Chapter 39
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
JAMES
I try to sneak away, he is not going to want me here when he wakes and realizes I am still in his bed. Lifting his arm from me, I shuffle forward but his arm locks around my waist and drags me back towards him, nuzzling into my neck, his breaths a little laboured.
“Don't go,” he whispers against my skin, holding me close.
I don't breathe a word, just tuck myself into him and will myself to go back to sleep.
A piercing noise has me groaning as I roll over onto my back and find Nate's side of the bed empty. It's still dark outside and I grab his pillow and smother it over my face.
I am screwed.
I've not packed.
Such an idiot.
The bedroom door clicks, and I hear his footsteps before the bed dips and the pillow is being removed from my face.
“Morning,” he smiles down at me, how does he look so fresh faced. I look like a mess.
“Eurgh,” I try to grab the pillow, but he shakes his head at me.
“You need to get up, we're leaving in an hour,” he leans in and places a kiss on my forehead, lingering for a moment as he pushes up.
I grab the pillow and place it over my head again.
I'm too tired.
Sulking for another five minutes, I toss the pillow off and throw back the covers.
“You look pretty when you pout,” Nate says as he walks in the room, placing his already packed suitcase on the bed.
“You're too organised, I need coffee,” I pat my hands into the covers. I slept too well in here last night. Don't get me wrong, my bed is comfortable but there is something about Nate's that felt different. Maybe it's because I wasn't alone. I was with him.
He looks at me for a moment then lifts his chin in the direction of the bedside unit. I trail my lazy eyes across and see a hot cup of coffee with creamer and my heart pitter pats in my chest.
Reaching for it, I curl my hands around it and bring it to my lips, the warmth from the cup making my skin tingle.
“You're such a good husband,” I say a little goofily as I sip my coffee and he smiles, glasses on, hair a little messy and back in those gray sweatpants. “So, you're packed then?” I eye him over the top of my coffee cup and take another mouthful and this is just what my tired and grouchy soul needed.
“Yup, I've sorted you some piles out in your room, obviously you don't have to pack them but just thought I would help you out.”
“I'll go take a look,” my voice quiet as I watch him make sure everything is in its correct place in his case and his backpack. “You're very organised,” I make a comment as I watch him, and I hear the soft snort.
“Always have been, my mind is so chaotic that being organised in some parts of my life helps me not feel as much of a mess.” He looks up at me, “Does that make sense?”
I nod. Because it does make perfect sense.
Swallowing my last mouthful, I place my mug back down and clamber out of the bed. Moving across the room, Nate reaches for my elbow and pulls me back to him and wraps his arms around my body, his lips inches from mine.
“Last night was...” he pauses, and I swallow, my cheeks burning pink.
“Yeah,” I try and stay still, keeping my arms close to my sides so I don't make any sudden moves or touch him.
“James,” he whispers.
“Nate.”
“I don't think I can let you go,” and my eyes pin to his, but he isn't looking at me, his eyes are cast down and on my lips.
“You have to,” I smile, “we have a plane to catch.” And I hear the low sigh that vibrates through his chest.
“I don’t mean this… I mean you… us… our marriage.”
“This was only meant to be for work...” I trail off, my heart racing in my chest.
“You can't tell me you don't feel what I feel baby, you can't tell me that your heart doesn't beat a little stronger since being here, since being with me...”
I swallow down the lump that has lodged itself in my throat, because I do. I feel all of that and so much more. I have never been so terrified of a feeling before; this is all new to me and I am scared at how this could all go so wrong.
“I'm terrified,” I voice my own thoughts out loud and that's when he looks at me, his eyes full of hope and fears, wants and dreams. He shows me everything he wants, and he wants it all with me.
“So am I,” his full lips curl into a smile, “but we can take things slow, I’ve never been in a relationship before, I have no idea what to expect,” he laughs. “I have no expectations, because I am clueless. But what this is... what we have...”
I nod.
“This is not fake James, not one bit and you know that's the truth too.”
Nodding again, my breath catches at the back of my throat.
