CHAPTER 16
TAINTED INNOCENCE
ARELLA
On the drive to Grimm’s apartment, I was still in shock about what had happened in the bathroom.
It wasn’t even because I did something I always thought I wouldn’t do, but about how I felt about him afterwards. How ravaging his kiss was, how all-consuming. How he didn’t stop until I ran out of air, how he made me come three times on the bathroom floor with his mouth and those amazingly long fingers. How unhinged he was. How he seemed intent on tearing me to pieces, and how many marks his teeth left everywhere they touched.
My body ached with the pleasure he’d ripped out of me; with the euphoria he settled in my bones.
And what frightened me more than anything was the fact that I wanted more, that I would have allowed him to take whatever he wanted from me, until there was no shred of energy left.
I would have allowed him to pour everything he had into me. All the rage that emanated from him, all the madness that clouded his judgment.
His comment about wanting to know who I was returned to my head, but I tried not to give it much thought. How much did he know if he had to ask me that? I shook my head, trying to shake off the guilt that was clawing at my heart. Guilt I shouldn’t have felt, because who I used to be bore no relevance to our relationship, but I hated that my past seemed to catch up to me, and that he wanted to uncover it.
I sat in the passenger seat, his palm resting possessively on my thigh as he drove with one hand, seemingly focused on the road. My eyes settled on his fingers, and I bit my lips and whimpered as I felt how sore they were from the brutality that he kissed, kneaded and bit them.
I brushed my fingertip over my lips and closed my eyes, shivering as I remembered every detail vividly.
How dirty it made me feel, how sinful, how good.
His taste lingered on my tongue as I turned my head to look at him, strong, a little salty, and something else that was entirely his. The lights from outside cast ominous shadows over his face, darkening his features, and the corners of his mouth twisted into a grin, one that told me he knew exactly what was going through my head.
The shadows suited him, because Grimm blended into the darkness as if that was his home, and he seemed to know it.
He loved the abyss, the unending depth of black, and the way it swallowed the light inside its emptiness.
Grimm was neither a fallen angel, nor the devil, nor a demon, nor anything in between. He was much worse. Grimm was corrupt, immoral, godless, depraved, and undeniably ruthless, and I had seen a lot of chaos in my life, but never one as beautiful as his.
He was the embodiment of hell, burning me from the inside out, and I wanted to be purified by his fire and baptized in his flames.
Grimm was my own custom-made destruction, my falling from grace, and I was his ruin.
“What are you thinking about, Snezhinka?” He looked at me briefly, his grip on my thigh tightening a little.
“About us,” I answered honestly.
“What about us?” He took his hand off my leg to press a button that opened the garage door.
“What are we?” I asked.
“What do you want us to be?” he grinned, parking his car between a black muscle car with tinted windows and…. my old Corolla.
I frowned, forgetting everything about questions and answers, and I turned my whole body towards him.
“Why is my car here?”
“All your stuff is here,” he said simply, then he got out of the car and walked over to open the door for me. “Well, everything except what you have in the safe. We’ll go back tomorrow, and you can get it then.”
“What?” I blinked countless times, and I stepped out of the car. “When? How… I didn’t agree to move in with you,” I raised my voice as I paced back and forth in the middle of the garage.
“It wasn’t a topic up for negotiation, Arella. Your place isn’t safe for you anymore, and I wasn’t going to let you spend another night there knowing that someone tried to break in.”
Fuck that logic right off.
“You could have just spent a few nights there to convince yourself it was a one-time thing, a coincidence,” I argued, trying to remain rational and not pour all my anxiety out on him.
“I don’t believe in coincidences, besides… I like my bed,” he tilted his head to the side, seemingly more amused by my tantrum than anything else.
“Are you fucking serious right now?” I ran my fingers through my hair and looked up at the ceiling like there was a deity there, praying they would make this man see how wrong his ways were.
He stalked towards me like a predator. His eyebrows drew together, casting a menacing shadow over his eyes, which somehow seemed even brighter. I took a step back, then another, and so on until my butt touched one of the cars.
Grimm wasted no time and caged me in, his palms pressing against the hood, leaning over me and pushing me back until I was sitting on it. I looked him in the eye and held his gaze to show him that I wasn’t intimidated by him, even though I was faking it.
