Chapter 26 Logan #2
“Try to stop him?” I ask, shaking my head. “No. She agreed with him. Acted like me liking a guy was a fucking crime.” I glance down at the ground. “I didn’t even manage to grab a bag. I left that night with the clothes on my back and never went back.”
Nathan doesn’t say anything, but I can feel him watching me. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I keep talking anyway, because once I start, I don’t know how to stop.
“The shittiest part, though?” I let out another laugh.
“The guy I was with stopped talking to me. Couldn’t even look at me in the hallway after that.
He started hanging out with a new crowd, laughing along when they made jokes about me taking dick up my ass.
” I flick my thumb against the can in my hand.
“Guess he didn’t want to go down with me. ”
I blow out a breath and lean back. “I didn’t exactly have anywhere to go, so I was homeless for a bit.
” My hand drifts to my stomach and I tug up my shirt just enough to show the old scar he saw back in the gym those months ago.
“Some asshole with a knife thought my backpack looked worth the trouble and gave me this. Joke’s on him, though.
I told him he could have the whole thing.
There was like twelve bucks and a crap granola bar in there. ”
I snort, shaking my head as I let my shirt drop. “I couldn’t exactly afford stitches, so I patched myself up in a gas station bathroom. Not my finest hour.”
When I glance up, Nathan’s gone pale, his jaw clenched, and his eyes shining a little too bright. He looks one second away from falling apart, and the sight hits me in a place I didn’t know could ache.
Without thinking, I reach over, let my hand curve around his jaw, thumb brushing along the sharp line of his cheek. “Hey. I’m alright, Hayes,” I say quietly, my brows tugging together. “You don’t need to cry for me.”
His breath shudders out. “I just—” He tries to get it together, blinking hard, but his voice is rough and raw. “Fuck, Logan. That shouldn’t have happened to you.”
“Yeah, well. Life’s a bitch sometimes.” I try to smile for him, even if my stomach’s still twisted.
“I made it through,” I add, still cupping his face, needing the contact as much as he does.
“Crashed with a few friends until I graduated. Picked up any shitty job I could find.” I shrug, letting my hand drop, but my gaze stays on him.
“I figured it out eventually.” I shake my head, forcing a breath through the pressure building in my chest. “But the holidays still suck.”
Nathan just looks at me, like he’s wishing he could fix all the shit that’s already been done. “I’m sorry.”
I shake my head. “I’m not. Not anymore.” I breathe out through my nose, slowly. “They don’t get to know me. Not this version. The one who’s—” My eyes catch his, and something cracks open in my chest. “—actually happy.”
His lips part, eyes flicking between mine. “Are you?”
“Here with you?” I nod, honest as I’ve ever been. “Yeah. I am.”
He swallows, his big brown eyes locked on mine.
“I’ve got people now,” I say after a beat. “You guys. The team.”
Nathan’s still staring at me, not saying a word, then after a long pause, he says, “Come home with me.”
My head jerks toward him and I blink, certain I must have misheard. “What?”
“For Christmas,” he clarifies. “Come with me.”
A surprised laugh slips out before I can stop it, my head already shaking. I know he thinks his parents would be cool about having me over, but I just know it’d be an imposition having some random guy crashing in on their Christmas.
“Nathan—”
“I’m serious. I don’t want you spending Christmas here by yourself.”
I search his face, waiting for a trace of pity. Obligation. Something that says he’s just offering because he feels bad, or because he doesn’t know what else to say. But all I see is quiet certainty.
And suddenly, it’s hard to breathe.
Because I know I have to say no. That’s what I always do. It’s easier, safer, and keeps me from getting hurt. Keeps me from showing up somewhere I don’t belong.
But I also really, really, really want to say yes. Because the thought of spending another Christmas alone, eating a shitty ready-made meal from the grocery store makes my chest ache.
“You sure?” I ask him.
He nods. “I’m sure. My dad’s not as scary as he looks, I promise. And my mom will probably knit you a sweater within an hour of meeting you.”
I let out a laugh, picturing what it could be like. Me at his house, sitting at his family’s table, his mom insisting I take seconds, while my—
And then my brain stumbles over the word that comes next.
My what?
My friend? My teammate? My fuck-buddy? None of those words fit.
One word flashes through my head and I shove it down just as quickly. Because that’s not what this is. It can’t be.
I’m just a stand-in for Nathan to figure things out with, to test his boundaries and decide what he likes. Eventually, he’ll find someone else. Someone better.
I swallow and let out a scoff. “Great. Matching sweaters. Can’t wait,” I tease.
He rolls his eyes and nudges me. “At least you won’t be alone this year. You’ll be surrounded by people who actually want you there.”
The thought brings a fluttering to my stomach so I nod. “Okay.”
Nathan’s mouth curves. “Yeah?”
I nod again, a laugh slipping out. “Yeah. I’d love to join you for Christmas.”
He grins so wide and before I can talk myself out of it, I reach out, closing the distance between us, and let my fingers slip through his. The urge to lean in and kiss him hits me so hard it almost hurts.
I want to. So bad.
But one of the guys could come downstairs any second, and I can’t risk it.
So I just stay there, with our fingers linked and the sound of the TV in the background.
A little flicker of hope lights up in my chest. Maybe Christmas won’t suck this year.