Chapter 36
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
NATE
Closing the bathroom door, my heart rattles in my chest. I hate this animosity between us. The tension that is growing. Maybe I should have tested the waters in the car instead of letting it go on for as long as I did.
Stubbornness got the better of me, and I feel like I have made it so much worse.
Hate that she is going out tonight, not because she is out, I want her to see her friends and enjoy herself, but more because I was hoping whatever this was that is going on between us got squashed tonight otherwise it would make for a very awkward week away in the Maldives.
Sighing, I walk into my bedroom and lay my suitcase out on my bed, slowly unzipping and placing my clothes into piles before putting them back where they belong, neatly folded and color coordinated.
Dusting my hands, I zip my case up and place it in front of my closet ready to re-pack tonight.
Padding into my bathroom, I place my toiletries down and unpack them, putting them in their correct spots and making sure all of the labels are facing outwards.
Moving across the tiled floor, I twist the faucet for the shower and let the hot water trickle out as I begin to peel my clothes off, tossing them into the hamper as I do then remove my glasses and put them on one of the empty shelves next to my vanity unit. Sliding the glass door across, I walk into the shower and let the hot water warm my aching skin. My shoulders feel heavy, my stomach in knots at the way today has gone.
I know I can be a bit of an idiot, and maybe I could have used different words to describe the situation and not make her feel like she was only a possession, but at the same time, she riled me up.
One thing my wife was good at was getting under my skin and she knows it. She has already worked out which buttons she can press to get a rise from me. Normally it would turn me on, I find it hot when women go against me, but for some reason, it didn't happen this time.
Scrubbing the shampoo into my scalp, I rinse it off almost instantly before I wash my body, letting the soap suds sit on my skin for a while then let the hot water wash them away.
Turning the tap, I pad out onto the soft bathmat and reach for my towel, wrapping it around my waist.
Moving into my bedroom, I sit on my bed, the door slightly a jar so I can see when she is finishing in the bath.
It's taking everything in me not to go in there and kiss the hell out of her, to kiss her like she is the only way for me to be able to get oxygen, to have her fill my lungs before the burn radiates through them at the loss of her lips on mine.
I have it bad for her.
Always knew I would get addicted to her.
Knew she was going to be dangerous, and yet, I can't seem to get a kerb on my need for her.
She is a craving I just can't seem to get to. I could, if I wanted to, but I won't until I know she is okay.
I've rattled her, fuck, she's rattled me, but in the best fucking way.
Annoyance licks at my skin and I scrub my face with frustration.
Standing, I walk into my walk-in closet, grabbing sweatpants and a black tee, I drop the towel and pull it over my head then tug the sweatpants up and tie them around my waist.
Running my hand through my hair, I tousle it up and move back into the bathroom and hang my towel up to dry. Moving out onto the landing, I see the bathroom door is still pushed closed and my heart jolts in my chest.
Do I knock and make sure she is okay? Or do I leave her?
My mind decides as I begin to walk downstairs.
Walking into the kitchen, I make myself a coffee and leave a cup on the side for James so if she wants one, it's ready for her.
Once my cup is full, I leave the machine on warm so all she has to do is press the button.
I hear the sound of Jeff’s collar and I smile as I look down at my feet and see him moving between my legs, his back arched slightly, his tail held high as he purrs.
Leaning over, I rub behind his ear which gets me a little head tilt into my palm, and I smile.
“My little dude,” I chime, then make my way into my office. Pulling my chair out, I bend slightly and wiggle my mouse to wake my computer up.
Sitting, I place my coffee on a coaster and type in my password, the screen popping up with the cameras around the house.
I watch for a moment, bringing my cup to my lips and taking a mouthful, and keeping my eyes on the screen, watching to see when she emerges into her room.
Jeff jumps up onto the desk, sitting there, green eyes on me as his tail flicks.
“Not doing anything wrong,” I murmur as he meows at me. “What?” my eyes drag to him before they're back on the screens.
His tail continues to flick and this time it brushes against my hand that is resting on my mouse. Sighing, I ignore him as I see her bedroom door open, towel wrapped around her curvy little body, another wrapped on top of her head.
“There, just wanted to see that she was okay,” I side-eye him as he meows just as she goes to undo her towel. “Fine! I'm off,” I roll my eyes and click onto my emails, waiting a few minutes as my inbox floods.
“Happy?” I turn to look at him and he jumps off, holding his tail high as he slips out the crack in the door.
Fucker.
Aimlessly scrolling through the list, there are a lot of the emails I have just been copied into. It's more of a, we would like you to know , more than, Nate, can you look into this . Work has quietened down since everything with Wolfe, but it has started to pick up a little now that things have calmed down and I am grateful for the workload, but I am still thinking that it may be time to step away and start a fresh.
Mills, Spencer and King isn't going to last forever.
Like previously stated, they're not going to want to keep working there, they have new lives. New things to look forward to and I don't really want to be there holding down the fort by myself.
Clicking onto the files for Secure Corp, I started scanning through all the documents I have, making sure I don't miss anything.
