Chapter 49
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
JAMES
I am sat in the waiting room; I am a wreck. I have bit my nails to shit, and my stomach is twisted so tightly I think I am going to throw up every time I inhale a breath.
Time moves so slow, but everything and everyone around me is moving rapidly.
Friends are asking me questions, offering me food and drinks but all I do is stare, silently praying that my husband pulls through. I occasionally feel someone sit next to me, rubbing my back or tucking a strand of hair away from my face, but I don't pay attention to who it actually is.
My clothes are drenched in his blood, his haunted, hollow eyes are all that play back as a memory and it doesn't matter how much I try and shake it off and flick back through the many memories we had, nothing works.
It's all I see.
The way he gripped me so tight, the way he breathed I love you with his last breath and the way his eyes sucked my soul right out of me along with his.
He needed to be okay.
I needed him to be okay.
I loved him.
I fucking adored every fibre of that man.
I couldn't live without him.
I refused to.
“Mrs Spencer,” a male voice floats through my empty mind and I find myself slowly lifting my red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes to focus on him.
His friends are up and surrounding the doctor, but he just pushes through and stands in front of me.
“Mrs Spencer,” he crouches down to my level, his eyes volleying between mine as he waits for me to speak, or to move, or to do anything for that matter.
I blink, my lips opening and closing. I'm trying to speak, but I can't. The words won't form even though their spilling over from my head, my mouth doesn't seem to be getting the messages.
“You can come see him,” he stands but holds his arm out as he tries to usher me up. Brooke is there, linking her arm under mine as she pulls me to my feet, my legs trembling like jelly. Heidi is at the other side of me, and they lead me behind the doctor, both holding me so I don't fall.
“It's okay, we've got you,” they both say quietly, “we've got you.”
Wails leave me as I see him lying in the bed, the machine beeping softly, his eyes closed, and I am so desperate to see his hazel eyes one more time. If I knew this may have been the last time, I would never have stopped staring at him.
“The next forty-eight hours are going to be critical,” the doctor says as I lower myself over his body, my tears soak through the sheet that covers him. “We managed to dislodge the bullet...” but everything after that is a blur as I look at my husband through glassy eyes, reaching up and brushing his thick, dirty blond hair out of his face.
“Don't leave me Nate, I promised not to leave you alone in the woods... please don't leave me now,” I choke out my sobs as I lower myself back over his body, that's where I stay.
An infinite loop of darkness is all I seem to be living in, with the fear that he will never wake up.
I have no idea how long it has been when I feel a slight movement beneath me. I still, not wanting to move.
“Baby,” I hear his croaky voice and I lift myself up, his eyes closed and I swear I have dreamed it.
“Nate?” I whisper, eyes flitting across his face as I wait for him to respond, and after what feels like I have waited a lifetime, his eyes fix on mine.
He groans, his hand lifts but he doesn't get a chance to touch me as I lay over him again and rest my head on his chest just so I can hear the way his heart quickens and I smile through my tears.
“I love you,” I whisper, my fingers clinging onto his gown. “I love you. I love you Nate, I love you.”
“Say it again,” he mutters, and I smile, letting my eyes skate up to him.
“I love you,” my lips edge forward and I let them land on his, his hand coming around the back of my head as he holds me there.
“You came back to me,” I choke through sobs.
“I would never leave you alone, baby, I told you, even in death I would find you,”
and it doesn't matter how much I try, I can't stop the tears from flowing. “I'm here baby, I'm here,” he kisses me through the words, reassuring me that he isn't leaving me.
The room soon fills with the rumbles of his friends and the pleased gasps from their wives.
“Good to see you awake,” Kaleb chokes as he steps into the room. I should get up from the bed, but I don't.
I hear the heavy inhale of breath that Nate takes before words stutter out of his mouth.
