Chapter 26 #2
His mouth tightens into a thin line. “Those kids. Little kids. He locked them up. Fed off them. Hurt them.” He looks over at me.
“He was third in the hierarchy of our clan. One of the best Monster Hunters in the country. Yeah, he always wanted more for us. And himself. More money, a better house, getting into high society, I guess, but he was good… A true hero…”
All of Rafa’s usual stoicism is gone. He’s no longer the coldly lethal Hunter. Right now, he’s just this young guy who wishes he could have a parent who loves him. I might not know anything about being a hero, but that I get.
I take his hand in mine. “And he was your dad.”
Tears start to brim. “Yeah. He was my dad. And there’s part of me that can’t help thinking… A dumb, childish part… It’s why I didn’t…” He grits his teeth.
“I would have done the same thing.” Which is true—if I had family who loved me—and I try to say what I’d want to hear right now.
“Nobody knows magic like Ms. Stryker. If there is any way to cure him, to bring him back, she’ll have the answer.
Why don’t you come with me? She’ll want to meet you, anyway. ”
The faintest bit of light fills his expression. “You really think it could be possible? To bring him back?”
“I don’t know,” I say, feeling helpless.
The reality is probably not. I can’t say exactly how vampirism works, but the population is supposedly growing worldwide. I’m pretty sure that wizard council Stryker is part of would be busy spreading a cure, if there was one.
Still, this courageous, surprisingly sweet man is hurting, and based on what his undead dad said, I get the impression that, like me, Rafa doesn’t really have other friends.
I want to provide him some hope; that’s why I put meeting Stryker out there.
In the end, though, there’s really only one thing I have to give.
“Look, whatever the answer is, Rafa, whatever you have to do, all I can promise is that you won’t have to do it alone. No matter what, we’ll figure it out together, okay?”
He brings his chin up and snuffles in a quick, ragged breath, but the tears still spill out. He turns to me and squeezes my hand tight.
“Jesus,” he says. “Why do you have to be so fucking amazing?”
Me? Amazing? Hardly. And he should know that, based on what we’ve just gone through, but now obviously isn’t the time to tell him how wrong he is.
It’s probably also not the time to push him away as he leans in and brings his face up to mine.
Our eyes lock, and I see this need in him. The need to connect, to forget everything, to have something good. Right now, I guess that’s another thing I can really get.
He’s so close, his shuddering breath is on my lips. One second, two seconds… I don’t have to have any experience to know where this might go. He’s holding himself back, waiting on me.
I glance over at Collin, who’s leaning against my desk, gazing back with a gentle smile. Not encouraging me. But not not encouraging me.
And when I return to Rafa, he’s just where I left him. Inches away. And even with tears in his eyes, he really is so freaking handsome. Dark, expressive eyebrows. Flecks of amber in his irises. And those lips, so full… so damn kissable.
I get this is super messed-up. I’d totally be taking advantage.
We’ve got much bigger fish to fry. And an incubus starting something with a Monster Hunter officially qualifies as suicidal.
Me not immediately putting a stop to this is so insane I check in with my monster to see if it’s somehow driving my actions, but it’s as quiet as the Obligation has been.
(Who knows why? Maybe both are just giving me the space I need to tie my own noose.)
Nothing’s putting any kind of whammy on my brain. Looks like Collin will be cool, either way. Whatever I choose to do, it’s all on me.
So what do I want? I want out of my head. I want to disappear completely. I want to feel something that’s not pain or self-hatred, if only for just a few merciful moments!
I lean forward, only a fraction of an inch—and that’s all it takes.
His large hand cups the base of my skull and his mouth hungrily claims mine. And I kiss him back, all the pent-up emotion, the boiling anger at myself, driving me forward. It fuels a need for release. For oblivion.
Rafa’s kisses are different than Collin’s. There’s stubble, and it rubs my chin and the skin above my lip raw. The making out is a lot rougher, wetter, more urgent. Even his jaw muscles feel strong. They work under my fingertips as I cradle his face. As I want more.
I kiss back just as forcefully. I can’t get enough of his sweet, faintly minty taste, the pricking sandpaper of his skin. My teeth scrape at his lips, and I suck him in. He chokes out a high-pitched, constricted grunt. Then another. This big man is whimpering because of what I’m doing to him.
It makes me feel powerful. In control. Maybe he started it, but now I’m the one driving this. I’m the one who gets to decide how far this goes.
It’s hot. Intense. Exciting.
