Chapter 110
“It’s done! The deal closed. I need to see you.” The relief and excitement in his voice are unmistakable. “I’m picking you up, and we can spend the next few days doing whatever you want.”
The offer is exactly what I would have said I wanted this time yesterday. I don’t respond, still replaying our morning and considering what I want from Adam.
“Dani, please.” I’ve never heard him beg like this before. “We can go to the cottage or hop on a plane. Whatever you want.”
“Do you promise to give me your full attention?”
“I promise. I’ll even turn my phone off.”
I consider his offer, aware of how much time is passing since his last sentence. My silence and indecision make my heart race. “Not today,” I finally say.
“Dani, we need to get on the same page.”
“Not today!” I yell.
“You want more time with me. Here I am, giving you my time, and you don’t want it.”
I huff. “If I see you, I’m not sleeping with you. We need to talk about a lot of things.”
“Where do you want to talk? Paris? Madrid? We can go anywhere.”
Under different circumstances, this offer would be exciting. It would make me smile. But not today.
“Just come here. We need to talk.”
“I can be there in ten minutes.”
As I open my apartment door, I see “Vacation Adam” is back. It’s all over his demeanor. Leaning down, he goes in for a kiss, but I step back, the distance between us both literal and metaphorical.
“Dani,” he begs.
I gesture toward my couch. Looking around my apartment, I quickly consider how if we break up, nothing can come with me—it’s all his. A memory of me being at Sorin’s resurfaces. Leaving my things behind, needing to get out of there. That memory has been perfectly compartmentalized away until now.
“You have my undivided attention.” After sitting on the couch next to me, Adam turns his phone off for emphasis.
“Since when do you have a white phone?”
“It was time for a new one.” He pauses. “I’m sorry this month has been crazy.” He leans over to hug me, and I let him. “I love this perfume, even if you hate it.”
Right. I glare at him. I haven’t showered yet today. I haven’t done anything but be lost in my thoughts.
“Can we really talk?”
“Is this a ‘we should pour some whiskey’ kind of talk?”
A small smile emerges before I say, “Whiskey.”
Adam gets up and heads into my kitchen while I consider what to say.
“Let’s talk,” he says, handing me my glass before taking his seat next to me.
“You scared me today.”
“Scared?” He looks stunned. “What are you talking about?”
I take a sip of the whiskey, knowing we’re about to dive into a lot.
“It was everything. Everything reminded me of Sorin.”
“What?” He sounds truly surprised.
“Your tone. The things you said. It scared me. I’ve been frozen all day—replaying it over and over. It felt like a warning that something worse might happen.”
“Dani. I would never hurt you.”
“I don’t think you would. But you do have some anger issues.”
“This deal … Everything else. I know I’ve overextended myself.”
“ You deserve to always feel safe . You said that to me after Sorin,” I say, staring deeply into his eyes. “You punched Sorin. Declan made it seem like you punch people often when we saw him at the cottage. Greg told me?—”
Adam cuts me off. “You’re bringing up Declan.” He huffs. “When were you planning to tell me you’ve been lying about him?”
Trying not to look like a deer caught in the headlights, I furrow my brows. “What are you talking about?”
“When were you going to tell me you reached out to him … for years after Sorin?”
How the fuck does he know that?
“Don’t you dare.” His words are tight. “Try to fucking lie about it now.”
“It’s embarrassing …” I take a sip of my whiskey, buying myself a moment to think.
“I texted him when I was in Italy to thank him for the money. I was able to travel so much because of it. I sent him some photos of the views and my food.” I decide to leave out the one text that could derail this conversation even further and other texts after Italy.
“There’s nothing else?”
Fuck. I can’t lie to him like this—point blank. Can I? Do I tell him I tried to booty call Declan a couple of hours ago? I take a deep breath and another sip of my whiskey.
“Jesus, Dani.”
“It’s not that bad.” I say it to myself as much as to him, deciding to answer the literal question. “I was drunk one time in Italy and sent him a photo of me in red lingerie.”
“And?”
“I did drunk text him a few times since then, but nothing as embarrassing as the lingerie selfie. Declan’s never responded to a single text of mine.”
Not until today, at least. Declan’s never going to happen; I know that now. I feel bad holding that back, and at this moment, I vow that if Adam and I make it past today, he deserves to have all of me.
Adam takes a sip of his whiskey. “Am I the only one you want?”
“Outside of Henry Cavill …”
“No bratty comments right now.”
“I don’t want Declan. I’d be fine never seeing his sanctimonious face again.”
“Big word.” Adam smirks.
“I’m full of them.”
We smile at each other for a moment, quickly slipping back into our comfortable banter.
“I need to talk more about why I felt scared this morning. You need to understand.” Adam places his hand on my knee.
“Sorin forced me to quit my job. It was swimming lessons, but at the time, it was how I was saving money. It was all about control.” I hesitate, then add, “You won’t control me.”
“You’re going to do what you’re going to do …
I’m learning.” Adam takes a deep breath.
“Dani, you’re the best fucking publicist for these startups.
You spend their money like it’s your own.
You go above and beyond. You’re so dedicated.
I don’t want you to quit your job, but what I’m saying is you don’t have to be the best publicist in the world.
You can be whatever you want. You can do whatever you want.
You don’t have to carry the stress I do. ”
“That’s a nice compliment from Adam Harris.” I feel proud he thinks that. “I like what I do. I want to keep doing it.”
“What about the nonprofits? What about those big ideas you had?”
“In the future. I don’t want to be financially dependent on you.
” As I say it, I call bullshit on myself since we’re talking in the apartment he’s paying for, sitting on the couch he paid for.
But it’s not like he gives me an allowance.
I pay my student loans with my own money.
I pay my insurance with my own money. I feel independent right now.
“When we’re married, I’ll do the nonprofit thing. ”
Adam smiles. Yeah, I can’t believe I said that either. He leans over, pulling me in for a kiss. The kiss is the kind that apologizes for the past few weeks. It starts to escalate, and then I gently push him back. I am not sleeping with him today.
“How did you get the deal to close?” I ask, curious and very happy the Adam I met, the Adam I fell in love with, is back.
“I showed him the money and told him we were walking away if he didn’t sign within the hour,” Adam says confidently.
“Damn.”
“Meditation and spending so much time with you have made me lose my edge.” Adam winks.
“I think you could use some more meditation.”
“I’m sorry I scared you.” He squeezes my thigh reassuringly.
“I thought I might lose you today. It scared the fuck out of me. I never want to lose you.” My eyes start to tear up.
“Peanut, come here.” His tone is sad and apologetic.
His arms extend, and I cuddle into him. He rubs his hand across the side of my face. “I love you.”