“I’m sorry you had to find out about your parents like that… I’m sorry that it happened that way. They saved me James, saved me from a life of misery. I’m just devastated I never got to help them… that I never got to save them ,” his voice cracks as he tightens his grip around me, his body shuddering in soft sobs and I raise my head to look at him, eyes all glassy as tears roll down his pained cheeks, eye scrunched shut as if the memories are too painful to bear.
“I know baby, I’m sorry too,” my bottom lip trembles, chin wobbling. “It’s bittersweet,” I whisper, a ghost of a smile on my face as a tear trickles onto my lip and I lick it away, his eyes bore into mine.
“They saved you, if it wasn’t for them… there would never be a you… never be an us,” a fresh tear rolls down my cheek and falls onto his gown, soaking it up in an instant. “I owe you that Nate, and if they were still here I would owe them it too…you made them a promise to look after me, and you did Nate. You watched over me, kept me safe…”
“I would always have kept you safe, I love you James.” His trembling hand cups my face as he swipes a tear away. “Every fibre of myself loves you.”
I nod, leaning in and kissing him before I am back with my head on his chest.
His steady heart beating beneath me.
I am terrified of leaving him.
His hand strokes through my hair as I continue listening to the way his heart drums.
He was mine. And I was his.
He was my entirety.
I was his moon, stars and the galaxies.
He was my whole world.
I finally settle down and my body sags against his as I look around the room at how much love pours out of each of them for him, for Nate.
For the little boy who never felt loved.
But here he was with an abundance of love surrounding him.
He never had to feel unloved ever again.
ONE MONTH LATER
We sit in the living room, where this all started.
The arrangement.
The contract.
The deal.
Never did I think I would fall in love with the man who harboured such deep secrets.
“I will happily tell you everything again, right from the beginning,” he says softly, his fingers tracing infinity loops on the palm of my left hand.
I shake my head.
“You gave me some form of peace Nate; you gave me some kind of deep healing that I swore would never be possible. Sure, it was hard to listen to all of that, to listen to all you knew but I get it, I get why you didn't tell me. But I am grateful that I know. Grateful that you have laid yourself bare to me, letting me see into that beautiful soul of yours,” I clasp my hand around his and his eyes dart up to mine.
“I promised them I would keep you safe, keep an eye over you at all times... but once I saw you in that shop three years ago, new feelings crept into my chest and set up camp, making me feel things that I never knew was possible.” he stands, wincing as he does as he pulls me to my feet, wrapping his arm around my back and tugging me close to him. My hand splaying across his chest as I feel the way his heart beats steadily beneath my fingertips.
“You healed me James, fixed every broken piece of me back together again...” he teases his lips over mine, “you made my blackened, dead heart, beat again. Do you feel that, James?” he presses my palm flat.
Ba boom, ba boom, ba boom .
“It beats for you and only you.”
I blink through the tears and steal a kiss.
“Come on, Mr Spencer, we're going to be late,” I whisper through a smile.
“I think I am going to need help getting dressed wife .”
I take his wine glass from his hand and place it on the side table, before placing mine next to it.
“I'm sure that can be arranged,” I give him a playful wink and lead him up the stairs, taking one at a time, slowly, careful to not rush him.
Although it had been a month since he was shot, I am terrified that I am going to hurt him even though he reassures me at any given moment that he is feeling okay.
The panic still lingers deep inside of me and I am just so grateful that the bullet missed anything that could have been life changing.
Leading him into our room, I sit him on the bed and smirk down at him.
“I thought you said we were going to be late,” he grins as his fingers curl around my hips.
“Then we better be quick,” I clasp my hands around his cheeks and tease my tongue just inside his lips and he moans.
“No problem there, I can come as quickly as you need me to,” and my eyes drop, my lips spreading into a smile as I see how hard he is underneath his cotton shorts.
Wrapping my wrists in silk, he reaches up but not without wincing as he hooks them through the small rings that are bolted into the ceiling.
My heart is racing, sweat beaded across my skin as I let him guide me.
“That feel okay?” he asks, his eyes lifting to the rings before they settle on mine.
I nod and he smiles, kneeling in front of me and pressing his lips against mine, his tongue slipping past and dancing with mine.
