43
I Won’t Bow Down
Amanda
No one stops me as I wander around the house. The size of it is mind-boggling. No wonder they have people cleaning and cooking for them. If I cleaned a room on one side of this place and managed to make it to the other, it would take me weeks. By then the front rooms would need to be done again. What the hell do they need all of this for?
And how am I going to mess it up?
I start with the artwork hanging everywhere. At first, I want to rip it into pieces. The urge to make a bold statement rises as I stare at a large painting over the fireplace in the lounging room. Is that what it’s called? It doesn’t have a TV or any kind of entertainment. It’s full of stuffy leather chairs and couches with a low table separating them. Maybe it's a meeting room. It’s clean, but it’s obvious it isn’t used much.
I need something more subtle. A psychological needle to put at the back of the mind. Not everything has to be over-the-top violence to be effective.
I can’t reach the top, so I tilt it using the edge of the frame. I step back to take in the one thing that’s out of place and call it good.
The rest of the house is the same way.
If I find a painting I shift it or take it down to lay it in the middle of whatever room I’m in. One, I hide under a couch cushion with the frame sticking out. A hallway filled with them now looks like a funhouse of tilted frames. I flip another over to hang facing the wall.
Upstairs I find a lot of bedrooms with sitting areas attached. Come on, man. Really? Most of them are empty, but some are lived in.
I find Ace’s first. The only reason I know it’s his is because of the smell of his cologne. That is going to haunt me. I can already tell. I look around, debating on what I should do. There’s a framed picture of him with a girl that looks sweet and innocent. She’s hugging him while he is frozen in the middle of an eye roll.
I don’t touch it. I can’t. This is probably the sister he lost. A reminder that there were good days, and now they’re gone.
I strip his bed and toss the sheets out a window, leaving it open so the room can air out. I find a bottle of his cologne and pour it into the toilet. The bottle gets tossed out the window, too. I throw all his clothes into a pile in the middle of the floor and kick it around until I’m out of breath. There are several packs of cards in drawers and a poker kit that’s unopened. I toss them everywhere, from the bathroom to the entrance. Fifty-two pick-up times one hundred.
The next one is Mikael’s. There’s nothing in here that would show this is where he sleeps. His bed is made, and every toiletry is in its place. There aren’t any photos or mementos out. It’s a little weird. I open a drawer and find his socks folded neatly together in a line. Does he have OCD? I cringe at the thought of messing up his space. Out of all of them, it’s Mikael that worries me the most. He seemed nice at one point, but that can turn on a dime. I remember the livid look on his face as he verbally ground me into the dirt with his anger.
That’s the only motivation I need. I move his clothes around. A pair of socks gets tossed behind the dresser, leaving a gaping hole in the organized drawer. Then, I mix and match them. The drawer of shirts gets roughed up until they’re a wrinkled mess. I toss some of his suits out of the closet into the middle of the room and hide a single shoe under his bed. I find a ton of exercise clothes, proving his obsession with keeping fit. I toss those out the window to join Ace’s cologne.
Cade’s room is a mess. It looks like he throws parties in here. His clothes are on the floor, along with a pair of shoes. It looks like he stripped off, fell into bed, and got up to put another suit on. I don’t think cleaning up after him is going to send the right message. I hit paydirt when I open a nightstand drawer. The bottle of lube is perfect. I put some on every knob I can find, from dressers to the taps on the shower. I squirt some on the toilet seat, then wipe it down so it’s less shiny. It gets tacky after a little while, and I crack up. I set the empty container back where I found it and move on.
Jake’s room is a gamer’s fantasy. He has a big desk set up in the sitting area with a couch instead of chairs. The coffee table has his controller on it. There’s a bookshelf filled with games and movies. I see a replica of the poster at the head of my bed hanging over the head of his. I’m not sure what to do. His room I actually feel guilty about. It’s obvious that he had nothing to do with my arrest. He was still out of town with the phones out of commission. Not to mention, he’s supporting my new violent streak. I scramble the order of his video games on the bookshelf and call it good.
The last room is at the end of the hall. I open the door to Gabriel’s room, much bigger than the others. It’s the same setup with a sitting room, bathroom, and bedroom on a larger scale. I take a single step over the threshold and freeze. The sitting room is an almost exact replica of the office, big desk included. I glance to the right, and sure enough, there’s a couch and TV. The sight of it makes my heart clench at memories I want to scrub away. I can see through the doorway into his bedroom. His sheets are tossed everywhere like he had a nightmare. Or got laid.
I back out and close the door quietly after me. I’m not touching anything of his. Anything having to do with him hurts me. I can barely look him in the face. He’s the one that did the most damage to me. He deserves petty vengeance more than any of the others. I’m letting myself down by refusing to go in there and mess his stuff up.
The onslaught of memories from that single indulgence in pleasure has a lot more repercussions than I counted on. Mainly, it makes me want to drink excessively and cry. I don’t want to think about it anymore. Why is my taste in men so horrible? Is it a genetic defect I can get tested for and take pills to make it go away?
I give up on the house search after that. I can’t see any point in continuing. I almost go fix everything I messed up but that would take more effort than I’m willing to shell out. I find a deserted kitchen and make myself a sandwich. I roam a little more, finding a set of stairs leading to a basement. Jake said he had someone down here for questioning.
I glance around, more curious than smart, and head down the stairs. The only thing I find is a home gym that looks good enough to check my membership at the door. I’ll come back here later. I’m in the mood to wallow, not exercise.
My room is the same as before. The chair Ace was sitting in was knocked over when he got up to follow me. The only other thing that’s out of place is my baton. Jakob is resting over my rumpled sheets with a note tucked underneath and a nicely folded pair of purple panties. The bow on the back is large and made of silk ribbon. I’m grudgingly impressed.
