Chapter 20 Nathan
NATHAN
I’ve been sitting at my desk for so long, my back’s starting to ache, but I’m too focused to move. I twirl my pencil between my fingers, glancing down at the panel I’ve been shading for at least fifteen minutes… maybe longer.
I’ve planned it out, been working on it for weeks, and yet I can’t stop second-guessing the scene, the angles, the face of the character, and the fact that it looks a little too much like someone.
The noise from downstairs bleeds through my headphones and I let out a chuckle, knowing it probably means someone missed a shot.
Usually, I’m right down there with them, but tonight I just wanted to get this piece done. There’s no real reason for it; it’s not like I’m under a deadline or anyone is waiting for this, but once something sticks in my mind, it stays there until I can get it done.
I focus on the scene and shade in the stubble of the main character, my mind flicking to the one thing I’ve had a really hard time not thinking about.
Not that I’ve tried. I don’t want to. The memory fills my head, and I zone out, remembering the heat of his mouth, his voice in my ear, whispering things that still make me tense up just thinking about them.
The way I had my fingers twisted in his hair and came harder than I ever had from having his mouth on me.
I close my eyes, exhaling slowly through my nose, and my jaw tenses as I flex my grip around the pencil.
A knock interrupts the thought, and I pause the playlist and tug my headphones off, glancing toward the door just as it creaks open.
My pulse kicks up the second I see him push open the door. My fingers tighten around the pencil without meaning to when his eyes meet mine.
“Hey,” he says, casually, like he didn’t have my cock in his mouth three days ago. He leans against my door frame, his arms crossed over the Colton U tee that clings to his chest. And of course, he’s got his signature smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth like he already knows he’s in my head.
I swallow, my throat suddenly dry. “Hey.”
“The game’s starting,” he continues, slipping into the room. “The guys asked if you were coming to watch.”
“Maybe later,” I mutter, running a hand through my hair.
He steps farther in, gaze dropping to the pages scattered across my desk, and I quickly shut my sketchbook. “What are you doing?” he asks. “Watching porn?” He flashes me a teasing smirk that makes me shoot him a dry look.
I shoot him a flat look. “On paper?”
He shrugs. “Hey, who am I to kink-shame?”
I exhale through my nose, and that damn smirk of his deepens. “Seriously, what is it?”
“Nothing.”
“You just slammed your porn—sorry, I mean, your book—shut like you got caught red-handed.” He takes another step forward. “Come on. I thought we had a deal. You can tell me anything, and it stays between us.”
“Jesus,” I mutter, dragging a hand down my face.
He doesn’t budge. “Hayes.”
“It’s stupid,” I reply, swallowing.
He leans over me, one arm braced on the back of my chair, tilting his head, his brow quirking. “Don’t make me wrestle you for it. Though if that’s what you’re into…”
My pulse stutters, but I sigh and flip the sketchbook back open, angling it just enough for him to see.
He leans in, the clean scent of his shampoo filling my nose.
“Holy fuck,” he breathes, his eyes widening. “You drew this?”
I shift in my seat, aware of how close his shoulder is to mine. “Yeah.”
“This is—Jesus, Nathan.” He shakes his head. “This is insane. The shading, the detail.” He flips through the pages slowly, careful not to smudge the corners. “Are these your own characters?”
“Mostly,” I reply with a shrug. “Some are inspired by comics I liked as a kid.” I watch his expression change into genuine interest, his eyes lighting up.
He keeps flipping through the pages. “You ever show anyone these?” he asks, not looking up.
“Not really.” I rub the back of my neck. “I just do them for fun.”
He turns those green eyes on me. “But you showed me?”
I meet his gaze. “You kind of forced me to.”
He lets out a laugh, turning to lean against my desk. His gaze wanders around my room, catching on the wall above my bed. He tips his head, brows lifting slightly.
“Aiden Pierce?” he asks, nodding toward the poster on the wall.
My brows dip. “You know who he is?”
Logan scoffs. “Hell yeah. Guy’s a legend,” he says, his eyes flicking back to me. “Didn’t peg you for a basketball guy.”
I lift an eyebrow. “You think I only care about hockey?”
He shrugs. “No. I guess I just didn’t really know you before.”
“Yeah, well.” I spin my chair to face him. “There’s a lot you don’t know.”
“Yeah?” He tilts his head, a challenge sparking behind his eyes. “Like what?”
“You really want me to list it all?”
A slow smirk tugs at his lips. “Depends. Does the list include kinks?”
“Jesus Christ,” I breathe out.
He wags his eyebrows. “You seemed very into the dirty talk the other day.”
I roll my eyes, a scoff escaping me. “Why are you like this?”
“Genetics. Probably,” he says with a shrug, which makes me huff out another laugh.
My lips twitch as I glance at him, trying not to smile. I’d never say it out loud, but part of me is glad he’s here. That he saw what I usually keep to myself, the stuff I never show anyone and actually… cared.