It feels good.
But I don’t deserve this power. My monster might be hanging back now, but it will come for sure if I don’t stop.
And I’ve been lying to this guy. Lying to him about what I am.
About what I could do to him. Even lying to him about what Collin is.
He deserves better, especially after what he’s just been through.
It doesn’t matter what I think I want, because he deserves better than me.
The words are out before I even think about them:
“Rafa…” I say, pulling back, breath ragged. “I haven’t been… completely honest with you.”
I press my forehead against his and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to get back under my own control.
Then I realize what I just said.
Holy fuck.
If there is any statement uttered in the middle of sexy times that demands a full interrogation, that’s got to be it.
And it leads to questions there’s no way I can answer!
I don’t care how guilty I feel, I can’t tell him I’m an incubus.
I can’t even tell him I’m a paranormal. He’ll strangle me to death!
Crap!
My mind races, struggling to come up with something remotely plausible. Maybe Collin will help! Maybe if Rafa questions me, I can just tell him about the watch!
My mouth opens—even though I honestly have no idea where to start—when the Hunter places his fingertips on my lips. “Stop, Alvin. I know what you’re going to say.”
Uh, come again?
He blows out a sigh, cooling down. “I mean, I have a pretty good idea what it looks like to cast a spell. Or not cast one. And I am a Monster Hunter. It’s not like I’m going to miss the signs of what you are.
Not when you can see in the dark or heal from damage that should put you in the hospital for weeks. Not with… everything else.”
My heart stops. I cease breathing.
My world has officially ended.
If he sees my death-spiral freak-out, he doesn’t react. Instead, he continues.
“Just… if it’s okay with you… can we not do this now? After my dad… I just can’t…”
He removes his hand from my mouth and, after a moment, retreats into a huddle on the edge of the couch, fists in his lap. He looks so young.
“Um…” I say, throat dry. “You don’t want to, um…” Kill me? Slash my throat? Blow my head off? I mean, he knows! What the hell do I say to that?
That little, smoldering smile of his returns.
It’s nothing more than a flicker, but it’s there when he glances over at me.
“I think you’re already aware I’m not your typical Hunter.
And you’ve been nothing but good. Wonderful, even.
This whole time. We’ll need to talk about it, but it doesn’t have to be a thing. Just… let’s not do it now, okay?”
I nod, stunned. I have no idea what is happening. He knows I’m not human. That’s clear. The implication, though, is that I’ve carelessly given myself completely away.
Is he saying he’s put together that I’m an incubus… and is somehow cool with it? Cool enough to actually risk kissing me?
(!!!)
Well, even if that is true, the moment for kissing (or even just sitting still!) has passed. Those kids need to be saved now. If they still can be. (Crap!)
“We should go, Rafa,” I say, voice shaky. “My boss is waiting.”
He gives a heavy, almost drunken nod and stands up. Like it’s an unfortunate truth, but what are you going to do? And for whatever reason, he now looks a lot more like himself. His calm, confident expression has returned. Once again, the strong bro-hero who you can rely on to save the day is back.
The moment I get to my feet, he pulls me into an embrace.
It’s not fast. It’s not scary. But it is tight, like he can’t get close enough.
“You’re a good guy, Alvin,” he says, lips pressed into the hair on top of my head. His nose breathes me in. A long, deep breath. “Don’t ever forget that.”
And the moment I hear those words, it’s like a massive dam starts to crack inside me.
My breath hitches, and I’m fighting my own tears.
I hug him back, just as tight. I breathe him in, too—his chest is musky through the cotton chambray shirt, the scent surprisingly pleasant—and I wish with all my heart his words were true. I wish I could believe them.
But I can’t, so I don’t let myself cry. I just give back one more full-body squeeze and try to let the clenched sensation of our hug numb the ache inside me.
Then we part, grab our stuff, and head out the door.
You’d think that with what he just told me, with what we just did, I’d feel some sense of relief. He knows what I am, and he’s acting like it’s something we’ll just talk out. And I have plenty of reason to believe that Stryker’s going to take care of everything else.
But Rafa and I haven’t had that talk yet. Not really.
And vampires could be draining those kids dry right now.
And I really have no idea what Stryker is going to say or do when I see her.
I’d love to believe that the hard part of this nightmare is over, but people are still counting on me. All those kids, Nicole, even Rafa. So, I’m not going to relax, I’m not going to let up, until I know everyone is safe.
I might never be good. But I swear on my life, I’m done being useless.
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