40. Jude
JUDE
I press a kiss to Slade’s mouth, and he kisses me back, but his face is taut with tension, and his eyes lack their usual brightness this morning.
“I love you.” He attempts to give me a reassuring smile but fails.
“I love you too,” I reply, following him to the building’s main door and giving him a reassuring smile as he looks at me before he leaves.
The press is there, hounding him the moment he steps out, fully suited and pristine, looking every inch the hot businessman.
I’m still getting used to seeing him dressed like this.
He looks great in a suit, really great. I count no fewer than four women double-take and check him out as he strides the few feet across the sidewalk and slides into the backseat of the car his father has sent for him.
I get it. He’s beautiful. All tall, broad, and muscular. His dark hair and blue eyes make him striking. And his jaw and mouth just scream to be kissed, then sat on.
But they’re all falling in love with the gorgeous parts of him. The perfect pieces the world sees.
I fell in love with his scars.
Slade Beaufort, the cowboy who stole my heart with his brashness, put there to protect other people from the monster he once thought he was.
But he’s the most incredible man I’ve ever met. And I’m terrified about how today’s going to go.
“Fuck me, are you sure he only has the one brother who’s already taken?” Mel quips as she glides in through the doorman-assisted entrance after fighting her way through the crowd outside.
I manage a smile, and she bumps shoulders with me as we walk to the elevator. She’s agreed to come and sit with me while Slade does this, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
“He’ll be all right,” she says as we ride up to Slade’s penthouse.
She studies me and I must look like I’m about to dissolve into a puddle of anxiety because she wraps an arm around me.
I nod weakly, the lump in my throat that’s been there since Sterling called Slade this morning, growing.
Sterling said the family needs to talk. Slade’s dreading it. But he’s also relieved. They’re finally going to really talk about it. It’s what he needs. It’s what they all need. I offered to go with him, but he said this is something he has to do alone.
Mel and I settle down to watch a movie after she’s toured Slade’s penthouse with her jaw on the floor. But I can’t bring myself to share her excitement over the billion-dollar views, or the home gym and spa, or any of the expensive artwork or luxury furnishings.
I can’t do anything except sit and wring my hands to the bone as I wait for him to come back.
“Did he say how long he’ll be?” Mel asks, studying the way I’m staring into space instead of focusing on the giant movie-sized TV screen.
“He didn’t know.”
“Why don’t you call him and see how things are going? You said he has a phone now, right?”
“Yeah. Denver delivered one for him yesterday.”
My stomach’s in knots as I scroll to his new number. But before I can hit dial, it rings.
“It’s him,” I gush in relief.
“Answer it,” Mel urges.
“Slade?” I say in a rush, jumping to my feet and pacing over to the window. “Slade?”
The sound of someone breathing out shakily comes down the line. “Jude,” he whispers.
My heart falls to my feet.
Something’s wrong.
“What happened?”
“It was… fuck…” he mumbles.
My heart clenches.
“Tell me,” I coax softly.
“They wanted to prepare a press release to be read out today. They’re going to announce I’ve been living in South Africa with amnesia following the accident. Play along with the press theories.”
“But that’s a lie! What did they say when you told them what happened?”
He sighs. “They didn’t, Jude. It never got that far. My father’s place was crawling with people. Frank was there with PR people I’ve never met before. And there was a doctor.”
“A doctor?”
“A psychiatrist. They said I should talk to someone about what happened. In case I have any urges to do it again.”
“What?” I clasp a hand over my mouth as bile threatens to rush up my windpipe. “You need to tell them what really happened. This is crazy!”
“They’re still denying it. I can’t make them talk about it. No one will fucking listen!” His voice cracks and ice slithers through my veins as his next words come out as a haunted whisper. “I can’t do this, Jude. I lived as a shadow. Pretending to be someone else. I can’t do it anymore.”
“I know.” Tears race down my cheeks. “And I would never want you to. You can’t live like that… I-I’ll c-come with you. We’ll start over somewhere new together.”
Mel appears beside me, her eyes wide.
What happened? she mouths.
I shake my head, her outline blurring from my tears.
“Your family is here,” Slade says.
“You’re my family now too.”
“New York City,” he breathes, “God, I love you, Baby.”
“I love you too, Cowboy.”
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to fix this,” he whispers.
I know he’ll make me stay here if it comes to it. His family might not understand who the real Slade is, but I do. He’s a man with a golden soul who would never be able to take the woman he loves away from her family, her friends, her life. Not even if it means he has to give her up forever.
“Where are you?” I ask.
“Taking a walk. I needed to think.”
“Come back,” I plead between hiccups and sobs. “Please don’t go anywhere or do anything yet. Come back to me first so we can talk. Promise me.”
The few seconds it takes him to answer are what being in hell must feel like. Every cell in my body burns with indescribable pain that I might have already lost him, that I’ll never see him again. I would have stopped him leaving this morning if I knew this would happen.
“I will. I just need some time to think and…” He blows out a shaky breath. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”
“Do you promise—?”
The line goes dead.
And I collapse into Mel’s waiting arms.