“It’s not about the fucking bed, no,” he spoke over my face. “It’s about the fact that I’m one of the most hated men in the world; I’ve killed hundreds of people, Arella, maybe even thousands, and that’s earned me enemies who can make horror movies seem like fucking walks in the park. And yes, I could have spent the night at your place, but next time they wouldn’t have sent just one person to rattle your doorknob, they would have sent an entire army to break down the door. I can’t protect you there, and even though I have no problem taking on multiple men at once, I’d be focused on you, and I wouldn’t be able to fight properly knowing that you were caught in the middle of it.”
His tone sent a shiver down my spine, anger pouring out of him and seeping into my pores, and I turned my head to the side as the realization of my new reality washed over me.
I knew what he was, I knew what it entailed, and yet I’d jumped headfirst into tumultuous waters without so much as a life jacket, and now I was in a room without doors or windows, where air seemed to become more toxic by the second, slowly suffocating me.
“I wish you would have asked me before moving my things,” I whispered as I hugged myself, and his body seemed to relax in sync with my tone before he took my face in his palms and tilted my head up. “Communication is important if we want this to work,” I continued.
“I asked you, and you gave me the wrong answer.”
“It wasn’t a question, Grimm. It was a demand, something that sounded like an order, not like a man who wanted to live with me.”
“I’m not used to the conventional way of asking for things,” he admitted as his fingertips gently brushed my cheeks, wiping away the tears that fell without my permission. “I never wanted to live with anyone until now. My whole life I’ve seen women as a means to release tension, then you came along. You fucking bulldozed your way in, with your stupidly modest dresses and that innocent smile. You shook my whole belief system. You got under my skin like nobody else managed to. Ever.”
“I have no idea how relationships work because I never cared enough to keep a woman for more than a few hours. I have no idea how to behave or how to stop these fucking tears from falling out of your eyes,” he whispered the last sentence, and more tears fell out. But I’m willing to learn… if you’re willing to teach me.”
He leaned down and kissed the corners of my eyes, my forehead, my cheeks, and my lips, and with each kiss he pressed on my skin, any fear that crept into my brain slowly dissolved, leaving nothing but him behind.
His touch, his kiss, his scent.
Was I being manipulated? Probably. But did I care? Not really.
Was agreeing to move in with him stepping on every value I had set for myself in the last nine years? No doubt. Absolutely. I left my past to escape danger, to be safe, and now I was giving up on everything. On my independence and safety, putting both of them in his hands with the faith that he would protect me.
Was it worth it? Risking everything I had worked for?
Another look at him, and my heart skipped a beat, pushing me to take the plunge, once again making the choice for me.
“Okay,” I whispered over his lips.
“Okay?” he repeated.
“Yeah,” I nodded. “Okay,” I breathed out.
I barely had time to smile before he lifted me up and twirled me around a few times, and when my feet touched the ground again, I was dizzy and overwhelmed.
“Come on,” he took my hand in his and pulled me towards the elevator, a little too excited about what just happened.
I started laughing at his impatience, confused by the feelings inside me.
Despite everything he was doing, a part of me still believed that he would eventually get bored. But even though that thought frightened me, the prospect of living with him had a stronger hold than my insecurities.
He picked me up like a bride when the elevator doors opened into his living room.
“Welcome home,” he whispered, his nose buried in my hair as he crossed the hypothetical threshold.
He gave me a thorough tour of the penthouse, because the last time I was there, I didn’t exactly have any time to look around, since I was busy patching up the owner.
It had too many bedrooms for a single man, a fully equipped kitchen even though he couldn’t even fry an egg, three bathrooms — not counting the one in his bedroom — and a closet the size of my entire apartment, half of which had been cleared out to make room for my clothes.
Mounted on the wall opposite the double doors was a glass display case containing a mannequin that seemed to have my exact measurements, wearing the white dress I wore the day we met on the plane, only it was stained with his blood from the night he took a bullet for me.
