Chapter 15 — Lena #2
Honesty had become a shared language between them, which was beautiful and extremely inconvenient.
“That it would feel too serious,” she admitted. “And also that I would like it if it did.”
She nodded.
His gaze dropped to her mouth, then lifted.
“I liked it too,” he said.
Carter reached up and brushed them back slowly.
His hand stayed near her cheek, not quite touching now.
“Can I kiss you on our five-minute productivity break?” he asked.
A laugh slipped out of her. “That is a very unromantic way to say that.”
“I’m trying to respect the schedule.”
“You are weaponizing the schedule.”
The first touch of his mouth was soft, almost careful, but the care never lasted long with them. Lena stepped closer, and Carter’s hand slid to her waist, warm and sure through her jacket.
Carter made a quiet sound when she tilted her face up, and the sound went through her like a spark.
She pulled back first, breathing unevenly.
His forehead lowered toward hers.
“Five minutes,” she whispered.
“Terrible unit of time.”
“You suggested it.”
“I was younger then.”
“That was three minutes ago.”
His smile touched hers.
Then he kissed her once more, shorter, gentler, like punctuation.
When they returned to the table, Lena was almost certain her face gave everything away.
Carter looked very pleased with himself.
“Do not,” she warned.
“I said nothing.”
“You are thinking loudly.”
“I’m thinking productively.”
“You are not.”
“I am. I feel academically renewed.”
She sat down and opened her laptop. “Write your paper.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Carter.”
“I like this.”
She stilled.
“Studying?” she asked.
His eyes held hers.
“This,” he said again.
Five-minute breaks that were absolutely not five minutes.
Her chest warmed and ached at the same time.
“I like this too,” she said.
They worked until Carter left for film at three.
Before he went, he walked her to the student center even though it was out of his way.
At the steps, he shifted his backpack on one shoulder and looked at her with reluctant amusement.
“What?” she asked.
“I’m about to ask if I can see you later, but I’m trying not to be annoying.”
His mouth curved. “Can I see you later?”
“Good.”
“But I have office hours, a chapter to read, and Paige is demanding a debrief.”
“Paige frightens me.”
“Maybe.”
His eyebrows lifted.
“It’s a real maybe,” she said.
“Meaning?”
“Meaning I want to see you, but I also might need to function as a student.”
He nodded. “Responsible. Devastating. Attractive.”
She shook her head. “Go to film.”
He stepped closer.
“Can I kiss you goodbye?”
Carter noticed.
His expression softened.
“No pressure,” he said.
Public.
Intentional.
When she pulled back, Carter looked at her like she had handed him something fragile and precious.
“See you later, Brooks.”
“Go, Emotional Support Forward.”
His mouth fell open.
She turned and walked up the steps before she could laugh in his face.
“Low blow,” he called after her.
She glanced back. “But accurate.”
He pointed at her, smiling. “You’re trouble.”
Lena walked into the student center with her heart embarrassingly light.
Because normal life was a trap, and apparently also had a sense of timing.
Hannah sat with two girls from econ and one girl Lena recognized from the fundraiser volunteer team. They had coffee cups, laptops, and the alert expression of people who had been talking about something more interesting than their coursework.
When Lena entered, the conversation quieted just enough to be obvious.
Fantastic.
Lena kept walking toward an empty table.
“Lena,” Hannah called.
She could pretend not to hear.
But that would make it worse.
She turned. “Hey.”
Hannah smiled brightly. “We were just talking about the fundraiser.”
No, they were not.
“Great,” Lena said.
“It was seriously amazing,” said the volunteer girl, whose name was Sophie. “Denise sent the final total to the volunteer list. You crushed it.”
That part seemed genuine.
Lena relaxed slightly. “Thanks. Everyone worked really hard.”
“Especially Carter, apparently,” Hannah said, and there it was.
Lena’s shoulders tightened again.
Hannah leaned back in her chair. “I didn’t know he had it in him.”
“He worked hard,” Lena said.
“He must really like you.”
Not enough.
Lena held Hannah’s gaze. “Why do you say it like that?”
Hannah blinked. “Like what?”
A little silence.
Hannah’s smile faltered. “I didn’t mean anything bad.”
“Okay.”
“I just mean Carter’s Carter.”
As if that trapped him.
As if the boy who had cried quietly in a hospital waiting room, apologized when something hurt her, and studied with color-coded chaos at their table could be reduced to a campus shrug.
“What does that mean?” Lena asked.
Maybe she should.
“You know,” Hannah said. “He’s flirty. He’s fun. He’s never really serious about anyone.”
Lena’s stomach tightened.
Sophie glanced between them. “Hannah.”
“What? I’m not being mean.” Hannah looked at Lena. “I’m just saying be careful. I’d hate to see you get hurt.”
As if Lena had not been careful her entire life.
