Chapter Nineteen
Fuckkkkkkk.
I slam the door in Connor’s face, but he catches it with his hand. He looks fucking feral. His scent is blown wide open, and I feel it reaching for me with its tendrils, pulling me toward him.
We play a stupid game of push and pull with the door for a few seconds, but it’s pointless. He could kick it in if he wanted. He looks like he could rip it off its hinges right now.
I let go and back up until I hip-check an end table and wobble the hand-blown glass bird Connor got me for the last birthday we spent together.
He strides in after me and slams the door shut behind him. Then he inhales deeply. I watch his chest swell with the breath.
“ Omega .”
I whimper involuntarily.
“Say something, Lana.”
I can’t. It’s too much all at once. Everything is happening too quickly.
Connor sinks to his knees in front of me and buries his face between my legs. The thin layer of cotton that hits me midthigh is all that separates his mouth from the slick flooding my pussy.
He drags in deep through his nose, and it’s like he’s taking a hit of a drug.
He looks up at me, and his eyes are glassy. Blown pupils eat up his irises.
“It’s you.”
I put my hands on his shoulders. As if they can do anything. As if I could push him away, when all I want to do is wrap my legs around his face and ride.
His fingers dig into my thighs, and there’s a wash of grief across his face as the full realization hits him.
He presses his forehead against my mons. “Oh, god. I’m so sorry, Lana. I’ve been a fucking fool.”
I don’t know how to respond, what to say. His scent is fast becoming overwhelming. I can taste him on the back of my tongue.
“You’re mine,” he whispers, rolling his head against me like a cat marking me with its scent. “You’re mine.”
He pulls back, his fingers digging dimples into my thighs.
“How could you keep this from me?”
That’s it. The reminder I needed.
I push him away. “You have to leave. Cassandra is waiting for you.”
He swallows. “We need to talk.”
“There’s no time. My heat is starting.”
“I know. God, I can smell it on you—but I can’t leave. Leaving you feels like dying.”
I grimace. “Welcome to hell. You must be new here.”
“I didn’t know Cassandra was coming. I told you, we aren’t together.”
“For now.”
Connor snarls. “ No . You think I could ever want another, after finding you? You’re my mate . Even if you won’t have me, I’ll wait for you. I would drag myself through broken glass just for a taste.”
My chest squeezes. “Finding me? You don’t get it, Connor. I’ve always been here…always wanted you. This just confirms my worst fears.”
His scent curdles. “Fears?”
“You only want me because our scents are compatible. Because biology dictates it. You didn’t choose me.”
He laughs, low and dark.
“Is that what you think? Do you know why I only ever hooked up with betas in high school? Because the second you presented as an omega, I dreamed of you being mine. I’ve loved you since we were children, Lana.
I’ve always noticed you. Always seen you.
I was afraid that if you weren’t my mate, I’d forever feel torn between you and them.
It was inconceivable to me that I’d choose someone over you.
I resented the fact that biology and pheromones might dictate my future when I already knew who was perfect for me.
I would choose you for the rest of our lives if you let me. ”
The longer I soak in Connor’s words and scent, the more my resistance melts.
“Let me touch you, Lana. Please”
I can’t. It will hurt so much more if he knows everything and leaves me anyway. I won’t survive the bond tearing again.
But my body aches for him.
His hands clutch at me like a lifeline, and he presses his nose into my belly.
“I’m sliding into rut fast, Lana. If you really want me to go—I need to leave, now . Before I can’t make myself. You smell so fucking good.”
My body begs me to give in. To relax into his hold and take everything he’s offering. It will kill me if the bond tears again. Maybe I ought to let it.
Flashes of my first heat play through my mind. The ache, the emptiness and pain. My nails dig into his shoulders. I need him here.
“Don’t leave me.”
His eyes blow wide, and his grip on me tightens. “I’m not going anywhere, baby. You’re mine. Fuck, I can’t believe it.”
His hands slide up my thighs, fingering the edge of my shirt— his shirt. His breath against my skin is molten. We’re descending together, and soon the only thing that will matter is each other. The meeting of flesh and glide of skin against skin. Touch and scent and taste.
“I need to taste you. Please.”
I give a jerky nod, and he peels up my shirt and buries his nose in my curls.
Connor growls low in his throat. His breath is hot on the seam of flesh hiding my clit. He’s so close, yet so far from where I need him.
I press my hips into his face.
He pulls my labia between his teeth and sucks.
“Connor.”
“Mhmm?” he mumbles around a mouthful of flesh.
