Chapter 56
Fifty-six
Edwin
The bed beside me was empty.
Not good.
I sat up and scrubbed a hand over my face. James had woken me twice with nightmares, and I’d soothed him back to sleep both times, but apparently he’d not been able to rest. If he was already up at this early hour of the morning, then I suspected he’d not slept at all.
Dammit.
The stress of the situation sat like a lodestone in my stomach, so I wasn’t remotely tempted to eat breakfast. I’d end up in the bathroom the rest of the day if I tried. Instead, I washed up, dressed, and took a cup of peppermint tea with me as I looked for James.
Passing by maids and staff in the hall, I heard whispers.
“—you think Prince James was going to be designated crown prince?”
“It sounded like it for a minute before Lord Victor appeared—”
Then another group who were talking just above a whisper, ruminating on the same possibility. And another. Every time I turned a corner, it was the same topic with variations of James marrying Valentina or not, and always said in hopeful tones. No one wanted Victor reinstated, after all.
Granted, they weren’t the only ones speculating. I shared their suspicions, and it could be one of the many things that had kept James awake with nightmares last night. Mostly, though, it had been Princess Valentina entering the ballroom. I’d never seen color drain from a person’s face so fast.
James had told me some of what marriage to Valentina had been like. I now suspected he hadn’t even told me two percent. He wasn’t comfortable talking about her, a boundary I had respected, but I might have to drag more out of him. Just to know how to protect him from her, if nothing else.
I asked multiple people for James’s location, but everyone seemed to think he had gone to the office already. Which, what? He could normally be found in the training yard at this hour. I expected him to be there just to blow off steam, if nothing else.
This did not bode well.
When I finally reached the office, I didn’t see him at his desk. Hmm, maybe he’d run out again? When he got into these frantic moods, he tended to be scattered and go in every direction until I sat on him.
All right, well, my portfolio sat on my desk. I’d grab it first and see if I could hunt him down.
The second I rounded my desk, though, I realized James was under it. Again. Was this becoming a habit? He did realize he didn’t actually fit under there, right? I was surprised he managed at all, frankly.
I took him in from head to toe and didn’t like what I saw.
His eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep, and from the state of his clothes, he’d pulled on the first thing at hand and hadn’t bothered with anything else.
He sat scrunched up, knees propping up his green notebook where he scribbled furiously.
For all that this man could almost make two of me in size, he looked almost…
fragile? I couldn’t think of a better word to describe it.
Like the stress of the situation was breaking him.
Every protective instinct I possessed clamored to the fore, and I was inclined to agree—he needed protecting just then.
I wanted to hug him, reassure him. I’d rarely seen him like this, and it broke my heart knowing how vulnerable he felt if he was once again hiding under my desk.
He’d crash and burn at this rate.
Unfortunately, I failed to possess a magic wand I could wave and magically fix the situation.
Kneeling, I put a hand on his leg. “James?”
He blinked up at me, then blinked again, so lost in his head it took a second to realize I knelt near him. “Morning.”
“It is morning, yes. Dearest, did you get any sleep at all?”
He shook his head and looked back at the book, but he didn’t return to scribbling.
“Can you come out?”
“I’d rather not.”
Had the belly of my desk become his safe place? Why there of all places…? You know what, right now, it didn’t matter why. He clearly needed to be there, and I wasn’t going to force him out. I leaned in and kissed his forehead, just to put a smile on his face, which worked. For about a second.
“All right. I’m going to start working, then. Let me know if you change your mind.”
“Mmhmm.”
I shifted up to my seat, ostensibly looking at my day planner and all the tasks scheduled for today, but my mind lingered on the man sitting at my feet.
Valentina must be even worse of a nightmare than I’d thought, and I’d not been imagining anything good.
What had she done to him, that he’d hide from even the possibility of seeing her?
Just imagining various scenarios made my blood boil.
What could I do to put his mind more at ease?
What precautions could I take to give him the time to find his footing again?
I had no doubt with a full night of sleep and a day or three to clear his head, James would bounce back and have a plan to handle the situation, but he just didn’t have it in him right now.
Which was fine. I could manage until he did.
I got up again and stuck my head out into the hall. “Sir Collins, a moment.”
Sir Collins immediately turned and gave me his full attention. “Of course. How, uh, is Prince James?”
“Rattled.” I quickly put together a half-true plausible story to explain James’s reaction. “James, you see, knows of Princess Valentina, and she is in many ways a female Victor.”
Sir Collins groaned, tilting sideways like he wanted to throw in the towel on this day already.
“Worse, there’s rumors among the staff of our monarchs wanting to shift the engagement over to James, make him crown prince, and have her become our new queen.”
“Shidteus’s balls.” Sir Collins abruptly straightened, eyes wide. “I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy! They can’t really be considering it.”
“I think they are. It’s partially why he’s stressed and hiding under my desk. He wants no part of this girl. I certainly don’t want them meeting, even by chance.”
Sir Collins gave me a nod of sympathy. “Certainly, I can see why. I’ll get everyone stationed so she can’t come within eyesight of him at any point. We’ll give him time, don’t worry.”
“Thank you. I’ll leave it up to you.”
I retreated back inside and reflected, not for the first time, that all our knights were worth their weight in gold. They’d always been the loyal type, but James brought it out even more.
All right, back to what I could manage. I resumed my seat at my desk and felt the soft pet and squeeze around my ankle—a heartfelt thank-you from James.
I ducked a bit to see his face. “Anything else I can do?”
“I can’t think of anything, and trust me, I’ve been trying.”