“Let me fall in love with you, let me feel it all, baby. Never have I wanted anything more than the way I want you, I want to love you unconditionally, I want to love you in silence and out loud, I want it all with you, James. The thought of you walking out that door when all this is over... it cripples me, my heart drops back into the crevices where it has been buried for so many years...” he takes a breath as he brushes his lips against mine and I find myself kissing him, but he doesn't kiss me back. “You made it beat again Little Ember, you brought be back from death. I was numb, nothing felt real in my life until you.”
I blink at him, desperate to place my hands on his face so I can kiss him.
“Fall with me James, you found me in the darkest part of the woods, I don't want to stay here alone anymore.”
I sniffle, tears lining my lid and I instantly see the way his face changes.
“I don't—” and he cuts me off.
“Baby, I can't.” I fight with myself as I reach up and place my finger against his lips, silencing him. His body goes rigid, and I feel awful but I don't want him to ruin this moment.
“What I was going to say was...” and a smile slips on my lips, “I don't need to fall Nate.” I pause for a moment, our eyes volleying with each other’s, “because I have already fallen, I love you Nate.”
My finger slips from his lip before his mouth is on mine, our tongues twisting as we lose ourselves in our own moment, our own little slice of perfection.
I pull away first and I hear the rumble in his throat.
“I've got to go pack, we have a honeymoon to attend.”
He lets me go and I lean in and place one more kiss on his lips.
“Thank you for loving me James, thank you for proving that I am worthy of such a feeling.”
My heart aches inside my chest and all I can picture is a young Nate, alone and unloved.
“You never have to thank me, loving you is as easy as breathing. Nothing to it,” I hear him sigh as I walk out of the room and into my own, smiling when I see what he has laid out, and do you know what? I'm not mad about it.
He has chosen pretty much what I would have.
Reaching for the suitcase from the closet, I place the clothes in then work my way through my panty drawer, grabbing a variety of panties and bras.
I grab a few swimsuits and toss those in the case. I had to do a last-minute order as swimsuits was not on the pack list when I took on this role.
I still, looking over my shoulder and smile softly.
This wasn't a role.
This was actually happening... he wanted me.
My heart pirouettes in my chest and I feel all warm and giddy inside.
Nibbling on the inside of my lip, I finish packing then move onto my purse, filling with my passport, lip balm, phone, charger and my kindle.
Long flight.
Big group.
Probably won't get a chance to read it but I'll take it anyway.
Moving to the hallway, I walk back into Nate's room and see him going through his case one more time.
“How long do we have left?” I ask, grabbing the hem of his tee that I took last night and slowly lifting it over my head.
“In about...” he pauses as I drop the tee to the floor, his eyes skimming down my body.
“I'm going to have a quick shower,” I tease, tugging my hair from its band and letting it fall down my back as I saunter my way past him and into his bathroom.
I silently count in my head to see how long it takes for him to follow.
One
Two
Thr —his arms are wrapped around me as I giggle, his lips pressing to my neck as he leads me to the shower where we lose ourselves for just a while.
“Ready?” Nate calls out as he unlocks the front door to the waiting car that sits kerbside.
“Think so,” I mentally check off everything I have and needed as I walk out of the door.
“Bye Jeff,” he bends to stroke behind his ear then sighs when he closes the door on him.
“He won't be alone long,” I try and reassure him, and he gives me a heavy nod.
We walk down the path together and the driver already has our doors opened. He goes to take the cases from us, but Nate shakes his head and loads them into the trunk himself.
The driver gives me a look and I shrug it off just as Nate climbs in behind me.
“You excited?” he asks, his hand slipping between my legging covered thighs.
“Once we're in the air I will be,” I admit, picking at my short nails.
“You don't like flying?”
“Not so much the flying, more just the chaos that leads up to it.”
“There was no chaos in your morning, just coffee, admissions and an orgasm...” he laughs. “I would call that a pretty relaxed morning,” and I nudge him with my shoulder.
“It's the airport, it's just a lot. Noisy, everyone is rushing around, kids scream, adults scream... it's a lot you know?”
