Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
JAMES
I pottered about, and for some reason I decided to clean the already impeccably clean kitchen. It really didn't need it but I was feeling a little out of sorts... a little anxious if you will.
Not sure why to be honest, maybe the realization of what I had done was slowly seeping into me.
Married a complete stranger so he can take down my ex-boyfriend’s father’s business?
It's all messy and complicated and I feel like I have added to it now.
Sighing, I place the surface cleaner and cloth back where I found it and make my way up the stairs, quietly and cautious. I didn't want to disturb Nate, but I kind of wanted to eavesdrop.
Oh my God, what was wrong with me.
Shaking my head at my internal thoughts, I pushed into my bedroom and closed the door quietly before flopping down on my bed. I needed to get ready for tonight, I needed to think of some questions to ask him because honestly, I don't even know if there is anything I truly want to know... I kind of want this to be mysterious in a way, to get to know each other over time. I mean, I am happy to tell him what he wants to know, but I may keep my questions to myself for a little while longer. I wasn't quite ready to interrogate him just yet. I was looking forward to just going for food, enjoying his company... see what his idea of wining and dining was.
I laid on my bed for another twenty minutes, staring at the ceiling.
Not quite sure why.
Kind of felt peaceful, it was nice to just switch off for a while.
Not that my brain quietened down, it just ticked over with silly things.
A lot of those silly things were Rune.
The way we once were... and how it all went so wrong so quickly.
Maybe I was the one who pulled away or was it the other way around? I suppose it didn't matter really. All that mattered was I was now here, married to a stranger after the promise of him taking down Rune and his father’s company, which I wanted may I point out.
Uneasiness settles deep inside my chest, and I find myself feeling sad, I think, I’m not sure if sad is the right word for the emotions that are rattling around.
I wasn't one to cry. Didn't cry when my parents died, didn't cry when my grandparents died either. I felt it though.
Right in the depths of my stomach. Like I was sucker punched. I felt the hole, felt the way a coolness crept over my skin before my heart obliterated inside my chest, the small pieces rattling around in the crevices where I tucked away all my sadness. Where I pushed all the feelings down to where they no longer hurt me. Sure, they'll pop up at some point, the wave of emotions crashing over me like a tsunami that I just couldn't manage to get my head above the water for even a second to take a breath.
It was coming.
I knew it was.
Just not yet.
Still had lots of time before the grief destroyed me whole.
Pushing off the bed reluctantly, I pad towards the bathroom that is connected to my room and strip off my clothes from the day. They were sticky and I felt gross. I had moved, unpacked and shopped all in the same outfit. I had achieved a lot though. Turning the faucet, the shower water spurts out cold before it scalds the palm of my hand and goosebumps radiate across my skin, pricking at the base of my neck. I step under the flowing water and let it wash all the thoughts out of my head, let it wash the day off my tired body and scrub my skin clean of sins that I may or may not have committed at some point in my life.
My biggest one at the moment though? Marrying a stranger and upping and leaving my boyfriend after he kicked me out. I didn’t argue it. Didn’t push for him to keep me. Just left.
Or did I escape? Was it classed as an escape?
And before I can fall back down that slippery slope, I scrub the shampoo into my hair, massaging the suds and inhaling the scent that consumes me. Rinsing and coating the ends of my red hair in conditioner, I sud up a loofah and scrub up and down my body before shaving. This was merely platonic but I still wanted to make an effort for Nate... my husband and a chill dances up and down my spine. It felt weird thinking that but I loved when he called me wife, not that I would tell him that.
Sighing, I turn the shower off and wrap myself in a white fluffy towel as I pad towards the sink unit and brush my teeth before I take myself into my bedroom and stare into the walk-in closet. I had no idea what to wear. It wasn't a nice top and jeans kind of restaurant.
After ten minutes of staring into the abyss, I reach for my phone off the side unit and video call Brooke and Heidi. They answer on two rings, both of their pretty faces popping up,
“Hey girl, what's up?” Heidi asks and Brooke just smiles at me.
“I need help, Nate is taking me out and I don't know what to wear.”
“You've called the right girls,” Brooke chimes and Heidi nods.
“Can you get away with a nice top and jeans?” Heidi asks, popping a chip into her mouth and I shake my head, my damp hair stuck to my skin. I really did need to get a shift on, my eyes slice to the clock on the wall and it's already six.
“Where are you going?”
“Errr,” I pause for a moment and try to wrack my brains for what Nate mentioned earlier this afternoon.
“How can you not remember?” Brooke rolls her eyes, and I hear the scoff come from Heidi.
“I've had a lot going on, okay?!” I half laugh and facepalm myself.
“Well think woman,” Heidi pushes her tongue out and I tap my fingertips on my forehead.
“It's on the tip of my tongue,” I sigh, letting my eyes lift as I look into my closet again. “Something eight and a half...”
“We asked for the restaurant, not the size of your new husband’s cock.” My cheeks flame a burning red just as the sound of a throat being cleared catches my attention, making me cut the phone off quickly as I spin to look at Nate standing there, leaning against the door frame, his honey eyes gliding up and down my body.
