Chapter 33
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
JAMES
I stir, but still almost instantly. I'm not in my bed. I am laying on Nate's bare chest, his arms around me. I need to move, but I don't want to. I'm trapped. It's bad enough I am laying on him, the want to push up off his chest is tugging at my brain, but I am aware he doesn’t like touch... or so I thought.
But maybe it was just me.
Maybe he didn't want to be touched by me , but yet here I was, curled into his chest like a little girl clinging onto him for dear life and he hadn't moved me.
He could have.
But he didn't.
I mentally brace myself for when he wakes up, for when he realizes I am still on him.
The sun is beaming through the small slits in the closed shutters and a small smile graces my lips, just as I lift my head and look at him.
He looks so peaceful whilst he sleeps. Lips pressed, eyes relaxed and I watch as the odd twitch pulls at them.
His arms are still locked around me and I try and pull up away from him but as soon as I do, his eyes shoot open and I see the panic that swarms his face, his eyes wide as he pushes me off him and onto the other end of the sofa.
It takes him a moment or two to work out where he is and what has just happened.
“Oh my God,” he scrambles forward, hands on my face as he searches for something, anything that he may have caused. “Baby,” his voice rasps, eyes frantic.
“I'm fine,” I swallow over the lump in my throat, and he drops his hand in an instant.
“I didn’t mean…”
And he looks frantic, eyes flitting between mine and I can see the hate slowly creep across his face and my stomach knots.
“I know,” I whisper, but in fact, I don’t really know at all.
“I just…”
I hold my hand up at him, shaking my head slowly, “you don’t need to explain anything.”
I swallow again.
He rolls his lips and gives me a slow nod before pushing off the sofa and walking across to the kitchen.
My eyes stay glued to his back, and I know I should look away, but I can’t.
Picking at the skin around my finger, I watch as he turns on the coffee pot and lets it boil, and slowly he turns around and looks at me, eyes narrow, his jaw locked tight and muscly arms crossed against his chest.
His skin pebbles slightly as his muscles ripple on his bare, toned stomach. I can see anger flicking across his hazel eyes and I feel myself shrink into the sofa, but I have no idea why.
A soft beep sounds around the tension filled room and his eyes finally break from mine, my chest heaving as he turns, and I push from the sofa and run for the stairs before he walks back into the room.
Closing the door softly, I press my palms against the wood and inhale heavily.
Shaking my hands out, I pace over to my bed and swipe my phone from the side as I crawl into my unmade bed and unlock my phone.
Sighing, I find our group message and go to type about what has happened between me and Nate, but I delete it almost instantly because they’re going to think we would have already slept together.
So I just type a generic message instead.
Me
Hi, you both okay?
I wait a beat or two before Heidi replies.
Heidi
All good, you? How was the wedding? X
I smile, typing a response
Me
Wedding was beautiful, bride was stunning. I had a really lovely day :)
I see Brooke's bubbles popping up.
Brooke
Tell Nate that Jeff is fine, what time are you heading home? X
Rolling onto my back my eyes pin to the ceiling when I hear a soft knock on the door. I keep quiet and I hear the creak as it is pushed open.
“Hey,” Nate's voice floats through the bedroom as he walks in with a fresh cup of coffee.
I side-eye him then glance down at my phone as my thumbs dance across the screen.
Me
Yeah, we will be home first, will text when we're leaving. You sure you're okay to stay there both of you whilst we go away too?
I feel bad that they've been there this weekend and now having to stay another week.
they both respond at the same time with a simple yes!
The bed dips and when I look up, Nate is sitting, one leg crossed under the other, still holding the coffee cup.
He pushes it forward and I sit up, leaving my phone in my lap as I reach across and take it, my tongue darting out as I do. The warm cup feels good on my cold fingertips.
“Look, James,” he croaks and as much as I want to tell him it really doesn't matter, I am still curious for what is going to come out of his mouth.
His eyes burn into mine before they drop to the comforter.
“I didn't mean to push you off of me like that,” his hand curls around the back of his neck, his thumb and finger rubbing into his skin like he is trying to rub a knot out of his aching muscles.
“You kind of did,” my voice is timid as I look at him through my lashes.
He sighs and I see the way his shoulders lift and drop.
“Okay,” he nods, “but it was a defence maybe, fight or flight kind of thing...” he pauses, rubbing his lips together.
I am waiting for him to tell me why.
I think I know why.
He doesn't like to be touched.
But I want to know why .
After all, I am his wife.
“Why?” I whisper, drumming my fingers on the side of my coffee cup.
“I don't like to be touched,” he says so blasé.
I stay quiet.
