Chapter 5 First Sparks #2
Distance was good.
Distance was smart.
Distance helped people remember reality.
Unfortunately, reality wasn't cooperating.
The moment I stepped away, I became aware of how much space Elliot had occupied in my thoughts lately.
Too much.
Far too much.
The kid had been living above my garage for a few days.
A few days.
That should not have been enough time to matter.
Yet somehow it was.
I walked toward the kitchen.
Mostly because I needed something to do with my hands.
Behind me, Elliot remained on the couch.
Quiet.
Watching.
I could feel it.
The awareness settled between my shoulder blades.
Dangerous.
Everything about this situation felt dangerous.
Not because Elliot would hurt me.
The exact opposite.
He was kind.
Thoughtful.
Gentle.
The type of person who still believed people deserved second chances.
The type of person I had no business wanting.
I opened a kitchen drawer.
Found a flashlight.
Closed the drawer again.
Pointless.
Completely pointless.
Nothing in the apartment needed fixing.
The only thing broken was my self-control.
A floorboard creaked softly behind me.
I turned.
Elliot stood several feet away.
Close enough that I could see him clearly in the dim light.
Far enough away that touching him would require a choice.
His expression looked uncertain.
Nervous.
Yet determined.
The combination made my pulse quicken.
"What?"
The word came out harsher than intended.
Elliot didn't retreat.
Interesting.
Most people did.
Instead, he folded his arms across his chest.
"You keep doing that."
I frowned.
"Doing what?"
"Pushing me away."
Straight to the point.
The kid was learning.
Unfortunately.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
His eyebrows lifted.
The look said liar more effectively than words ever could.
I almost smiled.
Almost.
"Elliot."
"No."
The interruption surprised me.
He rarely interrupted anyone.
Especially me.
"You do."
His voice remained soft.
But steady.
"You get close."
The words settled heavily between us.
"Then you panic and create distance."
I stared at him.
The uncomfortable part?
He wasn't wrong.
That realization annoyed me immediately.
"You've known me for four days."
"Five."
I blinked.
"You're counting?"
His cheeks turned slightly pink.
That answer was apparently yes.
Wonderful.
Neither of us spoke for a moment.
Rain continued tapping against the windows.
The storm drifted farther away.
The apartment felt strangely isolated from the rest of the world.
Like we existed inside our own little bubble.
I hated how much I liked that feeling.
"Elliot."
His name sounded different this time.
Softer.
The change wasn't intentional.
His eyes immediately found mine.
Everything inside me tightened.
There it was again.
That awareness.
That impossible pull.
I should have walked away.
I knew it.
Every instinct I possessed screamed at me to create distance.
He was twenty-one.
Smart.
Talented.
Kind.
His future stretched endlessly ahead.
Mine came with scars.
Mistakes.
Regrets.
A criminal record I'd spent years trying to leave behind.
The two of us didn't belong in the same story.
Yet every time I looked at him, that logic became harder to remember.
Elliot took a small step forward.
The movement barely registered.
Yet somehow it changed everything.
The distance between us disappeared.
Not physically.
Emotionally.
I could see it in his eyes.
The uncertainty.
The hope.
The attraction he was trying and failing to hide.
My chest tightened painfully.
Because I recognized it.
Because I felt it too.
God help me.
I felt it too.
The realization landed with terrifying clarity.
Not curiosity.
Not affection.
Not simple attraction.
Something deeper.
Something dangerous.
Something capable of changing everything.
For one suspended moment neither of us moved.
The apartment remained silent around us.
No television.
No music.
Just rain and breathing and tension.
Then Elliot looked down briefly.
His gaze landed on my mouth.
The movement lasted less than a second.
Long enough.
The last piece of my self-control snapped.
I stepped forward.
Elliot inhaled sharply.
Neither of us looked away.
Not anymore.
My hand lifted almost without permission.
Fingers brushing gently against his jaw.
Warm skin.
Soft skin.
Elliot's eyes widened slightly.
Yet he leaned into the touch.
The simple movement nearly destroyed me.
I should stop.
Right now.
Immediately.
Instead, I moved closer.
Close enough to feel his breath.
Close enough to see every emotion crossing his face.
Nervousness.
Anticipation.
Trust.
That last one hit hardest.
Because he trusted me.
And God help me, I wanted to deserve it.
"Elliot."
His name sounded like a warning.
Maybe a plea.
Maybe both.
He swallowed.
Then whispered:
"Jaxon."
That was it.
That was all it took.
I kissed him.
The moment our lips met, every rational thought vanished.
The kiss wasn't rushed.
Wasn't careless.
It was something worse.
Honest.
Weeks of tension seemed to collapse into a single moment.
Everything I'd been trying not to feel.
Everything I'd been trying not to want.
All of it suddenly became impossible to deny.
Elliot made a small sound against my mouth.
The noise went straight through me.
My hand tightened slightly against his jaw.
His fingers found my shirt.
Holding on.
Not pulling away.
Never pulling away.
The realization hit like a punch.
Because I wanted more.
Far more than a kiss.
Far more than I should.
The intensity of that desire terrified me.
I broke the kiss immediately.
Stepped back.
Breathing hard.
The apartment suddenly felt too small.
Too warm.
Too dangerous.
Elliot stared at me.
Confused.
Hurt.
Hopeful.
All at once.
I couldn't handle any of it.
Not right now.
Not when my control felt one mistake away from completely disappearing.
"Jaxon—"
"No."
The word came out rough.
Immediate.
I ran a hand through my hair.
Tried to think.
Failed.
This was exactly why I kept people at a distance.
Exactly why.
Because one kiss was enough to make me forget every reason I should walk away.
"Elliot."
His name nearly broke me.
I looked at him one last time.
Then turned toward the door.
"Jaxon."
I heard him take a step forward.
I kept moving.
Because if I stopped, I wasn't sure I'd leave.
And right now, leaving felt like the only smart decision I had left.
So I walked out of the apartment and into the dark garage below, carrying the memory of that kiss with me and hating how much I already wanted another one.
· ? ·