15. Crystal
15
Crystal
We spend the rest of the afternoon eating delicious pasta and drinking wine in front of the large fireplace. The cabin smells like pine, the exposed timber walls and floors give it rustic charm. It’s a traditional log built frame but with a modern interior. The large open plan living area is spacious and luxurious with a huge kitchen island and a big L-shaped lounge in front of a grand open fireplace.
Upstairs there are five large bedrooms and two bathrooms, everyone gets their own room which I’m slightly disappointed about. It’s definitely not the rugged camping experience I had pictured.
It’s already torturous being around Rabbie outside the cafe, he looks so happy and relaxed here. I know he was worried about the cafe when we left Crossmackie, but he seems to have relaxed after talking to Nellie on the phone briefly. I can tell he’s slightly tipsy because he’s laughing and joking around more than usual.
We’re sitting in front of the fire, playing a card game and his competitive side is front and centre. His playfulness makes the heat between my legs unbearable. I want him to be cheeky and playful with me.
“You’re a sore loser,” he teases Cam, who is looking grumpier than ever.
“I think you’re a wee cheat,” Cam snips back.
Rabbie falls back onto the floor in a roaring laugh, and I want to jump on top of him and roll around with him.
“You canny accept that I’m better at cards than you.” He laughs, his Scottish accent is harder to understand when he’s tipsy.
Dylan sits in Cam’s lap and he’s quickly distracted from losing the card game. The rest of us look on at the pair, green with envy. They are so in love it’s sickening.
“Urgh get a room,” Hamish slurs.
Cam flips his brother the bird whilst he kisses Dylan, and I look away because I’m slightly annoyed that I haven’t been kissed in a long time. When I turn my head towards Rabbie, he’s propped up on his elbows and his jade green eyes are firmly planted on me, he bites down on his bottom lip. I shift uncomfortably because that’s not the first time I’ve caught him looking at me tonight.
Why does this have to be complicated? Surely he’d be down for a bit of fun before I return to Boston. I shouldn’t be as stupid to take that risk because the last thing I would want is to get in too deep and end up hurting Rabbie. But when he’s eye fucking me like he is right now, it makes me want to do reckless things with him.
“Okay, let’s make s’mores,” Dylan claps her hands together.
“Aye, I’ve always wanted to try s’mores,” Fiona chirps up.
“M-m-me too,” Hamish agrees with Fiona.
“Urgh, I couldn’t fit another thing in my belly,” I say as I pat my stomach.
Rabbie sits up and looks at me with query eyes. I know what he’s thinking; that I’m only saying that because I need to watch my weight, but I’m seriously so full from all the pasta and wine.
“I think I’m going to pour myself another glass of wine and hop in the hot tub.” I slur.
The drinks have been flowing since we got here around lunchtime, and I can say I haven’t been this buzzed in a long time. I don’t drink much, but these bloody Scots can sink some drinks and I’ve been trying to play catch up with them. Everyone seems to be on the same level though, so I don’t seem as self-conscious.
“Aye, I might do the same,” Rabbie jumps up from the floor.
“Okay, we’ll get the stuff ready for s’mores and come and join you guys in a little bit,” Dylan agrees a little too eagerly.
She wiggles her eyebrows at me, and it confuses the hell out of me. It was only recently that she was warning me not to get involved with him and now she’s egging me on. Rabbie is practically running to the back door. Dylan, Cam, Hamish and Fiona are all standing behind the kitchen island, hiding their smirks behind their hands. I don’t know if they’ve ever seen Rabbie act like this. I can see they’re all getting a kick out of it.,
“What about our bathing suits?” I ask, feeling shy all of a sudden.
“I’ve got undies on, and I’m guessing you do too,” his eyes roam my body.
I raise an eyebrow at him, and his face begins to flush.
“I’m not a creep, I wouldn’t picture you in your underwear. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’re a beautiful woman.” He continues to ramble “But I don’t want to be seen as your weirdo boss that pictures you in your underwear. If you feel uncomfortable, you can change. Whatever you feel best in, I won’t perv on you.” He runs a hand through his gorgeous hair. He looks as nervous as I feel.
I can hear the four snickering in the kitchen. I’m glad they find it so funny because I’m a nervous wreck. I mean underwear isn’t so different to a bikini. Although I’m wearing a black lace bra and a matching thong, so yes it’s definitely different to a bikini.
I grab another bottle of red wine and two glasses. I walk over to Rabbie and grab his hand leading him to the backdoor. I scowl at the guys as we walk past them, all of them whispering to each other. I need to get it together because even holding his large hand is driving me crazy.
We head outside and the cold autumn air hits me like a tonne of bricks. The cold air makes my skin prickle with goosebumps and I’m suddenly aware that I’m about to get into a hot tub with a man that I’ve been crushing on for weeks.
Rabbie tilts his head to the darkening sky, closes his eyes and takes a long deep breath.
“If I could bottle the Scottish Autumn air, I would,” he sighs.