“This doesn’t mean anything. This—this is a temporary solution.”
His eyes are hard when he nods. He wraps his hands around the backs of my thighs and lifts me. My back slides up the wall, and he spreads me open, hooking my calves over his shoulders.
He’s supporting all my weight, and I’m spread open before him like a lewd feast.
“You smell so. Fucking. Good.”
He stares at my pussy, eyes heavy-lidded. I’m dying for him to put his mouth on me again. Slick dribbles from my opening, long and stringy. He catches it on his tongue then chases the strand back up, till the wet of his tongue meets my opening.
I writhe in his grip, sinking my hands into his hair.
He licks a wide stripe up my core, then buries his face in my pussy, nosing at my clit as he licks up my slick. He laps at me eagerly, sucking up every drop. When he’s temporarily cleaned me to his satisfaction, he focuses in on my clit, teasing it with the tip of his tongue.
I shake and buck in his arms, riding his face with all my weight, and he growls low in his throat.
I grind his face against me where I need it most, and the sloppy sounds of him lapping me up drive me crazy.
“Come for me, mate.”
I fucking love it when he calls me that. His words send me over the edge. I quake in his arms, and he hums against my pussy in approval.
The orgasm high fades sharply. I still feel empty inside, won’t be fully sated until I’m stuck on his knot.
He slides my thighs off his shoulders, then catches them and wraps them around his waist. He stands up with me clinging to him and carries me to my bedroom, one large hand gripping my bare asscheek. I want him to slide his fingers inside me. I need to be filled.
I bury my face in his neck and nuzzle his mating gland, all red and swollen and angry looking.
Connor’s fingers dig into my skin. I need him to taste like me, smell like me. Make it unmistakable that he’s mine. I have to claim him.
His knees nearly buckle when I lay my teeth against his gland.
He sweeps into my bedroom, growling in pleasure when he sees the makeshift nest I was preparing in a hazy frenzy before he arrived.
“Did you make this for us, baby? A nest for me to knot you in?”
I nod against his neck, and he purrs in satisfaction.
We’re both peeled back to our baser selves now, biology and instinct laid bare. There’s no more pretense between us.
“Good omega. I’ve been waiting so long to knot you. To feel you spasming around me while I fill your cunt with cum.”
He closes his eyes and blinks hard, then shakes his head like he’s trying to shake the rut for a moment. “Can’t—no condoms?—”
My omega is displeased at the idea that he doesn’t want to pup me, but she’s an irrational animal operating on instinct. Family planning isn’t high on her list of concerns.
“It’s okay. Kanata said I’m not likely to be fertile again for a while, while my system recovers from the suppressants.
Connor snarls at that, then takes a deep breath. “Sorry. My alpha doesn’t like the idea that I can’t get you pregnant.”
I trail a hand down his chest. “Then pretend you can.”
Heats are deeply intertwined with alpha biology. He’ll be obsessed with keeping as much of his cum in me as he can, whether or not a pregnancy is actually possible.
He lets me down slowly, and I slide past his rigid erection.
“Give me your clothes. For the nest,” I say.
He strips and hands them over. His body is a work of art. Tan flesh rippling over taut muscle. His cock is hard and rigid, pressed flush against his belly.
I knew he was large, but he’s bigger than I imagined. Seeing him naked is a little intimidating.
Thick as a Coke can and long. The perfectly shaped mushroom tip is large and ruddy with blood and already pearling with precum.
I audibly swallow. “Fuck.”
Connor chuckles, and his dick bobs. I wonder if he can pulse it like that on purpose.
"We'll make it fit."
I add his pants and shirt to the pile of clothes, blankets, and pillows arranged in a U-shape on my bed.
Connor shifts his weight from foot to foot. We've run headfirst into this scenario, neither of us fully prepared for the reality of what's about to happen.
He fingers the edge of my shirt. "Can I take this off?"
I nod and raise my arms, and he lifts the shirt slowly, rough palms gliding along my skin as he raises it over my head. It's the first time he's seen me completely naked since we were skinny-dipping teenagers.
"I'll try to make this good for you. I can't make up for the past, but?—"
I press my finger to his lips. "Shh."
I don't want to think about the past right now.
I slide backwards onto the bed and spread my legs. Connor crawls after me and scoops his arms under my thighs, spreading them even wider.
His fingers trail through my slit and trace my opening. "What a needy little pussy, clutching at nothing. So eager to be filled."
He works two fingers inside me, and even with my slick easing the way, it’s a tight fit.
He glances from his fingers to me. "Christ."