The Rival

Chapter Twenty-Five

SHEWOREAwhite dress to the farm store opening, because Levi had made his love of it perfectly clear that morning when he had pushed it up around her hips and licked her until she unraveled, and now she was wearing it, standing next to her sisters, feeling every inch like the innocent white was a lie, and enjoying that down to her socks.

Which Levi had also managed to make sexual.

Everyone had come out for the grand opening. Some of the ranch hands from Four Corners who played in a band were there doing live music. The Kings had even shown up, as had the McClouds and the Garretts, all of their respective partners and much of their extended families.

The town of Pyrite Falls had come out for them. In spite of everything.

They had worked so hard to patch everything up, and she was beginning to think that they might’ve actually done so. They had built bridges because of Levi. Because he had shown them their blind spots so effectively.

She really appreciated that about him. He was intense, and uncompromising, but there were reasons for it. His own experiences had made him a staunch defender of everyone who might need defending, in spite of what he said about wanting to be done taking care of people. The way he’d advocated for the smaller ranches at the town hall meeting was evidence that he was a caregiver through and through. His care for others didn’t hold him back, either. It was the fuel for all of his intensity. And it had helped them accomplish a hell of a lot.

“This is it,” said Fia. “We’re doing it. Opening the store.”

“We are,” she said. “It’s amazing.”

And then the band started playing, and Fia, who had not wanted to give a speech of any kind, grandly opened the doors.

The crowd that flooded in was enthusiastic, and pretty soon they had a line to the register that wrapped through the store and outside.

It wouldn’t be like this every day, she knew that, but it was a wonderful embrace. A welcome that was beyond any of their expectations.

And when the influencer crowd showed up, Rory was filled with glee. So many girls with long, loose curls and hats taking perfectly framed photographs of every corner of the store.

“This is it,” said Rory. “Perfect.”

“Well, your keen eye for merchandising certainly helped with that,” said Fia. “Because I don’t know about any of this stuff, and I don’t care about it.”

“You will, when they all discover your store because of these pictures. Yeah, then you will.”

Quinn went to Levi’s side then, because there was a woman and another tall, good-looking man standing near him, and she assumed that that was Jessie and Damien.

“Hi,” said Quinn.

“Damien, Jessie,” said Levi, wrapping his arm around her waist. “This is Quinn.”

He just introduced her by her first name, which honestly felt more intimate. And he had his arm around her.

“Very nice to meet you, Quinn,” said Jessie. “The store looks beautiful.”

“I love it. Do you think there’s any chance you might want to carry my wine label in here?” Damien asked.

“Yes,” she said. “We don’t have wine yet.”

“If I could get some of your baked goods to carry in the tasting room, that would be amazing. I don’t know how easy it is for you to bake and transport many pies.”

“I would love that,” said Quinn. “That would be a great advertisement for the store.”

“Exactly what I was thinking,” said Damien.

And Quinn decided she liked him a lot. But more than that, she was lost in the way that Levi had brought her over, the way that he touched her, the way that he was being openly possessive of her in this space.

In front of God and everybody.

They worked in the store, selling things until it turned dusky.

And when they were finished, Fia was buzzing. Gus was still there, sitting in the corner playing with Alaina’s hair, holding their baby in his other arm.

Fia was practically lying across the counter, and Rory was sitting in the corner, her book on her lap. Quinn had a man with her. And Levi had stayed.

“That was incredible,” said Fia. “We need to get some food trucks to come park out here sometimes. Or maybe we can make soup and bread. That would be perfect. I need some really good soup recipes, and then we can have them on hot plates ready to go.”

“You’re already thinking of expanding?” said Levi.

“After success like that, we have to. If people could also have a little bit of lunch here...”

“Well, what would Becky think about that?” Alaina asked.

“Nobody is entitled to being the only game in town,” said Levi. “As much as I support every local business, I support this one, too, and everyone ought to.”

“You’ve changed your tune,” said Gus.

Levi shrugged. “Yeah. I have.”

