CHAPTER FIFTEEN #2
"So the other day, we went out to eat and this bitch Sheree came up to our table. And she was all in his face, flirting and shit. He played it off like they was just cool from business or whatever, but I could tell it was more than that."
"How you know?"
"'Cause that night when we got home, I saw a text from her on his phone." her voice got quiet. "It said 'So you don't know me now?' with a bunch of question marks."
"Oh hell nah."
"Right. And I ain't say nothing to him about it 'cause I don't wanna seem crazy, but like... why the fuck is this bitch texting my man like that?"
"Girl, you need to ask him."
"I know, but..." She trailed off, shaking her head. "I don't know. What if I'm wrong? What if it really is just business and I'm tripping?" "Yah, if your gut telling you something ain't right, then something probably ain't right. You need to talk to him."
"I will. Eventually." She looked at me. "But we talking about you right now. What you gon' do about Trigg?"
"Nothing. I'm done."
"You say that now, but you know soon as he call you—"
"Nah, I'm serious this time. I'm not doing this shit no more. He don't wanna commit? Cool. He can go find somebody else to play with. It’s plenty of niggas who want me and not gon’ waste my fucking time."
My phone started ringing on the coffee table. It was an Unknown number.
"Who the fuck is this?" I picked it up, frowning at the screen.
"Answer it," Yah said.
I swiped to answer. "Hello?"
"Mya?"
My whole body went stiff. I knew that voice.
"Rah?"
Yah's eyes went wide and she mouthed, "Rah?!"
"Yeah, it's me." His voice was deeper than I remembered, that same South Side drawl. "I know it's been a minute. I been meaning to reach out."
"Reach out?" I could feel my heart racing, my hand gripping the phone tight. "Nigga, are you serious right now?"
"I know you probably don't wanna hear from me—"
"You goddamn right I don't! I got shot and you left me, Rah. At a fucking dice game. you left me there bleeding on the fucking ground!"
"Shorty, listen—"
"Nah, you listen! That shit was hot, niggas was shooting, and you ran. You left me there to die. If it wasn't for Trigg coming back for me, I wouldn't be here right now!"
There was silence on the other end for a second.
"That’s what made you fuck with that nigga huh," he finally said, his voice lower.
"And Shorty, believe me that shit haunts me every day that I did you like that.
But you gotta understand, I had warrants out on me.
I had my pipe on me. If I woulda stayed and 12 pulled up, I was going straight to the County. I was moving hot."
"So you just left me? Because you had your pipe on you? I was laying there shot and you just dipped!"
"I wasn't thinking straight. Shit was crazy. Niggas was still bussin', I heard sirens coming. I had to move."
"You always got an excuse." I could feel tears burning in my eyes but I refused to let them fall.
"You know what fucked me up the most? It wasn't even that you left.
It's that you ain't call. You ain't text.
You ain't check to see if I was even alive, afterwards. Straight silence from yo’ ass. For a whole year, Rah. Nothing."
"I know, and I'm sorry. Mya. I'm sorry. I shoulda reached out. I shoulda made sure you was straight. But I was laying low, trying to handle my shit. And by the time I got right, I ain't know if you even wanted to hear from me."
"I didn't then and I don't now."
"Shorty, just let me see you. Let me apologize for real, face to face. I know I fucked up. I know I did you dirty. But I wanna make it right."
I looked at Yah and she was shaking her head so hard I thought it might fall off, mouthing "Hang up, bitch!"
"Why?" I asked. "Why now? After all this time?"
"'Cause I been thinking about you. 'Cause you was my girl and I did you wrong. 'Cause..." He paused. "'Cause I miss you, Shorty."
My heart was beating so fast. Part of me wanted to cuss him out and hang up. But another part, a stupid part remembered what we used to be before that night.
"I'll think about it," I heard myself say.
"That's all I'm asking. Just think about it. I'ma text you later this week, aight?"
"Aight."
"Aight, Mya. And for real... I'm sorry."
I hung up without saying anything else and tossed my phone on the couch.
Yah was staring at me like I lost my whole mind. "Bitch. Bitch. Tell me you not about to see that nigga."
"I don't know, Yah."
"You don't know?! Mya, he LEFT you! You was shot, bleeding, and he left you at that dice game like you wasn’t shit! And Trigg is the one who came back for you! Trigg is the one who got you to the hospital! And now you mad at Trigg but you thinking about giving Rah another chance?!"