The main focal point is to hack into the security system, shut it down, find out where the money is going and drain them of every single penny.
I needed to break them.
Needed to bankrupt them actually; then I can go about trying to find the other brother. Kid is a mystery.
Just up and vanished without a single word,
Sighing, I grab my notebook and pen and begin to write down key points.
Their business runs in Brooklyn, not far from us at all but still a little too close to home and the last thing I want to do is to leave any crumbs that bring them to us.
We're not really their competition. They run with little B list celebrities, influencers and a few of the elites, but yeah, mainly things like that.
But they're big enough to be noticed.
I'm not doing it through mine and the guys business, this is simply through my computer system but with all the security I have, it'll be very hard for them to find me.
I already have encrypted their contact form, slipped a little keystroke hacker in there as well so I get sent every key stroke that goes into their website.
They're weaving their own web so tight they won't be able to get out of it.
A ping pulls me from my thoughts, my phone lighting up with a notification from Titus.
Titus
Free for drinks tonight?
I sigh.
Me
Wish I could, got a private job I really need to get into. Drinks on the plane tomorrow though, for sure -thumbs up emoji-
Turning my phone face down, I ignore when it pings again and start to attack their security wall. It won't be a quick job, but it'll keep my mind busy for tonight whilst she is out. Then, in a couple of days, I should be so far in that I can start breaking it off piece by piece. I have been holding off, the truth was I knew as soon as I had done what she had asked of me, she would want out.
Yes, we said a year, yes, I made her sign a contract, but at the end of the day, if the work she hired me to do was done... then who was I to keep her.
I wanted her to be mine.
All of mine.
But I couldn't force her to love me, couldn't force her to stay.
I reach for my coffee, just watching my screen as the bar loads slowly, codes throwing up every now and then. I should go out and see her, but I think it's better if I just hide in here for the evening.
It'll keep me distracted from me thinking of her at any giving minute.
Kind of hated how she has slowly crept into my chest, curling up and making camp there, but I also kind of loved it.
She is the only person that I have let into my life like this, and I am not mad about it.
There was always something about her and I knew from the moment my eyes laid on her that she needed to be mine.
I wanted her in every sense of the word.
But I had to bide my time.
I knew she would come to me eventually, it all played out exactly like I had planned it. You see, Secure Corp wasn’t the only one I have been watching, James was on my watch list too.
I scattered myself everywhere, like the air she breathed, I laced myself inside of it, entwining so deeply she would have never seen me coming.
Then she landed the job with Keaton and Arizona, one simple question, and she was on my doorstep.
I dropped hints and comments, kind of pushed Keaton and Ari to take her on. They were unsure but after I had told them I had fully vetted her and she was the creme de la creme out of the applicants, well, it was too easy.
I manipulated it for my own personal gratification, did I feel bad?
Not. One. Single. Bit.
I got her into my grasps and now she was there, it was going to be really hard to let her go. But if that's what she wanted once it was all done, how could I be that cruel to keep her?
Rubbing my hand over my chin, I sigh before my computer beeps. Sitting forward, my fingers are on my mouse, and I have been kicked out of their security system.
“Shit,” I grumble, dropping my head for a moment.
It's fine.
I can do this.
Lifting my head, my eyes glide across the top of my three-screen set up when I see her standing there.
“All okay?”
Her red hair is in loose curls, pretty blue eyes framed with golden make up and thick black lashes, somehow making them pop even more than usual, her lips a fire-truck red. I don't even have to see her outfit to know that she looks every bit beautiful. Large gold hoops sit in her ears, a pretty, delicate gold chain sits around her neck, just below her throat and I want to curl my fingers underneath it to pull her lips to mine, teasing her tongue with mine as my hand moves around her back, bodies touching.
“Yeah, fine,” I give her a smile.
“Cool, I'm going to be heading out soon,” she tells me, and I wonder if she is trying to apologise without apologising... not that she has to. I was the one being the ass.
“Are the girls picking you up on the way?” I glance down at my screens as I try a different approach to get past their security system again.
“No,” her voice is quiet as she shakes her head softly.
“No?” not sure why I am repeating what she said.
“No, we're going to Nobu, it's more their end than it is mine so pointless driving past it to get to me,” she says as if it's not a big deal when in turn, it's a massive fucking deal. Pushing from my seat, I abort what I am trying to do and lock my computer.
“I'll take you,” my voice slightly gravelly as I swipe my phone from my desk and slip it into my pocket. Her eyes slowly trail down my body, her lips parting as she reaches my groin. “Eyes up here princess,” I roll it off my tongue with ease and her cheeks flame red when her eyes finally meet mine.
“No, I’ll get a taxi,” she waves me off as she turns and now it's my turn to let my greedy eyes roam over her.
Short black dress, gold wedged shoes.
Phenomenal.
“I didn't give you an option,” I smirk, passing her and giving her a gentle nudge with my shoulder.
She stands still, hand curling around her hip.
“But you're working?” she bats her lashes at me.
“ Was working.” I correct her as I continue walking down the hallway and open the cloak room door, slipping my feet into my crocs and she laughs.