“I know,” his thumb moves in slow circles on my thigh, “but just think, soon... we will be in the Maldives, in our own hut... nothing but quiet.”
“Are you forgetting the other eleven adults... not including the kids?”
“Yeah, but they won't be in our ocean hut will they?” and he asks me as if I am meant to know.
“I would hope not, but pretty sure you booked it big man so why are you asking me,”
his lips curl into a smile as he shrugs his shoulders. “I've been meaning to ask... how are you getting on with Secure Corp?” my eyes are forward, and I feel Nate's heavy inhale.
“Managed to get into their website last night, there wasn't really anything in there that could lead me to where or why they're embezzling the money.”
Now I sigh, back to picking my nails.
“It's not an offshore account, but I can't seem to figure out if it's an American bank either.”
“What's your next step?”
“Bank accounts, I'll try and get some work done on the plane, put my earphones in and try and get some answers.”
“I don't get it,” I look out the window, the sun beginning to rise behind the sky rise buildings.
“Get what?”
“Why it's so difficult, they're not that clever,” I admit, looking at my husband. “I didn't think they would try and hide it this well.”
I watch as Nate's brows furrow.
“What?” I twist my body towards him.
“What if it's just that?” he reaches for his phone. “What if it's not hidden, what if it is in plain sight and I have missed it because I am too busy looking for some encryption, coding, tracker... anything,” his fingers are tapping over the screen and I watch in amazement as he tries to get into their accounts from his phone.
“What are you looking for?”
“If I can get in, a repeat transaction, but that would be too easy,” his lips lift to a smirk.
He tries numerous times, but his phone keeps crashing him out.
“I'll look on the plane,” he sighs, locking his phone screen.
“Why did Rune make you so mad?” I find myself asking, Nate's eyes on me.
“Because he tried to take something that wasn't his.”
I fight my smile because I know he would have reworded that.
“I don't know why he showed up, we broke up, I dumped him, or he dumped me… whatever, packed my shit up and left... yet he thought we were still together, and it was just a blip.”
Nate tucks his hand back between my thighs.
“He knew you had moved on, so he tried his luck to get you back.”
Resting my head on the headrest, I turn to look at him.
“He will never get me back; he turned me into a version of myself I didn't like. Why would I ever want to go back to someone who made me feel like that?”
His fingers are back tracing circles onto my skin through my leggings.
“When I lost my parents,” I feel my throat thickening, “I was in the worst place imaginable,” I admit.
“I'm sorry baby,” his voice is quiet but full of serenity.
“It's okay, honestly... it's been years... kind of at peace,” I mutter. “Rune found me I suppose, this crumpled little girl who needed healing, and he did, he healed me until he didn't. Then my grandparents passed away, and I was truly all alone, but once again he scooped me up, making sure my every need was met, but it didn't last long... he slowly slipped away from me and turned into a whole other version of himself. He never hurt me or anything like that, but he made me feel like I was indebted to him, like he owned me...” and my voice falls quiet just as Nate's hand cups my cheek, lifting my face so I have no other option but to look at him.
“I'm so sorry... I never... I didn't.”
I nod, a tear rolling down my cheek.
“I know, you wouldn't have... couldn't have known, but that's why I kind of—” he shuts me up in an instant as his lips crash into mine, in a hungry, possessive, soft, loving, tender kiss, all rolled into one.
“I never want to make you cry James, ever,” he presses his forehead against mine and my trembling fingers rest lightly on the soft material of his tee, hovering almost.
His eyes close and they looked pained, as if squeezing them too tightly is causing it to hurt. But then I realise it's because my hands are on him.
“I'm sorry,” I whisper trying to pull myself away, lifting my hand but his fingers curl around my wrist as he holds it there.
“Don't let go,” his voice shaky, his breaths laboured.
“I'm hurting you.”
“I can't go through our lives with not being able to handle you touching me baby, I can't do it... so, I need my body to recognise your touch, my skin to mould with yours so it no longer burns me at every little brush of a finger.”
