32. Rabbie

32

Rabbie

Since my mum and I had that difficult conversation in the kitchen last week, things have gotten better between us. We’ve had many positive conversations when she’s on shift, and I’m happy to let her help me clean in the kitchen. We use that time to talk, being busy with our hands helps distract the hard topics and tension of some of the conversations and makes it flow a lot easier. I can really see she’s making the effort, she still hasn’t gone to see my nan but I think they both need time. My nan isn’t a forgiving woman, and she can be hard on most people so I can imagine my mum is scared to face her. If she hasn’t gone to see her soon, I might suggest she come with me to have a cup of tea with my nan, on the basis that my nan will be okay with it first. I’ll make sure to ask her first. The thought of my nan makes me feel guilty for not seeing her for a couple of weeks. Our usual Sunday dinners have been neglected since I’ve been so busy.

“I can’t believe how many Christmas puddings you’ve made,” my mum says in shock looking at all the orders stacked up on the shelves in the corner.

“Aye, I know. I never expected to be this busy. I’m beyond grateful for everyone’s support.” I say as I wipe down the stainless steel island, smiling to myself from the vivid memory I get every time I look at this thing.

“You should be proud of yourself, Rabbie. It’s really something,” she looks genuinely happy for me.

Her compliment warms me from the inside, I’ve been craving her approval for years, and it’s as sweet as I expected. I know she’s not been the best mum, but for me to move on with my life I can’t keep holding that against her.

“Thanks, I couldn’t have done it without my friends, and of course Nellie, David and Crystal.”

My mum shifts a little at the mention of Crystal. I can tell she’s wary of her, Crystal has had her defences up when it comes to my mum and has protected me fiercely. I know she has her reservations about my mum, but I hope that will ease over time.

“I’m happy for you. You balance each other out,” she gives me a soft smile.

The smile is gone quickly, and I can tell it must be hard for my mum to talk about good relationships because she’s never had a partner who respected her. I don’t like that look on her face, it makes me want to cheer her up.

“I’m having a launch party for the website at the end of the week, I would like you to come seeing as you’re part of the team now.” I wring the tea towel in my hand, I don’t know why I’m nervous for her answer, but I would really like her to be there.

She looks away, and I catch a glimpse of her glassy eyes.

“The whole town will be there, so only if you’re comfortable.”

Her head snaps to me. “The whole town can hate me, I don’t care what they think of me. I only care about you and nan. I’ll be there,” she wipes her eyes.

“Thank you, it means a lot,” I say, and I really mean it.

I look at the clock and it’s time to close. Nellie is out the front doing the last little jobs. My mind wanders to Crystal, she went out for a run and told me she wasn’t going to be long, but that was over two hours ago. Usually she’ll text me if she’s going to Thistle Down, and I haven’t received any texts or calls from her. Panic starts to set in, not that I think she’s left me, but I’m worried she’s fallen and hurt herself or got lost on one of the trails. You don’t want to get lost in the Highlands in this cold weather. I grab my phone from the shelf and open it to call Crystal when she comes through the backdoor of the kitchen. Seeing her does nothing to ease my anxiety, the look on her face tells me that something is wrong.

“Rab, I need to talk to you.”

My legs feel like jelly, no one ever likes to hear those words come from someone they’re in love with. I move for her when Nellie comes rushing in the kitchen.

“Rabbie!” Nellie’s voice is shaky.

Great, now I’m about to have a full blown panic attack. Crystal is frozen in place, and my mum looks between Crystal and Nellie who both look pale.

I don’t know which one to tackle first, but I know I’d rather talk to Crystal in private.

“What is it Nel?” I turn to her.

She’s wringing her fingers, and shifting on her feet.

“I can’t find the tip jar anywhere, it’s gone missing. I can’t remember the last time I saw it either. It’s got over three hundred pounds in it,” she says a million miles an hour.

Nellie looks like she’s going to cry, and I see Crystal’s eyes shift to my mum. They quickly land back on Nellie, but it was too late. I’d already caught her making the assumption that my mum took the money.

I hold my hands up to calm the situation. “I’m sure there’s a simple explanation. I’m sure they will turn up,” I try to remain calm.

I don’t want to even think that my mum could’ve possibly stolen from my business. I look at my mum, and she looks worried but not in a guilty way.

“Have you looked everywhere?” I ask Nellie.

“Aye, in all the places that I think I could’ve put them. I’m sorry Rabbie. I will replace the money if we can’t find it.” Nellie starts to cry.

I rush over to her and give her a hug like a big brother would, and I try to comfort her.

“Dinny fash, Nel. They will turn up, besides those tips belong to you and David. Without you two there’d be no Sweet Treats.” I look her in the eyes.

She sniffs and wipes her eyes, and smiles up at me.

“Go on, you go home and I’ll have a look for them. Try not to worry about it.” I give her one more hug.

Nellie grabs her coat from the hook, and gives Crystal and my mum a sheepish smile before disappearing out the door. I let out a long sigh to try and calm myself down.

“Rabbie, I hope yo—”

“No, mum. I don’t.” I cut my mum off before she can finish her sentence.

I don’t know why I believe her given her track record but I have a gut feeling she didn’t take the money. Crystal shifts on her feet, she still hasn’t said anything and my mum looks around awkwardly.