Gus arched a brow. “Good.”

The funny thing was, Levi’s house was even closer to the farm store by way of the road access than their own house was. She smiled thinking about that as they drove back to his place for the night. She felt slightly disloyal, wondering if she should have gone back with her sisters, especially because Damien and Jessie were staying over anyway, albeit in a different structure.

But she wanted to be with Levi. The realization—or rather, her admittance—of how much she loved him had shifted something in her, and she wanted to be with him. She needed to be with him.

They went back to the house and went inside. Jessie and Damien came in for a while, and Damien shared his wine with all of them. They ate some baked goods from the farm store and had some local cheeses. And when it was over, she and Levi settled into their new routine of cleaning up the kitchen. He filled the sink with soapy water, and she got an apron and a dishcloth.

He had handed her the last of the wineglasses, and she held it, wiping the dish towel over the whole thing, watching as it started to shine.

This was an old dream. Or maybe one that had never gotten a chance to fully form.

And here she was now. With him. Living this kind of life she’d thought she was too wounded to have.

Men could leave. It could destroy you. But you could also live like this. With someone who supported you, cared for you. Accepted you.

Called you carrot.

The reward seemed so much greater than the risk.

“I love you.”

She hadn’t meant to say it then. Over a sink full of soapy water, and with the dishes still to be put away. She hadn’t meant to say it this soon. She maybe hadn’t meant to say it at all. But there had been talk of things being finished after the farm store opened, and she still didn’t know where he stood on that.

So it seemed... It seemed fair...more than fair...that she put her cards on the table now. Because why not. Why not?

Well, there were so many reasons why not. But she could lose him no matter what. And she had changed. These last weeks had changed her.

“I didn’t really mean to say it like this. But I do.”

“Quinn,” he said. “We...we talked about this.”

There was no anger in his voice, and she had expected anger. Because she heard anger from him so many times. He had been so angry at her at first, and maybe this would make him mad. Make him shout.

“I know,” she said. “I know we talked about it. I do. But I love you anyway.”

“Quinn... Didn’t you hear me? The other night. The story that I told you. When I watched my father die of a broken heart.”

And there was something desperate in his voice, and something unbearably sad. Something that made her feel sorry. Like maybe she was doing something to him that she shouldn’t be doing. He wasn’t doing her the courtesy of being angry. She knew how to be soft now. She knew how. And she would be whatever he needed now. Soft or a fighter. Or maybe both all at once. Because she didn’t have to be one thing. Because she didn’t have to close herself down and cut herself off, and break herself into smaller and smaller pieces.

“Of course I heard you. And I care, about all of it. Everything that you said. It broke my heart. You should never have had to go through that. But I still love you. Because...because you are the most wonderful man, for taking care of everyone. Absolutely everyone. You deserve to be taken care of. You deserve for me to be here, loving you. And you don’t need to do anything. You don’t need to say anything.”

He shook his head. “Quinn. You deserve somebody who isn’t used up. You deserve a man who didn’t...get turned into both the oldest and most immature man all at the same time, because that’s what I am. I am somehow eighty years old, with no desire to have more kids or more time at home. I want to retire. And I’m also... I don’t know how to do this. I never got a chance, and I’m too tired.”

“I’ve been with you for weeks now, and nothing about you is used up. Nothing about you is done. You are the most incredible man that I have ever known. I was raised by a man who didn’t know how to stay. I was raised by a man who took advantage of you, Levi. And you... You are just such a wonderful example of what somebody can be when they love selflessly. And I don’t believe that you’re used up. I don’t believe that you don’t have anything left, but until you can find it, why don’t you just let me love you. Let me have this.”

“Because. Quinn...” And he looked devastated. She had been willing to take his anger. She had half expected it. But she hadn’t expected him to look broken. “I have been responsible for people...”

She shook her head. “That isn’t it. That isn’t what’s wrong. You like being responsible for people. You like taking care of them. Yes, you threw me in a pond, but you never actually kicked me off of your land. You explained things to me. And you helped us.”