My heart races in my chest, but I don't move, I stay where he holds me, and I don't let go until we're pulling up at the airport.
His eyes open, flicking to mine.
“Thank you for opening up to me,” he smiles and my heart weeps. He is just an innocent boy trapped in a haunted man’s body.
“I will tell you anything you want,” I smile back at him as he climbs out the car and holds his hand out for me.
“I would like that, very much,” he speaks softly as I step onto the sidewalk and wait for our cases that Nate retrieves. He tips the driver then puts his backpack onto his shoulders, fingers curled around the handle of his suitcase and the others laced through mine and I have never felt more at peace than I do now.
After years of feeling lost, wandering trying to find my place.
I had found it.
With him.
He was my home.
Walking into the busy airport, Nate leads me to the left and I follow. I had no idea where we were going or even what check in desk we needed, but he had everything in hand.
I spot Reese before the rest of the gang, and I see Nate looking around before he tucks me in front of him.
“Are they here yet?” He asks Titus who shakes his head.
Amora is rocking the stroller, Twyla curled up under a blanket.
“Morning,” she smiles softly at me, and I wish her good morning.
Celeste is in Killian's arms, a cute little bun on her head, her pink scruffy bunny tucked under her arms and her beautiful opal eyes are on mine.
I hold my hand up and give her a small wave which in return she gives me a shy smile before hiding into her daddy.
“Morning fuckers,” Keaton strolls over with two coffees and hands one to Arizona who's eyes light up.
“This is so needed,” she hums, curling her fingers around the takeout cup and my eyes drop to Seb and Smith who are sitting on their tablets, Seb has a barbie under his arm, Smith a Captain America.
I weave my fingers from Nate's and lower myself in front of them.
“How are my favorite boys?” and their little eyes lift from their screens and their beautiful faces light up, squealing in excitement.
“Hey, I thought I was your favorite?” I turn around and place a hand on my hip.
“You're my favorite man baby, not boy .”
Keaton chuckles, sucking in air through his teeth.
Nate steps forward and curls his arm around my waist, giving me a soft kiss to the side of my head.
“As long as I am up there in your favorites, I don't care what I am,” he kisses me again and my skin prickles.
“Oh my God,” I hear the sound of Titus' voice, and I look up from my wife, all eyes wide and mouths agape.
“What?” His brows furrow as he waits for something, anything to give him some idea on what they're calling out.
They cast a look at each other before one by one their eyes are back on Nate.
Anxiousness spreads to the base of my neck, Nate pulling me closer, fingers digging into the bare strip of skin between my cropped tee and leggings.
“We've just never seen...” Keaton mutters and I lift my eyes to him as I watch his brows dig a little deeper into his forehead.
“Never seen you like this before,” Titus picks up on the back of Keaton's sentence and a slow smile tugs at the corners of his lips as he buries his lips in my hair.
“Well lucky you, getting the first ever preview of PDA” he chuckles, slowly turning his face to look at his group of friends as he folds one hand into his cargo pants.
“So does Kaleb have any clue we’re about to gatecrash?” Keaton asks, eyes bouncing between all of us.
“Nope,” Titus grumbles, yawning.
“Brilliant,” Keaton scoffs as he takes a mouthful of his coffee.
Xavier and Royal stroll over, hand in hand as Xavier drags the large case behind him.
“Well, hello fuck-tards,” he addresses the men, then lowers his gaze to the ladies, “and good morning to you lovely lot,” he smirks.
A cough has us all looking over our shoulders to see Dex and Sage. Xavier looks down at his watch before his eyes meet with Dex's.
“Cutting it a bit fine, aren't you?” he glances back at his watch.
“Piss off,” Dex rolls his eyes but not without letting a laugh vibrate through him, “didn’t you just get here?”
Xavier ignores him.
“Shall we?” Keaton swoops in, leading the gang towards the quiet check in desk.
“Where are we going?” I ask as I look at the crowds we're leaving behind as we head towards a private area.
“Private jet,” a twinkle in his eyes as he looks at me and I can't stop the way my face lights up.
“This is exciting,” my stomach twists.