His fingers glide down my sensitive skin, skimming across the front of my hips as they slip between my thighs, swirling over my clit and I whimper into his mouth which causes him to smile.
Breaking away from me, my eyes still fluttered shut as his lips drag down my chin, my neck, my collar bone and locking around my full tits, his tongue swirling around my hardened nipple before sucking into his mouth, his large hand groping and kneading just as his finger slips inside my soaked cunt.
“Nate,” I whisper, my hips rolling, desperate for more.
“Patience, Little Ember,” he rasps against my skin, nipping just as his lips dust over my sternum and give my other nipple the same attention.
My moans vibrate through the room as he teases a second finger, my hips rocking over his hand as his palm rubs against my clit.
“I need you.”
“And you’ll have me,” he smiles, looking up at me through his lashes before he lifts his hot mouth from my skin, his lips teasing over mine and just when I feel my stomach coil as pleasure ripples through me, his fingers slip from my soaked pussy and I gasp, just as he lays under me.
Letting my head roll forward, I watch as he settles beneath me, my pussy lined up with his mouth and I suck in a breath just as his tongue swipes through my folds, sucking my clit into his mouth and I moan, my head rolling back as pleasure teases me.
One of his hands curls around my hip, the other glides around my ass and underneath me as his fingers sink into my soaked pussy, fucking me slowly and teasing me as he edges his fingers in and out, working me up to my impending orgasm.
“Keep going,” I pant, pulling on the rings as I tilt my hips back, tightening my pussy as his tongue massages my clit, my chest rising and falling as holds me in place and buries his face deeper, his tongue pushing against my clit as his fingers continue to fuck me.
“I’m going to come,” I moan into the room, my hips rocking back and forth as I take more from him, riding his tongue, his fingers.
He moans into my pussy, my cunt clenching around them as he teases a third and my whole body begins to tremble as my orgasm crashes through me, my moans choke me as he pulls me down onto him, smothering his face as he drinks my arousal, his tongue still assaulting my clit, his fingers twisting and pumping in and out of my pussy as I ride out my orgasm and only when he is satisfied, he slips out from under me and I sag as much as I can with being restrained from above.
“I am addicted,” he groans, knelt behind me, hands curled around my waist as he pulls my hips towards him, his cock pressed against my bare ass. “How do you want it baby, do you want to ride me or do you want me to gag you and fuck you like this?” his voice whispers against the shell of my ear, my body trembling against his lips.
“Both,” I breathe, “I want both,” I moan as his hand slips between my legs and rubs my clit, working me back up as the pleasure begins to ripple in my lower stomach, my ass gently rotating over his cock.
“I can do that,” he smirks and kisses me on the side of the head as he slips from behind me, and I miss the way his hands felt on my skin, the way his cock pressed against my ass and I am desperate to have his hands back on me, his lips, his cock, his body.
Anything to make me feel him.
His cock is hard, poking through his cotton shorts as he walks across the ottoman and the foot of the bed, lifting it and getting what he needs.
“You sure?” he asks, his eyes flicking up to mine.
“Yes,” I rasp, legs spread and I am desperate to rub against something. My body is tingling with want, my pussy throbbing, my clit tingling.
“Okay baby,” he smiles as he kneels on the bed in front of me and drops a dildo, a gag, a butt plug and a blindfold.
I blink at the items then let my eyes settle on him.
“I want to watch you fuck the dildo whilst I jerk into your panties, and once I am finished, I want your sweet little cunt to ride me until I am close to busting inside you and only then will I gag you and fuck you from behind whilst your ass is plugged.”
I shudder against his words but excitement thrills through me, the back of my neck pricking in a cold sweat.
Nate has shown me just how good sex can be, and his patience is amazing as he puts me through the paces, slowly showing me his world.
