Chapter Thirteen
WHEN QUINNPUTon her white shoes the next morning, and her short floral dress, it was every bit a tactical maneuver.
She had pushed her way into working for him for the rest of the week, and she knew that it was risky to dress to work indoors.
Especially because he hadn’t agreed to any of it. But she was going to prove herself, by God, and she knew she was better in the office than she was out in the field.
Though, she did feel a little bit of regret over the idea of not spending the day with him, and she didn’t know what that was.
He was a compelling man.
It had to be said. Handsome, too.
She spent way too much time thinking about that. And the whole shirtless thing really had messed her brain up.
Except she just thought of his sister, and the way that she talked about him, and then the way that he smelled. Even after a long hard day’s work.
Or maybe especially after a long hard day’s work.
She frowned.
She was not going to let this get into crush territory. Crushes were feelings. She didn’t want feelings.
It was good to acknowledge this. Good to try to take it all and sort through it, untangle it, because yesterday had been unacceptable on all fronts. His bare chest didn’t make her angry. She thought it was nice-looking. Maybe if she could admit it, put it all where it belonged and stop it all from becoming this big, rolling ball of overlarge feelings that were threatening to bowl her over, she could actually focus on the task at hand.
She was acting like she had no control over this. And okay, she wasn’t choosing to find him hot. But she could choose what she did about it. She could choose how she reacted to it.
He was good-looking, yes, point established many years ago, but there were a few things to consider. He was eleven years older than her. Which was outrageous. He was more in line to be a mentor, if anything, when it came to ranch work, and definitely not anything else.
Plus, and most of all, she didn’t even like the man.
Well, that wasn’t true. It wasn’t like she had sworn off physical relationships forever. It was just that she had no desire to be entangled in something serious.
She hadn’t seen romance work well in her family. And yes, she was rooting for Gus and Alaina, she really was. But Alaina’s situation was very specific to her. She’d been pregnant, and she had been headed a specific direction because of the decisions she made regarding that pregnancy anyway.
Quinn wanted to be established in herself before she introduced anything new into her life.
And a sexual relationship would be something new.
How did you go from thinking that he was handsome to thinking about sex?
She wasn’t exactly sure how she had managed that, and she didn’t especially like it. It was unnecessary.
Deeplyunnecessary.
But she was committed to her task. And she didn’t need to be regretful about not spending the day with him.
Not at all.
She got into the car and began the short drive over to his place.
It was funny. This reminded her more of being in school than it did anything else. Because, of course, to work at Sullivan’s she didn’t have to commute.
She’d lived in dorms at school, but even that had felt like more of a commute than the ranch. Especially because there were many days where they simply got up and baked in the kitchen, started working on preserves. Put things in the root cellar, wandered around the gardens.
They worked the closest to their house of any of the other families. And they had really made the place a home. Getting up in the morning and driving to a job was strange.
Not that it was a job. It was more of a forced bartering situation. Assuming he agreed to the barter. Otherwise, she was basically just offering to do the man’s paperwork for nothing.
Joy.
She arrived, coffee cup firmly in hand, and walked to the door, feeling very determined and hoping the look on her face was appropriately determined, as well.
He opened the door and regarded her with suspicion. “Morning.”
“Good morning.”
He looked down. “I thought I put a moratorium on those shoes.”
“You did. For outdoor work. But I would like to take a look at the paperwork.”
“Quinn...”
“Let me see it. It’s not going to kill you.”
Except he had a look on his face like it might.
“You know I can’t make you do anything. You really could uproot me like a carrot and drop-kick me, and we both know it.” She said it very gravely, which she thought he’d like. “But you let me come around. And I know you haven’t agreed to anything. I know that it’s been me talking over you and running over you, and I know that you think I’m a pain in the ass. Well, I am a pain in the ass. I have always been a pain in the ass. Just ask my dad. Or maybe you could ask my dad if he didn’t leave because I’m such a pain in the ass.”
She had been meaning to be funny, but her own words hit her with a strange sort of sharpness, and it made her heart ache. “Whatever. The point is, I get it. I am difficult. I have always been difficult. And I know that I kind of weaseled my way into this. But I really will help you, regardless of whether or not you help me.”
“Why?”
“To show you that we are committed to the community. To show you that I do just care.”
“You still think you’re going to get your way.”
And she stopped, sloshing coffee over the top of her little white shoe. And she howled. “Yes. I want my way. Dammit, Levi. Because my way is not unreasonable.”
“Quinn...” He slammed the door behind them. “Get in the truck.”
“What?”
“Just get in the truck, Quinn.”
And she was so stunned that she found herself turning and obeying him. Because he wasn’t angry now. He sounded...something else altogether.
Deeply, gruffly resigned to something she couldn’t quite figure out.
It wasn’t light out yet, and it was a little bit earlier than they had taken off on any of the other days, but he did have his work boots on already. He did not, however, have his coffee, and that made her feel like her life might be in danger.
“Levi...”
“Do what I said.”
So she did, climbing up into the passenger seat of the truck and closing the door behind her, buckling up.
It was weird to think that she hadn’t known this man just a few short days ago. Not at all. And now she felt like she knew him, and was currently caught up in one of his moods, and yet it felt somehow like...like it wasn’t wholly unfamiliar, and she wasn’t sure how that worked out.
She couldn’t do this math equation. It was frustrating.
He started up the engine and began to drive down the dirt road, the easement road, the one that she wanted access to.