Lena gripped the strap of her tote.
“I appreciate the concern,” she said, though she did not.
Hannah softened her voice. “I mean it. I’ve seen him at parties. He’s sweet to everybody.”
What if Carter made everyone feel chosen for a while?
She swallowed.
“Thanks,” Lena said, voice controlled. “I have work to do.”
She walked to the empty table without waiting for a response.
A text from Carter appeared twenty minutes later.
Carter: Film survived. Mason only whispered “for logistics” once and Coach made him run stairs. Justice exists.
Carter: No rush if you’re busy. Just wanted to say I liked our table today.
By the time she returned to her dorm, Paige was waiting.
Arms crossed.
“Okay,” Paige said. “You either had an amazing coffee date or you’re about to alphabetize your feelings. Which one?”
Lena dropped her tote on the floor.
The confiscated Team Clipboard shirt tumbled halfway out.
Paige looked at it.
Paige’s face changed immediately.
“Oh, babe.”
“I hate this,” Lena whispered.
Paige moved off the bed and crouched in front of her. “What happened?”
“That is never true when you say it like that.”
Lena wiped under one eye, angry at herself.
“Coffee was good,” she said. “Really good. Normal good. We studied. He brought breakfast. Mason apologized. Carter was sweet and funny and honest, and he kissed me outside, and it felt…” She exhaled shakily. “It felt real.”
“Then Hannah and Sophie were in the study lounge, and Hannah said…” Lena looked down. “She said be careful. Carter’s Carter. He’s sweet to everybody. He’s never serious.”
“I know people talk. I know he had a reputation. I know this isn’t new information. But hearing it like that, after such a good morning, made me feel stupid.”
Lena shook her head. “What if I’m doing the thing?”
“What thing?”
“The thing girls do when they think they’re different.”
Paige sat back on her heels.
Still.
“I don’t know Carter the way you do,” Paige said carefully. “But I know what I’ve seen.”
“And I’ve seen him look at you like he’s terrified you’ll disappear if he breathes wrong.”
Lena’s throat tightened.
“I’ve seen him stop making jokes when it matters,” Paige continued. “I’ve seen him show up. I’ve seen him let you set the pace. And I saw him today, by the way.”
Lena looked up. “You did?”
“Outside the student center. That kiss was cute.”
“Paige.”
“Sorry. Focus.” Paige took her hands. “He looked at you like you mattered. Not like a game.”
Paige squeezed her hands. “Then maybe talk to him instead of disappearing into your own head.”
The screen was dark.
Guilt sharpened.
“I haven’t answered him.”
“How long?”
“I don’t know.”
“How long, Lena?”
“Oh no.”
Paige gave her a look.
“I didn’t mean to,” Lena said.
“Text him.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Try the truth.”
“The truth is messy.”
Lena looked at the shirt on the floor.
Lena: I’m sorry I disappeared. Coffee was really good. I liked our table too. Something got in my head after, and I’m trying to sort it instead of dumping it on you badly.
Too much?
Not enough?
Paige leaned over. “Send it.”
Carter: Thank you for telling me. Want to talk, or do you want space? I can do either.
Lena pressed the phone to her chest.
That response was unfairly perfect.
Paige’s expression softened. “Good answer?”
Carter: Also for the record, you can dump things on me badly. I’m emotionally improving, not made of glass.
A laugh broke through Lena’s tears.
Paige smiled. “Definitely good answer.”
Lena: Can we talk later tonight? Not text.
Carter: Yes. Call or walk?
She looked at Paige.
Carter: I’ll meet you outside your dorm whenever you’re ready. No pressure.
She set the phone down.
Paige stood. “Want me to stay or vanish?”
Lena wiped her face. “Vanish nearby.”
Paige grabbed her notebook, then paused by the door.
“For what it’s worth,” she said, “Hannah doesn’t know what Carter is with you. She knows what he looked like from a distance.”
After Paige left, Lena changed into a sweatshirt, washed her face, and stared at herself in the mirror.
Carter stood outside under the dorm lights, hands in his hoodie pocket, hair ruffled from the wind.
Just concern.
Then a small, gentle one.
“Hi,” he said.
The air was cool. The campus lights glowed gold across the stone walkway. Somewhere in the distance, music thumped faintly from a dorm window.
Carter slowed.
“Tell me,” he said.
Lena looked at their hands.
“I heard more comments.”
His thumb moved once over her knuckles. “About me?”
“About you. About us. Mostly you.”
He nodded.
“Hannah said to be careful,” Lena said. “That you’re sweet to everybody. That you’re never serious.”
With hurt.
She saw it even though he tried to keep his face steady.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Don’t apologize for telling me.”
“It got in my head.”
“I figured.”
“I hate that it did.”
He nodded again.
“I hate that it had a place to land,” he said quietly.
His eyes were on the path ahead.