Chapter 16
For a moment,I stand here, my lips pressed against Owen’s. I’m not allowing myself to do anything else. No thinking, no feeling, no exploring. Any of the above would be dangerous, and I’m already on shaky, mile-high stilts walking across a tightrope.
I only did this to shut Owen’s dad up, to keep the peace, and help him save face. No. Maybe that’s only part of the truth. The other part of the truth is that I maybe, sort of, kind of couldn’t keep my curiosity at bay any longer. I needed to know what it would feel like to do exactly this with exactly this man.
But now, here I am, literally kissing my boss and not allowing myself to enjoy it.
Because I shouldn’t be enjoying it. I shouldn’t be leading myself or him on. Especially after that conversation I had with my dad. The one where he told me he had the opportunity to tour a normally forbidden pyramid in Egypt and then go on a two-week-long excursion down the Nile. He won’t be back for who knows how long even though he said he’d be back last week.
But it’s fine. He’s fine. I’m fine. It’s all fine. Because wandering is what makes him happy. Wandering is what makes me happy. We’re kindred spirits with restless souls, unable and unwilling to be tied down to anything.
At least, I thought I was.
But this whole thing with Owen is messing with my head. Because you know what I realized tonight? I realized while eating this incredible meal Owen made, while Kiera tried to tease us and his dad got more and more drunk, that I was happy. Being here with him made me happy.
And the thought of spending more time with him makes me happy too. Usually, the thought of spending more time with people makes me antsy. I need a clear cutoff date, a closing time, or else the thought of staying in one place for too long is too much.
But suddenly, with Owen, it’s the exact opposite. I want to spend more time with him, not less.
That’s because it’s the honeymoon phase. I’m twitterpated. I always feel this way when I think I’ll try dating someone again. It never lasts.
So I kiss Owen, but for both our sakes, I’m as stiff and cold as the floor we’re standing on.
That is, until Owen’s hands encircle my waist and ever so slowly draw my body closer to his until there’s no space left between us. His hands increase their pressure until they force a sigh out of me. The sigh is the key. I relax into him, caving into the desire welling up within me, and melt into him. I’m like clay on a potter’s wheel, bending and molding to the slightest touch.
And oh, wow, am I glad I am, because I would have missed out.
Owen’s lips are soft and warm. Softer than I would have thought possible for a man as tough and hard on the exterior as he is. But they move with surety and confidence. I may have started this kiss, but he’s taking the reins, and that’s fine by me, because I lost control of this horse a long time ago.
His arms wrap tighter around me still, and one hand moves up to the back of my neck, burrowing in my hair and tilting me more fully toward him. I wish my hair had nerve endings too so I could feel all of him in this moment. As his mouth moves against mine, heat rolls through me in waves, crashing and breaking like a fiery ocean of want and longing. It’s embarrassing how much I’m enjoying this. For him, this is probably just a kiss to get his dad off his back, but for me, this is turning into something too big and scary to name.
Don’t fool yourself, Junie. This isn’t just some kiss for Owen either.
The thought pulls me up short. My hands freeze in place against Owen’s chest where they were previously exploring. Tension enters every muscle fiber.
Owen must notice because his lips go still against mine. He’s gasping for breath. We both are.
“Juniper?” Owen whispers my name like it’s something sacred, something special. My full name again. Why do I like it so much when he uses my full name?
I shake my head, pushing away from him and back into my own little bubble of safe space, and that’s when I notice Owen’s dad.
“He fell asleep,” I say, incredulous.
Owen follows my gaze. His dad, who was leaning against the kitchen counter before we started our kiss, has sunk into one of the barstools, head in hand, eyes closed, and is now softly snoring.
“I don’t believe it,” I mutter.
Owen snorts. “I do.” Then he grabs his dad by the elbow and hauls him to his feet. “Come on, Dad. Time for you to go. I think your ride’s probably here by now.”
“Huh? What?” Fred blinks his bloodshot eyes and looks around confused until he sees me. “Oh, Junie. It was wonderful to meet you, dear. Have a good night.” Not a mention of the kiss. Did he even see it? Or had his eyes closed before we started?
He trips toward me and makes a sloppy attempt at a kiss on my hand, but Owen slaps his hands away from me before he can make any sort of contact. “Goodbye!” he calls as he’s being dragged out the door.
I take the chance and grab my keys, following them into the hallway. I’ve got a million alarms going off inside me, all of them telling me to do different things, but I listen to the one that is most familiar: the one telling me to create some distance between myself and Owen.