“All okay?” Amusement pulls at his lips and my body swarms with heat.
“Yup,” I pirouette and face the closet, trying to will the blazing redness from my cheeks to dull.
“Sure?” His playful tone sparks goosebumps to pebble across my skin as his voice floats closer to me, the sound of his feet dusting across the carpeted floor has my breath catching at the back of my throat and I have no idea why. Sure, he is good looking, but I have no idea why he affects me in this way.
With each slowing step, the more I inhale sharply and exhale softly until he is behind me, breath on the back of my neck as I stand with my eyes batted to the floor.
“Just not sure what to wear,” I whisper into the room, pulling my towel a little tighter around my frame, droplets from my hair cascading down my back.
“Well,” he stutters out, stepping around me and I feel the air whoosh from my lungs. “If I were you...” he looks down at me, his glasses slipping ever so slightly down his nose. I am tempted to push them up, tempted to let my fingers trail a little higher and dust the floppy hair from his face. “And I am not... obviously,” his lips twitch as he stands in front of me, then casts his eyes over his shoulder towards the clothes hanging in the closet. “But I think a dress will suffice... if you want to wear one of course,” and his hazel eyes are back on mine, the air shifting slightly between us.
A familiarity flickers across the windows to his soul, and I stutter on my intake of breath as he steps a little further into my closet, fingertips brushing across the soft material of my clothes.
“How about this one?” his fingers run up the thin material of a black cocktail dress that Heidi leant me. Well, I stole it from her a few weeks ago but yeah, she leant it to me. It has thin spaghetti straps and a low, open back, the skirt flowing from the hips and sits mid-thigh.
It's cute.
A little revealing maybe... but it's a dress and he chose it.
He chose it .
My insides reel.
“Do you think?” my voice comes out quiet as I stay grounded to the floor, my toes curling into the thick pile carpet.
“You would look beautiful in anything James, but I think you would look exceptionally beautiful in this.” Nate turns to face me, holding the dress on the clothes hanger and holding it out for me. I give a soft nod, taking the dress out of his fingertips and he looks like the cat that got the canary, his chest puffed out a little further, shoulders rolled back, and head held high as he walks past me.
“You're welcome, wife.” The way it rasps off his tongue has my stomach knotting and my cheeks burning in crimson, but he doesn't see, because by the time I turn to look in his direction, he was nowhere to be seen.
Holding the dress out, my head tilts to the side and a small smile ghosts across my lips as I look at it, my heart skips a beat when my phone vibrates. I answer and see Heidi and Brooke staring at me, stupid ass grins on their faces.
“Oh my God,” I mouth as I turn on my heel and lay the dress out on my bed and my brows furrow as they laugh. “I could kill you two.”
Brooke rolls her eyes.
“Look, you were the one who said it... we never said anything, that was all you boo,” and her smirk tugs at her lips and I sigh.
“Did you choose an outfit?” Heidi asks, swiftly changing the subject.
“No, Nate did,” and I roll my lips, trying to fight the stupid smile that is threatening to press onto my lips.
“Oh did he now, what did he choose?” Brooke looks down at her phone as if she would be able to see the outfit.
“A dress,” I quip.
“What kind of dress?” Heidi presses and I lift one shoulder up.
“A black one.”
Fuck .
“Oh yeah?” Heidi narrows her gaze on me, and I look away.
“Yeah,” I hum as I slowly bend and pick invisible fluff from the impeccable dress.
“Can I see it?”
“No,” and guilt is laced over my tongue.
“Is it because it's my lucky dress?”
“Your lucky dress?” Brooke scoffs a laugh, “please.”
“Yes, my lucky dress. I had a date last week and I couldn't find it... shock .”
“Yeah well, erm, I’ve got to go,” I scrunch my nose and hover my thumb over the red call button.
“Let's hope it brings you some luck tonight you little thief,” and she giggles softly. “Seriously, call us once you're dressed and then after tonight, I want it back.”
“What tonight or?” Brooke pipes in and I roll my eyes.
“No, of course not tonight,” Heidi snaps and then stares into the screen as I smile down at the dress, a soft sigh vibrating from my lips.
“It'll probably be torn off her and tossed to the floor as her new husband fu...” I cut them off, my stomach flipping and I drop the phone on my bed as if it had burned the palm of my hand.
I shake my head from side to side and then lose the towel. I needed to get out of my head and to focus on the night ahead of me.
I am dressed, my feet tucked inside black sandalled heels and my red hair straight and tucked behind my ears. Gold hoops sit in my lobes, and cute diamond earrings in my second holes.
My mom’s pendant necklace hangs around my throat, a small gold heart with a dainty diamond sitting in the middle hangs on a thin chain.
The dress clings to my soft curves and sits mid length, my legs felt so pale against the black, but I didn't have time to self-tan. I should have. But I was too busy eye fucking my husband and trying to work out what to wear on our date, even though I reminded myself it wasn't a big deal, well, it kind of felt like a big deal right about now.
