Chapter Twenty-Two
LEVIMADEHERbrEAKFAST, which was very nice, but did not ease the fact that she had to do the walk of shame back to the farmhouse now.
“Am I going to have to worry about your sister showing up to my house with a shotgun?”
Quinn would’ve loved to laugh and say no. Because it was a ridiculous image. To him, maybe. To her, it seemed all too possible.
“I’ll try to stop her from showing up with a shotgun,” she said. “I don’t actually know what her policy is on all of this. By the time we found out that Alaina was pregnant—” His expression shifted, just slightly, but she could see genuine horror there. “Not that that’s the same. But by the time we all found out that Alaina was having a baby, the guy had gone. And Gus had already thrown his hat into the ring and offered to marry her. So. Fia never really got to grab her shotgun. I’m not saying that she won’t.”
“Right,” he said.
“Thanks for breakfast. And the sex.” She stretched up on her toes and kissed his mouth, and then he wrapped his arm around her waist and looked her dead in the eyes.
“It wasn’t just sex. You know that, right?”
She felt warm. And she didn’t know why he was saying that to her. Because he’d said that he didn’t want anything. And the mention of pregnancy had terrified him; she could see it in the look on his face.
And yet... Then he did things like this. Except maybe there was ground between a fling—which she had already decided this could never be—and marriage and the like, and he wanted to make sure that she knew that even if it wasn’t everything, it was different.
“I know,” she said softly.
“Thanks for reading to me.”
And there was a wealth of words in that simple statement. Because her reading to him no longer felt like something condescending. He took it the way that she meant it. That she had found a way to fit around him, around his life, and was just enjoying the ways they were different, the ways she could help him and the ways he could help her.
“I’ll...I’ll see you later?”
“You know where I live. I haven’t been able to get rid of you for a few weeks now, and suddenly you’re worried that you’re not going to see me?”
No. Suddenly she was worried about how badly he wanted her there, and whether or not she was overstepping, because her feelings were involved.
Oh, boy, were they ever involved.
“See you later.”
She bolstered herself on the drive back home with a fortifying breath, with the windows down.
She was grateful that she’d been with Levi a few times before Fia had found out, but it still felt new and raw and not like something she wanted to share, but this was what happened when you lived in your sisters’ pockets.
She didn’t play any music or anything as she drove. She just replayed the events of the night before, reinforcing that this was right. That they were right.
That everything they did, everything they were, was special.
How strange. She had wanted to find this, this softness inside her, and hadn’t been able to. And now she didn’t know how to get rid of it.
She was honey. Gooey and sticky and soft, and utterly lost.
She couldn’t find pointy with anything she was.
She pulled up to the house and saw her sister Alaina’s car in the driveway.
Great. They were ganging up on her.
She sighed and walked up the front steps, into the quaint little house. Fia was seated at the kitchen table with a large cup of coffee. Rory was standing at the cheerful yellow stove with a ruffly apron on and was cooking pancakes. Alaina was standing next to the high chair, where the baby was, and was also wearing an apron, holding a bowl where she was macerating some strawberries.
“So there you are,” said Alaina. “We thought you might need some food to get your strength back up after the night you had.”
“I ate. Thank you. He made breakfast.”
They all stared at her.
“I’m not sure why you all think this is your business.”
“Because you...”
“Nothing,” she said. “I nothing. I was away at college for four years. None of you know what I did there. None of you had any idea when I stayed out all night.”
“Did you?”
This came from Fia, who looked entirely too sharp and perceptive.
“None of your business.”
“Okay, so let’s say that you led a wild life at college. You have not led a wild life since returning, and Levi Granger is our neighbor, and he’s eleven years older than you.”
Quinn snorted. “Suddenly, you know so much about Levi, when, before, you didn’t really seem to.”
“It’s convenient that way, sister brain.”
“I’m fine,” said Quinn. “I like him. I like him a lot.”