“Is that okay, wife? Are you okay to show me how well you can fuck?” and I nod eagerly, my eyes wide and glassy as I lap up his words. “You’re such a good girl,” he praises as he moves against me, fingers gripping my cheeks, pursing my lips as he slips his tongue past mine and I suck on it, moaning as I do, his fingers teasing my clit before his fingers slap against it and I pull on the restraints.
He snorts a soft laugh as he pulls away from me and reaches for the dildo, resting it where it needs to be and I find myself grinding my pussy.
“Such a needy whore, wife,” he winks, his tongue darting out and running across his bottom lips before he pulls it behind his teeth.
Lining the dildo up, he edges it into me and I feel the way I stretch around it, his hand curled around the base, my knees pressed into the thick comforter as I roll my hips forward and only then do I lower myself over the thick, rubber shaft.
“Fuck,” he groans, as he pulls himself from his shorts, his eyes watching as I glide my pussy down the length of the dildo and my moans fill the room as I pull on the rings, the silk teasing my skin as it tightens but it doesn’t hurt.
“You look so fucking pretty,” I don’t miss the gravel to his raspy voice and my skin splinters in goosebumps. My eyes roll as I lift myself up and down, fucking the dildo how I need to, how I want it, how he likes it.
His cock is in his hand, curled around and pumping up and down and I salivate over how swollen he is.
Stopping suddenly, I am still fucking the dildo but keep my eyes on him as he reaches for my panties and wraps them around his large cock, slipping them up and down his length as he jerks off, his eyes on mine as I slowly come undone, slowly letting the pleasure destroy me from the inside out, my moans raspy and I feel so full, but it’s never as good as Nate.
Sure, this serves a purpose, but the feel of him inside of me can never be replicated.
“Baby, you’re fucking soaked, your pretty cunt leaving a trail of arousal wrapped around that dildo,” he moans, his eyes falling between my legs as I slide slowly up and down the dildo, using the rings above me to support myself.
“I think you may have to show me how good you are at cleaning up your mess,” his voice slices across my skin, goosebumps etching into my skin from just his look.
“Stop,” his words are abrupt and I do, I stop riding the dildo but my pussy is still full. He stands so his cock is in front of me, my panties still tucked around him.
“Show me what that pretty mouth can do baby, I want to cum down your tight throat,” he groans, dropping the panties and cupping my chin as he tips my head back slightly before sliding his cock into my mouth and down my throat. I gag as he hits the back, but that only spurs him on, and I am whimpering, my mouth full of him as he moves his hips back and forth, fucking my mouth and my hips roll once more over the dildo. His hazel eyes glisten, his lips popped open as he watches his cock slip in and out of my mouth. Tears stain my cheeks, but he doesn’t stop with his harsh pounds into my mouth. He tilts my head back a little more and slides deeper and this time, I don’t gag, I swallow him down which causes a animalistic growl to vibrate past his lips and my eyes are pinned to him as I watch him come undone in front of me.
“I’m going to cum down your pretty throat, wife,” and he does, his strokes become faster, and I take all of him, showing him just how much of a good girl I am at sucking his dick. “That’s it,” he moans, panting as his grip tightens under my chin and he growls, his cock bobbing on my tongue as I feel the hot cum hit the back of my throat, his head rolls back as he continues fucking my throat and I swallow every ounce of him, and once he is out of my mouth, his cock perched on my lips, I clean him up, licking his head and length of his cock as he strokes my head, praising me.
Finally slipping from my lips, he gives me a moment to catch my breath before he swipes a tear that is slowly running down my cheeks.
“You pass every expectation,” he brushes his lips against mine.
“I need you,” I whine, my pussy pulsing over the dildo and I am so close to coming.
“You can have me,” his eyes fall between our bodies before I lift myself as best as I can and he slips the dildo from me but not before glancing at the shimmer that I have left.
He purses it at my lips, my eyes burning into his as I take it into my mouth, licking and sucking it clean.
“Taste yourself baby, see why I am so fucking addicted to eating your pretty little cunt,” and his words do something to me, my skin burning, my stomach knotting and desire swirls deep inside of me, my pussy aching with the need of release.
