of my explanation, I’d been nervous.
I’d never planned to tell them, honestly, because I’d never thought our relationship would become close enough to do so.
This whole evening far surpassed my expectations.
I felt jittery with uncertainty, but they were very invested in what I’d said.
From the questions and such they’d asked earlier, I think they believed me.
Right now, they were struggling to accept everything I’d shared.
Helena abruptly snapped her head around to frown at Edwin. “He told you first.”
“He did.” Edwin snickered when her frown deepened. “Peace, Your Highness. I confronted him first, is all. I noticed more than you did because I’m with him all the time.”
“I suppose that’s fair,” Helena grumbled, still peeved. “Besides, he was likely anxious to have you back.”
“I was,” I said fervently. “I felt quite adrift, and keeping secrets from him was horrible. It was a relief to have it all out there.”
Royce frowned as well. “Wait, you were lovers then?”
“No, we were not. I wanted to be, but I could not treat him so shoddily when I was married.”
Edwin’s blue eyes on me were warm, all the adoration and affection he had for me clear in his expression. “One of these days, you must explain what past me did to earn such loyalty and love from you.”
“Exist.” I winked at him and caught his scoff. “In truth, dearest, that’s what it amounted to. You were ever my person from the day and moment I met you. Just as you are now. I wouldn’t have made it without your support.”
Royce looked even more mad for some reason. “Did anyone else know? That you loved him.”
“Uh, no? Why are you upset, brother?”
“I’m livid. You were forced to hide how you felt for this man and then forced into a marriage you didn’t want, all by our stupid parents. And for what? She wasn’t even a good queen to our country!”
“No.” I groaned. “That she was not.”
“Speaking of marriages,” Helena said, “you mentioned I married again? Well, in this life, it’ll be my first marriage.”
I felt compelled to apologize again. “I’m so sorry I didn’t prevent your marriage to Gillespie in the first life. I didn’t know enough to overturn it like I did this time.”
Helena reached over to grasp my hand. “I appreciate everything you did. James, don’t beat yourself up over what happened in the past. I don’t even remember it, for one; it did no lasting damage to me.
For another, I know you did everything you could.
That’s easy to see. Even now, you’re doing everything you can. All right?”
I truly wished I’d known her better in my first life. Having her as a true sister now made me regret our lack of relationship even more. “Thank you, Helena.”
“But answer my question. You said I married again? To whom?”
I hesitated. I didn’t want to force her hand, but I was also quite sure this was still a good decision for her. “Earl Lucien Glass.”
“Oh! I know the man by reputation, but I’ve never met him.”
“I was the one to introduce you two in the previous life. I felt so bad about the Gillespie fallout, I thought the least I could do was introduce you to a good man. You and he hit it off immediately.”
“We had a good marriage, you said.”
“You had a fantastic marriage. You adored each other. I was incredibly jealous just watching you.”
“In that case, I insist you introduce us again.” Helena’s curiosity was a living thing in her expression. “I can’t wait to meet the man and see if my past self knew what she was doing. I don’t have a partner for the Founder’s Ball, and it’s coming up soon.”
“I’ll arrange it,” I promised her.
Royce murmured, mostly rhetorically, “So I never married, eh?”
“To be fair to yourself, Royce, you were either battling with salence or we were fighting off demons. Rather preoccupying.”
“No, I don’t think that was the reason,” he surprised me by saying. “Rather, I’m not inclined to romantic relationships at all. I don’t even like sex, to be honest.”
What? Ohhh. He’d never confided in me in the past. “So you don’t want a marriage?”
“No, not really. Which is one of the many reasons why I should not be put on the throne.”
Helena eyed me sideways, looking hesitant. “Um, James. I know you believe I should take the throne.”
I didn’t like where she was going with this. “Yes…?”
“The thing is, I don’t want to anymore.”
My head dropped and I groaned. “For Shidteus’s sake. Someone has to take it.”