“Is it?” he looks at me, brows furrowed.
“I think so yeah...” I shrug a shoulder up but ou conversation is cut a little short when we all stand, Keaton's eyes bouncing over his twin’s back as he hands the check in host his and Connie's passports.
He looks over his shoulder at us and gives us a wink and before anyone can interject, Keaton sneaks up behind him and sticks his fingers under his ribs making him fold forward as Keaton laughs loudly.
Connie throws him a death stare but not for long as her eyes float across to the group.
“The fuck?” Kaleb rolls himself up and looks at us all.
“Surprise,” a few of us float out, awkwardness apparent.
“We should have planned this a little better,” I lean in and whisper towards Nate and he gives a soft nod as he fights his smile.
“Is this a joke?” he asks, stepping forward, hand curling around the back of his neck as Connie places a hand in between her husband's shoulder blades, but I don't miss the way her lips twitch.
“Nope, no joke,” Keaton holds his hands up.
“We thought it would be a good idea to gatecrash your honeymoon,” Titus grumbles as his eyes slice to mine, “and when I say we, I mean Nate.”
Nate rolls his eyes.
“Well, none of us have had a honeymoon so I thought why not?” he shrugs his shoulders up like it's no big deal, when in fact it is a pretty big deal.
Kaleb scrubs his face.
“I mean... how bad can it be?” Nate pushes his tongue into his cheek and Kaleb groans, turning and leading Connie back to the check in.
We wait for them to check in before we all step forward and one by one, we hand over our passports and wait for a moment whilst they check in our bags and once we're done, the lady hands us the tickets and Nate whisks me towards the jet. Suddenly, I cannot wait to get on that plane and to the Maldives.
My husband.
My friends.
Peace.
Sounds like perfection.
Once we're all seated, I am next to Nate, opposite is Kaleb and Connie.
The couples with the kids stay together, we sit with the group with no kids.
Kaleb orders champagne for everyone, and it's not long before I have a flute in my hand filled with bubbling golden liquid. Bringing it to my lips, I take a sip and lick my lips.
“Good baby?” Nate slips his hand onto my thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze and I don't miss the way Connie's eyes drop before they move to her husband, lips curling as she takes her own sip of champagne.
I nod.
“So good.”
He smiles before he slips out his laptop and places it on the small table beside him.
The captain comes over the Tannoy and announces our flight time, a few of us listen whilst the others sit chatting quietly amongst themselves, some of the kids drawing, the others sitting on their tablets with earphones on.
I take another sip and Connie is eyeing me.
“Sorry for gatecrashing,” I throw in a soft apology, but she waves her hand in front of her, champagne flute in the other.
“Honestly, no biggie, Kaleb is secretly thrilled,” she nudges into her husband who responds with a grunt as he flicks open his newspaper and continues to read.
“He seems it,” and Kaleb eyes me over his paper, and I can tell by the way his eyes crease that he is smiling behind it.
I glance over to Arizona and Keaton who are whispering, Seb and Smith on their laps. Keaton smiles at what Arizona says, his eyes trailing her lips as she leans a little closer to him, he sees his shot and kisses her quickly and I don't miss the way her shoulders sag against his body.
“I love you,” she mouths, and I am giddy.
“What's got you smiling?” Nate pulls me and I look up at him a little wide eyed.
“I just like watching people in love,” I admit, “always been a sucker for loving out loud and all that,” I glance my gaze back across at my bosses and turn crimson when Arizona catches me.
She smiles, and I smile back then avert my gaze to the small oval window as the captain announces that we're about to take off.
I drain the rest of my glass then place it on the side table, my fingers curling around the armrest and my heart drums quickly in my chest.
Nate's hand is over mine, thumb rubbing back and forth as he tries to reassure me, but I have no idea why.
Didn't think I would be nervous to fly but kind of feel a little apprehensive at this moment.
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” I nod, swallowing past the lump that has lodged itself in my throat.
“We will be there in no time,” he leans across and places a kiss on the top of my head and he soothes all my worries away in an instant.