He looked at her, his blue eyes shattered. “I’ve always wondered. Which one of me is the real me. I will never know the answer to the question, Quinn, because I never got to be the version of myself that I dreamed I would be. I wanted to show people. That I was great. That I wasn’t lazy. And yes, I’ve done something here, but it wasn’t the glory that I wanted. But I don’t feel unfulfilled.”

“You did show them. You showed them all, and better yet, you lived gloriously. And I think that this is you. What did you think you would do when your glory days were over, Levi? Did you think you would come back here?”

“Well, yes. I did. Because I figured this place was my legacy.”

“That’s who you are. The man who wanted to come back here. And it would never have been when your glory days were over. Because these are glory days. You have built this ranch. You have fought through so many obstacles. The community should’ve taken care of you, and they didn’t. An adult that you should’ve been able to trust took advantage of you. You are bruised. And it is understandable. You have every right to be distrustful. Of the world, of everything. And isn’t Four Corners lucky that you’re in the community now? That Brian Sullivan is gone? Aren’t they lucky in this town that they have you to look out for them? And if some kid was ever in the position that you were, you would come alongside them and you wouldn’t let them suffer. Just like you didn’t let me suffer. Even though you wanted to. Even though you wanted to be angry, and you said angry things, you didn’t abandon me, because that’s not who you are. You didn’t trick me. You didn’t take advantage of me.”

“I just can’t,” he said. “Dammit, Quinn, you have no idea how much I wish I could. If I could love a woman, it would be you.” He walked toward her and cupped her face, his eyes desperate. “No one else has even come close. If I could imagine having this life, it would be with you. But in my head all I see is dropping dead out in that field in a couple of years. I fucking can’t handle that. It’s the unknown. I just can’t.”

It wasn’t people he was afraid of being vulnerable to. It was the world. It was himself. It was his own heart.

She could see it in his eyes.

And she was...broken for him. For them, yes, but mostly for him.

Because Quinn had had her share of trials. The abandonment of her parents really hurt, and it had shaped her. Changed her. There was no way around that. But his life had been a different kind of hurt. The devastation and scarring that he had endured, the way that he had been used. Every time he had shown a little bit of trust in another person... She didn’t know how to get past all of that. She didn’t know how to fix him. She didn’t know how to help him. Because there was no way to do it. No easy way.

Not when it was just that simple thing of getting over grief, of getting over loss, of getting over betrayal.

The fear of death and brokenness.

These were not things that people could do. They couldn’t. It wasn’t easy. And there was no real answer to any of it. She knew that. She knew that she couldn’t be angry at him. Because they were Quinn and Levi in those first days, and that moment that she had yelled at him outside of the bar and said that he was being stupid.

He wasn’t being stupid. The world was dangerous. And he was right to be afraid, and everything in his experience had taught him that that was true.

She loved him, but he may never be able to love her, because life had shown him that love was pain. And why would he ever see it as anything else?

She wanted to fight, but she didn’t even know how.

“I could... I could protect you,” she said.

“Shit. No. Quinn. You are not... You are not supposed to protect me.”

“Someone should have,” she said, the anger that burned in her breast now at the world, at her father, and everyone who had ever failed her. And him. “Somebody should take care of you because all you have done is take care of other people, and they don’t even deserve it. Nobody deserves how good you are. Nobody.”

“Quinn, I will never regret my life. Ever. But it is what it is.”

“I love you.”

“I know, carrot,” he said, his voice rough. “I believe you. Dammit, I believe you. I wish...” He moved his hand across her bottom lip, and she closed her eyes. “Oh, Quinn. For a while there, things felt magical. Not the kind of thing that I’ve ever experienced before. I’m never going to know how Pride and Prejudice ends.”

That broke her. Split her in half. It cracked her soul, and everything she was.

He didn’t want to break up with her. But he didn’t want to care for her. And he had valid reasons for that. She couldn’t argue against them.

She just couldn’t.

“What am I going to do? What am I going to do without you to hold me every night?” she asked, through her tears.