“You’re also so stressed and sleep-deprived your eyes are crossing, dearest. I don’t think you’re capable of rational thought just now.”
He hummed a noise in what could’ve been assent, could’ve been disagreement. I’d dearly love to coax him into a nap, but I sensed now was not the moment.
My other colleagues arrived in spurts, some early, some later. James wasn’t a stickler about a starting time as long as the work got done, and truly, that was the healthiest perspective for office work.
McCoy, who sat next to me, immediately noticed James under my desk and looked perplexed.
I put a finger to my lips, shushing him, before scribbling a quick note.
He’s beyond stressed and hiding from Princess Valentina, leave him be.
I passed the note over. McCoy read it through and frowned, then scribbled a reply underneath mine.
Engagement really going to be transferred to Prince James, then?
A shudder went through me, but I grimaced and replied.
Suspected, not confirmed.
McCoy made another sour face and nodded before putting the note into the burn pile. Some documents were so sensitive that a knight and secretary burned them at the end of the day. I was glad he had the sense to drop it into the right basket.
We all worked silently. The second lunchtime approached, I wrote out a sign and held it up at an angle so James couldn’t see the message: TAKE A DOUBLE LUNCH.
People glanced at each other and then rose.
“I’m starved,” Phila remarked to Jo Ann. “Let’s go into town and eat for once. I want a hearty sandwich.”
“Oh, that sounds splendid. Anyone else want to join in?”
Everyone agreed eating out was a fine idea. I loved how every single person in this room knew precisely where James was and yet no one even raised a question about it. James, you really do inspire loyalty.
The moment they left, the door shut behind them, I looked between my legs again. “Dearest? Why don’t you take a nap while they’re gone?”
He looked blearily up at me. With the way his head nodded, he was on the brink of sleep already. “Is everyone gone?”
“Everyone but us. Hmm? Stretch out a little and sleep.”
“You’ll be here?”
“Right here. Would it make you more comfortable if I lay down with you?”
He pondered that for a second before nodding.
“All right.” I took my chair pillow with me to the floor, using it to cushion my head, and pushed the chair completely out of the way.
James scooted out enough to snuggle against my chest, taking the crocheted blanket I used in the winters with him.
The very second he got situated, he was out like a light.
I swear to you, I was like a comfort item for this man. The moment he had me within his arms, he slept like the dead.
I stroked his hair back from his face, enjoying the silky texture against my fingers, and wished I could do something. Anything. For all James praised my intelligence, I couldn’t see a way out of this predicament right now. Shy of leaving the country entirely, which it might come down to.
Not being the least bit tired, I couldn’t begin to nap, but I wasn’t going to move as long as James slept. His green notebook caught my eye and I lifted it, arranging my arms carefully so I could read it while not disturbing him.
A lot of his notes were doomsday plans for when things went sideways, which meant his mind had gone to a very dark place indeed.
I really had to get him to tell me more about Valentina.
Everything I knew about her revolved around the havoc she had wreaked in the kingdom and how James had only gotten four hours of sleep a night because of her.
He was responding like a domestic violence survivor being forced to share space with his abuser. Which made me quite homicidal in turn.
I skipped back a few more pages, hoping for new information. Half of these plans weren’t even viable (I blamed the lack of sleep) so they could be ignored. Had he learned anything before I’d joined him here? Surely one of his spies had met with him.
Ah-ha, here was the page I was looking for. He had met with both Tremon and Ramsey.
Tremon wasn’t sure how Victor and Valentina met, and he suspected Victor was in touch with Valentina somehow, although he could find no prior correspondence to prove it.
Surely they’d met before Victor boarded the boat somehow?
The man had only been gone a month, after all—too short of a time to arrange any kind of engagement, no matter how informal.
Proving it might be tricky. Victor could be clever when he tried, he just normally didn’t put much effort into anything.
I flipped the page and discovered James’s notes on Ramsey’s visit. I felt like crying or swearing, maybe both, upon reading his intel. So they really had planned to make James crown prince, despite everything?
And—motherfucker. They really were thinking of transferring the engagement with Valentina over to James.
While I’d suspected, I didn’t like having it confirmed. I didn’t like it one bit.
I would ask how they could do this, but I unfortunately knew the answer.
The king and queen were entirely selfish people who thought of their children as political pawns.
Even the promises they’d made to James—in writing, no less—meant nothing to them if they could have their way in the end.
I hugged him tighter, fully understanding why he’d spiraled so badly.
Of course he would, facing this same possibility that had almost mentally destroyed him the first go-around.
Reading his notes, knowing what he faced, made me torn. I still wanted James to be king. I knew he would excel at it. This country might not survive the future if he wasn’t king, but…
If he became king, would it mean marrying Valentina again? Did those two things come hand in hand? Was it fate, set in stone no matter what he did? Was there nothing I could do to counter it, to overturn the events somehow? What was I missing? What had I overlooked to correct this crooked path?
Surely there must be something I could do, if Vuheia herself had told me to protect James.
I’d promised James I’d stay by his side no matter what happened, and I meant it. But I didn’t actually want to watch him marry someone else. Seeing him get married, even if only for politics, would be incredibly painful. My heart would break.
I also struggled to justify the marriage. Valentina terrified James like nothing else. He already didn’t want to be king, but forcing him into the role and marrying him to that she-demon at the same time just to avoid the pitfalls of the future… It was so hard to justify any of it. Even in my head.
My personal feelings aside—which were hella conflicted—I knew the right political answer. James becoming king and marrying a daughter from our ally, whom we shared a border with, would be the right political move.
But at what cost to the man himself?