I covered my mouth with both hands when I saw it and reluctantly passed through the many boxes in the closet to reach it. I couldn’t see him, but I knew he was right behind me. Not because I could hear him, but because I could feel him. My body was directly attuned to his, my entire being was, and I was sure I could have found my way to him even in the middle of a crowd.
Engraved in silver on the glass were the words “
tainted innocence
” and just below the beautiful cursive was the phrase I told to him the night we slept entwined on Klaus’ couch.
“A messenger of God, destined to fall for the demon of destruction.”
I didn’t ask when he had the time to do all that, because he managed to pack up and move all my things into his home during the four hours we spent at the warehouse.
Grimm moved fast, too fast, and I wasn’t sure I could keep up with him. Sure, I knew he had an army at his disposal to do everything he asked, but still, he was going at the speed of light.
His father’s words echoed in my head, and now I understood them much better than I had earlier.
In my head were a few weeks, but in Grimm’s head, six years. Six years of waiting and yearning and feeling helpless. Six years of fighting his own nature so as not to bring me into his world. Six years of agony, and now he wanted to do it all with rapid fire, even if he burned me in the process.
It was true that he had been a constant image in my brain for nine years, but I came to the conclusion that his obsession overpowered mine from all angles.
I cried.
Again.
Because it was beautiful, poetic and scary, all at the same time, and I ran into his arms, completely speechless, where he waited for me just like he always did, ready to offer me anything I asked.
*
After we ate — because he insisted on feeding me again — I went into his bathroom to shower. Our bathroom, as he kept reminding me.
As I stepped under the water in his unnecessarily large walk-in shower, I felt a sudden surge of safety rush through me.
Yes, I was scared, since fear came with the territory, but I knew it in my bones that Grimm was going to do everything in his power to stop whatever and whoever came after me, if anyone, because I still thought he was exaggerating and making a big deal out of nothing.
Again, I felt him even before he touched me, but I didn’t turn around as he wrapped his big arms around my waist and pressed me against his naked body. I leaned into his touch, and he lowered his head on my shoulder to press a soft kiss to the side of my neck, right on the spot he seemed to love so much, namely my pulse line.
“How are you feeling?” he asked as his thumbs traced small, soothing circles over my stomach.
“Overwhelmed, to be honest. Everything feels like a lot, coming way too fast, and I don’t know how to handle it,” I said, then snorted. “Isn’t it funny how you could put me in front of a broken body and I would know what to do, but I’m clueless when it comes to living with a man I had fantasized about for years?” I giggled.
“I think we will both learn as we go, Snezhinka. This is uncharted territory for me as well. One day at a time, beautiful.”
I nodded, the little lines his fingers brushed on my skin slowly soothing the anxiety away.
“How do you feel?”
“At peace,” he whispered over my skin as he continued to pepper kisses on my neck and shoulders. “What’s going on here?” He tapped my temple with two fingers twice, almost as if he knew my head was spinning out of control.
I looked down at my feet and thought about it for a second, then sighed, hugging myself over his arm.
“My life has been planned down to the last detail, and I always thought I’d get married to an average guy, have a couple kids, then stop having sex altogether.” I laughed and he snorted. “Anyway, I wasn’t expecting someone like you. You weren’t in the cards for me, and suddenly… you’ve become this entity that I can’t stay away from, even though reason dictates I should run for the hills, I don’t want to run.”
“I’m your wild card,” he hummed as his teeth dug playfully into my shoulder.
“My wild card?”
“Precisely; I’m the card you pulled out of the deck without knowing, and when you flipped it, you found a Joker. I am the card that can replace all the others. I can be your friend, your lover, your confidant. I can be your everything,
Snezhinka
, and all you have to do is let me.”
“You know, for a menace to society, you’re oddly lyrical tonight,” I chuckled.
I turned to face him because I couldn’t go another second without seeing him, but I didn’t have much time to admire his masculine beauty because the next moment he was all over me. Kissing me, touching me, utterly consuming me.
Just like he always did.
*
The next morning, after the best and most restful sleep I had in a long time, we stepped into the garage, where Grimm stopped next to a cabinet on the right side of the elevator door and pulled out a set of keys, which he quickly tossed at me.
Luckily, I was already paying attention to his every move and was able to catch them before they hit me in the face.