“Hear me out. Ever since I started interning at your company, I realized I love business. I love the hustle and bustle of the office, and making decisions that won’t impact a whole country, and being able to work without the high level of politics involved.
I love being in your company and working.
It’s made me realize I would hate being queen.
No one supports me here, no one’s tried to curry favor with me—not like they have with you and Royce.
If I did somehow ascend the throne, I would constantly have to battle to prove my worth.
It would just be a headache. It’s not worth it to me. ”
I ran both hands into my hair and gripped it. Hard enough to hurt. “Heleeeeeena.”
“Sorry. It’s the truth, though. But after everything I’ve seen over the past few months, I think it’s really quite clear. You should be king.”
Royce thrust a hand into the air. “Seconded!”
Vuheia smite it, what the hell?! Why were they being so difficult? They were the ones born into the line of succession!
Edwin lifted a hand, an apology in his eyes. “Thirded.”
Betrayal burned through me. I’d hated being king.
Hated it with every fiber of my being because it had cost me everything.
I pictured putting the crown back on my head and swallowed down the bile attempting to rise.
I couldn’t believe Edwin, of all people, would say such a thing to me.
He knew everything, after all! I protested immediately. “Edwin! You know I loathe the idea.”
“I know. Sorry. I realize it’s not something you want again, but there’s a few reasons I think you should.”
Part of me wanted to shut him down, but I was wise enough to know better. If Edwin had reasons for something, they were usually on point. I’d be a fool to not hear him out, at the very least.
Even if I’d rather be thrown into the sea than take the throne again.
“First, I’ve read through your notebook too many times to count, and while I’m sure you can do some of your Tasks as a prince, you can’t do all. To replicate the same victories that won you Paradise in your last life, I believe you’ll need the power and authority of a king.”
“Surely with the cooperation of a sibling, I can still get them done.”
He made a noncommittal hum. “My second reason is, while you’ve made great arguments about putting Helena on the throne, you’ve not actually convinced anyone. Do you realize we get petitions—daily—from the citizens stating they want you as king?”
I flopped back in my chair, staring at the ceiling. The ceiling, at least, wasn’t being an ass.
“James, you care.” Edwin’s voice was gentle, soft. “It’s been such a long time since the country had a leader who did. I do not doubt Princess Helena would do a good job—”
“Why, thank you, Edwin.”
“—but it’s also not her passion. When someone puts their heart behind it, the work is done so much better. You love leading people. You’re exceptional at it. People all around you have observed this, and they want you as their king. Honestly, I agree with them.”
I eyed him belligerently. My frustration was so great, I might sleep on the sofa tonight.
Frankly, I was past the point of caring if this would be for the greater good.
The greater good could be shoved where the sun didn’t shine and then rotated.
I was not doing this again. NO. I didn’t care what I was offered, what the punishment was, I wasn’t doing it.
“Dearest.” Edwin softened his tone further, placing a hand on my arm. “I know being on the throne was traumatic in the worst of ways, but I don’t believe it will be the same this time. For one thing, you won’t be forced to marry that woman.”
Just mentioning her made me quiver on the inside and sent my already unsettled stomach to roiling. I did take his point, though. “You really think I could avoid her?”
“I’ll put a stop to it,” Helena promised me, smile hungry for blood. “Royce will help.”
“Damn straight I will.”
“He’s right in that we’ll have your back,” Helena promised, still with an eerie smile. “We didn’t in your first life, from what you said, but we will this time. No political marriages for you. If anyone even suggests you marry someone aside from Edwin, I’ll have their liver.”
She was so ferocious in this oath, my lips twitched into a reluctant smile. “I’ll hold you to it.”
“I know you will. You helped me avoid trauma, James. I’ll do the same for you. But I agree with Edwin, sorry. I really think you should be king.”
“I’d like to point out,” I said to the air, “that I can’t. You remember, right? I put a clause into my adoption so they can’t make me king?”