Moaning, I widen my stance, clenching my pussy to try and relieve the pressure that is slowly building.
Pulling the dildo from the bed, he discards it before he is holding me up and positioning me on his lap, his cock hard and ready once more.
“Ride me baby,” his lips dust up the column of my throat as he places soft, wet, kisses as he rolls his hips up and fills me to the hilt, knocking the air out of my lungs.
“Nate,” I rasp, my eyes dropping to him, my arms aching but I slip my hips back and forth, riding him and trying to get all I can from him.
“Fuck, you feel so good,” he groans, his hands on my hips as he guides me, my body getting tired as he lifts me up and down his cock.
“Look how pretty your pussy is full of me,” he nibbles on his bottom lip, sucking in a breath and he takes the control, fucking me slow as he guides his cock in and out of my cunt.
My pussy tightens around him and he smiles.
“You’re getting close,” and I whimper as I nod, watching as my tits bounce, the sound of his skin hitting mine as his strokes become harder, faster.
“I’m not going to last,” I choke out, eyes rolling in the back of my head as his mouth locks around my nipple, sucking and caressing, my body tingling, my pussy tightening.
“You will,” he whispers against my skin as he lifts me off his cock and I sag, my legs burning, my stomach aching, my arms felt heavy but I didn’t want to stop.
I needed him.
Wanted him to fuck me like this, wanted him to gag and bind me as he rode my cunt how he needed.
He is already behind me, dusting my hair from my neck as he places a kiss against my pulse point, his slick cock pressed against me as he grabs the gag and places it into my mouth, tightening it behind my head.
“Fuck, I will never tire of seeing you gag and bound baby, ” and I moan around the ball.
His fingers dig into my hips as he pulls them back, so my chest is more forward and my legs and hips are where he wants them, my back slightly curved.
Next is the plug, the cool metal slipped into my pussy and he teases me with it, in and out, coating it in my arousal and only when he is satisfied does he press it against my ass and I moan as my body accepts it willingly and my pussy clenches, my muffled moans spurring him on as his fingers sink into my pussy as he fucks me with them, and that mixed with the plug is destroying me slowly and I know as soon as his cock is buried deep inside of me, I’ll be coming all over his cock.
“You’re so fucking wet,” he groans as he slips his fingers from my pussy and I know he is sucking them clean.
“You, James, are to fucking die for,” he mumbles and before I can respond, he impales me with his cock, filling me deep and fast and I cry around the gag, his hands curled around my hips as he drives forward, pounding into me as he chases his own release and this is how I like to be fucked.
Gagged and bound.
At the mercy of my husband.
And I take every stroke as he slams into my pussy, giving me and giving him exactly what we need.
He fucks me hard until I am a trembling mess and only when he is satisfied that I am finished, he slips the plug from me before pulling me back onto his lap and slipping his cock into my ass, like we’ve done so many times, as he fucks me slow and deep, my insides reeling with the pleasure that bubbles in the depths of my body, his fingers are playing with my clit, teasing my pussy as he fucks me, and only when he is ready does he let me come again then fills me full of him.
I shudder against his body, sagging into him as he unties my wrists and before I can even settle, he is carrying me into the shower as he washes me then fucks me again until I have nothing left to give him.
I am spent.
But I have never felt more desired than I do with Nate.
I will never tire of him.
It will always be him.
Buttoning up his crisp white shirt, I plant a kiss at the dip between his collar bone as I leave his top two buttons open, then help him get his suit jacket over his shoulders.
“So handsome,” my eyes glisten as I look at him, my fingers trailing down as I circle over his heart.
He drops his gaze, a boyish grin on his lips before his eyes take one sweep over me.
I am in the dark emerald dress that I wore for the wedding and black sandalled heels.
“I don't deserve you... look at you,” he groans as I step back, his hand gripping the tip of my fingers.
My cheeks blush pink, and I dip my head.
“Come on, Mrs Spencer, we have an art show to attend.”