He’s still got his eyes closed and I sneak a look at him side on. He has beautiful soft features, and a long neck. His adam’s apple bobs and it desperately makes me want to run my lips and teeth down his neck. Getting in this hot tub is a bad idea, I’m wound tight like a rubber band that’s going to snap any second.
He finally opens his eyes and looks at me, he catches me watching him and I feel the heat slowly creeping up my face.
“Come on, I’m freezing, let’s get in the hot tub.” He walks over to the hot tub on the deck and lifts off the cover.
Am I really doing this? Getting into a hot tub with the hottest guy I’ve ever laid eyes on. This is a recipe for disaster. I’m fucking doomed.
Rabbie turns on the bubbles, and he looks over at me with a mischievous smile on his face, and my stomach drops. I can’t be imagining things, he has to be into me otherwise why would he be looking at me like that? Or has he had too much to drink, and the alcohol is clouding his judgement? I need to get out of my head.
He grabs the back of his t-shirt and pulls it over his head, and I get a full frontal view of how fucking perfect his body is. I mean I’ve seen it once before, but I didn’t get a good look at him like I can now. For someone who bakes a lot of sugary pastries he’s in great shape. His long, broad torso is perfectly smooth apart from a trail of dark hair starting from his belly button and disappearing down below his belt. I badly want to find out where it leads. He unbuckles his belt, and slowly unzips his jeans, he kicks them off along with his shoes and socks all without taking his eyes off me.
We’re still making direct eye contact but I finally waiver and let my eyes fall down, landing on the bulge in his tight black boxers. It leaves little to the imagination that he’s hung even standing out in close to sub-zero weather. My body is burning even standing outside in the freezing night air. I take him in, in all his tall and handsome glory and savour the sight of him. He bites down on his bottom lip again to contain a smirk that is quickly forming on his face. I’ve just been caught red handed checking him out. Shit.
He steps into the hot tub and sinks down into the water, a satisfied moan escapes his lips. He pours two glasses of red wine and places them on the side of the hot tub. All the while I’m frozen in place, like a deer in headlights.
“Are you coming in?” He holds out a glass of red wine to me.
I take it from his hand, and take a large gulp for dutch courage and place it back down next to his. Why am I nervous? When I first arrived here I would be ripping my clothes off to get in a hot tub with him, but that was before I got to know him.
My fingers shakily find the hem of my t-shirt and I quickly pull it over my head like ripping a band aid off. I don’t look at Rabbie whilst I fumble with the button and zip on my denim shorts. God damn it, how did he make it look so sexy and effortless, I’m a quivering mess. I step out of my denim shorts, and kick off the slippers I was wearing in the house.
I finally find the balls to look at him, I feel so exposed and naked standing here in front of him in the freezing cold. Rabbie’s jade green eyes are burning into me and he licks his lips like he wants to devour me. I should have gotten changed into a bikini. The black lace bra and thong I’m wearing is so sheer you can see my nipples. This has clearly gone past any professional boundaries.
“ Fuck, mo beag .” he groans.
I’m in deep shit.
His eyes search up and down my body like he’s memorising every inch of me. He gives me one of his signature warm smiles and holds out his hand for me to come in. I step over the side as I hold on to his large, firm hand. I sink down on the seat across from him and let the warm bubbles massage into my body. I close my eyes, and let go of all the tension I was currently feeling.
I finally open my eyes and can’t help but laugh.
“What’s so funny?” He cocks his head to the side looking confused.
“I think we’ve had too much wine because this is the furthest thing from being professional.”
I take another sip of wine because I need to do something with my hands or otherwise I’ll be climbing over him.
He runs a hand through his sandy blonde hair, and takes a long slow sip from his wine. His face is soft and relaxed, it’s nice to see him like this after the week we’ve both had involving our fucked up families.
“It feels good to get away,” he sinks back.
“Yeah, it’s nice to see you so relaxed, Especially after the week we’ve both had,” I smile at him.
His broad shoulders tense up and I instantly regret bringing up our problems.
“My mum is never going to reach out, and I’m finally okay with that. I have everything that I want in life,” his eyes burn into me.
“How are you feeling after the conversation with your mum?” He asks.
I’m completely stumped by his question, because I’ve never had someone so in tune to my feelings. He knows when to ask the right questions, and his genuine attitude makes my heart sink. Because I know this will never go further than sitting in this hot tub, he deserves so much better than me.
“I’m used to her comments by now, but I refuse to live my life the way she wants me to. I know she does it out of love but she’s stuck in a generational view of how a southern woman should be. I don’t want my life to consist of waiting on a man hand and foot, and to run a household with the cooking and cleaning. I want my life to have more meaning than that.” I sigh and look up at the stars twinkling in the night sky.
“What do you want?” He asks me, his voice is husky.
My head snaps to him.
His question is so direct, and laced with curiosity. I can see him leaning forward to catch my answer. From all the wine I’ve drank, and with him being so close, I feel heady and dizzy. If he would’ve asked me that question a month ago, I would’ve told him I want to live my life as a single woman and not be tied down, but now I want more. He’s slowly opening my heart, and showing me that not all relationships can be boring and loveless. He’s waiting for me to respond, and I take another large gulp of my wine to be able to have the courage to say what I’m going to say.
