Chapter Seven
Learning to Hide
Seventh grade felt like the beginning of a whole new world.
Middle school had a way of making almost every child question where they belonged, and I was no different.
One of my friends, Melissa, told me one day that a boy liked me.
“A boy?” I remember thinking.
His name was Daniel.
Around that same time, I was quietly carrying feelings I didn't know how to explain. Ever since Paintsville, I had known something felt different. I noticed girls in a way my friends talked about noticing boys.
I remember bringing it up to some older siblings.
The answer came quickly: absolutely not. That's not how life is supposed to be. You grow up, marry a man, have children, and raise a family.
So I pushed those feelings down and tried to become the person everyone expected me to be.
Melissa introduced Daniel and me in the cafeteria. We were around twelve years old. He was a skinny seventh-grade boy, and before long we started dating.
Daniel became many of my firsts. My first real boyfriend. My first school dance. We celebrated eighth-grade graduation together. I spent time at his house and he spent time at mine.
From the outside, I looked like any other teenage girl with a boyfriend.
Inside, I was still carrying questions I didn't know how to ask.
When I entered high school, I was nervous about being mixed in with older students. Daniel dropped out during our freshman year, and our relationship ended.
Little by little, I learned how to hide parts of myself from the world.
Then, one hot August morning in 1993, everything I believed about life changed forever.