"I'm not…. I don't know what I'm doing, okay?!"
"Yes you do! You hurt about Trigg's commitment shit so you thinking about going backwards. Don't do it."
"Maybe I just wanna hear what he gotta say."
"Girl." Yah grabbed both my hands, looking me dead in my eyes.
"You playing with fire. Deadass. This the same nigga that left you to die. And yeah, Trigg got his issues, but he saved your life. He the one who been there. Don't forget that shit."
Before I could respond, I heard the front door open.
"Yo, Mya!" Yatta's voice boomed through the house.
I looked up and saw him walking into the living room with Zurie right behind him.
"What's good, sis?" Yatta said, his hand on the small of Zurie's back as they walked in. "Look who I brought with me."
"Hey, Mya," Zurie said, smiling. "Hey, Yah-Yah."
"Hey, Zu," Yah said, smiling back at her sister-in-law.
I could tell by the way Yatta was looking at Zurie that he was really feeling her. They'd been "chilling" for a minute now, going out, spending time together, all that. But knowing my brother, he probably wasn't trying to put a title on it either.
Niggas.
"Y'all eating Harold's without me?" Yatta said, eyeing the bags on the table.
"You ain't call and say you was coming," I shot back.
He walked over and grabbed a wing anyway, Zurie sat down on the arm of the recliner next to him.
"So, what y'all in here talking about?" Zurie asked. "Y'all look serious."
"Nothing," I said quickly.
Yah looked at me, then at Yatta and Zurie, then back at me, her expression saying everything… Don't do it. Don't go backwards.
But sitting there, thinking about Trigg's commitment issues and Rah's apology, I wasn't sure what the fuck I was supposed to do.
* * *
I knew I was making a mistake the second I walked into the bar.
It was one of them low-key spots on the South Side, it wasn’t too crowded, it had dim lighting, the kind of place where you could have a conversation without everybody in your business. I spotted Rah sitting in a booth in the back, and my stomach did that stupid flip thing.
He looked good. He had his hair in fresh braids, sporting a crisp white tee, jeans, a Northface jacket, and he had some wheat Timbs on his feet. When he saw me, he stood up with that same smile that used to make me weak.
"Shorty what’s up," he said, "You actually slid on a nigga, I thought you was gon send me off."
"I said I would come." I slid into the booth across from him, keeping my distance.
"You want a drink? I already ordered you patron and lemonade."
"You remember my drink?"
"I remember everything about you, shorty."
I rolled my eyes but I couldn't help the small smile that crept onto my face.
"Don't start, Rah."
The waitress brought over our drinks and I took a sip, letting the smooth burn settle in my chest. Rah was watching me, his eyes softer than I remembered.
"You look good," he said.
"Thanks."
"Nah, for real. You glowing. Life been treating you right?"
"It's been aight." I shrugged. "I'm still here, so that's something."
His face got serious then, and he leaned forward, his hands clasped on the table.
"Mya, I know I said it on the phone, but I need to say it again. I'm sorry. For everything. For leaving you that night and for not checking up on you. For basically being a fuck up."
"Rah—"
"Nah, let me finish." He looked me dead in my eyes. "You ain't deserve that. You was there for me, held me down, and I left you when you needed me most. That shit been eating at me for a year, and I ain't been right since that night."
I didn't say anything. I just took another sip of my drink.
"I know saying sorry don't change what happened," he continued. "But I want you to know I mean that shit. And I wanna make it right."
"How you gon' make it right, Rah? I got shot."
"I know." He was quiet for a second, his jaw working. Then he looked up at me with something dark in his eyes. "I also know you been fuckin' with Trigg."
My whole body went stiff. "Excuse me?"
"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Word get around, Mya. You been with that nigga."
"And?" I sat back, crossing my arms. "What was I supposed to do, Rah? Huh? For a whole year you did nothing. You left me. You ain't call, you ain't text, you ain't check on me. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Sit around and wait for you?"
"Nah, but—"
"But what? You mad 'cause I moved on? You mad 'cause somebody else was there for me when you wasn't?"
"I'm mad 'cause it's Trigg!" His voice got louder and a few people looked over at us. He lowered it back down. "That's my mans, You know that."