“Where are you going?” Owen asks as I sneak out behind him. He’s holding his dad up and has pressed the button for the elevator, but even through all this, I can see the hurt in his eyes.
“Um, I’m, you know, going home. To bed.” I cross the few feet of hallway to the door of the other apartment.
“Right now?”
“Yeah. I think it’s best.”
“Okay. You sure you don’t want to stay a little longer?”
Nope. Because the only thing I am sure about is that if I stayed in Owen’s presence alone for any amount of time, I’d end up kissing him again, and that would be…
Bad, Junie. Bad. The word you’re looking for is bad.
“Uh, no. I’m”—I force a fake yawn—“you know, tired and stuff. Well, this was great. Thanks for dinner. See you on Monday!” Then I shut myself in his extra apartment before he can say anything else and lean against the door, telling my wild heart to forget tonight ever happened.
“There she is, the woman of the hour!” Kiera grins as I arrive in the restaurant, but I turn my nose up at her.
“I only came for the food,” I tell her as I slide into the booth. We’re at a super cute Thai place I’ve been dying to try for a while now. I was looking forward to it, until Kiera entrapped Mr. Ferguson and me into going on a couple’s trip to Vail last night.
I blame everything that happened after dinner on her. Everything. If she hadn’t been so insistent that I stop and talk to her and her dad out in the hallway, I never would have been invited to Vail, I never would have stayed to eat, and Owen and I never would have kissed.
Now, thanks to her, I’m going to Vail. With Mr. Ferguson. Where I will be pretending to be his girlfriend after I went and kissed him, and then he kissed me back, and then I really kissed him back.
FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND.
Maybe I’m overreacting a teeny tiny bit, because I know I tend to do that sometimes, but the fact that this is happening on Valentine’s Day weekend makes everything that much more complicated and weird.
One thing’s for sure, I am not telling Kiera that I kissed her brother. We may be best friends, but I’m taking that one to my grave, especially since it was a one-time thing and it will never ever be happening again.
Especially not this weekend.
“Come on, you’re not still upset at me, are you?” Kiera says, making a pouty face.
“What are we upset at Kiera about?” Summer breezes into the booth beside Kiera and looks at us curiously.
“Nothing,” I say quickly. Kiera rolls her eyes and proceeds to spill her guts about my personal life to Summer, despite my insistent kick at her shin under the table. Thankfully, she’s smart enough to talk about things generically, leaving out the fact that this is all happening with Mr. Ferguson, our boss. Summer is in HR, after all.
Even still, I’m squirming in my chair.
It’s not that I don’t want Summer to know. I like her. In many ways, she’s kind of like the yin to Kiera’s yang. Where Kiera is loud and outgoing and sure of herself, Summer is quiet, thoughtful, and more on the shy side. She brings a calming balance to our otherwise crazy girl group.
But she’s also new to my life. Up until now, she’s been a work friend. Someone to sit and have lunch with or send work-related memes to throughout the day. This lunch is the first official get-together we’ve had outside of that, and it’s difficult to open myself up to someone who feels like an outsider. Kiera has been encouraging me to “let more people in” though, and in her mind, the only way to do anything is with a baptism by fire.
As Kiera talks, my stomach churns, and I watch Summer for her reactions. On the surface, she’s as calm and cool as a tranquil mountain lake. Spring roll appetizers arrive on the table, and I munch on one quietly until Kiera finishes.
“Wow,” Summer says, taking a spring roll for herself. “I think if you did something like that to me, it would take a long time to forgive you.”
“Thank you!” I throw my arms up and send another glare Kiera’s way.
Okay, I changed my mind. Maybe opening up to Summer isn’t so bad.
Kiera scoffs. “Fine, whatever. I was out of line a tiny bit, but if you left it up to Junie and this guy to work things out, it would be a decade before either of them asked the other on a date.”
It certainly didn’t take us that long to kiss each other.Ack! No. I shouldn’t be thinking about that. No more thinking about the k-i-s-s.
“So you admit it, you’re trying to set us up,” I say instead.
“Question,” Summer says, holding up a finger. “This guy you’re referring to wouldn’t happen to be Mr. Ferguson, would it?”
Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh. “Uhh…”
“Yes!” Kiera looks way too pleased with herself. “How did you know?”
“It’s totally obvious you two have chemistry. I noticed it the first day you started at Em3rge.” She folds her hands in her lap and nods as if she’s calmly informing someone that their paychecks are scheduled to arrive.
