Chapter Four
The First Time My Heart Knew
By the time Calvin and I had settled into school, Paintsville no longer felt strange.
Those summers became some of the happiest days of my childhood.
There was one girl in particular who became very special to me. We spent nearly every day together. Sometimes I was at her house; other times she was at mine.
At the time, I didn't know anything about labels. I didn't know words like “gay” or “lesbian.” Those weren't conversations children heard where I grew up.
One afternoon, while we were at my house, she kissed me.
It was my very first kiss.
I wasn't confused or frightened. It simply felt natural.
I remember telling Mom and Dad that she was my girlfriend. Neither made a big deal out of it. They probably thought it was innocent childhood play.
The truth was, I was too young to understand why that friendship felt different. I only knew that it did.
After we moved away from Paintsville, we wrote letters for a while. Little by little, the letters became fewer until they stopped altogether.
Life carried us in different directions.
Looking back now, I realize she gave me my first glimpse of who I truly was.
At the time, I couldn't have understood what that meant.
I was simply a little girl enjoying summer with a friend, believing life would always be this simple.
I had no idea that before long, everything my family had built in Paintsville would be reduced to ashes.