Dammit, the tears. Why was this happening?

You can’t let it make you angry. He’s hurt. He’s not trying to hurt you.

He’s not your dad.

“You are a smart cookie. You’re gonna figure it out. And you are going to be just fine. You don’t need me, Quinn. You have done so much without me. You got those scholarships, and you put yourself through school. You stood strong in the face of all the criticism your dad ever leveled at you. You’re the greatest and best woman that I have ever known. That I ever will know. And you don’t fucking need me. I am just a sad guy who’s old before his time, out in a shack in the woods.”

“This is not a shack,” she said, almost laughing through her tears.

“It doesn’t matter. The principle of the thing. I’m just a guy. You’re something special. You were right. To come in and tell me that you were better than me, smarter than me. Look at what you did. The life that you imagined was not a life that was put in front of you, and you got that farm store opened. You went toe-to-toe with me, and you refused to back down, and that is all you. It is all you. You are determined, and brilliant, and a hard worker. You understand ranching. Deep in your bones. You talk about it the way that I feel about it. I’ve never known anybody who could put words to the things that are just in me. But you do it. You gave me words for myself. For what I think. You fixed my office. You made me feel like this isn’t insurmountable. You’re so smart you made it so that I could live without you here.” And that, too, was soft, spoken like it was the highest of compliments, but it made her want to weep.

He wasn’t being angry. He was heartbroken. And so was she. And she hadn’t expected that. In all the scenarios of what might happen when she imagined telling him that she loved him, this was not it. This regretful, horrible goodbye. Where he said nothing but wonderful things. Nice things. Where he said everything but I love you.

Everything but stay with me forever.

“But I don’t want to leave you,” she said.

“Later, maybe a lot later, but later, Quinn, you are going to be glad that you left. Because you are gonna go find everything that you want. You did it once before. Hell, you’ve done it more than once. You have pushed on over and over again, and you will do it again. I will never be the thing that keeps you from having it all. Please don’t make me into that. Don’t tempt me past what I can handle.”

“Okay. But I want you to know something, not because I want you to regret anything. I don’t. I really don’t. But I want you to know that over there across the field, working in that store, is a woman who loves you. Sending me away won’t make it so that I don’t love you. Because I just do. With everything that I am. And everything that I ever will be. I don’t know what I’m going to go on to do. I know that I’ll love you every minute that I do it. I was wrong, Levi. It’s okay to need somebody else. I have never felt so alive as I have needing you. And I would break my heart a thousand times, over and over and over again, for this. For you. Because you’re worth it. And I just want you to know that.”

And she kissed him, because he was so close. And that kiss was devastating.

It didn’t stop.

And then he had her backed up against the wall, kissing her like a man on fire.

And he carried her up the stairs, stripping her white dress off, and laid her down on the bed.

His movements were feverish and hot, like the kisses that he trailed down her body.

But she wasn’t going to let him have all the control. If this was goodbye, she was going to say it her way.

She stripped his shirt off, his pants. Licked her way down his sculpted chest, all the way down to his heart and arousal. She wrapped her hand around him and licked him, before taking him in deep.

She loved this.

Just like she loved all of him. She loved pleasuring him. Tasting him. She loved being his. And she would surrender to that tonight.

She loved the feel of him pushing his fingers through her hair, pulling hard, coming up against the edge of his control.

And when she found it, he moved her away, growling as he laid her down on the bed and pressed himself against her.

And then he entered her in one swift thrust, his movements broken. And he said her name, over and over again. Like a prayer. Like a spell. Like maybe there was enough magic between them to fix all of this brokenness.

Maybe. Just maybe.

And they found their release together, a thundering crescendo that made her want to weep. Because, in the end, she was bereft of him.

But she was too spent to move. And so was he. So they fell asleep, in his bed, not touching, with space between them. She woke up with a start at 2:00 a.m. And then she slowly climbed out from beneath the covers and grabbed her things, dressed and went out to her car.

And then she began to drive home, alone. With no idea of what the future would hold.