Aaaand I’m back to questioning this relationship with Summer.
“Wouldn’t they make such a cute couple?!” Kiera practically shrieks. Meanwhile, I’m growing more and more red in the face. Fair skin, I hate you.
“Kiera,” I hiss, “Summer is in HR. Shouldn’t we maybe not be talking to her about all this?” Seriously, I’m going to hyperventilate. Someone bring me a paper to-go bag so I can breathe into it.
“Hey, I’m not that kind of HR person,” Summer says, looking offended. “What we talk about out of the office, stays out of the office. And, yes, they totally would make a cute couple.”
“What the heck, Kiera?” I say after I swallow another spring roll down. “Before I accepted this job, you were all, ‘Oh, be careful with my brother. You might not like him so much once you get to know him,’ and now you’re throwing us together?”
“That was before I saw how well you two work together. I’ve seen a change come over Owen during the last few weeks. You’re good for him, Junie. I really think you are. My matchmaking senses are tingling. What do you think, Summer?”
Summer tilts her head, and some of her glossy, black hair spills over her shoulder. “I have noticed things feeling lighter around the office lately. It’s like Mr. Ferguson isn’t quite as uptight as he normally is.”
I will not let that go to my head, I will not let that go to my head, I will not—
It’s going to my head.
I want to ask them a million clarifying questions, but I press my lips together and pretend I’m reading my menu instead.
“When is this trip?” Summer asks.
“Next weekend,” Kiera says. “They leave early Friday morning.”
“Right.” Summer nods. “I forgot Mr. Ferguson usually takes a couple of days off around Valentine’s Day… That kind of makes it weirder, doesn’t it?”
“Yes. So much weirder,” I say. Okay, Summer might have potential to be a yes in my book.
“And why exactly don’t you want this to happen when you clearly like him?” she asks.
Warmth floods my cheeks, and Kiera slowly starts grinning. “I don’t clearly like him, okay? He’s good-looking, but that’s it.” He’s also a great kisser. Don’t forget that part. I groan and cover my face with my hands. It’s a good thing Kiera can’t read my mind. “Besides that, aren’t all the reasons we can’t be together obvious? He’s my boss, he’s Kiera’s brother, oh, and also, once his parents figure out the truth about me, they’re both going to hate my guts.”
“They won’t hate you,” Kiera says, though she looks uncomfortable.
“It seems to me,” Summer says, “that those are all superficial reasons. If you two want to be together, you could find ways around those obstacles. So what are you actually afraid of?”
My mouth falls open at her blunt question, but I’m saved from answering it when our server shows up to take our orders. The server seems to remind Kiera of the guy she recently set Summer up with, and she starts asking about that.
The rest of our time at the restaurant, I can’t stop thinking about what Summer asked. I try to distract myself, but there’s no avoiding it. It’s like I’ve been living in a cave all my life and someone flipped a switch, shining a floodlight on all my insecurities.
Putting up walls is the only way I know how to take care of myself. I never had a problem with it before. Yes, I knew it wasn’t the healthiest way of dealing with things, but I was blissfully happy moving from job to job, place to place, friend to friend. After all, my dad made it work and still does today. What could be so wrong about the way we live our lives?
But over the last several months, I’ve noticed something lacking in my life. Actually, now that I think of it, maybe it started even before I met Owen. Maybe it started with Kiera.
Everyone else in my life, when I left them in the dust, they watched me go. Dad always said it was better to leave people before they could leave you, and I tried to do that with Kiera, but she wouldn’t let me. More than that, she dared to flip that notion on its head, saying, “I promise to never quit you, and if you want to quit me, good luck trying.”
Even my dad, the one constant in my life, was always more of a phantom relationship than anything else; there for me one moment when it suited him, gone when it didn’t.
Kiera, despite all her own personal demons and family dysfunction, showed me what it could be like to have even one person permanently in my corner. And so, for a long time, that’s what I allowed myself to have: one person. Kiera.
But all of a sudden, now that’s not enough. I kind of, maybe, possibly want more. But more can be scary when you’re used to next to nothing.
I do want more with Owen. Not for the next couple of months, but for as long as I can get. But with my tendency to run, I don’t know if I can do that to him. To me. To us. Maybe I tried with other guys, because I didn’t really think it would work out with us in the first place. With Owen, there’s potential for…
No.
I can’t even let myself finish that thought. Yes, I think I’m ready to admit I want more connection in my life, but if there’s even a five percent chance of hurting Owen, I won’t take it.