“I want a partner who lifts me up, someone who’s excited about my career and all that I do. I want a man who’s completely obsessed with me—maybe that sounds selfish, but it’s how I feel. I want to fall madly in love, and I won’t settle for anything less. But the truth is, I’m scared. I’m terrified of ending up like my parents. You heard what she said, and I can’t live like that. I’d rather be alone than risk being in a loveless relationship.
I can’t believe I just said that, but it just came spilling out. I haven’t even told Dylan how I really feel. I always say I’m not into serious relationships, but deep down, I don’t want to be alone forever. I’m scared to let anyone in, afraid I won’t find ‘the one’ and end up stuck in a loveless relationship like my parents. I glance up at Rabbie. His eyes are locked on me, his expression unreadable. He runs a hand over his sharp jawline.
I suddenly feel exposed, and feel like I’ve said too much and freaked him out.
“Sorry, I’ve drank far too much wine and I’m rambling on. Forget I said that.”
Rabbie floats from his side of the hot tub to mine, he plants his hands on either side of me, caging me in. My stomach drops as he faces me, his face inches away from mine, and his eyes keep landing on my lips.
“Don’t be sorry. They are all valid feelings, and you have every right to be scared. But I think taking that leap of faith is the scariest part. You’re a beautiful woman, you’d have plenty of men obsessing over you if you let them,” his voice is husky as he scans my face.
I grab my wine as a distraction and I gulp down the rest. I’m a nervous wreck with Rabbie being this close to me. His hands are still resting on the hot tub on either side of me. How does he do this to me? He’s the only man I’ve felt like this around. He’s so easy to talk to, I never really talk about my overbearing mama or my feelings about commitment. After everything he’s been through I’m surprised he’s so open and honest.
“Thanks, you’re too sweet,” I laugh nervously.
“I’ll show you sweet, mo beag ,” he bites his lip.
Fuck, the ache between my legs is so intense I squeeze my thighs together and try let the vibrating bubbles ease some of that pent up tension.
“You know I asked Fiona what that means.”
He leans back still not moving his hand from either side of me, and a mischievous grin spreads across his face and his half lidded eyes are smouldering.
“I was wondering how long it would take you to ask someone to translate it,” he chuckles.
“Why would you call me that, if we’re keeping it professional?”
“I think all professionalism went out the door the first day you burst into the cafe wearing those tiny little shorts. And, right now I can see your perfect nipples through that sheer bra. That’s not very professional, mo beag,” he drawls as he slips a finger under the strap of my bra. He leans in close to my neck, and his hot breath makes me shiver with pure ecstasy.
“I offered to change into a swimsuit,” I let out a shaky laugh.
“I’m glad you didn’t,” he whispers in my ear.
Holy fucking shit.
“ You’re drunk,” I tell him.
“Nah, only tipsy. It’s the truth, you and those little cowboy boots drive me crazy,” he leans back and looks me in my eyes and I can tell he’s telling the truth from the look on his face.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. How did we get here? My whole body is on edge, and I feel like I could snap at any moment. It’s the confirmation I needed, he is interested in me, just like I am with him.
He glances down at my lips as I wrap my arms around his neck. He finally wraps his long arms around my waist, and it feels like that they belong there. I should stop this right now—I shouldn’t have even gotten into the hot tub with him. I have no idea what I’m doing, but there’s this intense pull between us that I can’t ignore. He’s not like the other guys I’ve hooked up with; this feels different. He’s sweet, caring, and my mind is racing. I don’t want to hurt him, but the temptation is overwhelming. I’ve been wanting this moment since the day we met, and now, there’s something unspoken between us—an understanding that we both have our issues with relationships. I don’t know what this means, but I’m getting swept up in it. And honestly, I’m too selfish to think about the consequences right now. I just want one night of fun without worrying about how messed up life can be.
He bites down on his lip and his eyes search mine, he’s waiting for me to give the green light.
“Do you want this as much as I do, mo beag?”
I’ve suddenly lost all words. How is this man so in control and calm? It’s a huge turn on. I’m glad I’m in a hot tub because my underwear would totally be soaked through.
I nod my head too enthusiastically and a small smirk forms on his perfect lips. My heart is beating so fast. Fuck, this is really happening. I’ve been making up scenarios in my head for weeks of what it would feel like to finally kiss him, but this knocks it out of the ball park. He leans in close, and his warm, woodsy scent fills my nose and I think I might burst from the pure excitement running through my veins.
His lips barely brush mine just as the rest of the group come bursting through the backdoor in hysterical laughter. We both shoot apart like we’ve been struck by lightning. The look of frustration on Rabbie’s face is almost comical because I can tell he’s been waiting to kiss me for a while just like I’ve been dying to kiss him. He runs a hand through his hair, and shoots me an apologetic smile because our moment was ruined by our drunk friends.