CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Yah-Yah
I knocked on Mr. Clyde's door and waited, fixing my hair and making sure my lip gloss was right. This was the third time I'd been here since Sosa put me out two weeks ago. I needed something to do with my time, and if I'm being real, I needed the money too.
But more than that, I needed the distraction.
All I could think about was Sosa and all the bullshit that went down.
Him cheating on me with that bitch Sheree, kicking me out, all of it.
I felt bad about snapping on him after finding out BooMan died, I knew that was fucked up timing and I knew he was hurting but that still didn't change the fact that he violated our relationship.
Mr. Clyde opened the door with that same smile he always had.
"Beautiful," he said, letting me in. "It’s good to see you."
"Hey, Mr. Clyde," I said, stepping inside his nice-ass condo. He already had some wine poured, and some music playing low. He knew the routine.
We made small talk for a few minutes, but we both knew why I was there. He put his hand on my thigh and I didn't stop him. I let him lead me to the bedroom.
I ain't gonna lie, it felt weird being back in this position. When I was with Sosa, I thought I was done with this life. I thought I had found something real and permanent. But here I was again, about to fuck a nigga for money.
Mr. Clyde was gentle though. He always was. He kissed me slow, undressed me carefully, told me I was beautiful. It was almost like he was making love to me instead of just fucking, and that made it easier.
He laid me back on the bed and kissed down my body, taking his time. When he finally pushed inside me, I closed my eyes and tried not to think about Sosa. I tried not to remember how it felt when he touched me, when he made love to me, when he told me he loved me.
But I couldn't help it. Tears slid down my face while Mr. Clyde moved on top of me, and I was grateful he couldn't see them in the dim light.
"You feel so good, baby," Mr. Clyde groaned, picking up his pace.
I moaned the way I knew he liked, arched my back, played the part. This was work. This wasn't about me.
It didn't take long. He came with a grunt, collapsing next to me, breathing hard.
"Damn, girl," he said, laughing. "You something else."
I forced a smile. "You know how I do."
He got up and went to the bathroom to clean up, and I laid there staring at the ceiling, feeling empty as hell.
When he came back, he had an envelope in his hand. He handed it to me and I took it without counting. Mr. Clyde was always good for his word.
"Thank you," I said, getting dressed.
His phone started going off on the nightstand, buzzing over and over. He looked at it and frowned but didn't answer.
"Let me find out you got a stalker," I joked, trying to lighten the mood.
He laughed, but it sounded forced. "Nah, just somebody who don't know when to quit." I didn't press it because it wasn't my business.
I grabbed my purse and the envelope, gave him a quick hug, and headed out. The whole ride home, I felt disgusted with myself. But what else was I supposed to do? Sosa had put me out and I had to survive.
* * *
A few days later me and Mya got dressed in all black for BooMan's funeral. I knew Sosa would be there, and the stupid part of me wanted to see him.
The funeral was sad as hell. BooMan's mama was crying so loud you could hear her over everything, and his little sister looked like she was in shock. Rah gave the eulogy and broke down halfway through.
It was heartbreaking.
I saw Sosa as soon as I walked in. He was standing in the back with Draco and some other niggas, looking rough. He had on a black suit, but his eyes looked dead. When he saw me, something flickered in his face, but I looked away quick.
I sat with Mya and tried to focus on the service, but I could feel Sosa's eyes on me the whole time. It made my skin hot, made my heart race. I hated that he still had that effect on me.
After the funeral, as everyone was leaving and heading to their cars, I felt a hand on my arm. I turned around and it was Sosa.
"Yah-Yah, can we talk?" he said, his voice low.
"I'm good, Sosa," I said, pulling my arm away.
"Please, Ma—"
"I said I'm good," I repeated, harder this time. "You made your choice. Now let me make mine."
I walked away before he could say anything else, before I could let him see the tears in my eyes. Mya was waiting by the car, and we left without looking back.
* * *
A week after the funeral, I woke up feeling sick as fuck. I barely made it to the bathroom before I was throwing up, my whole body heaving. I had been feeling off for a few days, but I thought it was just stress. but then I realized my period was late.
"Oh fuck," I whispered, sitting on the bathroom floor.
I sent Mya to the store to get me a pregnancy test, and when she came back, I took it with shaking hands. Three minutes felt like three hours.
Then Two lines appeared, and it told me all I needed to know, I was pregnant.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I said, tears streaming down my face.
I was pregnant with Sosa's baby, and we weren't even together.
How the fuck was this my life?
I stayed in bed the rest of the day, crying, throwing up, and feeling sorry for myself. I didn't know what the fuck I was gonna do. Then I heard the doorbell ring. I heard Mya answer it, heard her talking to someone. Then I heard footsteps coming down the hall toward my bedroom.
The door opened and Sosa walked in.
"What are you doing here?" I said, wiping my face.
"Mya called me," he said. "She said you was sick."
"I'm fine. You can leave."
"Yah-Yah—"
"I'm pregnant, Sosa!" I yelled, my voice breaking. "Is that what you wanna hear? I'm pregnant and you kicked me out and moved on and I'm fucking pregnant!"
His eyes went wide. "What?"
"You heard me," I said, fresh tears falling. "I'm pregnant. So congratulations, you really fucked my life up."
He stood there for a second, looking stunned. Then he moved closer, kneeling down next to the bed.
"Yasani, baby, I'm so sorry," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm so fucking sorry for everything. For Sheree, for putting you out, for all of it."
"Sorry don't change shit, you cheated, just like the last nigga cheated on me. I’m really learning that’s what niggas do" I said, turning away from him.
"I know it don't change shit," he said. "But I need you to hear me. What happened with Sheree wasn't nothing. It was stupid as fuck on my part, it was a mistake, and it honestly didn't mean shit to me. You the one I want."
"You got a fucked up way of showing you only want me."
"I know," he said, grabbing my hand. "And I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you let me. I miss you, Yah. I miss you so fucking much. The crib don't feel right without you. I don't feel right without you."
I looked at him, really looked at him, and I could see he meant it. His eyes was red, his face looked tired, and he looked like he'd been through hell.
"If I forgive you, and I ain't saying I am, but IF I forgive you," I said, my voice shaking, "you bet not ever do no shit like that again. You hear me? You cross that line again, you'll never see nor hear from me again. Or this baby."
"I put it on my life, Yah-Yah," he said, pulling me into his arms. "I'll never hurt you again. Never."
I let him hold me, let myself cry into his chest. I didn't know if I was making the right decision, but I knew I still loved him. And that had to be enough for now. I knew I wasn’t strong enough to raise a baby on my own.
"I love you," he whispered into my hair. "I love you so much."
"I love you too," I said softly. "But you on thin ice, Sontae fucking Maddox. Real fucking thin."
"I know, baby. I know."
He held me tighter, and for the first time in weeks, I felt like things might be okay.