“I should get going if I’m going to make the bus,” my mum grabs her coat off the hook next to the back door.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I smile at her.

She smiles back at me as Crystal moves out of the way to let her past. Crystal offers her a half-hearted smile. The tension between them is still there, and I feel on edge from the turn of events. Crystal and I watch as my mum disappears down the small lane at the back of Sweet Treats.

Crystal turns to me with her lips between her teeth, and the look in her eyes tells me that whatever she needs to talk to me about isn’t good. Has she changed her mind? Does she want to go back to Boston after visiting her family? My mind and heart racing makes me feel sick. You’re never prepared for the stomach churning nausea of a difficult situation.

Crystal can see me spiralling and she closes the gap between us and wraps her arms around me. I can feel her heart beating fast too, but her eyes are soft as she looks up at me.

“It’s not what you think, Rab.”

She’s good at reading my mind.

“Well what is it then?” My voice is shaky.

She steps back enough to fully look at me, but doesn’t let me go. I can see on her face she’s trying to find the correct way to explain whatever she needs to say.

“Well, when I was out for my run, I was running past your nan’s house when I saw her standing at her door speaking to someone. She didn’t look pleased to see this person, and she looked a bit freaked out. I didn’t hear the exchange but your nan was a bit shaken by it. She’s fine, I got her in the house and made her a cup of tea and sat with her for a while. I was going to call you, but she made me promise not to. She didn’t want you to worry about her.”

Of course she did, that old woman is gonna be the death of me.

My stomach drops, and the rage starts to build. Who the fuck is knocking on my nan’s door and yelling at her.

“Who was the person?” I try to keep my voice steady.

Crystal looks down and swallows, but when she looks back up at me the look on her face is stony.

“It was your dad.”

The world tilts upside down, and my hearing is muffled. I feel like the rug has been pulled from underneath my feet. I know I haven’t fainted because Crystal still has a firm grip on me but I’ve staggered back and I’m now leaning against the kitchen island. With my head in my hands I try to steady my breathing. She doesn’t say anything which I appreciate. She’s letting this information sink in. I have so many questions rushing through my mind.

I haven’t seen my dad since the day my mum dropped me off at my nan’s house when I was ten years old. He never came with my mum when she would occasionally turn up. I remember him being mean, and always shouting at someone. He was never happy with anything, and was always looking for money. I used to be terrified of him, as a child he would stand over me and yell loudly. I was even more scared of him because I remember that everyone would say that I was his twin, and I never wanted to be like him. I didn’t want to look like him, and I definitely didn’t want to act like him.

“Are you okay?” Crystal finally says into my chest.

She still has her hands firmly wrapped around me. I place my hands back on her, needing to touch her. I kiss the top of her head, and she leans back to look at me. Crystal always throws a blanket of calm over me, she’s quickly become my safe space. I’ve never met someone as fiercely protective and loyal as her.

“Aye, but I’m going to kill my nan.”

She smirks, and I can only imagine what the altercation was like between the two of them.

“Yes, she’s a stubborn old bag, but we hashed it out. And honestly she’s fine, I wouldn’t have left her if she wasn’t.”

I laugh at her comment because only Crystal can get away with calling my nan that. I tuck her hair behind her ear.

“I know, thank you.”

“I told her that I’d call later and if she didn’t answer that I was going to come round to her house and bring you with me.”

I smile at her little threat to my nan. Crystal seems to have stood her ground with her, and lord knows someone needed to. My nan never listens to me. I haven’t asked Crystal why my dad was at my nan’s house, I’m stalling because I don’t really want to know why, but I think I can take a guess.

“He was there to find your mum, he told your nan she owes him money.”

My stomach sinks. I’m trying not to think that my mum could’ve taken the tips because she owes my dad money, but there’s a fleeting moment I think she might’ve if she was desperate enough. I swallow the lump in my throat.

“Do you think she took the money?” I ask Crystal because I can’t stop thinking about how she looked at my mum when Nellie told us about the money being missing.

She purses her lips, and she looks down at her feet.

“I don’t know Rab, I hope not. But given the situation and the past, it’s difficult to not make an assumption. I wish I could be as trustworthy as you,” she rubs my arm and finally looks up at me.

“Your nan didn’t want to tell you that your dad was in town, but I didn’t want you to be taken by surprise if he showed up. I’m sorry this is happening, I know you don’t need the stress right now.”

Crystal has been nothing but supportive through this whole ordeal, and her honesty means a lot to me. She’ll tell me her thoughts, even if it’s not what I want to hear and I respect that more than anything. Even though it’s a shitty situation that my dad is in town, I’m happy she told me, to protect me, to warn me. How did I ever deserve someone as protective and loyal as her?

“I’m glad you told me, mo beag. Thank you, but I’m not going to worry about it. I will speak to my mum and let her know.”

She stands up on her tippy toes and kisses me, and it’s just what I needed. A self-assured, grounding kiss. It solidifies that she’s here for me, and that we’re a team, and I couldn’t be happier.

“I’ll help you look for the tips, I’m sure they were misplaced.” She wraps her arms around my neck.

“Do you want to go to the pub for a drink?” She asks, thinking it will take my mind off the situation.

“Nah, right now I need you upstairs, naked in my bed.” I grab a handful of her deliciously round butt and she giggles.

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