My heart is thrashing deep inside my chest as I inhale deeply before I hold my phone up and press on the group call and both of the girls answer on the second ring.
“Oh my God,” Heidi exclaims, eyes glistening as I twist the camera and show her the outfit in the full-length mirror.
“You wear the dress so much better,” Brooke hums in agreement which gets a stink eye stare from Heidi and Brooke laughs softly.
“She is winding you up, you definitely wear it better babe,” I wink at her then twist the camera back onto my face.
“You look gorgeous,” Brooke beams and Heidi nods in agreement.
“Thank you,” my voice is quiet as I let my head fall forward for just a moment, my eyes casted down to my feet.
“She does, doesn't she,” Nate’s voice breezes through the room like a summer's wind and warmth wraps around my body as I slowly lift my eyes so my gaze is on him.
“I hope the dress is lucky for you,” Heidi manages to squeeze out just as I whisper, ‘ got to go’ and slip my phone into my black clutch.
I clear my throat, my fingers pinching the heart pendant as I give him a soft smile.
He wears a white long-sleeved shirt, buttoned but not cuffed, and the top two buttons are undone, revealing his sun kissed skin. Black suit pants cling to his thick thighs, fitting him perfectly in all the right places and brogues.
“You look gorgeous too,” and my cheeks pinch a cherry red and I cast my eyes back down again.
“Lucky dress huh?” the playful tone is back, and I meet his twinkling gaze. His glasses are no more, and that's when I really notice just how amber his eyes are. Flecks of gold entwined through golden honey irises. They were kind eyes. Eyes that you could lose yourself in for hours, eyes that could tell you a whole story without him ever having to.
“Something like that,” I pluck at the skirt of my dress and step forward.
“Your friends I am assuming?” and I nod, taking another step closer to him.
“How about, wife, tomorrow, I go about getting you your own lucky dress, hm?” his brows wiggle playfully as I am finally in front of him, my head tilted back so I look up at him, his eyes warming in burning Embers.
“All depends I suppose,” I smirk, my hand lifting towards his chest, my fingers hovering over the buttons that are open, teasing, taunting with myself as to whether I was to place my fingers on him, if only for a second.
“On?” he lowers his head, lips inching closer to mine.
“How well the evening goes...” my voice trails off and his eyes flutter shut for a moment before a soft vibrating comes from his pocket and I snap around and step back, my hand slipping back to my side. He straightens, phone to his ear as he mutters, “Yup,” and turns on his heel and after a beat or two, I follow.
He stands at the front door, all giddy and stuff, hands fisted into his pockets as his head tilts to the side, hair all floppy but styled that way.
He was handsome.
There was no denying that.
High cheeks, but soft features. Tanned skin but only from the sun, I can imagine he pales slightly as the winter months draw in, his full lips more cherry red as the weeks pass, the cupid’s bow a little more prominent, skin all dewy... and I find myself sighing.
“You okay Little Ember?” and I see the way his brows furrow, the way his large hand cups his chin for just a moment as he rubs his fingers back and forth over the light dusting of stubble.
“I am,” I manage to breathe and step off the bottom of the stairs. “Are you?” I ask when my eyes slice to his left hand, his fingers trail through his hair and I get a glimpse of the gold band that wraps around his finger.
“I have never been, better Little Ember ; never better,” and his smile widens, a beautiful toothy grin and I fear I could fall for this man. “Shall we?” he holds his hand out for me just as his other tucks inside his pocket and I nod.
He leads me onto the sidewalk, fingers laced with mine before he opens my door and helps me into the passenger seat. A soft wink creases his eye before he closes my door softly, then climbs into his own side, but not before making sure I was buckled in.
“I'm looking forward to dating you tonight,” his voice is smooth and I turn my face to look at him, my lips pulling into a toothy grin.
“I'm looking forward to you dating me,” my cheeks blush as I turn and focus on the windshield as we pull onto the road. Nate’s phone connects just as Taylor Swift - All Too Well plays softly through the car. I secretly glance between us, one hand is curled around the steering wheel, the other is resting in the center of the car, his fingers flexing and edging closer towards where I am sitting. I wanted to reach out, wanted to feel the way our fingers brush ever so slightly but something was stopping me.
My gaze is back on the road ahead, the street lights blurring as we whizz beneath them and into downtown New York.
Apprehension darts around in my belly whilst excitement buzzes through my veins.
Me and Rune never really dated... we had the odd movie night, the odd drinks in bars, but he never dated me per se.
This felt like the first time.
The first date.
A first love.
But we both knew it wasn't love.
It was just an agreement.
But still, it didn't stop it from feeling like a first time, a first date... it still didn't make it feel any less real.
I turn to face him again, and this time I just watch as he drives us towards our destination.
And for some reason, for just a moment, it felt like a pinch me moment.
I felt like the luckiest girl in the world, somehow floating on cloud nine; but I know all too well that I will land back down to earth with a horrendous bang.
This was just temporary.
But right now? It felt like heaven.