“Listen,” said Alaina. “We can all agree, he’s hot as shit.” Everybody looked at Alaina. “What? I’m married. I’m not dead. Also, my husband is more years older than me than that. So.”
“You,” said Fia, “got yourself in trouble...”
“I got myself in trouble? Is this the 1950s?”
“No, it was just different,” said Fia. “Gus made his intentions very clear. In fact, his whole intent was to marry you.”
“I know,” said Alaina. “And to never have sex with me. Because he’s an idiot. But thankfully, I brought him around to the idea.”
“Goodness,” said Rory.
“Oh, chill out, virgin,” said Alaina.
Rory frowned. “Rude.”
“I’m rude,” said Alaina, shrugging. “At least, sometimes. But my point is, it’s not really anybody’s business what Quinn is doing or with who. And it’s not fair to treat her like she’s a child just because he’s older. He’s hot, and it’s obvious why any woman would want to sleep with him regardless of age. She’s not a child.”
“Thank you,” said Quinn.
Even though she knew that Alaina being her advocate was dubious at best. Seeing as Alaina had made some questionable decisions along the road to happiness.
Alaina was deliriously happy now. Yeah, she’d kissed a frog. An epic frog who had abandoned her when she was pregnant, but she’d found the right man after that. There was nothing that had made her ruined or kept her from happiness, and while Quinn didn’t think she could do the being-married-and-having-children thing, the point was, whatever happened with Levi, there would be happiness on the other side.
Sure, there was Fia. Who was bitter and wretched and had never gotten over Landry. Or whatever. But that didn’t mean it would be Quinn’s fate.
She and Levi had been honest with each other.
Who knew what Fia had expected from Landry?
“So yeah, I’m sleeping with him, since you are being so nosy,” she said. “But I don’t actually want to fall in love and get married. I don’t want to have kids. No offense, Alaina.”
“Why would I be offended that you don’t want my life? I don’t care.”
She really did love her younger sister.
“Good. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it. I’m just saying...it’s not for me. At least, not yet.” Except she felt a tugging in her heart that made her feel like maybe that was a lie. Because she was softer now, changing. And she really hated the idea that somehow sex with Levi had changed her fundamentally. Because she had always rejected the idea that you weren’t a woman until a man made you one, because it was ridiculous. Because virginity was totally a social construct and...
It hadn’t really felt like one in bed with the two of them, when society wasn’t around.
But then, she had also always known that sex wasn’t a handshake. It wasn’t that she judged people for doing it casually—she didn’t—it was that for her she had always known it never could be wholly casual.
And how could it be with Levi? Her interactions with him had been thorny and difficult from the beginning. Complicated. So clearly anything naked with him was going to be complicated.
“It’s just a lot,” said Fia.
“I didn’t say it wasn’t a lot. It is a lot. He’s a lot. But he’s worth it. I like him. I mean, I really like him. As a human being, quite apart from the sex.”
“Is it electric?” Rory asked, sounding dreamy.
She felt shy, and her face got hot.
“It is...personal. Very personal.”
“That’s not fair,” said Rory.
“If you want details,” said Alaina, “I am happy to share. Because Gus is amazing.” She sniffed. “And I actually have something to compare him to. Because he isn’t the only man I’ve had sex with.”
“We get it,” said Quinn.
“Is Levi the only...?” Alaina asked.
“Maybe,”said Quinn. “But also not your business. And you should all know that he didn’t seduce me, I seduced him, and you can’t get mad at him, and also don’t go to his house with a gun, Fia.”
“Why would I do that?” Fia asked.
“I don’t know,” said Quinn. “You’re a loose cannon.”
Fia smiled. “I am a loose cannon—it’s true. And a badass.”
“Yes, yes,” Quinn said, rolling her eyes.
“But you’re happy,” said Fia. “Like you’re good. You don’t feel coerced and you don’t feel...”
“I said that. You don’t need to be a hen about it. I’m not going to get broken up over it. He has been very open and honest with me, and I’ve been very open and honest with him. It’s going to be fine.”