“You need to see it. You need to see what my problem is. First of all,” he said, pointing out at the fields, where the cows were grazing, “these were all soybeans. For ten fucking years, Quinn. Tied up because...because of me. Because I made the decision that I made. Because I...I acted in haste. So keep that in mind as we go.” They kept on driving for a minute, and then he stopped, right in front of an oak tree. “Get out.”
She got out of the truck and walked over to the oak tree, where he was gesturing, but she did so slowly. And then she looked down. And saw them. The gravestones.
Belinda Granger, beloved mother. Miles Granger, beloved father.
His parents were buried here.
On the road that she wanted to use.
“Levi... I...”
“Do you see what you’re asking me? You’re not just asking me to give you access to my land again, which feels like giving blood, it really does. You’re asking me to let strangers drive up here. This is my home. And my family. And those are my parents. And this is sacred ground. And you think that I’m just being an asshole, and I’m not.” The words were heavy. It was all heavy. “And you... You’re a Sullivan. And it was your dad who talked me into giving up my fields, and when I say he took advantage of me...so much money, Quinn. He took so much money from us by drawing up an unfair deal and making sure I didn’t...that I didn’t know.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, horror mounting inside. “Maybe there’s a way... I’m sorry. I should just go. I...I should just go.”
Her dad had taken money from him. It wasn’t just a deal gone sour. It was theft.
From them.
And she had the nerve to ask him to help her, to help them, like he owed them.
He didn’t.
They owed him.
She got back in the truck, her heart pounding hard, so hard it was all she could hear. Staring at her own selfishness, her own inability to really understand that this man wasn’t simply being hardheaded for the sake of it, but that there was an emotional reason behind it and she hadn’t even asked, or bothered to dig deep enough, or really considered him as a human, and not just an obstacle, long enough to think that that might be the case.
No, there was something else. Something that made her feel like crying, and she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. He got into the car and didn’t say anything, and they drove back toward his house.
“I’m going to go home,” she said.
“You don’t have to leave...”
But she got out of the truck, and she went straight for her car. And he stood there leaning against the truck, watching her get in and pull out.
And then... For a reason she couldn’t quite understand, she did start to cry.
She just felt...bad.
She was so persistent. So insistent. So certain that she was smart, smarter than him. He was right—that was the thing. She had been so sure that she could come in and wow him with her knowledge. And she had never once considered him as a whole person.
She had started to. Talking to his sister, seeing the way that he viewed the land, those things made her feel like he was a whole person, but she still hadn’t...
She just felt terrible.
She felt like her old self. That girl who had gone around fighting people whenever they made her angry. That girl who hadn’t thought of anybody but herself. Who had never considered other people when she was acting out.
And she had nearly gotten herself pulverized, punched in the face by a boy, because she had picked a fight with the wrong guy, and, you know, she had deserved it. She really felt like she did.
But it wasn’t the punch to the face that had started her realizing she had to change.
It was nearly losing what she wanted to her temper.
It had changed her.
Except had it? Because she was still running around looking for an outlet for her emotions. Because she was still acting like she was right and everybody else was wrong.
Was that what had driven her dad?
She’d never considered that she could be like her dad. Because she was here and he was gone.
Because he hadn’t even liked her.
But how was she different?
She’d worried only recently she might be like her mom but...
What an awful thing. To realize she was both of their daughter.
Because she had still been certain that she had the upper hand with Levi and all she’d had to do was say the right combination of words, or just keep talking at him. She really had felt like he didn’t understand what she had to do was make him understand.
She’d been trying to manipulate him.
And it was like he had taken the whole script and flipped it. Just taken the world and turned it entirely upside down and shown her that she was actually the one who didn’t understand.
She was the one who hadn’t been listening. She was the one who needed to learn.
When he said that his land was part of him, he meant it. When he said that giving a piece of it would be costly, he was talking about something she hadn’t even understood.
She had been the one who had something to learn. She was just embarrassed.
She pulled back up to the ranch house, and went inside to find Fia and Rory sitting there with their morning coffee.
“What are you doing back?” Fia asked.
“I’m an asshole.”
“Well, that’s quite a declaration before seven a.m.,” she said.
“I just have to rethink all of this. I’m sorry. I might need to go back to the drawing board with the county or something. But I can’t keep pushing him. I just can’t.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Quinn could still hear herself being stubborn, and suddenly she just hated the sound of her own voice.
She was just so obnoxious. How did anybody deal with her ever? She wanted to curl up in a ball, and on some level she was aware that this reaction was strong and weird, and may be related to the thing that she had said about her dad, which she had meant as a total joke, but she felt like maybe wasn’t.
She had meant to say something to put him off his guard and had ended up stabbing her own self.
She was just a fool. In every way Levi Granger had outmaneuvered her. She was defeated.
Really, Quinn? You experience a little bit of emotional turmoil and you’re defeated?
Maybe it was just surrender. Maybe that was a better word. Maybe that was fairer. She was ready to surrender.
Maybe she was running scared.
Because this made her back into childhood Quinn. The one who felt it all. She just didn’t like it. It hurt.
Maybe he was just too much for her.
She put her sweats on and got back into bed. She would come up with something else. She just needed to start the day over again.
Because there was just something about this, the impact it had on her, combined with the way she felt about him, and it...
It was for the best. She needed to be done with Levi Granger. She needed to be done with that endeavor.
She could figure this out. She was smart.
But she didn’t want to try to outmaneuver him. Not anymore.