“What am I supposed to do with these?” I laughed as I looked at the logo on the key, then at the cars in the garage, shocked to realize that it was a private place, which meant that all the cars in there… belonged to him.
“Drive,” he said with a shrug.
“These are not mine…” I jingled the keys.
“Yes, they are,” he interrupted, leading me to the car parked right next to the one he usually used. “Just like this is your car.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No fucking way.”
“Yes, fucking way,” he pushed me towards the driver’s door.
“You can’t just give me a car,” I stuttered as my eyes analyzed the monster in front of me, and it wasn’t Grimm.
“I just did,” he opened the door for me.
Just like that, as if he was giving me flowers.
“Grimm, this is a car,” I explained, highlighting the word as if he didn’t understand what it meant.
“No shit, really?” he laughed.
He laughed. That is, he opened his mouth, and the sound of laughter came out. Not a chuckle, not a grin, not a giggle. A full-blown laughter. And it sounded like the best melody ever written.
“I can’t accept this,” I said stubbornly.
“Which is why I wasn’t asking, baby,” he glared at me. “Get in the car, Arella.”
I rolled my eyes and got in, the smell of a new car mixed with expensive leather filling my nostrils, and when he took a seat on my right, his scent mingled with both of them, intoxicating me completely.
“What car is this?” I asked as I stroked the steering wheel with my fingers and almost moaned at the feel of it.
“It’s a Camaro,” he said as I pressed the start button and the engine roared to life, then faded into a steady hum.
“Why?” seemed to be the only question that kept running through my mind since he came into my life.
“Because that piece of scrap metal,” he pointed at my Corolla, “is a fucking coffin on wheels.”
“Hey, Gina’s been in my life a long time, we have history together.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that it’s a death trap.”
I rolled my eyes and was about to tell him that he could shove his opinions about my car up his ass, but then I looked at my watch and decided to argue about it later since I had exactly fifteen minutes until my shift started.
Luckily, the Camaro was much faster than Gina, and I found myself in the hospital’s parking lot sooner than I thought possible.
I was in a state of shock for a while, almost as if I wanted to drive it more.
“Say it.” Grimm shook his head as we walked hand in hand towards the entrance.
“Say what?”
“You love the car,” he grinned.
Asshole
.
“What makes you think that?”
“Arella,” he glared at me.
“Fine, I love the car, ok? Adore it, actually. It still doesn’t make it mine.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and bit my lip, whereupon he rolled his eyes and stepped in front of me, right in the spot where he kissed me the day before.
“It is, little angel.” He took my chin between his fingers. “It’s yours, just like every other car in the garage is yours, just like everything I have is yours, like I am yours.”
“A lot of things are mine,” I mumbled. “What do you have left?”
“You.”
I rolled my eyes.
“One hell of a deal,” I shook my head, amused.
I opened my mouth to say something more, but no words came out. He had stolen all of them with these declarations he kept making as though they were the most normal things on the planet.
He kissed me just as he had done the day before, then left, leaving me breathless and wanting more.
The day went by fast, as I was assigned to the emergency room and it was a madhouse down there. Lana was busy with some lab work, so at least I didn’t have to see her too, but there was this deep dread settled in my stomach, a bad feeling I couldn’t shake off.
I was the last one in the locker room, and I glued my forehead to the locker, breathing tiredly after the many wounds I’d stitched up, then took off my white coat and opened the door to put it on the hanger, but I froze with my hand in the air.
My heart started hammering in my chest.
My smartwatch vibrated and I checked it as the air caught in my throat. I was being called to the director’s office.
Panic took over when I searched for the gun in my purse and didn’t find it.
On the little shelf in my locker, on top of the anatomy books I kept there, was a red box.
My red box.
From my safe.
It wasn’t just a burglar, but someone much worse. Someone who could make Grimm look like a saint.
I slammed the locker shut and kicked the door, then punched it repeatedly, all of it to stop myself from ripping my hair out, struggling to regain my calm and breathe normally.
He’d found me, but something told me he’d always known where I was and had chosen this exact moment to attack.
Fuck.
It wasn’t one of Grimm’s enemies, as he thought.
It was mine.
My only enemy.
I am so fucked.