My heart pitter patters in my chest when the cab circles back around past central park and it rolls to a stop, my eyes lifting to the tall building.
This is where we came for our first date, and now our friend is hosting her first ever art show here at the floor above.
Pride beams out of me I can't even imagine how Xavier, Royal and Titus must feel.
“Shall we?” he opens the door and my heart aches as he hobbles out, still wanting to take my hand and be the perfect gentleman.
Slipping my hand into his, he holds onto me as I step out before he closes the door behind me.
We walk slowly through the double doors and ride to the second floor in the elevator. I pull my phone from my purse and snap a picture of the board and my heart swells.
Welcome To Amora King's
Gallery Showing.
“I am so excited,” I admit as we walk into the large room and my mouth drops open at the beautiful paintings that are hung on the wall. It doesn't take us long to spot her. Long, wavy red hair, stunning lilac dress clung to her curves and a very proud husband's arms tucked around her tiny waist.
Xavier gives Nate a knowing nod as we stride towards them, but they meet us halfway.
“Congratulations Amora,” I say as I clasp her hands in mine and lean in, kissing her on the cheek.
“Thank you so much James,” she smiles at me, her face turning towards Titus, “but none of this would have been possible if I didn't have this guy pushing me to show my work so, I suppose the thanks should go to him,” and Titus shakes his head from side to side as he leans in and kisses the side of her head as she leans against him.
A well-dressed man swoops over and asks to borrow Amora and she excuses herself before walking away, Titus following.
“Always five steps behind huh?” Nate says as I stand next to him, a soft smile painted across my face as I look up at him.
“Yeah,” Xavier folds his hand into his suit pants, and I see a soft laugh vibrate through his shoulders, Royal standing next to him as she hooks her arm through his and her head rests on his shoulder, “but look how long that lasted,” he grumbles, brows sat high as he rolls his eyes, sarcasm dripping from his tone.
I laugh softly, watching as he still keeps his distance.
I feel Nate look down at me and give me a soft snort of a laugh.
“Old habits,” Nate sighs, and my fingers squeeze his inside his hand.
The smile widens as I watch as he admires his friend, eyes wistful.
“And yet he still managed to knock her up,” Xavier’s curt British tone cuts the moment short, and we all laugh.
“What's funny?” Keaton's voice slips through our laughter as him and Ari appear at one side, Kaleb and Connie the other.
I give them all a smile, as we watch Amora talking to someone, I am assuming about buying her paintings.
“Shall we go to the bar?” Killian's voice creeps in and as I turn, I see Reese talking to Sage; Dex standing next to Killian, and we all agree as we leave Amora to walk the floor and we tuck ourselves in the room next door and perch at the bar, Nate sitting on one of the stools.
“Well, here we are,” Kaleb says softly, ordering a bottle of champagne for the group.
“Here we are,” I nod, looking around at my friends.
“Well, just missing Titus and Amora,” Keaton smirks, his arms wrapped around Arizona and he buries his face into her neck, inhaling her scent.
“I have placed an order,” I nod over to the painting that is currently on the screen. Pinks, navy, lilac and soft blues. Stars dotted around the violet sky with a faint full, silver moon.
“Did you?” Nate's lips lift as he looks over his shoulder at it.
“Yeah,” I shrug my shoulder up as if it’s not a big deal. “It reminds me of the night on our honeymoon, when we sat and looked at the clear night sky, the stars looked like they were painted on the perfect sky, the moon shining bright over the ocean.”
His smile widens and he gives me a soft wink.
“Plus, I've got a hell of a bank balance,” I wink back at him.
Nate put all of the money from Secure Corp into my bank. I refused but he wouldn't have it.
So, I promised I would put it to good use.
First thing was me and Nate both investing in Brooke's company.
Second thing was Amora's painting...
Third... well... I brought us a pretty little farmhouse back home in Blossom Cove and tonight was the night we were telling our friends that we were leaving the city. We would sit down after Amora's show, where we would sit down one last time, together, as a family.
Because finally, he and I deserved our happily ever after.