And she ignored the slightly ominous feeling that bloomed at the center of her breast as she said that. There was no reason for it to be ominous. There was nothing ominous about it.
“We get started stocking the store today,” said Fia.
“You should come to Levi’s. And see the road. Drive on it.”
“All right. You gotta do a little bit of work on that.”
“Maybe Levi will help,” said Quinn. “Because, you know, he likes me now.”
“Well, that is a great reason to sleep with him.”
Quinn rolled her eyes. “I did not whore myself out for a backhoe and access to his road.”
“That would make you kind of a backhoe,” said Alaina.
“Rude. Anyway. I will talk to Levi about maybe excavating that little bit that we need to finish up the road to the place.”
“Perfect. Let’s all go over now.”
“Let me give him a warning,” said Quinn.
“You must really like him,” said Fia. “Because since when are you ever interested in giving somebody a warning?”
Well, Quinn couldn’t really say. But she did know that she didn’t want Levi to be wholly ambushed by her sisters. And so, she did send a cautionary text.
When they all showed up, she could feel her sisters giving him a much more thorough examination than was appropriate.
“Good to see you,” said Fia.
“You, too,” said Levi.
“We were actually wondering if we could pay you to finish digging out the road to the farm store. We can hire somebody to do it, but that will mean bringing somebody else onto your land,” Quinn said, looking at both Levi and Fia as she spoke.
“That’s kind of the whole point of the road, isn’t it?” Levi asked.
“Yes, it is. But I do have maybe a suggestion. That you might route the road slightly differently around certain spots.”
“That’s not a bad idea,” he said.
She was so careful to not overshare his story. He’d told her things that he simply didn’t talk about with other people, and she didn’t want to go blabbing it to all the land. Even if all the land was just her sisters.
“My parents’ graves are out there,” he said, and that broke the seal on some of what she’d been holding back. “So yes, it might be nice to split the road at some point and build up a wall or a hedge around that so that my family is still able to use that part privately.”
“We will pay for that,” said Fia.
“It isn’t going to cost me anything. I have the equipment to do it.”
“It doesn’t matter. It’s your labor, and you should be compensated. We have the budget.”
“I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you wait and give me a little bit out of the profits? It’s my understanding that you’ve been having to dip into the community funds for this project, and that there’s a little bit of tension because of that.”
Fia looked at Quinn, and then at Levi. “That would actually be wonderful, but you don’t have to do that.”
“It’s a time expense, not an up-front expense, and I can definitely shoulder that. I appreciate you wanting to be fair. But I am satisfied that this is fair.”
“Thank you, Levi,” said Fia.
And Quinn knew that, whatever else happened, Fia at least could see in that moment what Quinn saw. That Levi was solid and steady and good. That he was the kind of man who looked out for his own.
And right now, he was treating Quinn like she was his own.
That thought made something hot and needy bloom in her stomach. She hadn’t belonged to anybody in a long time.
And maybe she never really had. Not in that glorious, unconditional way that your parents should feel like you belonged to them.
She felt guilty, because it wasn’t like her mother was awful. And her father hadn’t been awful all the time.It was just in the end it had been unraveling, and he’d wanted to go, and maybe, just maybe, he had driven a wedge between the two of them so that the leaving would be easier. It wasn’t. It never could be.
Oh, it really never could be.
There was nothing easy about leaving. And nothing good about it. And it made it difficult for her to remember the decent things in her childhood.
It had made her spiky and pointy and unpleasant.
And maybe all she had needed was a little bit of belonging to get back to being soft.
Maybe it was Levi, Levi himself, not the sex, but the way that he cared, that was softening her. Healing some of those old wounds. Giving her a chance to let down her guard.
Both of them had made such strong statements against vulnerability, but she was beginning to think that there just had to be a little bit of vulnerability to get you through life.
“What if we drove over to the store now?” Levi suggested.
“I’ll ride with you,” said Quinn.