Royce shook his head before I finished speaking. “It won’t stop our parents, you know this.”
He was likely right, dammit. “What if one of you is the monarch and I’m more of a shadow monarch? I truly don’t mind doing the work.”
Helena shook her head immediately. “No, James. It won’t work. No one wants anyone else but you.”
I set to arguing the point, because godsdammit, I really didn’t want that throne.
Edwin
I watched James argue with his siblings and felt bad he was once again considering a position he loathed.
I knew what the crown had cost him, the aftermath, the nightmares, the trauma of life as king—I’d seen it firsthand.
Helped him through it. I wasn’t blind to what he’d survived.
All things considered, it amazed me he was willing to live this life again.
Had fought for the chance, even. In his shoes, I wasn’t sure if I’d have made the same choice.
Even talking about being king must be incredibly painful for him.
If I could remove this from him, I’d do so, but I didn’t see a way for that to happen.
If being king was part of his Tasks, then trying to evade the throne would only lead to failure in the end.
He was normally better at seeing the overall picture.
Maybe his strong hatred for the throne didn’t allow him to fully see the reality.
Even though Helena and Prince Royce had been born into the royal family, they didn’t have the same clout.
The same presence. I’d watched arguments that had been in progress for sometimes years suddenly clear up with James just walking into a room.
He had an authoritative presence. Granted, I bet he wasn’t like this in his first life, not to the same degree as now.
His vast experience had led to part of his confidence. Still, he was a natural.
He could lead this country into something amazing. Under this man’s leadership, we could reach those goals we all aspired to attain.
If we could somehow convince him to take the risk.
I listened with half an ear as he argued with his siblings, trying to use his lethal charm to convince one of them to take the throne. The irony of the situation did not escape me. So many people would love to have the throne—except the three main candidates.
Perhaps this was my Task?
Despite what James kept saying, I didn’t believe riding on his coattails would take me to Paradise as well, not for a second.
No, my Task was probably something wholly different.
Something I’d failed to do in the first life.
I had no idea what it might be. But I did feel part of it was convincing him to take the throne.
I didn’t see how he could attain Paradise again while staying a prince.
How to convince him, though?
How did I even know if I was right?
If someone could just give me a list of things I must do in order to attain the end goal, I’d be ever so thankful. Someone take the guesswork out of it, please. I wasn’t a fan of guessing. Mostly because I guessed wrong half the time.
James abruptly stood. “I’m not arguing this anymore. I will be in the training yard, beating things up so I can feel better. Bye.”
Turning on his heel, James disappeared, leaving the three of us around the table, the remains of dinner between us.
Helena sighed, staring after him. “I do feel bad about being pushy. But I’m very sure he needs to be king again.”
“I am as well.” I shrugged. The decision seemed obvious enough that all of us were in agreement.
“I think it’s also one thing to assure him, another to back up those promises.
If we put our money where our mouths are, we’ll have better luck convincing him.
That said…I don’t know if we’ll have time.
The protests and talks about making James the next crown prince are very loud.
Especially with Victor no longer holding the position of crown prince, and the title itself in jeopardy, people are demanding someone be appointed. ”
Prince Royce slumped in his chair. “I’d take it temporarily if it wouldn’t cause such issues to get back off.”
Which it definitely would.
“I’m also not really in the running.” Princess Helena made a face. “Granted, I don’t want to be anymore, but it is rather insulting. I had such little support it’s basically useless. I don’t know if James can run from this. He might be made crown prince by overwhelming majority.”
Entirely possible. “Even the king and queen are discussing it?”
“Oh, especially them. My father has been quite vocal.” Helena rolled her eyes. “I think he’s forgotten the clause is even in the adoption contract.”
I’d suspected as much. “But if they hit him with the news right now that he’s to be the next king…I don’t think he’ll take it. In fact, I’m not sure how far he’ll go to avoid it.”
All three of us shared a look. No one had any suggestions.
Which was very much not good.