Even if he’s still the most annoying, smug, insufferably hot pain in my ass I’ve ever met.
The room’s quiet, save for the faint hum of the TV downstairs and the occasional thud of someone moving around. Neither of us says anything. We just sit here, our eyes locked.
Logan shifts, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ve been thinking about the other night.”
My stomach flutters. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” His eyes stay on mine. “I know you’re still figuring shit out.
And I’m not pushing you. But I need to know what you want from me.
Because I’ll wait, Hayes. I’ll wait as long as you need.
I just…” He exhales. “I need to know you didn’t regret it.
That you’re not going to disappear on me now. ”
“I’m not gonna disappear,” I say, my throat thick as I hold his gaze. “And I didn’t regret it.” I swallow. “Not one bit.”
His eyes linger on mine and he smiles a little. “Then tell me what you want.”
I glance down at my hands, the faint smudges of graphite still clinging to my fingertips. I turn the pencil slowly between them.
“I want to know,” I say.
“You still don’t?”
I shift in my seat, staring down at the sketchpad even though I’m not really seeing it anymore. “I don’t know,” I say quietly. “I know I liked it. I know I keep thinking about it. About you.” My fingers grip the pencil harder. “More than I should.”
When I look up again, he’s watching me carefully.
“But I don’t know what it means,” I admit. “I don’t know what I am. Or what I like. Or what any of this makes me. I just…” I trail off, breath catching as I press my lips together.
His hand brushes mine and his thumb drags gently over the inside of my wrist.
“We’ll figure it out,” he tells me. “That’s what you want from me, right?”
I press my lips together, hard, because what I want from him is too much to say out loud. Too much to even admit to myself.
So I nod instead.
Logan’s mouth tugs into a grin. “Then I’ll help you figure it out,” he murmurs, leaning closer. “And have so much fucking fun doing it.”
I let out a breathy laugh, leaning back slightly in my chair. My heart’s still beating faster than it should. “You don’t have a problem with… going slow? Waiting for me to figure my shit out?”
His brow lifts like the question honestly confuses him. “Why would I?”
I bite my bottom lip, trying to figure out how to say it without sounding stupid. “Because… I haven’t… I mean, I haven’t done this with a guy before.”
He smirks at that. “Stop worrying. You’re learning,” he says. “And I happen to like teaching.”
I exhale, something tight easing in my chest. “And what about you?”
He cocks his head. “What about me?”
“Won’t you get bored since you’re not… getting laid?” The second the words are out, I wince. “Unless you are? Which is fine,” I add quickly, even though the idea sits like glass in my throat. “We didn’t really talk about it so—”
“Jesus, Hayes,” Logan cuts in, laughing as he shakes his head. “Stop scrambling. I haven’t hooked up with anyone in weeks.”
He pauses. “Well. Except for you.” I suck in a breath, remembering the other night and how badly I want it to happen again. “And contrary to popular belief, sex isn’t just my cock in your ass.”
I choke. “Fucking hell, Logan.”
“What we’re doing is sex,” he says, smirking. “And I fucking love it.”
My body reacts before my brain catches up, heat blooming low in my stomach, a shiver skating up my spine. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
I lean back, still watching him, unsure what the hell is happening between us but knowing I’m not ready for it to stop.
“And you’re not scared?” I ask. “That if we keep doing this… you’ll like catch feelings or something? Because I don’t think—”
He lets out a snort, holding a hand up to cut me off. “You don’t have to worry about that. I don’t think falling in love is for me.”
“No?”
He shrugs like it’s not a big deal. “I don’t really let anyone close enough to even think about having a relationship with them. I honestly just don’t think it’s in the cards for me.”
I nod. “And you’re not scared I’ll… fall for you?” I ask, even though I don’t even know what that would look like and don’t see happening.
He meets my eyes and smiles. “No one’s ever fallen in love with me,” he says, and it’s the first time I’ve heard him say something so raw and honest. “So, no. I’m not worried.”
Logan shifts closer, his knee brushing mine, and my pulse jumps. My mouth goes dry, and I want to kiss him again. Desperately. I want to grab his shirt and pull him closer and forget everything else, but then a voice from downstairs shatters the moment.
“Dude! Are you coming or what?” Austin yells from the bottom of the stairs.
I flinch slightly. Logan huffs a laugh, stepping back.
“You should go,” I say, clearing my throat. “Before they start wondering what you were doing here for so long.”
He nods, already halfway to the door, but just before he steps out, he glances over his shoulder.
“Oh,” he says. “For the record? The look you get when I’m about to kiss you drives me absolutely fucking insane.”
My breath catches but he just grins.
“Can’t wait to do it again.”
He flashes me a wink and then he’s gone in the next second, closing my door behind him.
I lean back in my chair, exhaling hard, and try to steady myself.
Too late. I’m already wrecked.