“It's just this thing I have, being out of control for any aspect of my life makes me uneasy. My friends can hug me, touch me... but it's only ever been them. My skin physically burns at someone else's touch, I break out into a cold sweat and as much as last night tortured me slowly, I dealt with it. I felt paralysed underneath you, but I didn't want to move you away from me. I didn't not want your head on my chest, your body curled into mine. My arms automatically wrapped around you, in a way, holding you there so you couldn't move. But I felt like I couldn't breathe at the same time, my skin was pricking, fear blanketed me, and it didn't matter how much I wanted you off of me, I couldn't do it. I couldn't lift you from me.”
His voice trembles, eyes locked with mine and I see the tears glisten to his bottom lid, his throat bobbing as he swallows.
“Then when I woke up, panic clawed at my throat and my eyes widened when I saw you on me. My flight response kicked in and I ended up pushing you off me before I could even have a second to realize what I had done.” he blinks at me and my heart throbs inside in my chest. “I'm so sorry,” he whispers as his eyes are back bouncing between mine and I shudder on my intake of breath.
“I was scared last night,” I whisper back, “I just needed you.”
He swallows, tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip.
“And I am so sorry, baby,” he shuffles forward and I still, his fingers brushing softly against my cheek.
“I'm sorry too,” I finally say on a heavy exhale, my chest rattling deep inside of me, “I shouldn't have crossed your boundaries. I crossed that line.” I pause myself now and lean into his hand as he brushes his thumb pad against my cheek.
“Little Ember, you never have to be sorry,” he breathes, and my breath catches at the back of my throat.
“I do, I was selfish and took something from you that I shouldn't have.”
His lips curl into a smile, his eyes no longer haunted, the golden fleck back in his irises.
“It's just going to take time for us to get to that... you... me...” I nod. “I know it makes no sense because I can hug you, I can do wicked things to you...” he rolls his lips before dragging his bottom lip between his teeth. “But that's because it's on me, it's my choice, I need to be in control... especially during intimate moments between us,” his finger bounces between the both of us.
My lips part just as his thumb brushes and drags my bottom one down.
“That will always be the way it has to be baby, I need you to understand that.”
“So, it is going to happen again is it?” and my voice is quiet, but enough for him to hear what I said. His lips twitch before breaking into a smile just as his hand drops from my face.
“Do you want it to?” he spins the question on me, and I blink.
“The contract... what happened last night...” I stutter over my words and ignore the thickness that seems to be growing, lining my throat.
“Was amazing.”
My cheeks blush. “Yes, but?—”
“No buts,” he shakes his head and I tilt mine to look at him, eyes locked on his.
“We could ruin everything, this was a business deal Nate, we both signed contracts...” I turn and place the hot coffee on the bedside table.
“Did we?” his earlier words echo around the room and my heart races under my skin just as he lifts the cup from my hand and places it on the bedside unit.
“Nate,” I whisper but he snatches the words from me as he lurches forward on his knees as his hand cups my face, lips on mine as his tongue caresses mine.
A whimper of a moan slips into his mouth, his hand gliding down the side of my body and the curve of my ass, fingers kneading into my skin, digging, causing an ache to radiate.
My legs widen just as he slips between them, our kiss messy and sloppy as he drags his hot mouth down to my jaw line, nipping my skin with his teeth.
“We shouldn't,” I pant, fingers tracing under my ass as they tease at the frill of my shorts.
“I know,” he agrees, lips still dragging across my skin, dropping to my neck, my collar bone and I am putty in his hands as my body reacts to him.
“The contract,” I whisper, my eyes rolling in the back of my head as his lips brush against my nipples through my tee before his large hand is pushing it around my neck so his greedy mouth can get to them.
“Fuck the contract,” he groans against my skin, the vibrations making my skin pebble under his warm breath.
Locking my hands between my legs to stop myself from reaching out for him, my hungry eyes watch as his mouth treats each of my nipples with the same attention, my skin breaking out into goosebumps as his finger trails up and down my bare thigh.
I roll my hips up and into his torso, his still knelt between my legs and I find myself trying to get any form of friction on my heated body.
“Patience,” he whispers against my sternum, hazel eyes on mine as he looks at me through his lashes, a smile creasing his face, lips curling and I sink my teeth into my bottom lip.
“I'm not a patient girl,” my voice strangled.
“Then you need to learn to be,” his tone has warning to it, but it only makes my skin flame even more.
His lips drag across my body, his fingers still gliding up and down my thigh, slowly moving them across to my inner thigh as he teases a finger.
“Please,” a beg vibrates through me and a low, soft, chuckle rumbles in his chest.
He pulls back, still on his knees as he looks down at the pathetic, whimpering mess I am.
My chest is rising fast, my breaths snatched from my lungs, burning as his eyes devour me.