Show no mercy.
XOXO
Jake
Look who knew exactly what I was going to do today. I smile at the note and tap it on my hand. For some reason, it makes me glad I messed with him a little. I get the sudden insane thought that he would be upset if I didn’t include him. I tuck the note and panties into the nightstand drawer as if they’re something precious to keep. Then I roll my eyes at my own stupidity and flop next to the stick to watch TV.
The local news isn’t covering anything related to the rash of deaths—another thing slipping under the radar of life. I can’t find anything online, either.
Tera texts me at one point, and she applauds my ridiculous attempt at vengeance. She even gives me ideas for next time, just in case. She’s a little devious but, so adorable with it I can easily picture the things she’s describing. I wonder if she has a villain laugh.
South, the traitor, gets one line that she doesn’t respond to.
Me: Achievement unlocked: still breathing
I thought it was funny, at least.
I decide on a nice soak in the ridiculously big bathtub. I find some Epsom salts under the sink and pour some in without measuring. The water is steamy and perfect by the time I slide in. I’m just falling into a vague, relaxed state when I hear Cade roar out in the distance, “Amanda!”
The doors to the entrance, the bathroom, and the bedroom are locked, which doesn't mean much, so I continue relaxing.
“What the fuck is all over my room?”
He sounds like he’s at the bedroom door. I hear the handle shake violently, and he pounds on it.
“Amanda! Open the fucking door!”
That sounds so tempting, with an enraged killer on the other side of it. Pass.
One heavy hit on the door and Mikael’s voice joins Cade’s. “Did the little mouse play all day?”
He sounds angry but nowhere near the level of Cade. I’m disappointed. Then again, I don’t think the door would survive more hits like that.
“Come out and face the music, rakas ,” Mikael says in his no-nonsense tone.
I don’t know what that means or even what language that is, but I doubt it was flattering. He just called me a rodent. I hate mice. Maybe that’s the point.
I can faintly hear Jake laughing his ass off in the background.
“I’m not mad,” Cade lies with a ragged tone. “Just come out and talk with us.”
Pass again.
“Your methods are unorthodox but pure genius. Very personalized.” Jake calls out with a laughing tone.
I bite my lower lip to keep my laughter quiet.
“I just want to know what I put my hand in,” Cade slams a palm on the door. “Can you at least give me that much?”
I roll around in the tub until I’m belly down and yell out, “Lube! I’m surprised you don’t recognize it, player.”
The curse words he uses as he walks away are eye-opening. Jake is hysterical at this point. I can’t hear anyone else anymore. When things fall silent, I roll to my back again with a sigh. It wasn’t much, but it was worth it.
A gentle tap comes from the door. I should have known they wouldn’t give up so easily.
“Are you having a bath, rakas ?”
Mikael’s rumbling, seductive tone is something I haven’t heard before. I freeze up, all the relaxation gone in an instant. I don’t realize I’m holding my breath until my lungs start burning. He sounds like he got through the bedroom door’s lock and is right outside the bathroom.
“I heard the water.”
Why am I afraid to move? If he already knows I’m in here there’s no point in being quiet.
“Can I come in? I’d like a soak.”
Mother. Fucker.
The words bring up many images that have nothing to do with water. My body is reacting to his voice alone.
I’ve found Mikael attractive. I’ve caught him watching me and pretending he isn’t. I thought he was interested, but I couldn’t imagine him making a move, especially this boldly.
“It’s been a long day and I just found all of my items have had a workout while I was gone.”
Oh. This is his version of punishment. He’s using my attraction against me. I wish it wasn’t so effective.
“Get lost,” I demand with gritted teeth.
“Why?” He lets out a low chuckle.
“Because I’m not falling for any more bullshit seduction techniques. Your boss already used that token. I’m tapping out.”
That was more than I wanted to say, but the verbal reminder cools the effect of his voice nicely.
I relax back in the tub and grab a cloth to wash up.
“You got Gabriel into bed and have no idea what a feat that is.”
Wow, let me celebrate that victory now. And he started it!
“It was a couch, so I don’t think it counts for me any more than it does for him.”
I need to shut up. Mikael is not a therapist, and this is none of his damn business. If bringing it up isn’t driving him away, I’ll have to think something else up.
“It meant a lot more to him than you realize.” He lets out a deep sigh. “It means something to all of us.”
“Sure,” I grumble and scrub harder at my arm.
There’s another long silence. I think he’s finally gotten the not-so-subtle hint and walked away. I’m wrong.
“You know we all want you. You’re not blind. None of us really care that you slept with Gabriel. Watching him try to pretend he wasn’t giddy afterward was hilarious. Watching his heart get crushed after wasn’t.”
I remember the look on his face when he left me on that couch. There was nothing giddy about it. If he wanted to hurt me, he’s managed it nicely.
“Fuck off, Mikael,” I shout helplessly. I wish he was right in front of me so I could strangle him. My supposed theft gave Gabriel the perfect excuse to wipe me out of his life, and I’m taking the hint for once. There’s nothing here for me except more bullshit lies and promises.
“Alright,” he grumbles with frustration. “We guard our own, Amanda. That includes you, whether you like it or not.”
The sound of his hand sliding down the door has me shuddering. Like a beast is outside, and all he wants is permission to ravage me. He may be backing off now, but I don’t think he’s given up any more than Ace has.
“Dinner is almost ready. Hurry up.”
Look what I’m not going to do. I don’t want to sit across from Gabriel and imagine that he had his heart broken over me. I’m busy with survival right now, and they have already proven that’s not in their best interests, no matter what they say now.