“You're not wearing them?” and I look at her a little confused and then down to my feet.
“Err,” I laugh back at her, “yeah I am.”
Grabbing the keys from the hook, I open the front door and wait for her to pass me before I lock up. We walk to the car in silence and the tension that was once wound so tight begins to ever so slowly unravel.
Pulling on the door handle, she gives me a soft nod before climbing in and as always, I lean across and buckle her in. I give her a smile as I close the door and make my way to the driver’s side, slipping in and turning the engine on.
“You look really beautiful,” my smile only deepens as I look at her then pull out onto the road.
“Thank you,” she mutters as I turn my blinker on and pull onto one of the busier roads that lead into downtown Manhattan.
“Look, James...” I pause for a moment and inhale heavily, “I'm sorry about earlier, the whole mine and possession reference.”
Slowly turning my gaze towards her, I watch as her lips twitch.
“I know that must have been very hard for you to apologise” and I see the way she fights her smile, “but, apology accepted.”
A low rumble of a chuckle passes my lips before I sink my hand between her thighs and give it a gentle squeeze.
“I know I can be a bit...”
“Of an ass?” she looks at me, tongue in cheek and my cock throbs between my legs.
“No... ha,” I lick my lips, “but yes, sometimes, I suppose...” trailing off, I roll to a slow halt as the traffic builds.
She winks and it does something to me.
“I can be a bit much at times... I know that. I really do try my hardest to tone it down sometimes, maybe?” I throw her the question as I gaze at her, the hazy red from the brake light in front glowing softly on her face, her skin all dewy from the glow.
“Nate, I was being a bit of a brat, I can admit that. Once I get a bee in my bonnet well...” she slips her own hands between her thighs, fingers brushing and my skin tingles.
“You don't want to drop it, I get it,” I nod, scooping her hand into mine as I drag it to my mouth, dusting my lips across her skin. “And I know I can be a bit of a chauvinistic asshole,” I raise my brows. “I sometimes just get stuck in a personality that I am so used to moulding into, but I kind of don't want to be like that with you... I am willing to soften, break that mould even,” and my breath trembles at saying the words out loud. It scares the shit out of me.
“I don't want you to have to change the way you are Nate...” My eyes dart from hers.
“You're you. You work, it makes sense, and I get that and I know in your head you're thinking if you change who you are, or the way you act in certain situations will make us not bicker, make us not have these little tiffs, but this is normal Nate. This is what a relationship is like... a real relationship.” She pauses for a moment, taking a breath as her thumb rubs across mine, our hands still clasped.
“And I know this is hard for you, you've never had a relationship before, but you don't have to change the way you are. This won't change anything. I wouldn't want you to change for nobody and I would really pissed if you did, because you Nate, are one of a kind. Sure, you can be a bit of an idiot, but you can also be really loving, and kind, and selfless... those are big qualities to have Nate. Trust me.” she blinks a few times and tears her eyes from me as she faces forward, the traffic beginning to move.
“Sure, I don't know much, I have only ever had one relationship, so I am no expert, but it's never felt like this,” her voice is more of a whisper now and I feel her grip loosen. “You test me, pushing me in ways I have never been pushed before, you also make me angry, like blood pounding, heart racing mad. You annoyed me so much earlier and when we weren’t talking, all I could think about was, is he thinking about me? Is he okay? I hope we can fix this. ” She swallows, and I watch as the column of her throat shifts.
“We're messy Nate, and honestly, I think that's the best kind of love and relationship to have.”
I can feel a tear sitting on my bottom lid and I am fucking terrified at the way my heart is banging in my chest, the way my blood whooshes through my veins, and the way all I can think about is her, how happy I want to make her, how messy I want to love her.
I want my world to spin because of her, I want to give her every broken piece of me and watch as she fixes me back together. Sure, I won't be perfect, but I'll be whole again.
Perfectly Imperfect.
And it will all be because of her.
I would mould myself into the man she deserves, I could do that.
Sucking in a breath, I hold it for a moment.
But what if she breaks me in the process and I become a completely different version of myself?
How do you even come back from that?
I find a spot outside Nobu and pull into it. She turns to look at the busy restaurant and then back to me.
“Are we okay?” I find myself asking, desperate to hear the words leave her lips.
She bears me her teeth in a beautiful smile and hovers her hand over mine, but I am there, scooping it up and holding it tightly as my thumb moves back and forth over her warm skin.
“Yes,” she whispers, a gently nod affirming.
“I just feel like we're so deep into the woods baby...” I pause for a moment, letting my gaze drop to our linked hands, “that I can't see the clearing.” I see her eyes widen, flitting between mine. “I want this with you James, all of this,” my finger moves between us.
Her throat bobs and my heart swells in my chest. “But I can't do it if I am standing alone in the woods, Little Ember, I’ll never find my way out.”
I watch as the breath catches at the back of her throat, eyes a little glassy and I have no idea why.
“I need a moment,” and before I can even say another word, she is out the car and ducking into the crowded restaurant.
I am alone.
In the middle of the woods.
Lost.
And she left me there.