He smirks, his arms reaching forward as he curls his hands around my waist and drags me towards him, legs wrapping around his waist as he lifts me effortlessly onto his lap.
“What are you doing?” I whisper against his lips just as he pushes himself up, so he is standing on the bed, arms hooked underneath me, my hands still buried between us.
“Washing away our sins,” he scoffs, just as he steps off the bed and I hear the spring of the mattress ping, just as our lips crash together as he walks us towards the bathroom.
“Didn't you agree to meet the others for breakfast?” I chime, a smirk pulling at my lips.
“Fuck 'em,” he kicks the bathroom door shut.
Placing me on the sink unit, he leans in and kisses me on the forehead, lingering for a moment.
“I fear I am addicted to you,” he whispers against my skin before he turns and twists the faucet for the shower, the room slowly filling with steam, humidity blanketing us as he pads back towards me, both hands cupping my face as he slants his lips over mine.
“Is that such a bad thing?” my cheeks burn crimson and my fingers tingle with the desperation to place them on his warm chest.
“Not at all,” he breaks between kisses, “it sounds fucking euphoric,” and his fingers are gripping the hem of my tee, lifting it slowly over my head and my skin prickles as coldness dances up and down my spine. But the funny thing is, I'm not cold—far from it—but I think it is the apprehension that this is going to happen again, and for some reason, this feels like the last time.
Like unspoken words between us, but we've had a full conversation about this without saying a single word.
He tosses it to the floor before his fingers are hooked inside the waistband of my shorts, dragging them down my thighs slowly, too slowly, before slipping them off my feet and discarding them in the pile that has formed.
He steps back, hand rubbing over his chin as he tilts his head, as if admiring me.
“What a beautiful addiction you're about to come,” he licks his lips, pushing his own boxers down and my eyes drop from his face to his thick, hard, cock that bobs between his legs.
With two strides, he is in front of me, scooping me into his arms as he walks me towards the shower, the hot water beating down on my sensitive skin as he stands under the free flow of water, our lips touching as the water runs off my nose, dripping between us.
His hands run under me, spreading me as he gets me ready for him.
“Nate,” I tremble in his arms as he teases a finger in my pussy, slipping the tip in and out torturously slow and my walls clench, my pussy clamping around his tip and he breaks from me, smiling against my lips.
“You're so responsive,” he groans as he swirls in my wetness. “You're so much more than I dreamed off, wife,” he places a kiss against my jaw, pressing me against the cool tiled wall and a gasp passes my lips as he repositions me slightly.
The thick head of his cock pressing into my soaked pussy, stretching me as I sink my teeth into my bottom lip as he edges further into me.
“Oh God,” I pant, arms stretching out as I place my hands on the tiled wall to hold myself as his cock slips further into me.
“You were made for me, James, you're doing so well, taking my cock deep into your tight little pussy,” his eyes are between us as he watches himself, watches as he wrecks me without even realising.
“Yes,” I whisper, eyes locked to his and my stomach coils when his eyes set on mine, the ground moving beneath us, the air thickening between us, the crackling tension making itself known as it swirls around the room.
“Does that feel good baby?” his voice low as he gives me a moment to adjust to him.
I am unsure why, but this feels so much more intimate than it did last night.
Maybe because last night he was claiming me.
Where now, he has laid a secret out for me to hear, to help me understand him that little bit more. Sure, I didn't get the full reason, but it was enough.
For now.
I want him to know that he can bare his soul to me, lay his beating heart in my hands and I will protect it at all costs.
I want him to know that he can trust me.
Slipping back, his cock teases at my opening, pulsing in and out slowly and I am silently begging for him to fuck me.
“I need more of you,” he whispers, slowly pushing deeper for just a second before he is out of me, teasing me again.
“In what way,” I breathe, trying to keep my eyes on him as he does it again, my back hitting the tiled wall, eyes rolling in the back of my head.
“I need to go deeper, need to be further inside of you,” he rasps, teasing at my opening.
My eyes finally focus on him as they bounce between his.
Slowly pulling me from the wall, he places a leg on the floor and gives me a minute to catch my breath.
His hands are on my hips as he twists me around, palms back against the wall as he knocks one of my legs open, my foot sliding further on the shower tray.
Tilting my hips back, I hear the word fuck murmur past his lips just as he glides a finger between my cheeks and as my breath catches in my throat, two fingers push inside of my soaked pussy, filling me to the knuckle as he strokes against my g-spot, my pussy clenching around his fingers.
“Don't you come yet, wife, I am nowhere near finished with you,” he rasps.
Stealing a look over my shoulder, he gives me a slow wink before falling to his knees, and before I could question it, his tongue was gliding up and down my pussy, sucking my clit into his mouth and I am sent into oblivion.